by Stacy M Wray
“Don’t.” His eyes are suddenly dark, a look I know well. A look that tells me he still desires me. A look I’m afraid I cannot resist.
Suddenly, there’s a knock on his door and it brings both of us out of our haze. He swears under his breath as he gets up. “Excuse me,” he says.
My back’s to him so I can’t see him unless I turn around. Looking over my shoulder, I see half of Braden, the door blocking his face. And then I hear a woman’s voice and a burning sensation ignites in my chest.
Her voice sounds very friendly, and I suddenly realize that he could be seeing someone. Was I imagining things? Suddenly I feel so stupid, imaging a scenario where we could start over. I know nothing about his life now – what he does, who he sees. I’m not doing this. I don’t need this in my life right now.
I want out of here faster than my feet can carry me. Everything leading until now has just been erased, and I berate myself for getting sucked back into his world once again.
Hearing soft laughter coming from the doorway, I feel so foolish sitting here – like I’m the one intruding.
Upon hearing their conversation end, followed by the swift click of the door closing, I quickly go into defensive mode, packing up my computer.
In two seconds, Braden is standing in front of me. “Shit…Karma, wait.”
Not trusting myself to say anything, I continue to gather my things without looking at him.
“Jesus, Karma, would you just stop?” The pitch of his voice is elevated, and I don’t even have to look at him to know his hands are going through his hair in frustration.
Standing up, I grab my purse and computer and head for the door. I try to open it but there’s some inside lock on it or something because it won’t open. The more I struggle, the quicker the tears form behind my eyes, but I will them to stay put. They aren’t tears of hurt but tears of anger. And stupidity.
Just when I figure out how to get it open, Braden is behind me, his chest pressed against my back, his hand forcing the door shut. Holding it firmly in place, he lowers his mouth to my ear, his voice laced with frustration. “Stop it, dammit.” His words cause me to still, not knowing what to do. I feel his body relaxing somewhat against mine. “Stay, Karma…will you just fucking stay?”
I shake my head twice and he presses his body against mine even more. “Please, Karma…let me explain.” His lips press against the side of my head as his other arm wraps around my stomach.
The more I struggle against him, the more I feel his desire for me pressing into my backside. My body betrays me as it responds to his hardness, and I can’t seem to control my shallow breaths as a whimper escapes from somewhere deep within me.
God, it’s been so long since I’ve been turned on like this.
Before I can form another coherent thought, he turns me around and crushes his lips on mine. My arms wrap around his neck and I have no idea when my purse and laptop left my hands. He pulls me close as our kiss escalates, leaving me feeling weightless. Fashioned by an onslaught of memories, his lips on mine remind me of what’s been missing, the void only he can fill – a draw so powerful it sustained on its own throughout our time apart.
Our bodies press against one another, grinding fervently as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. But then the girl who just left pops into my head and I pull away.
“Braden…stop. We can’t do this…”
“What?” His expression is one of confusion.
I move out from his hold. “This was a bad idea.” I adjust my clothing as he stares at me in disbelief.
“Karma…I’m sorry…I – ”
“You don’t have to apologize, Braden. I…I just don’t know what’s going on here.”
Leaning in, he speaks in a low, rough voice. “I thought it was pretty obvious.” His eyes flick to my mouth again as his lips part. His breathing is shallow as he plants both of his hands beside my head, flat against the door. His face is so close now I can feel his breath across my lips. “I told you we weren’t finished, Karma.” The intensity radiating from his stare is debilitating. “We’ll never be finished.”
My eyes move up to meet his, the magnitude making my knees give a little.
Just when I think he’s about to kiss me again, he pulls back and takes my hand, leading me back to the couch. He sits and waits for me to do the same.
Letting out a huge breath of air, he says, “That was Lexi. She lives down the hall. She’s just a neighbor – nothing more.” He pauses. “A neighbor with horrible timing.”
Do I believe him?
“You have no idea how shocked I was to see you sitting in that conference room when I walked in. I’m not stupid, Karma. I’m not blowing it this time.” He turns his head and there’s the tiniest of smirks resting on his face.
And just like that, he plants the seed of hope.
chapter thirty-two
June 2013
“You still seeing that douche from the photo shoot?” His eyes peer over carefully, perhaps afraid of my answer.
I finally made the phone call to the douche. I wasn’t surprised when he acted like I was making the biggest mistake of my life – that he was probably the best thing to ever happen to me.
Yeah, I had no trouble letting him go.
“No. That didn’t work out so well.” His eyes dance for a second, and I can tell he’s pleased with my answer.
Leaning back into the couch, Braden lays his head back and stares at the ceiling. After several minutes, he slowly turns his head to look at me and says, “I want to know everything about you from your first year of college until now.”
What?
My expression must say it all.
“I’m serious, Karma. I’ve missed out on so many years – and I know it was my fault – but I need to know. It’s like I have an empty space in my heart, needing to be filled with you. I hate not knowing everything about you like I used to,” he says.
He’s dead serious.
Now I know why I fell in love with him.
