by Z. Allora
Stop!
He took a deep breath, grabbed his soiled linens, and marched into the kitchen.
Jasper set his coffee cup on the counter. “Good morning.”
Kai couldn’t meet Jasper’s gaze. “Where can I wash these?”
“The washer and dryer are in there.” Jasper pointed to a door off the kitchen.
After stalking into the room, Kai started his laundry. He tried to wear his anger as a protective cloak, but it was difficult to maintain his pissiness when there was nothing to be mad at. His face had to be bright red, but he’d have to deal with Jasper sooner or later.
Dealing meant not speaking to Jasper and avoiding eye contact as he ate cold cereal.
“It’s okay. Not a big deal. It’s natural.” Jasper didn’t take the hint that the one subject Kai wanted to erase from the recent past was not a good source of conversation. “Your body is designed to do that.”
The more Jasper talked, the more Kai prayed to the God of Sinkholes. Where was a good bottomless hole when he wanted to escape? “Could we please forget about it?”
“I want you to understand I didn’t invade your privacy on purpose. You said my name a couple of times, and then you shouted it. I thought you were ill or needed me, but….”
“It was a dream.” Kai groaned and covered his face as he recalled parts of the dream. He definitely had needed Jasper.
He’d been begging his two fantasy Jaspers to have their way with him and had kept begging for more like he was out of control. For heaven’s sake, he’d let himself be spanked, fucked, and sucked off.
Jasper clasped a firm hand on Kai’s shoulder. “Lots of disturbing things are challenging you. It’s natural to be confused.”
Kai uncovered his face to stare at Jasper. He wanted to say he wasn’t confused, but why did Jasper have to look like a Hollywood action-adventure star?
“Have you heard from your cousin?” Jasper dropped his hand and must have realized silence meant a change of subject was necessary.
“Yeah, yesterday.” Kai smiled. Prayers could be answered, sinkholes not required. He traced his spoon through his soggy cereal. “I miss him, you know?”
“How’s he doing?”
Thoughts of his cousin helped him banish the images of Jasper in one of those rooms from last night. “Good. I should call him.”
“You should. I didn’t rest well last night, so I’m going to try to sleep for a couple of hours before I head for Ren practice.” Jasper stood and leaned against the table.
Kai didn’t want him to go. “Do you practice a lot?”
Jasper smiled. “Yes. The physical nature of the practices helps me.”
“Helps?” Kai stood and drew closer to Jasper.
Jasper glanced at him for a long moment and shrugged. “I don’t get any other type of physical release, so I learned to push myself with exercise, and games can help me relax.”
Kai’s face might have caught fire, and he tried not to dwell on the physical release he’d had all over his sheets. He lamely said, “Oh.”
Great. This was his future if he didn’t find his mate. Exercising into exhaustion. Fun times.
Jasper slapped a hand onto Kai’s shoulder. “It’s not that bad, really.”
Kai peered up as the pressure of Jasper’s hand eased off.
The star of last night’s wet dream gazed at him. Kai’s thoughts scrambled with the intensity of Jasper’s stare.
Someone needed to explain what was happening. It wasn’t that Kai didn’t find him… um, males, attractive, just… this seemed like more.
His traitorous heart rabbited in his chest. Kai resisted the urge to pull Jasper down and kiss him.
The fantasy who sponsored his erotic wishes and dreams stood before him in real life. Graphic memories from this morning invaded his mind. Part of him desperately hoped fantasy and reality would collide, and the other part told him to run.
Did Kai’s body shift on its own to get closer to Jasper? God, their lower halves were almost touching.
Jasper froze against the table. He hadn’t moved. Was he waiting for Kai to do something?
Kai barely kept breathing. He tried to get air into his lungs to slow the energy trying to compel him into action.
Breath whispered across Kai’s lips, tantalizing him. He was a kiss away from everything he yearned for, and Kai’s cock had gone hard with this uncontrollable need. He hated it. He loved it.
Jasper did nothing the entire time except watch him. He didn’t encourage or discourage anything; he seemed to be in suspended animation.
