by Sara Miller
On the walk back to their apartment, Leah felt hyperaware. She couldn’t help but notice several black trucks. When they passed a coffee shop with the front window steamed up, she felt herself physically react. What if she went in? What if Cade was in there right now, waiting for her? She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts.
“Babe?” Eric squeezed her hand and she looked down, just now realizing he was holding it. “Did you want to stop in for a coffee?”
Apparently, she had come to a complete stop on the sidewalk.
“No!” Leah immediately knew she overreacted and tried again, “Ugh, sorry. I didn’t sleep well . . . I’m not sure more caffeine would be a good idea.”
Eric shrugged and pulled her along.
When they got home, Eric settled in the living room to watch TV. Leah turned her anxious energy on the kitchen. She cleaned it from top to bottom until everything sparkled and smelled lemony fresh.
Keeping as busy as possible seemed like the best idea. She dusted and vacuumed, giving the entire apartment a thorough once-over.
After a late dinner, she attacked the bathroom. Leah was scrubbing the tub when Eric came in to brush his teeth and say goodnight.
“Don’t stay up too late.” He kissed her forehead and went off to bed.
She did not join him for a couple more hours. Not until she had completely run out of things to wipe and polish. By the time Leah’s head hit her pillow, she was dead to the world until her alarm went off early Monday morning.
As a “reward” for her hard work cleaning the day before, Leah stopped at the bookstore on her way home from work. She purchased a mocha latte from the in-store coffee shop and spent over an hour perusing the books. She managed to select only two, then made her purchase and headed home.
“I got us salads.” Eric told her in lieu of a greeting. “Picked them up on my way home from the gym.”
“I was at the bookstore.” She held up her bag as proof. Not that he’d asked. He was stretched out on the couch and barely looked up from his laptop.
“Anything good this time?” he teased. He liked nonfiction and made fun of her preference for romantic comedies and mystery novels. When she did not respond, he told her, “I put your salad in the fridge.”
Eric had not waited to eat with her. Leah grabbed her dinner and sat at the table to eat by herself. Even though her husband was only a few feet away, she felt alone.
The salad was bright and colorful, unlike everything around her. Eric only liked color on a plate, not in his day-to-day life. Leah sighed.
“Everything okay? Salad good?”
“Yup. Thanks.” She picked at the purple cabbage and bright orange carrots. The dill dressing overpowered everything. Eric insisted on what he called “meatless Mondays.” Leah was not a fan. She gave up on her dinner and pulled out one of her new books.
She spent the rest of the evening reading. When Eric finished watching the news and clicked off the TV, she was almost halfway through the book.
“Just another chapter,” she promised.
Eric laughed, kissed her forehead and headed to bed. She couldn’t put the book down and ended up reading several chapters before slipping into bed late for a second night in a row.
After work on Tuesday, Leah went home and cooked dinner from scratch. She loved cooking and was craving more than just another salad. Eric argued that with their busy schedules and so many restaurant options nearby, it made more sense to grab take-out. Usually she went with it. Tonight, Leah did her own thing. She hoped a good meal would create the kind of companionable dinner she longed for.
“You cooked?” Eric sniffed the air in confusion.
Eric’s question sounded more like an accusation.
But that didn’t interfere with how she felt about the meal she had made. Leah looked down at her chicken primavera and smiled. It looked both healthy and filling.
“Yep. You hungry?”
Eric shrugged. He sat down and quietly ate without commenting further.
So much for a companionable meal. Swallowing her disappointment, Leah cleaned up, took a long bath and finished reading the book from the night before. Just like the previous nights, Eric went to bed before her.
The next morning, Leah woke with a headache. The late nights were taking their toll. She was miserable all day. When she got home from work, she crawled into bed. She figured it would be a safe time to get a couple hours of rest. As a single dad, Cade would be too busy making dinner or helping his kids with their homework to take an evening nap, so there was little danger of him sleeping and dreaming. Leah was not emotionally ready for another shared dream. Varying and limiting her sleep patterns were the only thing she could think of to keep them at bay.
