by Z. Allora
“Whatever.” Storm twirled a chair so he sat facing the back of it. Scowling at Cassidy, he growled, “I’d like to talk to my brother… alone?”
Erick frowned at his brother, then smiled at Cassidy. “It’s okay. I’ve got this.”
Storm said, “I can’t imagine Father is pleased with your long hair.”
“He’s not,” Erick growled.
Uli, Alex, and Cutter slowly crossed the bar with Cassidy, putting them out of earshot.
Not wanting to be questioned by Storm’s three mates, Cassidy waved to Jasper. “I’ve got to speak to Jasper. I’ll catch you guys in a bit.”
Jasper tilted his head and gestured toward the empty seats at his table. “Please join me.”
“Thanks.” Cassidy exhaled hard and chose a seat where he could keep an eye out in case Erick needed a rescue.
“Where’s your mate?” The question hurt Cassidy’s heart, but now he had Erick’s love, and all the tension coiling in his gut unwound. Erick loved him.
“Kai’s got a night class tonight.” Jasper waved to a waiter.
A smiling waiter asked, “What can I get you two to drink?”
“I’ll have a glass of white wine,” Jasper ordered.
Cassidy didn’t know what to get so he copied. “Sounds good. I’ll have the same.”
“Right away.” The waiter hurried off to do their bidding. He was new, and if it had been a few weeks ago, Cassidy would have found out when the guy’s next break would be. Now the thought of such an encounter made him nauseous.
“You don’t usually drink.” Jasper sounded like Cassidy did the twelve-step recovery program or something.
“Eh, I want to relax.” And since he didn’t have to worry about blowing guys until his jaw hurt, he could kick back. His gaze darted to Erick, who held his own against Storm.
Jasper followed where Cassidy’s attention lay. “I heard a bit about what’s going on via the zombie grapevine but you seem stressed. Want to talk about it?”
If anyone could understand the mental gymnastics he’d been going through, the ex-priest could. For decades, even though he’d never taken vows, he’d waited chastely for his mate, only drinking nurse-served essence.
Cassidy shrugged and gave his friend the basics of his situation.
Jasper studied him while he talked.
After Cassidy finished, Jasper took another few moments, then said, “I was terrified to find out if Kai was my mate. I already loved him before I knew. By that dreamy look on your face whenever you look at Erick, I’d bet right about now you’re willing to forgo looking for your mate and simply live out his life with him.”
Cassidy swallowed hard on that reality. “And then I would follow him into—”
“Death, or ceasing to function by simply not ingesting of essence.”
Cassidy shrugged. “That sounds like my basic plan.”
“It was mine too.”
Chaos swirled in Cassidy’s brain until his gaze returned to Erick. “Though I hadn’t given the plan much thought before I blurted out that I loved him. I realized I can’t… I won’t go back to my life before Erick. Jaz, he’s shown me what life is, and that’s everything as long as I can share myself with him.”
The waiter arrived with the wine, and when Cassidy didn’t meet the inviting gaze the guy gave him, he left.
Cassidy pulled his attention off Erick, who appeared to be all right, and shook his head. “It’s mental; I realize that. I haven’t known him that long but….”
Swirling his wine, Jasper said, “You must know I’m not judging you. However, I will ask this.”
“What?” Erick took a sip from his glass.
“What if Erick happened to be your mate?”
Cassidy choked on his wine. The hope he dared not think. “I can’t imagine that. Him being my mate would be a miracle.”
Although that’s all Cassidy’s heart had been hoping for. Everything about Erick screamed for him to love… connect… have as his own.
Jasper sipped his wine and then said, “Usually the predisposition to be a mate runs in families. Kai’s cousin Ulrich was a zombie just like Kai.”
Cassidy darted his gaze to Storm. “Storm is a mate.”
Jasper swirled his wine. “There might be a reason you are so drawn to Erick.”
“It would be too much to expect.” No way would fate be this kind to him.
“I know life hasn’t been easy on you.”
Cassidy snorted. “Now that’s an understatement.”