It was unfair. Kai spun himself into knots of emotional drama while Jasper stayed placid. Was he untouched by what zapped between them? Maybe he didn’t feel the intensity Kai did.
Embarrassment and shame washed over Kai for his one-sided, silly schoolboy crush. He stepped away from Jasper’s warmth, hoping to pull himself back from this irrational need for the man. He muttered, repeating his plans as if Jasper cared, “I’ll go call my cousin before I head to the pond to meet with Corey and Jackson.”
Jasper folded his arms in front of him. “Great. See you in a bit.”
Kai rushed into his bedroom and shut the door. Humiliation rained down on him. He’d panted after Jasper. The man must have realized how much Kai wanted him. Kai glared at the difficult-to-miss erection tenting his jeans and readjusted himself.
Damn! That felt good, so he squeezed. “Mmmmm,” Kai moaned.
A call to Ulrich could wait. He hurried into the bathroom, the most private place available, stripped off his clothing, and started the shower. When the water reached a nice temperature, he stepped under the spray.
He pumped shower gel into his hand, wrapped a fist around his cock, and tugged its length straight out from his body. The annoyance of an inconvenient hard cock faded into the sharp pleasure he received as he worked his shaft.
Within a minute he stopped fighting the images of Jasper standing at the table, nearly daring him to act. Challenging him to take what he wanted.
Kai took wild liberties and manufactured another fantasy. This time Jasper pushed Kai over the table. His pants were ripped open, and Jasper’s sweet, wet mouth sucked at his erection. He accepted the pleasure of Jasper’s talented mouth.
His shower dream allowed him to bypass personal agency on his way to orgasm.
Nice, strong phantom sucks drove him insane as he tugged faster with his fist. He paused to pump more shower gel into his palm and scooped liquid up with his fingers. He’d never played with his ass, but everything he’d witnessed last night enticed him into experimenting. He slipped one soapy finger in and stroked faster with the other hand.
He wiggled his finger inside his hole. The stimulation turned him on even more. His mind exchanged his digit for Jasper’s. His imaginary lover breached him gently and sucked him off.
An orgasm weaved through his body seconds later, and he emptied his cock against the shower wall. He pressed his lips together to withhold telltale sounds of his completion and stroked through his pleasure until he was breathless.
Oh. Wow.
He finished his shower, wrapped a towel around his waist, dragged himself back to his room, pulled down the bed, and dropped onto the mattress.
Fuck!
Kai must have fallen into a deep slumber, because when he became conscious, Jasper stood over him. He wore formfitting brown suede pants and a white rough cotton shirt that emphasized his broad shoulders. The first five brass buttons were open on his untucked top, revealing a wealth of chest hair. Leather lace-up boots went to his knees.
At first Kai thought he was having another dream. He almost reached out, but he had just enough willpower not to. “Jasper?”
Jasper’s dreamy face broke into a tender smile. “Sorry, I thought you’d want me to wake you. Corey texted to ask where you were.”
“Shit, I didn’t mean to fall back to sleep.” Kai lay in his bed, naked except for the towel barely thrown around his waist.
Ja
sper pushed the hair off Kai’s face, denying him the ability to hide behind it. “You must have needed the rest, because you’ve been out for at least a couple of hours.”
“Oh. Um, yeah? I was… I, um….”
Jasper’s easy smile set fire to Kai. “No need to explain.”
Kai felt his face go hot. Oh my God! Did Jasper figure out why he took a second shower in two hours?
The man’s grin suggested he’d put the pieces together. “Come on. If you’re ready to leave in ten minutes, I’ll walk to the pond with you.”
Kai couldn’t stop the soaring of his heart, but he only said, “Okay.” He wasn’t going to question the flutter of excitement that zipped through him at the prospect of spending time with Jasper.
He wasn’t going to think.
Much.
11
Friends and Lovers
Jasper craved to take Kai’s hand as they meandered to the pond. How stupid. The gesture might not be received as he intended… in friendship.
