He pulled his vibrating phone from his pocket. It was blowing up with texts and calls and social media notifications. The team and the league had each issued statements that they were looking into the incident. Reports of the "Bedlam Bar Bash" had hit the local news and radio stations and social media had exploded with opinions about the controversy. Every report mentioned his reputation as a fighter and the number of fights and penalty minutes that he'd racked up over the length of his career. His comments to the caller were picked apart and analyzed.
He'd always been a fighter. It was ingrained. He didn't back down. Ever. And he didn't see that ever changing. But as he'd learned with Ryan, and again with Kelsey, innocent people could be pulled into the fray. He didn't want to be responsible for Kelsey being hurt, now or in the future. The very thought of her hurting sliced his heart in two. It would be better if he left her now, and the team at the end of the playoff run. Then he wouldn't be around to potentially cause any more problems.
But he wasn't strong enough to just walk away then and there. He let himself have one more night, just to hold her.
Sleep took a long time coming with his heart so heavy, and when it finally did, his dreams were dark and desolate.
When the first rays of morning sunlight streamed through her bedroom window, he eased out of bed, dressed, and quietly packed his clothes and toothbrush. When he turned around, she was awake, watching him in the dim light.
She leaned on her elbow. "What's going on?"
"I can't stay here."
"Why not?" She sat up fully, wincing as her injured muscles moved. "I know the team moved you to a new hotel, but I still want to you stay here."
"No. I don't mean that I can't stay in your apartment." He shoved his hands through his hair. "Look at what happened to you. I can't stand the thought of someone hurting you because of me."
Her brows drew together. "They didn't. They hurt me because I jumped in to defend you."
"Still, I brought it on. Egged them on. And it could happen again. I don't always have the best control on my temper and when someone comes at me or at someone I care about, I react. When Ryan was attacked, it gutted me. But with you... I can't even tell you how much it's tearing me up inside."
He loved her too much to risk her. Why couldn't she see that? "I don't think we should see each other anymore. I'll be leaving town as soon as the playoffs are over anyway."
"I don't understand. I thought you were considering staying here."
"How can I? Do you know what people are saying about me now? How I'm bad luck? How I've hurt Dylan, and now Rod and you? I've become the punch line to some awful joke." He paced the room trying to outrun his tumbling thoughts and the vicious hurt that twisted his gut in knots. "I started off on a bad note, knocking out the team's captain. And now, the team's starting goalie can't play in tomorrow night's game because he has a concussion too. What are the odds that I'd be connected to three Frasers and their concussions?"
"Leo, stop." Her lips trembled and tears misted her eyes. "Please stop. You're making my head hurt with that pacing. Please sit and talk to me."
He stopped moving. "What else is there to say? I'll keep my head down and put in the rest of my time and then I'll leave. You'll be safer without me."
"You're being ridiculous."
"No. For the first time I'm being honest with myself. Things with you were too good to be true. I don't deserve you. I'm never going to be able to shake the shadow of what happened. Either with Dylan or with you. Every time I look at you, I see you being knocked to the ground. I can't forgive myself for that. I know other people won't."
Her skin paled, highlighting the bruises and the shadows under her eyes even more. "So this is it? You're quitting on us. You don't care enough to fight for us."
"I care too much." He slung his bag over his shoulder. Pain bloomed in his chest. "I figured out something. Being the last one standing doesn't always mean you're the winner. Sometimes, it means you didn't learn when it was time to walk away."
Forcing himself not to look back, he walked out of her room and then out of her apartment. He'd do anything to protect her, even if he had to protect her from himself.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
THE BEDLAM ARENA WAS packed with a sold out crowd for fan appreciation night. Kelsey stood by the goal net on the length of red carpet that had been rolled partway onto the ice. This last home game of the regular season was her first game back since the bar fight, and her last chance for Kelsey's Corner until the playoffs.
Her head had hurt too much and the noise in the building had been too overwhelming for the game two days after the fight. Rod and Leo hadn't been allowed to play either, not that she'd seen Leo since he'd walked out of her apartment. And then the team had gone on a five-day road trip. During her time off, she'd spent a lot of time with Dylan. Her oldest brother's worst concussion symptoms were finally dissipating.
Best of all, the police had caught the last two attackers and they were being prosecuted.
A staff member wheeled out a table with the trophies and the crowd cheered. Kelsey gave one final check on her microphone. She was ready to go.
Various Bedlam players were lounging along the boards by their bench. She couldn't see Leo and wondered if he were there and merely obscured or if something had happened.
The GM Jerry Spielman stood at the end of the carpet, close to center ice. "Most Valuable Player is our captain, Dylan Fraser."
The crowd cheered long and loud. No one expected Dylan to be there, but he walked out along the carpet, dressed in a pale blue button down shirt and gray pants.
Thunderous applause shook the building and fans rose to give him a standing ovation. He waved to the crowd, turning in each direction. The players all banged their sticks against the ice while he posed for a photo with the GM.
Kelsey smiled wide, ready for her interview with her brother. "Dylan, tell me, how does it feel to be selected MVP by your teammates and the city's sports columnists?"