“I understand how afraid you’ve got to be, but there’s so much to gain.”
Fear ripped through Cassidy, stronger than any he’d ever known. “What if he’s not mine? I’ve been stumbling around in this monochromatic world, and he’s given me color in high-definition—sharp, crisp, clear, glorious shades of the rainbow. I love him. What am I going to do?”
“You’re going to decide if you’ll let dread keep you from your possible mate, and then act accordingly.” Jasper stated Cassidy’s options all so matter-of-factly. He finished his wine and patted Cassidy on the shoulder. “You’re going to do the right thing. You always do.”
“I guess I do.” Even to the detriment of himself.
Jasper smiled. “Anytime you need to talk, I’m here. Now maybe you should rescue your… Erick.”
“Thanks, Jaz.” Cassidy hurried across the room toward Erick. He caught Erick’s gaze and held his attention until he could feel the love, lust, and affection race through their connection.
He stopped at their table and put out his hand. “May I have this dance?”
Erick gasped and his hand went to his heart.
Storm growled, “We’re not done.”
“Yes, we are.” Erick didn’t spare his brother another look as he grabbed Cassidy’s hand and dragged him to the dance floor.
Erick spun, moving to the music.
The melody might have been lost in the techno blare of this decade, but Cassidy found the backbeat and slowed his rhythm. He tugged Erick against him.
How long since he’d danced for the pure fun of it? There was no ulterior motive of using the music as a reason to lure another into surrendering their essence. No, he just wanted Erick swaying and grinding against him.
They danced. Though their movements could be considered more akin to hugging each other in time with the music. Song after song, they moved together as one.
Erick had long since melted against him. “We fit.”
And they did. Decision made.
Cassidy started to tremble, but he wasn’t scared. There wasn’t a question of if he would stay with Erick, there was only a question of how. “Do you wanna… see… if… you know?”
Erick leaned close to him and whispered, “If I’m your mate?”
9
But What If…? Plan B
The chilly air slammed into Erick as soon as he stepped outside of Club Zombie.
He’d been so sure and ready to find out if he was Cassidy’s mate, but what if he wasn’t? What if he—
Cassidy slipped his hand into Erick’s.
The chaos remained but swirled at a slower rate.
Erick allowed Cassidy to lead him down the cobblestone path back to the apartment. He let Cassidy’s strength pour into him.
Old habits die hard, and Erick needed to brace himself for the devastation. “Look, there’s no sense sugarcoating the outcome. What’s the plan if I’m not your mate? We love each other, but you can’t stop looking for your mate….”
Cassidy tugged him into the shadows with a hug. “I don’t want to think about that.”
“But we have to,” Erick insisted.
Through kisses and nibbles Cassidy whispered, “I’ll keep seeking through vials of essence the doctor will provide.”
Sounded reasonable, though— Oh God! Who would have thought teeth grazed across his neck could be— Focus! “Won’t that lessen your chance of finding a mate?”
“I’m not willing to do what I have to
do in order to keep my chances at maximum.” Cassidy nuzzled Erick’s neck, making him shiver with anticipation.
Erick shook himself. He wouldn’t stand in the way of Cassidy finding true happiness. “Um… maybe we could do that together. Don’t Jackson and Corey—”
“The thought makes me nauseous,” Cassidy groused.
In truth, Erick didn’t want that either. “We could—”
Cassidy grabbed Erick’s face in his hands and pressed their foreheads together. “Please don’t ask me to…. I can’t. Not ever again.”
“But I—”
Cassidy shook his head and choked out, “Erick, you don’t know what my life was before…. I can’t do that anymore.”
The sadness in Cassidy’s words broke Erick’s heart. He clung to him until reality intruded with the next set of words that forced themselves out of the doom-and-gloom parts of Erick’s brain. The crickets filled the silence between them. “But what if you find your mate? That’s great, right?”
“Well, then, he’s going to have be into a polyamorous sort of thing.” Cassidy tried to chuckle, but it sounded off. He kissed Erick’s jawline.