Knowing how overtired she was, Leah set an alarm. She did not want to risk sleeping straight through until morning.
The alarm woke Leah shortly before Eric got home from the gym.
As he walked in, he called out to her.
“I got something to eat on the way home.”
“That’s okay,” Leah sighed. “I’m not really hungry.”
“I’m gonna hit the shower and then bed,” he said.
While Eric was showering, Leah gathered dirty clothes. As Eric came out of the bathroom, Leah started the washing machine.
“Really?” he said critically.
“Yeah, I forgot to do it over the weekend and I’m almost out of clean clothes.” She could have gotten by a few more days but she was scared to sleep.
Eric looked like he might call her on it. He stared at her and she couldn’t read his expression. Leah hugged the laundry basket close and waited. He shook his head and sighed.
“Night, babe.” He crawled into bed alone not even bothering to kiss her.
Leah wanted to cry.
As she tended to the laundry, Leah reflected on her current situation. She was absolutely exhausted. Not only tired in body but also deep down to her soul. A war raged between her heart and mind. Had she cheated on her husband? Leah knew sex dreams were fairly normal and her dream was just a kiss. It should not have been a big deal but if she was honest, she knew her dreams were far from normal.
The more she thought about it, Leah realized the coffee shop was not her only dream with Cade. At first the dreams seemed innocent: just two childhood friends catching up. She had told him about college, her degree, and her current job. She’d spoken at length about her nieces. He explained how he owned his own business and told her about his kids. His daughter was fifteen and his son only six. Leah wasn’t sure how long these dreams had been going on, but she found she knew his likes, dislikes, favorite colors, pet peeves, and more. Her brain stored all this information as if it was real.
Before Cade’s message and the realization they had shared a dream, she had not been overly concerned about her dreams of him. Wasn’t it common that people dreamed about old flames?
Especially if they weren’t particularly happy with their lives with their current partners.
But after she dreamt she kissed Cade Emerson, everything changed. He remembered the dream too. That’s when she had panicked. When Leah realized sleeping was no longer safe because her dreams were not her own.
She yearned to discuss it with her grandmother, Georgia Grace, called Gigi by friends and family. She was never taken aback by anything others might consider strange. Leah could talk to her about anything. Even this. Gigi had been her best friend, but had passed away the year before she met Eric. Leah still missed her dearly. Discussing her current predicament with anyone else would be ridiculously awkward. Most people would not find this believable. Except, maybe, her sister Lily.
But even if Gigi was still alive, Leah knew she was not ready to talk about it. She just wanted to sleep in peace again. Inevitably, the second she laid down, she was overwhelmed with conflicting feelings. God help her, she wanted to be somewhere else. She wanted to be someone else. She wanted to be with Cade again. Her mind replayed the memories and she got upset wi
th herself. She’s married.
What was going on with her?
Her brain felt full up. She had passed the point of being able to process it all days ago. The important thing was that so far her self-inflicted sleep deprivation was working. There were no more dreams. But Leah was running on empty.
Her thoughts and emotions kept tumbling, like the clothes in the dryer.
Despite her nap, she still struggled to make it to Thursday. During daylight hours, she threw herself into her work. Unfortunately, she was good at her job. As an office manager, she had to stay organized and on schedule. This week, her efficiency mocked her. In the past, her coworkers had teased she mothered them. A term that bothered her on several levels. This week however, they switched to saying “smothered.” Which left her with two choices: back off or face a mutiny. While the mutiny would be a great distraction and handling it would give her something to do, Leah knew it was not the right choice.
She chuckled at her thoughts and it earned her several concerned glances. Oh dear. She’d already been considering an early lunch, maybe her co-workers’ concern was a sign she should do that.
Glancing at her phone, Leah felt her heart stutter. It was another message from Cade. She did not read it. All her tired brain could think was, “If he’s awake, it’s safe to sleep!”
