by Stacy M Wray
She scrunches her eyebrows and says, “I’m sorry, I just assumed.”
Shaking my head, I tell her, “My boyfriend’s in California training with the soccer team at UCLA. He got a full ride.”
Raising her eyebrows, she says, “Impressive.” She takes a drink of her wine, then stills. “But I’ve got you in a room with one bed.” Her eyes get big, like she’s just committed the biggest faux pas.
“It’s fine,” I tell her, “we’ll work it out.” The last thing I want to do is inconvenience her. Their hospitality has been way above and beyond.
“Well, Jeremy’s more than welcome to take the couch…if he wants.” Just then the buzzer goes off and she gets up to check to see if the potatoes are tender enough for the potato salad. “Perfect,” she says, draining the water from the pot.
“So where are you going to college?”
I watch her give herself a facial, the steam from the potatoes rising, shrouding her face. “I’m going to UCLA with Braden, my boyfriend.”
She smiles and winks at me. “Won’t that be fun?”
Will it? I wish I were more stoked about going there. As much as I want to be with Braden for the next four years, I’m just not a hundred percent certain UCLA is a perfect fit for me. “Yeah, it’ll be great.” At least I try to sound convincing.
“And what is it you want to study?” She snags the bottle from the counter, refilling our glasses.
A heavy sigh escapes me. I’ve only asked myself the same question a million times. “I wish I knew…I just don’t know.” I’m feeling a little warm and fuzzy from the wine, relaxing into my chair.
Just then Steve comes in to fetch a couple more beers. “Just don’t know what?” he asks, closing the fridge door.
Darcy turns around to him and says, “Karma doesn’t know what she wants to study at UCLA.”
Steve’s eyebrows rise. “Good school. And you don’t have to know what you want to do. You’ve got plenty of time to figure it out. Although I’m not sure why you wouldn’t want to do something with photography – that seems to really interest you.”
I shrug. “I’ve always considered it a hobby.”
He gives me a knowing smile. “Sometimes our hobbies make the best career choices. At least you’re doing something you love.” He pauses before joining Jeremy again. “Just think about it.” I just stare at the door he went through, his words bouncing around in my head. Is this one of those moments I’m supposed to step back and observe as I take in its truth? Stay focused and keep an open mind – this trip should be about your inner awareness. My mom’s words come back instantly.
Feeling Darcy’s hand on my arm brings me out of my thoughts. “Hey, he’s right, you know.” She laughs. “He’s right about a lot of things.”
Darcy and I finish preparing the side dishes and we all have dinner on the patio once again, all of us tipsy from the alcohol we’ve consumed, laughing and having a great time. Steve told us the story of how he and Darcy met, so I told them the story of how Braden and I knew each other as kids and reconnected when he moved back to Colorado, which they thought was so great. Even Jeremy was talkative after several beers.
It’s almost eight-thirty by the time we clean up from dinner and Darcy says we might want to head down to the riverfront to watch the fireworks. I was thankful it was within walking distance since no one seems fit to drive.
It’s unbelievable the number of people making their way down to the water. But we’re there quickly, finding a place to plop down to enjoy the show. Many people have their radios on, the fireworks being synced to the music.
At nine on the nose, the first explosion bursts over our heads, the water beneath illuminated in hues of red and blue, the remnants fizzling in the air. The boats on the water honk their horns in appreciation, drowning out the oohs and ahhs from the crowd gathered.
What a great way to celebrate Independence Day. I think of it as my very own – the beginning of my independence. How cleansing this all feels, to gain retrospect into my inner self, realizing I can’t rely on Braden for my happiness, my choices, my freedoms. He’s done nothing but love me and be there for me. I let him make choices for me – I did that. And I have to be the one to make the right choices from here on out, because we will be stronger if I am strong on my own.
When the last BOOM sounds, the crowd cheers, the finale living up to its expectation. Looking over at Jeremy, his face turned upward toward the night sky, I can tell he’s enjoying every minute of this. As if he feels my stare, he turns, an inquisitive expression on his face. My lips pull up, a slow smile spreading across my face. “I guess I owe you a thank you.”