And so we sit for hours, me pouring myself out to him. I tell him about my roommate. I tell him about the time Jeremy came to visit me – I can tell by his reaction he doesn’t like that too much. I tell him about getting my first internship my sophomore year. I tell him about the awards I won at Brooks and my first assignments right out of college. I tell him how Stella is kicking ass in politics and how Jeremy might have found the woman of his dreams – now that made him happy. I tell him about Jada and how I met her at a photo shoot. I tell him everything that matters.
And then I tell him when I saw him in the coffee shop during one of our breaks it gutted me seeing him on those crutches, knowing his soccer dream had been crushed.
He reaches for my hands, holding them tightly, rubbing his thumbs over the tops of my knuckles. “None of that matters, Karma. You. You’re all that’s ever mattered to me. Period.”
I still feel a small pang of hurt, thinking about the day when I told him I was going to Brooks and he couldn’t handle being apart. I know now his regret runs deep – I see it clearly in his eyes. We wasted so many years…
“I remember the day on the soccer field in high school when I heard Jimmy call out to you…I remember feeling like the earth had shifted for me that day. The one girl I used to dream about was standing thirty feet from me, and I knew we were meant to be together – I knew it, Karma. And then I had to go and screw it all up. But the day I saw you in LARU…I knew I was being handed a second chance on a silver platter, and I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you. I’ve never known anything more true than the fact we belong together.” His eyes are shiny and I know he doesn’t care if I notice. He’s baring his soul and it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever witnessed. So raw and so honest. So Braden.
I move over to him and wrap my arms around him, pulling him in for a hug. He clings to me like I’m the answer to the most sought-after question, rubbing his hands up and down my back. It feels so right to be with him
like this. His lips find my neck, placing gentle kisses below my ear, sending shivers down my spine.
When I pull back, I wonder how late it’s become. “What time is it, Braden?” I ask him, looking around for a clock.
He reaches for his phone in his pocket and says, “Oh, shit. It’s two-twenty.” He grins at me like he used to – the one that’s only for me.
I shake my head in disbelief that it’s so late. “I’ve got to get home, Braden. Jada probably thinks something’s happened to me. I’m never out late.” I walk over to his door, where my purse is still lying in a heap, to retrieve my cell phone.
When I walk back to him, he’s got a sheepish grin on his face. “What are you grinning at?” I ask him.
“Nothing. I’m just happy to hear you’re never out late.”
Rolling my eyes at him, I check my phone. Yep. Jada’s called and texted but I haven’t heard it since it’s been on silent. I quickly text her to let her know I’m okay. I’ll explain things to her later.
Letting out the biggest yawn, I cover my mouth, suddenly overcome with exhaustion. “Braden…I’ve got to get going,” I tell him, forcing back another yawn.
Shaking his head, he says, “I can’t let you drive this late – you’re too tired. Take my bed and I’ll sleep on the couch.” Before I can answer, he walks to a closet in the hallway and grabs a blanket and pillow and plops it on the couch. Holding out his hand, he says, “Come on. I’ll show you my room.”
With little thought, I place my hand in his and let him lead me down the hallway and into his room. He turns the light on that’s sitting on the nightstand. His bed is huge and I feel guilty he’s sleeping on the couch.
Braden turns and places his hand behind my head, pulling me closer and kissing me on my forehead. “Goodnight, Karma.”
“Goodnight,” I whisper back and watch him walk back to his makeshift bed.
Slipping under the covers, my mind won’t stop replaying everything that happened tonight. Rolling my head to the side, I can smell him on the pillow that cradles my head. I close my eyes and inhale deeply, letting his scent filter through me, my memories of him vivid, as if just yesterday we were meeting up at The Pit and making out in his car. But we are no longer those two teenagers, proving that all this time apart has made us grow and learn from our past mistakes. I would have done nothing different, and I’ve always been comfortable with my decision not to follow Braden to UCLA. I see now that he is the one living with regrets, seemingly slinking around corners and clinging to him like unwanted static. I see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice, once thinking I’d relish the realization, but instead, I discover the thought brings no comfort, just heartache.
As exhausted as I just was, I find myself unable to give in to the sleep I so desperately need. My thoughts won’t shut down, unable to believe that we could be potentially on our way to being together again. I’m amazed that I’m not more guarded, cautious of handing over my heart. But once I recognized that my feelings for him never went away, were just buried deep, not easily retrievable, it makes complete sense.
Shifting to my side, I see his silhouette standing in the doorframe. Sitting up, I stare at him, making sure my eyes are focusing correctly. “I’m finding it hard to be so far away from you when you’re this close,” he confesses.
My hand reaches for the top of the covers on the opposite side of the bed, and I sweep them down. He hesitates before approaching that side of the bed.
I watch him cross the room, the moonlight creeping through the window illuminating him. He’s wearing nothing except his boxer briefs. My heart thumps loudly in my chest as I recall the difference in his physique from the boy I remember. This is no boy. He is all man.
Feeling the bed dip, I lie back down and watch Braden do the same.
He doesn’t say a word but wraps me up in one arm. I scoot closer to him, laying my arm across his stomach. He pulls me tight and my head uses his chest as a pillow, the steady beat of his heart finally lulling me to sleep but not before I feel his lips press to the top of my head.