His face filled the Jumbotron as he spoke. "It's a great feeling. This is a special group of guys, and we're going to bring a championship home this season." Dylan glanced wistfully at the bench. "I'll do my best to get back there this season."
The crowd cheered again.
The cameras flashed back to Jerry. "The winner for Outstanding Defenseman is Vince Forsberg."
Vince skated forward, shaking his blond hair out of his face. The maze of players parted enough to show Leo. He sat on the bench chatting with Slater, the redheaded rookie.
"Hey, Kels," Vince stopped his skates and sent a small shower of ice in his wake.
"Vince." She searched her mind for her now-lost question and took a deep breath. "Right. You've won this award for the past three years. Can you talk about what it means to you?"
Vince basically repeated the same answer he'd given her the previous year, and Kelsey nodded at the right moments. "Thank you."
Jerry smiled at the next announcement. "The most votes for Most Improved Player is Slater Knox." Chants of "Knoxie" filled the air. Celek's nickname for the rookie had caught on.
Slater looked up in surprise. Leo pounded him on the back and pushed him to his skates. The rookie climbed over the bench and rushed to take the photo with Jerry, then he skated back to the bench.
Kelsey kept her smile in place. None of the guys had to talk to her if they didn't want to, but in this case, it seemed like Slater wasn't aware or was so nervous and excited that he forgot. Leo stood, turned the rookie around, and pointed directly at her. She fought to keep all of her focus on Slater, and to ignore Leo.
His face as red as his hair, Slater arrived for his moment in the spotlight.
"Slater, this has been a big year for you. In what area do you feel you've most improved?"
"Well, I'm much better at getting to the rink on time now, for sure." He paused while the crowd laughed. "And I'm learning how to cook." He grinned at the applause. "Oh, but for hockey, I think I've most improved by learning
how to be a better teammate. Thank you."
She liked his honest and real answers so much, she hugged him. "Please, Knoxie, don't ever change."
Jerry cleared his throat. "Continuing on, the Ambassador Award is presented annually to the player who best illustrates character, dignity and respect for the sport both on and off the ice. This year we have a tie, Rod Fraser and Anton Celek."
The crowd cheered. Movement in the corner of her gaze caught her attention. Kelsey turned her head. Dylan watched the ceremony from the tunnel. She mouthed wait for me and he nodded.
Rod and Celek skated toward her with their arms draped over each other's shoulders. Rod grinned at the camera. "We just told each other that we voted for each other, so it's funny how this worked out."
"I'm happy to share any award with Rod," Celek added.
"Congrats, you guys." Kelsey focused on Jerry. One more award and then the game would be underway.
"Our final award is given to the player who demonstrated the most heart during the season as voted on by the players. This year's Heart Award is special in that the vote was unanimous. It goes to Leo Brennan."
Oh no. Cold seeped into her bones. She wasn't ready for this. Maybe he wouldn't come over. Her heartbeat fluttered like a frantic butterfly trapped within her chest.
The crowd was largely silent. All of the players lined the ice and tapped their sticks like they'd done for Dylan. Then, they skated to Leo and one by one, each shook his hand. Rod took it a step further and hugged him. Then Dylan walked past Kelsey to congratulate Leo at the end of the carpet with a handshake and a hug. Applause finally broke out from the stands, and it grew into cheering as loud as the crowd had given any other player.
Stunned, Kelsey realized that the fans had finally forgiven Leo for everything that they'd held against him, even if he still couldn't forgive himself.
Leo headed toward her. She swallowed hard and grasped her microphone with sweaty palms. Looking into his eyes hurt too much. She focused on the familiar Bedlam logo on his chest and told herself that she didn't love him, that he was just an ordinary player. "Congratulations. A unanimous vote is pretty special. What does that mean to you, knowing that all of your teammates selected you for this award?"
"I'm shocked that I won, but deeply honored. I'll make sure to thank my teammates by always putting in my best efforts in every game."
She forced herself to meet his gaze, after all she was a professional and needed to act like it. Troubled gray storm clouds swirled in his depths. Her chest hurt so much breathing was difficult. There was so much she wanted to say, but not in full view of a sold-out crowd. And would there be any point anyway? He'd proven that he didn't want to listen. "That's all anyone can ask for. Congratulations."
He held her gaze a moment longer. She lowered her microphone and turned away.
The PA announcer took over, and music blared. She swore she could feel him staring at her but that would be silly. The players would be skating around, shuttling out distractions and getting in "game only" mode.
She handed off her microphone and found Dylan. He pulled her into a hug. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not really. Maybe. I don't know."
"Come on, let's go someplace quieter." He led her through the maze of hallways to the empty locker room. "Okay, spill it."
"I don't know where to start."
"Do I need to kick Leo's ass?"
"If it would knock some sense into him, then yes." Blowing out a breath, she sat on the bench and relayed the conversation she'd had with Leo the morning he walked out. The emotions she'd felt replayed right along with the words, twisting inside her like a thorny vine. "I don't know what to do, D. I fell hard and fast and now that he's not there, I feel like a vital part of me is missing. You have no idea how much this hurts."