Leah grabbed her purse and flew out the door. For once, she was grateful her pleas for a real home had been ignored. The closeness of the downtown apartment Eric insisted on worked to her advantage. As she entered the tiny shared courtyard, she quickly sent two texts: one to work and one to her husband. They both simply said “migraine.” It was an easier explanation than acknowledging she was emotionally overwhelmed and exhausted. She felt overheated. Her head hurt. She hoped she was not going to be physically sick.
She let herself in, kicked off her shoes and tossed her purse in the general direction of the table. Their modern bedroom was chilly and dark. Not her style, but today it felt like heaven. Leah stripped out of her clothes, too tired to bother with her nightgown. For the first time in days, the bed looked truly inviting. Leah climbed under the covers. The crisp sheets felt cool against her bare skin. She shivered, sighed and finally slept.
Chapter 3
Leah stretched, feeling luxuriously rested. She was wrapped in a cocoon of softness. The air held an unfamiliar hint of cedar. As she tried to get her sleepy eyes to focus, she noticed the soft glow of the bedside lamp cast everything in a warm yellow light, giving the room a cozy feeling.
She sat up with a gasp. Her head spun. This was not her room. She was not in her own bed. Even more unsettling, she was not wearing any clothes. Leah pulled the sheet up around her shoulders and tried to will herself awake. But then she saw him and her determination was instantly gone. She wanted to be here.
Cade stood across the room, leaning against the door jam. Arms folded across his bare chest, blue plaid sleep shorts hanging low on his hips, he watched her. No expression on his face for the count of several of her heartbeats. Finally he raised one eyebrow and his mouth quirked into a hint of a smile.
“Welcome back.”
“I’m in your bed.” Leah said, testing her voice while stating the obvious. It sure felt and sounded real, yet she knew it couldn’t be.
“And I’m hella glad too.”
Cade pushed off from the wall and stalked toward the bed. His look was so intense it should have frightened her. Instead, she felt a shiver of excitement and pulled the sheet closer. He rounded the bed and stopped just inches from where she sat. Leah had watched him the entire way but now that he stood over her, she broke eye contact and looked down. Cade used two fingers under her chin to guide her gaze back to his.
Lowering himself to the bed, he sat on the edge facing her. His beautiful blue eyes were asking a million questions and Leah had no answers.
“So . . .”
Leah opened her mouth to respond. No words came out. Cade’s gaze shifted to her lips and when she tried again to speak, he covered her mouth with his own.
She did not care if it was real or not. She didn’t care about anything other than the wet warmth of Cade’s kiss. The smokey coffee flavor had been replaced by minty toothpaste. Leah loved mint. She used her tongue to deepen the kiss. Their mouths and tongues fought for dominance. Soon their hands joined the battle. Leah slipped an arm around his neck, her hand moving into his hair. Finding it just long enough, she pulled it tightly into her fist, holding him to her. Cade retaliated with both arms, pulling her close. The touch of his hands on the bare skin of her back made her gasp, breaking the kiss.
“Well now, a guy could get used to this . . .”
Leah flushed as he pulled back and appeared to study her. She had released his hair, sliding her hand down his arm. It felt firm and strong beneath her fingers. She lightly traced the tattoo on his forearm. She wanted to keep touching him but lowered her arm until it rested beside her on the bed. Her other hand still clutched the sheet to her chest.
She was not sure if she felt scared or embarrassed or just plain old horny. Probably all three. She forced herself to breathe as she watched and waited.
Cade took one hand off her back and raised it to her face. He tucked her hair behind her ear and slid his hand down her neck in one fluid motion, moving her hair back. He ran his hand over her now-exposed shoulder. Using the backs of his fingers, he brushed his hand along her left collarbone, then straight up her neck, over her chin before touching her lips. Then his fingers made the return trek, coming to rest in the center of her chest, blocked by her own hand holding the sheet covering her breasts.