* * *
Feeling something warm on my cheek, my hand instinctively reaches for the source in a sleep-filled haze. It finds nothing but air. I hear a low rumble of laughter and it causes my eyes to open.
“Morning, beautiful.” I see Braden leaning over the bed, looking right at me, kissing me on the other cheek.
“What time is it?” I mumble.
“It’s around seven,” he says, pushing some of my hair out of my face. “I need to get to the office, but I didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye.”
My head lifts from the most wonderful pillow I’ve ever slept on. “You’re leaving?”
He straightens and sighs. “I don’t want to, believe me. But I’ve got an early morning meeting I can’t miss.”
I sit up and swing my legs so they’re now hanging over the bed. “Just give me a few minutes and I’ll be ready to go.”
He puts his hands on my shoulders and says, “Stop. I’m not kicking you out…stay as long as you like…have breakfast…whatever. The door will automatically lock when you leave.” He places his hand under my chin and lifts it so I’m looking directly at him. “Okay?”
Smiling at his generosity, I nod and feel a little strange he’s leaving me alone in his condo. I don’t know why…I just do. It’s so intimate…
“I’ll call you later,” and he leans down and kisses me on my forehead and then moves his mouth to my ear. “It’s a good day when I get to wake up beside you,” he says, in a gravelly voice. But I can tell he’s smiling. Goosebumps pop up all over my skin.
Placing a kiss directly on my ear, he turns and walks out the door.
I hear his footfall become faint and then hear the door softly shut.
Looking around his room in the early morning sun, I soak up his personality from the way it’s decorated. It’s classic and understated with warm, dark woods and linen painted walls. It comforts me knowing his tastes are still the same.
Hopping off the bed, I find the bathroom and then make my way into the kitchen. He’s got coffee already made and a mug sitting beside it. I pour some and go in search of some sugar.
After opening about five cabinets, I finally find it. I know Braden doesn’t use creamer so I look to see if he has any milk. He does and I pour some in, making my coffee a smooth caramel color.
After looking in several drawers, I finally find a spoon and walk to the back deck.
Sliding the glass door, I step outside to a small balcony overlooking a large courtyard. Taking a seat in one of the two chairs, I think about everything that happened last night.
After a great night’s sleep, I’m still feeling good about my decision to be here. No second thoughts, no regrets. The corners of my mouth tug, and I can’t help but smile about our little scene against his front door. And being held by him all night made all of the past crap we went through slowly melt away, replacing all the heartbreak and anger I’ve harbored in the past with the hope of what may come. Part of me knows it may be risky to hand my heart over to Braden again, but it’s a risk worth taking, evidence of knowing in my gut his words are sincere when he confessed his regret.
I get up and return to the kitchen, rinsing my mug out and placing it in his sink. I find my shoes and put them on, gather my things and I’m out the door.
A door that has opened a plethora of uncertainties in my world.
Uncertainties that may just turn into a future I’ve only dreamed of.
chapter thirty-three
June 2013
My phone rings around eleven thirty. I answer it without even looking at the screen – I’m that involved in my work. “Karson Designs.”
“Well, hello, Karson Designs. I’d like to hire you…say…forever.” His sensual tone comes across the phone and makes me stop what I’m doing. Closing my eyes, I let his voice wash over me, my skin tingling all over.
I’m so screwed.
Gathering my wits, I say in
a flirty tone, “Well…that’s gonna cost ya. You sure you can afford me?”
He releases a low chuckle and says, “I don’t know. Is there a way I can work off my debt?”
I can think of a way or two. Or three. “I’m sure we could work something out. When did you need me?”
With no hesitation, he answers, “Yesterday,” and all playfulness has left his voice, leaving butterflies in my stomach.
We remain on the phone, the charged silence stretching between us.
“Braden?” I whisper.
“Yeah?”
“I’ve missed you so much…”
I hear what sounds like him moving forward in a chair, releasing a massive sigh. “Not half as much as I’ve missed you.” More silence ensues and then he says, “Let’s change all of that. Starting with dinner tonight.”
My face lights up and I say, “Well, you’re in luck because this girl just happens to be free tonight.”
“I sure am one lucky son of a bitch. I’ll pick you up at seven.”
“Okay. See you tonight.” We end the call. My phone pings with a text. He just sent me a whole row of four-leaf clover emojis.
Laying my phone down beside me, I try to get my mind focused on sending out my resume for future jobs. I hope Jada gets home soon so she can help me pick out something to wear. I think it’s time I filled her in on the history of Braden and me.
Thankfully, Jada gets home within the hour and I explain to her I have a date tonight. She immediately goes into full-blown fashionista mode, raiding both of our closets.
When she finally finds the perfect dress, I sit her down, sharing the backstory leading to my date tonight. She is remarkably attentive throughout our whole biography, only her different expressions conveying her thoughts.
When I finally finish, she says, “Wow. I had no idea, Karma.”
“Well, now that you know everything,” I say, hardly able to contain my excitement.
She sighs. “Where’s he taking you?”
I shrug and say, “Does it matter?”