Emotions from sympathetic to angry had ranged across Dylan face as he'd listened, transforming him even more so into the protective presence he'd always been. He patted her shoulder. "I don't like to see you hurting. Do you want me to talk to him?"
"No. No way." She managed a smile. "This isn't like when we were little and you would force the boys to let me play hockey with you guys."
"You kicked their asses every time."
"That's because I had a great teacher."
He nodded. "Dad's the best."
"Not Dad. You." At his surprise, she continued. "Why do you think I switched from defense to center? Duh, to be like you."
"I had no idea. Maybe I should tell Rod. Knowing him, he'll try to convert you to switching to goalie now." His laughter mingled with hers.
Laughing felt good, it helped shake the sadness out. "I don't want you or Rod to say anything to Leo. We tried having a relationship and it didn't work. I'll need to talk to Rod too. I don't want this to cause any awkwardness on the ice or in the locker room."
"Then come by the house tonight. We'll have a siblings' only meeting. You might as well stop at your place and grab the dog too. If it goes late you can crash at our place."
"It would be nice to be with just you guys and Arielle, and Icing of course. I think I need it."
"Then we'll make it happen."
She gave Dylan a hug and sent a text to Arielle to let her know.
Forget about love. She'd focus only on work and her family and friends. They'd proved that they'd never let her down. Her life needed to return to just like it was before Leo had come into it.
And if he was gone at the end of the season, maybe that would be for the best too. He could be where he would be happiest, and she could move on easier without him around.
THE LAST GAME OF THE regular season was in the books, thankfully with a Bedlam win. Leo exited the Philadelphia Power arena with his teammates and bid them goodbye as they boarded the bus for their ride to the airport. The playoffs wouldn't begin for another week, and Coach had rewarded them with two days off.
He and Vince would be spending that time in Philly visiting their families.
Rod was the last person to board the bus. He raised his post-game coffee to Leo and Vince as they passed by, but something was up. For the past few days, Leo had detected a subtle shift in the way Rod treated him. The goalie was still friendly, but he was more polite, less likely to joke around, and didn't start a conversation unless he absolutely had to do it.
The reason for the subtle shift had to be Kelsey.
Vince nudged his arm. "Want to walk?"
"Sure." He didn't care. The walk wasn't far. He glanced at the Power's logo on the side of the arena. "Has your dad mentioned which positions he thinks they'll be looking to fill in the off season?"
"Why, are you looking to make a move?"
He stared at Vince, unsure of how to answer. He didn't need word getting back to his teammates that he was already looking that far ahead. They'd question his commitment to them. "I'm just thinking out loud. My contract was only for the rest of this season. I don't know what the Bedlam will want to do for next year."
"I'd hate to think our days of playing together might be coming to an end. I still have three more years on my contract. But I'll mention to my dad that Philly is on your radar."
"Thanks." He tugged his fingers through his hair. "I'm just trying to plan."
His words sounded weak to his own ears.
Vince stopped walking. "You don't have to worry. I'm not going to say anything to the guys. But I hope you come back to Buffalo. I'd like at least one full season with you."
"You've been a good friend." The words sounded so serious but they were true and needed to be said.
"Now we sound like we're saying goodbye forever." Vince elbowed him in the side. "We still have at least one round of the playoffs to get through."
"It better be more than that, or the fans will run us all out of town."
He parted ways with Vince and let himself into Ryan's house. The calmness of the space settled over him as soon as he walked through the door. "Ry? Where is everyone?"
Ryan bounded down the sta
irs. "Dad put in the early shift at the gym so he went home to sleep. Shane is actually back at work if you can believe it. And Xavier is on a date."
"Oh. Guess I'll see them all tomorrow."
His brother peered around Leo's shoulder. "Where's Kelsey? I thought she was supposed to be coming with you."
"No." He set his travel bag on the floor. No use rushing it to the guest bedroom where he'd be surrounded with reminders of his night with Kelsey. "We're not seeing each other anymore."
Ryan's eyes grew owlishly large. "What? When? Why?"
Leo heaved out a sigh. "I hadn't planned on jumping into this as soon as I walked through the door."
"Sorry. Want a drink?"
"In the worst way." He followed Ryan into the kitchen. Reminders of Kelsey mocked him there too.
His brother grabbed two beers from the fridge and set them on the table. "Sit. Drink."
Ryan let him drink half the bottle, then he drummed his fingers against the table. "So, what happened? I thought it was weird when we only saw her that one day in Buffalo last week but we were so worried about you, I didn't ask." Then Ryan's eyes widened. "I can't believe it's been only a week."
That deserved another swallow. "Eleven days."
"And you're fully recovered?"
"I promise." Leo set his bottle down. "I ended things with her because she got hurt. Hurt because of me. I can't take the chance that she'll be hurt again."
Ryan studied him for a long moment. "That's a lame reason."
Taken aback, and more than a little insulted and angry, he raked his hands through his hair. "What? How? She's so loyal and protective, and I know she'd jump to help anyone. With the trouble that's followed me in that city, I don't want to be responsible for something like that happening again. She means too much to me."
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