by Z. Allora
He needed to get a grip, but there was a tranquility he felt when Jasper was near, like everything would be alright. Jasper made Kai feel like he had a place and he belonged.
Kai enjoyed the soup Jasper made him. It wasn’t homemade, but he’d doctored the broth with so many spices it tasted close to what Kai’s mom used to make.
“Can I get you anything else to eat?” Jasper asked.
“No, thank you. I, um….” Why did he trip over his tongue around this guy? God, Jasper had such pretty eyes. The black pushed all the indigo to the outer edges.
Jasper’s stare burned a hole in him. “Oh, um, okay. Right. I guess you’ll want to unpack and get settled in.”
The words helped Kai break out of the staring contest. He rinsed his bowl and put it in the dishwasher with his spoon. “Sounds good.”
“Happy early birthday,” Jasper said with a smile.
“Thanks.” He was already nineteen in Germany.
“Night.”
“Night,” Kai mumbled as he escaped to his room.
He dumped his duffel out onto the carpet. He hung his three pairs of jeans in the closet with his single dress shirt, threw his rainbow of T-shirts into the top dresser drawer, and stuffed his socks, along with his underwear, into the second drawer.
What was this? He stooped, picked up a bubble-encased pack, and unwrapped the mystery item from Ulrich.
Kai swallowed hard.
Ulrich had given him two framed pictures. One picture showed Kai and Ulrich, taken at a forbidden concert they’d gone to, and the other contained a picture of Kai and his parents, taken at a Christmas market. He and his parents were all bundled up, with bright red cheeks. His dad had just told one of his English jokes. “Why is it cold on Christmas?” When neither Kai nor his mom responded with anything other than an eye roll, his dad said, “Because it’s in Decembrrrr!”
The snapshot was taken a couple of months before they were killed in the car crash. God, he missed laughing at those silly, worn-out jokes. He set the frames on the top of the dresser. Time to call Ulrich.
Kai nabbed his new phone. He still couldn’t believe he had the latest model iPhone. Lafayette didn’t play. And he had Skype installed, so overseas calling wouldn’t be expensive. Woo-hoo!
“Hey, cousin! Great to hear from you,” Ulrich answered on the first ring.
Kai breathed a sigh of relief. The tension and worry he’d carried loosened. “How goes it, Uli?”
“Great. You should see the setup your friends had installed. They brought over a huge screen display with all the power I could want.” His cousin rambled about pixels and hertz and a bunch of other things Kai remained clueless on. But the happy disbelief and excitement taking over the budding technophile’s voice made Kai smile.
“Good, right?” The setup sounded expensive.
“Incredible. They also gave me a laptop, an iPhone, one of those Apple watches, and a bunch of accessories I still have to figure out. No more going to the library for a computer. I’m finally integrated into the web.”
“Any neural chips implanted in your brain yet?” They wouldn’t have—it wasn’t a serious question… was it?
“Ha ha.”
“Oh right, they’d have to locate your brain,” Kai teased.
“You’re a riot. They’d find it next to yours.” His cousin paused and then asked, “Where are you?”
“America in South Carolina.”
“What’s it like?”
What the hell should he say? Weather’s fine, but now I’m a zombie. “It’s good. Very green here.”
“What’s your job?”
“Um… this and that.” Finding a mate, drinking come, the usual nine-to-five grind. An image of Jasper flashed through Kai’s mind, and he shoved it out.
“Are you a personal assistant or groundskeeper?” Ulrich sounded more curious than suspicious.
“Yeah, yeah, something like that. Is Uncle Franz leaving you alone?”
“Pretty much. I think your employers frightened the shit out of him.” Ulrich giggled.
Not wanting to dwell on suckage, Kai exclaimed, “I saw the new superhero movie.”
“Didn’t I tell you, it screams awesome, right?”
Kai laughed. “Amazing. Special effects were over the top, even on the small screen.” The actors were handsome, but not as stunning as his cottage mate.
What?
“You saw the movie on the plane?”