He winks at me. “Like I said, you’re welcome, Hippie Girl.”
I nudge him in the arm. I have a feeling I will be thankful for so much more than just a place to stay passing through New Orleans.
As we’re walking back to the house, I realize I haven’t talked to Braden today. He didn’t have practice and had all day to call. Then I think I could have called him, too, but got wrapped up in my day.
Steve and Darcy call it a night since they have to be at work the next morning. Jeremy and I decide we’ll leave before that so it won’t be weird being in their house when they aren’t there. They’ve been more than gracious – we couldn’t have asked for better hosts.
Jeremy and I walk into our room and see the one bed. “Umm…Darcy said you could use the couch…” I feel bad since the bed looks so comfy and inviting. Walking to the closet, I see there are extra pillows in there. “We can share the bed if you want…we’ll just put some pillows between us.”
Jeremy laughs. “Afraid I might reach for you in the middle of the night?”
My cheeks heat with color. “No…um, not on purpose.” How many movies have I seen where that happens? Didn’t that happen in The Proposal? Didn’t Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock end up in a compromising position the next morning? And they didn’t even like each other.
Like he’s right in the middle of my head, he says, “You watch too many movies, Hippie Girl. I’ll do whatever you’re comfortable with.”
Grabbing the pillows from the closet, I toss them on the bed. He shakes his head and says, “Fine. Pillow fortress it is.”
Taking my phone out of my purse, I say, “I need to call Braden.”
Before I can say anything else, he moves towards the door. “You can have the room. I’ll go sit outside for a bit.”
Before I can thank him, he’s out the door, gently closing it behind him.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, I dial Braden’s number, my stomach tightening with each unanswered ring. Finally, I hear a slurred, “Hello?”
“Braden?” I hear nothing but background noise on his end. “Braden?”
“Hey, babe.” I can barely hear him over the noise.
“Did I call at a bad time?” I ask loudly, hoping he can hear me.
“I’m just hanging out with some friends – celebrating the Fourth.”
I say again, “If this is a bad time, we can talk later, Braden.”
Before he can answer me, I hear a girl in the background yell, “It’s our turn, Braden. Get your ass off the phone and get over here.”
My heart drops and I try not to jump to conclusions. He laughs and says, “We’re just playing beer pong, babe…I guess I’m up.”
Trying to swallow the lump in my throat, I know I have to trust him. He trusts me with another guy driving all over the United States – I owe him this. “Okay, well…call me when you can talk.”
“Karma?” He whispers my name, and I almost didn’t hear it escape from his lips. I wait for him to say something else. “I can’t wait to see you. I’m so tired of just dreaming about you.”
A tear slowly makes its way down and over my cheek. “I can’t wait to see you either. I love you.”
And then the call drops. It’s the first time he hasn’t said he loves me before he got off the phone, and I try not to read anything into it.
Just when my mind runs ramp
ant, my phone pings.
I look down at my screen.
I love you babe send me a pic
Instantly feeling a little bit better, I try to shake all of this off before Jeremy comes back in.
Texting Jeremy to let him know I’ve finished my call, I change in the bathroom and get ready for bed. When I enter the bedroom again, Jeremy’s already there, changed into a pair of shorts, no shirt.
Some awkward tension hangs in the air as he says, “I’m going to brush my teeth.” I nod and turn the bed down, aligning the extra pillows down the middle, unable to shake my brief conversation with Braden.
Jeremy enters the room again, slipping into bed, turning the light off that’s on his nightstand. It’s weird sharing a bed with him. Maybe I should have suggested he sleep on the couch.
“There’s something I thought of earlier I’ve always wanted to know,” he says, into the dark.
“Okay….”
“Do you remember our junior year when the rumor was going around about you and Matt Heckman after the homecoming dance?”
I wince when I hear his name. “You heard about that, huh?” I tense a little, wondering why on earth he’s bringing it up.