Friendship. That’s all they could ever have. Aristotle believed platonic relationships were the pinnacle of civilized society. He didn’t care that the younger zombies called his intense desire to spend every moment with Kai a bromance. Jasper avoided naming the emotions Kai caused in him, but he couldn’t deny that friendship was only one part of what he felt.
Who was he kidding? It could only be a bromance. There had been no sexual intimacy between them. Not that he was capable of much but—
Kai cleared his throat and asked, “So, you’re all dressed up in your Renaissance gear to joust?”
Jasper chuckled. “When you say it that way… no, we do more than joust. We lance rings, race horses, have archery competitions, hand-to-hand combat, sword fighting, and a variety of other silliness.”
“Sword fighting? Isn’t that dangerous?”
Jasper enjoyed Kai’s concern for his well-being. “Wooden swords. No one gets hurt.”
“I still don’t understand. Why dress up?”
“The Ren garb sets a mood. Some of the guys prefer to speak Old English during our practice sessions. It’s fun.” Kai nodded but Jasper was sure he didn’t understand. “We think of it as a mini-Renaissance Faire.”
“I’ve heard of those. My cousin wants to go to one.” Kai’s voice held a sadness Jasper hated.
“Well, when he visits, we’ll take him to one,” Jasper promised.
Kai’s face lit with a smile, torching any coldness in a five-mile radius. “That would be great.”
Would one kiss be so bad? Focus! “There are several Renaissance Faire circuits. We can figure details out when he comes.”
A blue jay squawking in the trees grabbed Kai’s attention. He tripped on a root and slammed into Jasper.
“Careful.” Jasper steadied him, relieved he’d been able to crush the moan of pleasure the brief contact afforded him. He righted Kai, and then smiled at the shy, sweet man walking next to him, golden hair glittering in the sunlight.
Kai glanced away and pointed at the antics of two ducks in the middle of a mating dance. He turned his gaze back to Jasper.
Musical laughter tickled his ears.
They were alone. Kai’s stunning blue eyes changed in intensity the longer he stared. His grin disappeared and morphed into an expression of intense craving.
Kai licked his lips and leaned toward him as if he wanted….
Jasper’s insides flipped. If he had the ability to freeze time forever he’d not leave this moment. Anything and everything seemed possible. The potential for what he’d longed for was right in front of him. How did Kai find his way into Jasper’s heart? Jasper didn’t have a clue, but he’d settle for the luxury of an emotional connection.
Was Jasper projecting his own wants and needs onto Kai? Should he just—
A roar of “Jasper!” reached him. They were no longer alone.
Kai jumped back. “Oh, um, we should go.”
Jasper mourned the loss of whatever would have happened. He pushed his hands into his pockets and said, “Yeah. Come on.”
What was that? Kai had almost kissed Jasper… again. He would have ruined their fragile, newly formed, easy friendship.
After a handshake from Jackson and a quick hug from Corey, Kai didn’t know what to say. He shifted from foot to foot, not looking at Jasper.
“Have fun, Kai.” Jasper jogged off to the field, abandoning Kai to Jackson and Corey.
Kai kicked off his shoes and plopped onto the plaid blanket they’d spread out on the grass in the shade of a huge oak tree.
“Hey.” Jackson nodded, then returned his attention to the practice on the field.
Corey studied Kai. His scrutiny seemed to pick out the secrets Kai hid from himself. He feared the guy would share his all-too-accurate assessment with him.
Kai needed to find a topic for conversation. He settled for asking a question he knew the answer to. “How long have you guys been here?”
Corey smirked at him.
Did he realize what Kai was doing? The guy was sharp.
His new friend leaned back to relax on his palms. “We’ve been here twenty-one years.”
“Wow.” He’d done the math—that made them over forty—but they both appeared to be in their early twenties.
“Did you enjoy your tour of Club Zombie last night?” Corey leaned forward, seeming eager for Kai’s answer.
“Um… yeah. Er… great music.”
Corey giggled. “People don’t go to Club Zombie for the music. I could tell you liked watching.”