The broken parts of Erick’s heart shattered into tinier pieces. He pulled back and tried to get them walking again. “No, I’d step aside—”
Cassidy shook his head and tugged him close. “You don’t get to make that decision for me.”
No, but I can decide for us.
Erick stared at the path that had become blurry. He sniffed.
Cassidy pulled him into another hug. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be sharp with you. I’ve been so lonely for forever. We haven’t known each other long, but it’s as if I can feel your soul merging with mine. I can’t give that up. Mates or not….”
A sob slipped through, along with Erick’s internal voice that sounded a lot like his father’s. See how weak and pathetic you are? You’re just like your brother!
I’m good with that. His anger at Ethan had lessened. He was still hurt, but Erick had gained a better understanding of how much he didn’t know about this universe. Erick hoped his brother would be willing to learn more about gender, so Ethan could understand him better. Maybe, but first things first.
Cassidy held his building door open. Erick stepped inside and followed him up the flight of stairs to his floor.
“Dammit,” Cassidy growled when he dropped his apartment key for the second time.
Erick looked closer. Cassidy’s hands trembled.
Pushing open the door, Cassidy stepped aside so Erick could enter. Cassidy locked the door, then flicked on the lights and used the knob to dim them.
What was Erick supposed to do? He didn’t have a ton of experience, but maybe this would be out of everyone’s realm: finding out if he was his love’s mate via blowjob. The scenario would be comical if their happiness didn’t hang in the balance.
“You okay?”
Erick jerked his head into a nod because lies couldn’t be hidden in his voice.
Cassidy smiled in that calm way of his and nuzzled against Erick’s neck. “Do you want me to…?”
“Mmmm, um….” He pulled Cassidy closer, but did he want to do this? Or did he feel he had to…?
“Wow….” Cassidy stepped back and gave him a rueful grin that slid into a smile.
“What?” God, he must think I’m an idiot.
“I mean, I’ve never asked to give a blowjob. Everyone simply demanded, and I think I’m enjoying the uncertainty and the lack of expectation a whole hell of a lot.”
“Oh, um. Yeah. I mean, if you don’t want to do this—”
Cassidy shook his head. “No, I want to, but I mean if you don’t….”
Nice going, Erick! Their interaction went from sexy and exciting to awkward and freaky.
Cassidy leaned in. His breath teased Erick’s lips. “Can I kiss you?”
More kissing would be good. Erick gave a brief nod.
Cassidy caressed Erick’s face with a tenderness that brought tears to his eyes. How had he ever lived without this wonderful person in his world?
With gentle hands Cassidy cupped Erick’s jaw and tilted his head a little to the left. Then, with mind-bending slowness, Cassidy traced his tongue over Erick’s mouth.
“Oh.” Erick gasped. He wanted to grab Cassidy and rush for more, but he didn’t. Somehow, he felt the importance of Cassidy doing things the way he wanted.
“Delicious.” Cassidy appeared to relish going at his own pace. Finally, after an eternity of anticipation, he pressed his mouth against Erick’s.
Tender affection threatened to smash everything in Erick, though he’d gladly offer himself to being ground into bits. There was no denying the soul-crushing edge he balanced on. He loved a zombie… who might be mated to another.
The sweetness in Cassidy’s kiss stripped away all of Erick’s self-protection, and with it, any aspiration of shielding his heart.
Erick leaned back against the wall and tilted his head.
Cassidy took him up on the invitation and grazed his lips across Erick’s shoulder, causing him to moan. Lips, then the slightest touch of teeth, scraped along his neck.
Screaming “Bite me like you’re a vampire!” might be out of place, but Erick longed to give Cassidy everything.
Cassidy toyed with the hem of Erick’s shirt.
Erick threw his hands in the air, allowing Cassidy to rip the T-shirt over his head. The cool air tightened his nipples. He wasn’t used to being shirtless and wrapped his arms around himself to cover his chest.
“Do you want me to put the T-shirt back on you?” Cassidy asked with concern.