His hand moved over hers and lightly stroked. Leah’s body screamed for her hand to release its hold. Her fingers began to relax their grasp.
“Dad?” A young muffled voice called from behind a door Leah had not noticed.
Cade jumped up and made it to the door right as it began to open. He stuck his head into the hall, using the door to shield both himself and the room from view. From what Leah saw when he got up, she knew a naked woman was not all Cade was hiding behind the door. She smirked, pleased he was as affected by her as she was by him.
“Dad, I can’t sleep. Can I stay with you?”
“Hey bud, tonight’s not so good . . .”
“But you PROMISED, remember?! You said when Sky’s not here we could have a dude’s night. Just us guys! And Sky is at her stupid—”
“Liam,” Cade’s voice softly scolded.
“I mean, she’s over at her friend’s house and it’s just us. Finally!”
“Well, actually, it’s not.”
“Really? Who’s here? Are they in your room? Can I see?” The questions came out louder and faster in obvious excitement. “Hello?” the little voice called out. “I’m Liam!”
Leah could not help but laugh at the precocious tyke. Cade shook his head.
“Sounds like a girl. Hello?” He tried again and Leah couldn’t resist.
“Hi.”
“She said ‘hi’ Dad, can I meet her now?”
Cade turned to her and shrugged as if leaving it up to her. Of course she wanted to meet Cade’s son! She started to nod, but just as quickly shook her head. She used her free hand to gesture down her body. Cade nodded and turned back to the door.
“It’s late, bud.”
“Da-ad! It’s not too late though, right? Sometimes you let me stay up. Like on a movie night. Can we watch a movie?” There was a pause and then he called out to her. “Do you like movies?”
“Sure.” Leah realized her answer wasn’t helping Cade send Liam back to bed. But she had the feeling the little charmer was already well on his way to hijacking her night with Cade anyway.
Leah shook her head, grinning. She could easily imagine this was just what Cade would have been like at that age. She hadn’t even met Liam yet and she already liked him.
“Please Dad, plee-ee-ase?!” The second please drawn out in true childhood agony.
Cade closed his eyes and rested h
is forehead on the door for a few seconds. He turned and looked at Leah. She just smiled sweetly, leaving it all up to him.
“Okay, bud, go pick a movie. Something appropriate and not too long. We’ll be out in five.” As he shut the door, there was a childish whoop of delight from the other side. The pure joy of it made Leah laugh. She felt light and happy.
“So yeah, I need some clothes. Quick!”
“And if I like you how you are?” She could tell by his expression he was enjoying teasing her.
“Cade Emerson. You get me clothes right now or else!” She tried to sound threatening but she was still amused. It came out with a laugh.
Thankfully Cade was already digging through his dresser. With his back to her, he tossed a white tank top undershirt over his shoulder. It landed practically in her lap.
“I need more than just this!” She quickly dropped the sheet and slipped on the tank. It was a poor substitute for a bra, but better than nothing.
“Keep your pants on, I’m looking. Oh wait, you’re not wearing—oof!” The pillow she chucked at his head interrupted him. Cade laughed before tossing her more clothes.
Leah slipped on a pair of sleep shorts similar to the ones Cade was wearing. They were red plaid and she was thankful for the drawstring waist. There was also a black t-shirt with a red and green fishing logo on the front. It was nothing like she would wear at home. The clothes smelled of cedar, a scent she felt she would forever associate with Cade. She loved it.
She was slipping on the oversized tee as Cade finally turned back around to face her. Leah presented herself for approval.
“What do you think?” she asked, wondering if the outfit made her decent enough to meet Liam. Cade only stared, making her nervous. After several seconds, he spoke.
“I think I’m crazy.” He shook his head.
“Wh-what?” She drew her arms around herself and stepped back. Her legs bumped against the bed and she almost lost her balance. Uncertainty and self-doubt rang in her ears. Years of inadequacy reared its ugly head.