“Didn’t everybody?” He chuckles.
“It’s not funny, Jeremy. That was one of the most humiliating moments of my life,” I tell him, not wanting to relive the memory.
“Oh, come on, Hippie Girl. Anyone who knew you never believed that rumor.” His comment surprises me and I think it’s a sweet thing to say.
“Did you?” I’m sure I know the answer but I want to hear it anyway.
“Not even for a second.” I smile into the darkness, appreciating his answer.
“But you didn’t know me back then,” I point out.
“Didn’t matter. I knew enough”
His comment settles over me, warming my insides. “So what do you want to know?”
“I’ve always wanted to know how Braden got him to denounce the rumor and apologize to you.”
I laugh out loud. “That makes two of us then.”
“What do you mean?”
I shake my head slowly against my pillow. “Braden wouldn’t tell me, and I kind of forgot all about it.”
“Huh.”
“Why would you bring that up after all this time?”
I can tell he’s turned toward me, his voice closer. “Because that’s the moment when I realized Braden truly had character.”
“What? The way you’re always picking on him, I thought you didn’t like him much.” Sometimes I can’t figure Jeremy out.
“Couldn’t be further from the truth. I don’t know Braden well enough to not like him.”
Part of me wants to tell Jeremy about my recent conversation with Braden to see if he thinks I have anything to worry about. But another part of me is afraid to hear his opinion and I keep my mouth shut. Instead, I simply say, “Night, Jeremy.”
“Night, Hippie Girl.”
chapter twenty-five
July 2008
The smell of bacon and eggs wakes me as I sit up, almost forgetting where I am until I notice Jeremy sleeping beside me, pillows still aligned. Wanting to avoid this whole awkward scenario, I whip the covers back, hopping out of bed quickly but quietly, grabbing clothes on my way to the bathroom.
After a hurried shower, I head to the kitchen where I find Steve with his nose in the morning paper and Darcy manning the stovetop. “Morning,” she says, holding her spatula in mid-air, “you sleep well?”
“Great, thanks.”
Steve folds the corner of his paper down to smile at me. “Jeremy still sleeping?”
I hear a door shut and assume Jeremy’s in the bathroom now. “No…I think he’s up.” Turning to Darcy, I ask, “Can I help?”
Shaking her head, she says, “You just pour yourself a cup of coffee and have a seat, sweetie. Breakfast is about ready.”
I do as I’m told and sit opposite of Steve. He folds his paper in quarters and lays it beside him. “So…where you guys headed next?”
I shrug, saying, “No idea. We just figure it out as we go.”
He grins and says, “What a great way to travel,” before taking a big gulp of his coffee. Just then Jeremy enters the kitchen, his hair still wet from the shower. “There he is. You hungry?”
“Yeah, it smells great.” He pulls a chair out and sits down beside me. Since I’m closest to the coffee pot, I get up and pour him a mug, handing it to him. “Thanks.”
Darcy sets scrambled eggs, bacon, toast and strawberries on the table as we discuss where we might go next, exchange phone numbers and emails, and enjoy each other’s company before we go our separate ways.
I don’t think I’ll ever forget the Lindleys and how gracious they’ve been. And don’t think I missed Jeremy’s eyes drift to one of the nude photos of Darcy before we left. He’s such a guy.
On the road again, my mind goes over the last couple of days as a slow smile spreads across my face. I hope Jeremy is having as much fun as I am. Looking over at him, his right hand is draped casually at the top of the steering wheel, eyes fixated on the long highway. With each passing day, I get to know him a little bit more, wondering why he remains single.
“How come you don’t have a girlfriend?” I blurt out.
He looks over at me in annoyance. “How come you have a boyfriend?”
I scrunch my brows together. “Now that’s just a stupid comeback. I was only curious.”
“Just don’t want one.” Knowing I’ll keep pestering him, he continues, “Guys don’t make a point to always have a girlfriend – not like you girls do.” He shrugs. “If it happens, it happens.”