That would be silly. Erick needed to stop acting the role of a Blushing Flower. “Um, no. I’m sorry, I’m just not used to… you know.” Having his clothing stripped off him by a sexy person who intended to take him in his mouth and suck him off. Yeah, not an everyday event in his life.
He probably looked like a mess. Erick ran fingers through his hair, trying to rearrange the bird’s nest.
“No. Don’t.” Cassidy stilled his hands. “You look amazing, but if you want to put your T-shirt back on, I totally understand.”
“I’m good.” Erick dropped his arms to his sides and could feel his cheeks heat, though he couldn’t look away from the sincerity in Cassidy’s eyes.
Cassidy’s stare intensified, lighting Erick to his very core. He couldn’t stop from arching his chest forward, hoping to feel— “Oh God,” he whimpered as Cassidy kissed both of his nipples.
Gentle, wet kisses were planted on each of Erick’s nipples again and again, making him shiver with need.
Cassidy ghosted kisses along Erick’s neck on the way to his jawline, and then he stopped.
Worry warred with the desire to be closer to Cassidy. “Cassidy, are you sure we should do this?”
“Suck you or find out if you’re my mate?” Cassidy dropped to his knees in one elegant, sexy move.
“Um, both.” Guilt swamped Erick. Unless he happened to be Cassidy’s mate, he couldn’t give him the same pleasure. The terribleness of having to constantly give head and never have relief barreled into Erick.
Cassidy massaged where Erick’s kilt bulged a bit, making his thoughts scatter. This was all new to him, reminding him he didn’t have much experience. Strike that. He had absolutely nothing to compare this to.
Licking his lips, Cassidy glanced through his eyelashes at Erick. Playfully he slipped his hand under Erick’s kilt and traced the outline of his panties. “Oh, Erick. You’re not wearing the kilt the traditional way.”
What? Oh, right. “Wanted to wear another pair of the panties, and my brother being at the club… it stood to reason, I wore something underneath.”
“Understood. I’m sure any Scotsman would forgive you.” Cassidy rubbed across the front of Erick’s panties a little more firmly.
Erick sighed but fought to keep his eyes open, not wanting to miss a single second of this amazing torture. But then he didn’t know the torment Cas
sidy lived. “Seriously, Cassidy. This feels too one-sided, and—”
“Huge. Yeah. I know.” Cassidy kissed Erick’s stomach right above the kilt. “I want you to know I can think of nothing I want to do more than satisfy you in my mouth.”
“Really?” Erick could barely think around his erection, but Cassidy didn’t have that issue.
“It’s been forever since I’ve actually wanted to do this, let alone been excited to do this.” Cassidy grinned at him.
Erick didn’t have the words. “Still feels—”
“Big? It is. But remember, you’re mine. I hope you’re my mate, but even if you’re not, I still love you and want to spend my life with you.”
Erick gasped. That’s exactly what he wanted. But how could he be so selfish?
Cassidy shrugged. “I know we’re meant to be. You’re my heart, and not even being a zombie is going to take that away from me.”
Erick nodded because that was about the only thing he could manage. He didn’t know how he’d give Cassidy up without dying, but Erick wanted him to have his real mate and be able to function whether or not that was with him.
Cassidy flipped Erick’s kilt upward.
Erick jumped and the fabric returned to cover him.
“Maybe you should sit down.” Cassidy’s voice was full of concern. He pushed the ottoman out of the way.
“Yeah, maybe I should.” Erick took a couple of steps to the sofa and sat.
Cassidy gave him a panty-melting smirk and crawled toward him, putting an exaggerated wiggle in his hips.
“Oh dear gods.” Erick’s hand fluttered to his heart like having vapors was a modern-day possibility. Pressing his palm against his chest made him hyperaware of how hard his heart pounded.
“I want to love you with my mouth.” Cassidy made him feel wanted and hot and loved.
Erick tried to say something, anything, but only an “Eep” came out.
Cassidy skated his hands along Erick’s thighs until he reached the silken panties. He teased Erick through the silk and then gave him a hungry look to confirm Erick was the only one who could satisfy him.