Kai pushed aside the admission that his cottage mate was the sexiest man he’d ever met. He focused on the excitement of the travel. “Yeah… in the front of the plane.”
“Wow! You were in first class?”
“It’s called business/first, but yeah. It was sick!” Kai gushed.
“What was it like?” Ulrich asked.
Kai wasn’t sure. He’d slept through most of it, but he said, “I had a huge steak and the seats lay flat.”
“Wow. Sounds posh.”
Talking to Ulrich was good. He didn’t realize how much he depended on all their conversations throughout the day.
They jumped around to different subjects about nothing important until Ulrich asked, “So, you think I’ll like it there?”
He wished his cousin were already with him. “Yeah, you’ll love it.”
“I know I will. Well, I should go to bed.” Ulrich yawned.
“Oh right! Sorry, I forgot about the time difference.” It was almost 2:00 a.m. there.
“It’s already your birthday here, so happy birthday! Do you want me to sing to you?”
“No, wiseass.”
“Okay, tomorrow, then,” Uli threatened.
“Something to look forward to… and thanks for the pictures.”
“Glad you liked them.”
Kai nodded even though Ulrich couldn’t see him. “I did. Get some sleep.”
“I’ll sing to you tomorrow,” Ulrich promised again and ended the call.
Talking to his cousin eased his mind.
Kai paced his room. What now?
He stared out the window and listened to the crickets.
Jasper had gone into his room about an hour ago. The cottage was silent. Was he already asleep?
Kai snuck out of his room and peered across the hallway into the other bedroom.
Jasper was sprawled across his bed, reading—shirtless. His bronze skin contrasted against the white bedding. His dark blond hair was tousled as if a team of stylists fixed it just so for a magazine shoot.
Get a grip, damn it! He knew exactly where he could use a good grip. Kai cleared his mind and tapped lightly on the open bedroom door.
Jasper glanced at him. His gaze pinned Kai to the spot.
“Um… a… sorry. I just wanted to, um….” Why had he knocked? Kai stood there blushing as the door opened farther. He didn’t have a clue what he’d wanted, but a half-naked Jasper gave him interesting ideas.
Jasper’s wide smile twisted something tight inside Kai, and the view made his heart race fast.
“Not to worry.” Jasper set his book aside, slid off his bed, and pulled a T-shirt over his muscular torso.
Kai wasn’t used to noticing such things. Heat flushed over him as Jasper brushed past him. Their bodies skimmed across each other’s.
“Are you hungry? You only had soup for dinner. Can I get you something else to eat?”
“No, thank you.” Kai trailed behind Jasper to the kitchen and sat on a stool. He searched the room for something to ground him.
Those jersey pants were really snug on Jasper’s ass. Kai’s fascination was probably that he wished for… such a good… physique. Right!
Jasper got two glasses and filled them both with ice water from the dispenser.
Kai accepted the water and took a sip. “Thanks, and I appreciate you letting me stay here. I just couldn’t….”
“Suck cock?” Jasper asked pointedly.
The words kicked Kai in the gut. His mouth dropped open and hoped a brilliant retort would come out. N
o such luck. He felt hot, like he had a fever. The tension in him coiled tighter.
Until Jasper laughed, and not just a chuckle, but a big, deep, roaring outburst.
Kai’s surprise turned into a snorting chortle as he joined in the contagious happiness.
Is this what happiness felt like? Here he was truly free, with possibilities he’d never contemplated. He tried to push down the fact one of those potential outcomes turned him into a peckerless zombie in four short years. That sobered him.
Jasper sat across from Kai. “It’s overwhelming. I remember when Lafayette and Beau found me.”
“Found you?” Kai asked. Did Jasper come here the same way he had?
“I was more than half-dead, and the part of me still alive prayed for death.” Jasper shook his head. “You don’t want to hear my sad tale.”
“I do,” Kai insisted. He needed to hear whatever the man wanted to share, and not because he enjoyed hearing Jasper’s deep voice, though the faint German accent consoled him.