I’m not naïve enough to know guys don’t need girlfriends to get laid – that’s not how it works these days.
“So when was the last time you had a girlfriend?” I casually pick at my nails, like my line of questioning isn’t a big deal.
Now he smiles at me and says, “Why are you so interested in my love life, Hippie Girl?”
“I don’t know. I guess it doesn’t surprise me since most guys don’t want to head off to college with a girlfriend.”
“That doesn’t have anything to do with it.”
“Then what?”
“I haven’t met anyone I want to be involved with. Sorry…nothing there for you to psychoanalyze.”
Glaring at him, I say, “I’m not trying to psychoanalyze you. And you never answered my question.”
Rolling his eyes, he says, “What question?”
“When was the last time you had one?”
“If I answer you, will you stop with the girlfriend shit?”
I can’t help but smile, knowing I’m getting under his skin. “Yes.”
“Beginning of junior year – Tammy Horner.”
I try to think if I remember seeing them together in high school, but I can’t. “How long were you together?”
“Long enough.” I’m shocked he answered me since I wasn’t supposed to ask any more questions.
“What happened?” I wince, knowing I’m pushing him.
He’s quiet for a minute when he finally says, “She cheated on me.”
Shocked by his admission, I say, “That sucks.” He doesn’t respond. “Well…it was her loss.”
He glances over at me and says, “Why would you say that? I could have been a shitty boyfriend.”
Shaking my head, I say, “You’ve got a lot of heart, Jeremy – I think you’d make a great boyfriend for someone.”
“Yeah…and why would you say that?” He keeps his eyes on the road, switching lanes to get around a semi-truck.
“I can just tell…call it woman’s intuition.” I smile at him but he doesn’t see it, eyes still plastered to the open space in front of us.
“So you just seem to have me all figured out, don’t you?”
Shaking my head, I answer, “Absolutely not…you’re a tough one. But I do know you’re one of the good ones. I wouldn’t have agreed to this road tri
p if I didn’t think so.”
The corners of his mouth tug upward and I can tell he’s trying to hide it. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” And I turn and gaze out my window, knowing our conversation is over as he turns up the volume to the hard rock station on the radio. Ugh! Time for my earbuds to mask that crap. Lana Del Ray’s smooth, husky voice drowns out the noise filtering through the car’s speakers as my mind can’t help but recall my phone call with Braden last night. I know I’ll feel better when I talk to him again but it won’t be today. I received a quick text from him this morning, apologizing for last night and explaining that the soccer team is on an overnight retreat and cell phones were being confiscated. Maybe it’s just as well. Focusing out my window, I numbly watch mile marker after mile marker pass, squashing the unease from last night, directing my attentions to Charleston, South Carolina. I mentioned this morning how highly my grandma spoke of the place she was born and raised, always filling my head with stories of her as a young girl. Since Jeremy wants to see the coast, he agreed it would be our next stop.
I hadn’t realized I had fallen asleep, feeling the motion of the car halt as I survey my surroundings, my head twisting in all directions.
Jeremy notices my confusion. “I’m starving. Found us a diner in town for lunch.” Sliding the gearshift into park, he stares at me as he removes the keys. “You need a minute?”
Shaking my head, I slide my flip-flops on and reach for my purse. “No. Where are we?”
“About a hundred miles west of Atlanta.”
“Wow. Guess I was out of it.”
Walking to the entrance, we step inside, the jingling bell overhead announcing our presence. Sliding in a booth near the door, a waitress approaches us right away, asking for our drink orders. Once she’s left Jeremy says, “Your phone rang a couple of times while you were asleep. You might want to check it.” Glancing at the missed calls, I see they were from my mom. I text her letting her know where I am and that I’ll call her later.
My eyes roam all around the diner, checking out the locals. A large red banner catches my eye hanging across the street at what looks to be a courthouse. FESTIVAL ON THE SQUARE. As I continue to read, the date and times are listed underneath in white block lettering. “What day is it?” Since we’ve been on the road, the days of the week don’t seem to matter and I’ve lost track.