Kai wanted to deny the statement, but wouldn’t lie. This man wasn’t judging him, but this was beyond a basic getting-to-know him comment. Kai only had the courage to shrug.
Corey scrunched his nose and tilted his head for a moment. “I hear you said you aren’t gay.”
Sympathy for bugs pinned under a microscope swamped Kai. He didn’t want to get into how living with his uncle didn’t allow Kai to think about who he was attracted to, only bringing in the harvest and protecting his cousin. But with Jasper’s help, Kai had answers. “Well, I mean you know—”
“Regardless, I can tell you’re curious. Do you like watching?” Corey asked as he ran a hand down Jackson’s back.
Licking his lips, Kai didn’t want to be a prude, so he said, “You can learn a lot by observing.”
“Hmmm, that’s true. It might help you get more comfortable with things. You wanna watch and learn?” Corey reached around Jackson and did something in his lap.
Jackson pushed Corey’s hand away and moaned, “Later.”
The freedom Corey embraced enticed Kai. Instead of answering, he asked, “Is it true you have another mate?” Kai regretted his words when he witnessed the slash of sadness mar Corey’s face. “I’m sorry. You don’t need to—”
“You want to ask why we can still… erupt, shall we say?” Corey’s attempt to reduce Kai’s embarrassment failed. He’d increased the awkwardness tenfold.
“Jasper said you and Jackson are mates.” Saying Jasper’s name seemed to conjure his gorgeous cottage mate, who raced past them on horseback. Jasper’s muscles rippled with his efforts of swinging a wooden sword. His wavy hair cascaded over his shoulders, blowing in the wind as if he’d jumped out of a romantic bodice-buster. Or in this case, a jeans-buster.
Kai shifted on the blanket. The arresting sight made Kai want—
Corey cleared his throat.
Oops. He dragged his attention back to Corey.
“The doctor thinks since we’re mates, this allows us to maintain the ability to—” The imp gazed right into Kai’s eyes before he finished. “—spew.”
Kai wasn’t shocked, but the rather adorable way Corey said the word made him laugh. “But you think there’s another mate for you?”
Corey pulled a piece of grass and twirled the blade between his fingers. “Yeah. We’re sure there’s another mate because we’re still able to ingest the essence of others.”
Damn. There was a hole in the g
uy’s heart as big as a fist, so Kai nodded, not wanting to add to his misery.
A grin replaced Corey’s mournful expression. “My turn.”
“Um, okay.” It was only fair. What could he ask?
Corey abandoned the blade of grass to rub his hands together. “So, I want to understand why, when you first arrived, you insisted you weren’t gay.”
Kai shrugged. “I’ve never been with a man.”
“Which is different than being straight.” Corey pointed out the obvious.
He copied Corey’s grass abuse, focusing on whirling a blade. “I was living with a very homophobic uncle. My focus was on making sure there was food on the table and protecting my younger cousin.”
“Sucks for Daddy Jasper.” Corey shook his head.
“Why would that be bad for Jasper?” Maybe he shouldn’t have left out that, after having time to figure out some answers about himself, he realized he probably was closer to the gay side of the orientation spectrum Jasper had mentioned than not.
“His family comes from the same place you’re from….” Corey stopped as Jackson twisted and gave him a shut-the-hell-up glance.
Corey stuck his tongue out at Jackson before his lover rotated back to watch the game.
No. Let Corey tell me. Jasper’s family was from Germany. Why would that matter? He’d heard location might play a part in finding one’s intended. Was there a possibility Jasper—
Kai stopped himself from going there. “Did you and Jackson meet here or did you know each other before?”
Jasper and the other guys thundered by on horseback, play-fighting with wooden swords. There appeared to be an object to their game, but Kai had yet to figure the rules out.
“Yeah, Jackson and I were from the same small town about a couple hundred miles from here. Bible Belt central,” Corey answered.
Jackson frowned. “We went to the same high school.”
“He didn’t give me the time of day for four years. Four!” Corey rolled his lined eyes.
Shrugging, Jackson peeked at Kai. “I was on the football team. He hung out with the punk grunge kids.”