“Okay, I’ll give you the quick version. I, unlike you, was quite gay at your age.” Jasper took a deep breath. “I grew up in Kronau, which was all farmland and vineyards back then. I’d turned fifteen and my father caught me with our stable boy, who was about the same age. We had been kissing and hugging each other when he found us. He beat me and sent me to a seminary here in America.”
Kai made a noise of outrage. He’d feared his uncle kicking him out, and then he’d have lost Ulrich.
Jasper waved him off. “I found peace there. I had time to study, reflect, and pray. I belonged there. I could ignore all my confusion and get lost in the holy scriptures. And I did.” He glided toward the fridge. “Soda? More water? Coffee?”
Kai soaked in Jasper’s graceful movements as he opened the refrigerator. “More water would be good. Thanks.” He handed over his glass.
Jasper’s arm muscles flexed while he got the ice water from the dispenser.
Kai averted his eyes to stare down at the countertop. What was the matter with him? He shouldn’t stare at another guy’s arms. Or wish to feel them wrapped around him tightly.
Thankfully, Jasper didn’t seem to notice and continued to tell his tale. “When I turned nineteen, the transition occurred, destroying the contentment I’d achieved, and the new life I’d made for myself.” He closed his eyes briefly, which allowed Kai to confirm his lashes were long as they brushed his cheeks.
Afraid of the answer but needing to know, Kai asked, “What happened?”
“When the craving strikes, it’s overwhelming. It starts out as exhaustion and morphs into an incredible hunger, an insatiable desire that must be met because it feels like if you don’t, you’ll die from the deprivation. I almost seduced another priest trying to….”
Jasper stared into Kai’s eyes long enough that it provoked his body into reacting. He continued, “I tried to persuade him into letting me have what I now realize I biologically need to function.”
Swallowing hard, Kai stayed silent. He fought his need to hug Jasper.
“I didn’t force the man, but he called a group of the groundskeepers. The monsignor wanted me to be punished for my offers of oral sex. He made an example of me. I was whipped and beaten. Finally, they exiled me from the only place I’d ever found any peace.”
“Oh my God.” Kai gasped.
“They didn’t give me any time to heal before banishing me, and I walked until I dropped. I figured I would die, and I welcomed the relief death would offer me with open arms.” He cleared his throat and traced the rim of his water glass. “Lafayette and Beau found me. Gave me what I needed and nursed me back to health.”
“You’ve lived here ever since?”
“Yeah, right before they found me, Beau had gotten back his land and home from the state by forging documents showing he was his own grandson.”
Kai didn’t understand why Jasper laughed, but he smiled anyway.
Jasper shrugged. “There were enough of us that we needed a place and a purpose.”
“A purpose?”
“To save those who transitioned.” Jasper took a sip of water.
“All the zombies….” Kai stumbled over that unreal word. “Everyone who has transitioned is here?” Transitioned was a more believable word than zombified. Was that even a word?
“No. Mated pairs usually go out and find others who need assistance.” Jasper shrugged. “We each have a role to play. Zombies are doctors, teachers, and lawyers. You name the profession, and we have someone who has that skill.”
“What role do you fill?” He hoped Jasper’s job kept him close.
“I use my counseling skills to assist new residents with adjusting to the transition.”
Kai nodded. That fit, Jasper was incredibly soothing to be around.
“So, did you talk to your cousin?” The abrupt topic change made it clear the discussion of Jasper’s past was over.
“Yeah. I called.”
“Was your cousin well when you spoke to him?”
Kai nodded. “He’s doing okay.”
“You miss him, though.”
“Yeah, I really do… I think he might be gay.” Why did he say that?
Jasper bent toward him. “How do you feel about that?”
“It’s fine. I don’t want you to think I have a problem with people being gay just because I don’t want… you know, to get essence… naturally.”
Jasper remained quiet.
Kai needed to fill the silence with something other than Jasper’s stare. “I mean, of course”—Kai lowered his voice a little—“I mean, I have had thought about it. You know… being with a guy.”
The only reaction Jasper gave was a soft “Hmmm.”
Somehow that was enough for Kai to continue spilling his secrets. “I mean, all guys think about what it would be like, right? That’s normal. I don’t think about it all the time. Just, you know, sometimes.”
Jasper inclined his head toward Kai.
Kai blew out a gust of air from his lungs that felt like he’d been holding in forever. Now that he was free to think about it he had to admit, “I guess I do dream about it. Not a lot, but sometimes. You know, being with a guy.”
“What do you dream?” Jasper’s husky voice ignited a fire inside of him.
Kai’s heart beat a little harder as he thought about sharing the details of getting off with a guy. Something deep inside encouraged him to disclose his innermost thoughts to Jasper.
It was unusual for him to trust someone he’d just met. Even though he wanted to, he couldn’t. “I don’t know—stuff.”
Jasper inspired him to continue by asking, “Stuff?”
“Being with a guy. Having sex. All kinds of sex…. What that might be like to, you know, do that.” Kai’s voice trailed off, as Jasper’s gaze captured his.
“Did you enjoy the sexual experiences?” Jasper’s stare seemed touch him.
Lost in those sea-blue-colored eyes, Kai didn’t understand the question. “Huh? No, I haven’t—”
A slow smile crawled across Jasper’s mouth. “No, I meant do you enjoy interacting with the men in your dreams?”
Kai blinked to release himself from the spell Jasper’s eyes put him under. Yes! “Oh, um… I don’t know.”
Jasper folded his arms and tilted his head to the side.
“I guess.” Kai glanced away, afraid Jasper read far more in his expression than Kai intended to reveal.
“Not having all the answers is okay. Orientation is often seen being on a spectrum, from straight to bisexual to gay. It’s healthy to question our sexuality and where we fit.”
Is that what I’m doing?
Jasper stood. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, and you’re tired. I don’t have a TV in here, but we can get one if you’d like. I want to show you something.”
Kai focused on not seeing the rolling of Jasper’s ass muscles as he followed him. He was so intent on not watching Jasper’s butt that Kai missed the raised doorjamb and t
ripped.
Jasper caught him before he hit the floor.
He fell against Jasper’s warm body. Oh, God. Jasper twined his muscular arms around him.
Kai swallowed past the lump lodged in his throat and freed himself from where he craved to be. Confusion muddled his thoughts, but he latched on to the question posed about a television. “I don’t need a TV. With the computer, I can stream TV shows and movies, right?”
“Yes, and you can use the one in living room anytime. I have plenty of space on the DVR to record more shows. I also have a wide selection of books.” Jasper pointed to the shelves.
Kai made a quick survey of the collection and pulled the one called The Mating Book off the shelf.
Jasper cautioned, “Oh, you might not want to read that….”
The book seemed to open with a mind of its own.
Kai glanced down and read….
Shit!
He slammed the book shut and pushed the volume back to its spot on the shelf.
Jasper explained, “One of the guys here, Cassidy Frost, decided to try his hand at writing romance. All the stories are about mated pairs here and how they met.”
“Cassidy. He’s the one who does the signs, right?” Kai put the actions together with the name, and if he weren’t beside himself with bewilderment, he’d have found the troublemaker as a budding author hilarious.
“Ah, did you see his work?”
Kai nodded. “On the drive from the airport.”
“Cassidy’s got a unique sense of humor.”
Kai couldn’t imagine what else the confirmed troublemaker wrote. “So, this whole book is about men with men?”
Jasper smiled. “Yes, since up until now zombies only mate with other men, yes.”
This was a big damned book. “Have you read it?”
“Yeah. Cassidy is still learning so he didn’t change the names so sometimes it feels like too much information, but the stories are quite lovely.”
“Lovely? How’s that?” Kai’s voice had risen higher and tighter than usual. He tried not to acknowledge how his dick attempted to rip out of his pants after sharing his deepest secrets with this gorgeous man who had the kindest eyes in the world.
“Some of the stories are rather romantic.” Jasper pulled the volume out and thumbed the well-read pages almost wistfully. “Most give a glimpse of the historic past. Zombies are international, so the stories are global.”