by Sara Miller
“Technically, yes.”
“I guess technically I do too,” Sky concluded. “She wasn’t a good mom though. Was yours?”
“I think . . . I think my mom did her best. But no, I wouldn’t say ‘good.’ We’ve never been close and I haven’t seen her in a long time.”
“Our mom is terrible. That’s why I’m so protective of my brother: I don’t want anyone to hurt him.” Sky looked fierce, like a warrior ready for battle.
“That makes sense. Thank you for sharing that with me.” Leah had been surprised Sky was being so talkative but once she heard the added warning, it made more sense. Sky would do whatever she had to do to protect her brother.
“And yet . . .” Sky continued, “I wish I had someone to go dress shopping with. But I’d rather go alone than with my mom.”
Sky gave Leah a look as if to add ‘or you’ to her sentence. Or at least that’s how Leah’s brain interpreted it. And it was not something Leah could offer to help her with either. The thought made her sad.
“It’s okay to miss what we can’t have. I think it’s probably normal,” Leah reasoned. She watched as Sky decided what she’d say next.
“Why are you being so nice to me?”
“Because I’m a nice person.”
“I knew you’d say that,” she laughed. “Nice enough to let me have another cookie?” Sky’s smile was nervous but hopeful.
“Yes, of course! Assuming they haven’t eaten them all. Should we go find out?”
Sky nodded, “Thanks, Leah.”
“My pleasure.” And it was. Leah may have grown up with a mom, but having the physical presence of one was a far cry from having the love and support a child of any age needs. Sky didn’t have either.
Leah regretted she was not in a real position to be a part of Sky’s life. She could listen and validate her feelings though. Leah loved Sky and helping her in any way made her happy.
Back at the picnic table with the other children, they discovered plenty of cookies left. There were also cheese slices, whole grain crackers, seedless grapes, and drinks. Leah and Sky sat down and joined in.
This time, no one had to rush off. Sky was pleasant to be around. Liam and her nieces chatted happily. When they were done, the kids went back to playing. Better yet, Sky kept her word and stuck to Liam’s side. Leah watched it all from her favorite bench.
Just before three, she got up and gave her nieces a five-minute warning. They whined as expected, Liam included. The kids played nicely together and it was no wonder they were disappointed when it had to come to an end.
“It’s almost three,” she told them.
“It is?” Sky checked her phone. “We gotta go too, bud.”
Liam nodded reluctantly. He looked back and forth between Sky and Leah as if trying to decide something. He gave Leah a quick hug and then took his sister’s hand.
Everyone exchanged shouted goodbyes as Sky and Liam walked away. They waved back as they left the park.
Leah and the girls made their way across the playground to find Leah’s used SUV. When the girls were buckled and ready, she took off. She drove in the same direction Cade’s children had gone. She was too curious and couldn’t help herself.
When they caught up to them a block away, Leah tooted the horn and the girls waved and shouted to their friends. Leah smiled happily.
Two blocks later, her smile faded. Leah saw the familiar black truck. Worse yet, she saw Cade. He was standing in a yard of a house in the middle of an addition. He was talking animatedly to one of his employees. It did not look like a happy conversation.
Cade’s expression was intense. Even from this distance, she could see his eyes flashing and there appeared to be dark circles under them. He looked thinner to her and like Liam, his hair needed a trim. Leah took this all in as she passed slowly through the residential area. Thankfully, Cade paid no attention to traffic.
Once they were several houses away, Leah released the breath she was holding. She looked in the rear view mirror to check on the girls. Allison played quietly with a toy Leah hadn’t realized was in her car. Emmie, however, was staring right at her.
She didn’t know what the girl knew and she wasn’t going to ask but Leah was now convinced: Emmie knew more than she should.
“Anyone want to get a milkshake?” Leah surprised herself by asking. Maybe she did have pregnancy cravings after all. Or maybe she just needed to get the look off Emmie’s face. Either way, it worked. The crinkled forehead was replaced with childish joy.
Chapter 36
It rained every day during the last week of April. Leah woke up to rain. She drove to work in the rain and she drove home in the rain. She fell asleep to the sound of the rain. Her only respite from it was in her dreams.
Every night she was standing outside Cade’s door. She tried the knob each time and it was always locked. Liam’s was not but he was always sleeping soundly. Leah could only observe. When she woke, the sound of the rain greeted her and she had fresh tears on her cheeks.
She’d rather have the rain.
By Friday morning, she was about at her wits’ end. She was not the only one. The girls were going stir crazy. Allison and Emmie bickered, whined, and outright fought. Their parents had run out of patience and Leah was ready for a break.
The monotony of the week was weighing heavily on her. Leah received a slight reprieve when she was surprised at work with a baby shower. She especially enjoyed the delicious double chocolate cake, which she suspected was homemade.
Even though Leah had hinted about a group gift from her registry as Lily had suggested, the ladies at work were not group-minded. Each one was excited to purchase her own individual gift.
Bringing home her small haul of gifts lifted everyone’s spirits. Lily examined every gift with a running commentary. The girls oohed and aahed over the tiny neutral-colored outfits.
“But why is this one blue and this one pink? We don’t know if it’s a boy or girl!” Emmie criticized.
“This way, we have at least one outfit ready for Baby, whichever it is.”
Leah eyed the blue romper. It had thin horizontal stripes and a green dinosaur patch on the front pocket. Would her baby wear it or the pink dress with the tulle skirt? Emmie traced the ruffled sleeves of the dress. Leah knew her niece’s preference.
Allison was more interested in the non-clothing items. She held up an odd- shaped green item and squeezed it repeatedly. She frowned when it did nothing.
“What is this thing anyway?” Her voice sounded offended.
Leah wanted to laugh.
“It sucks snot out of a baby’s nose. I had one for you and Emmie too.” Lily explained with a laugh.
Allison immediately dropped the object. Her face showed how absolutely disgusted she was. She still held her hand out as if it was contaminated. This from the girl who was proud of puking and would voluntarily touch a dead bug.
“It hasn’t been used yet!” Lily told her
Allison’s expression remained almost exactly the same but her mouth quirked slightly and her eyes twinkled.
Emmie started giggling. Leah joined in next, followed by Lily’s full laugh. Allison broke last and laughed the hardest.
“Hey, this is the best sound I’ve heard all week! What’s so funny?” Robert joined them, finally home from work.
Lily tried to tell him but she only laughed harder. He gave her a side hug and a quick kiss. Leah did not have any better luck getting her words out. She grabbed a tissue from the side table and dabbed at her eyes. Emmie shook her head in refusal and pointed to Allison. Allison looked at her dad, looked at the item on the floor and back again.
“Boogers!” she said, pointing at the floor and breaking out in more giggles.
Robert quickly snatched up the item and gave it a few test squeezes. He then turned it on his daughters. They squealed and ran from the room. There were peals of laughter as their father chased them.
“Oh, my gosh, I needed that,” Leah confessed.
“It felt so good to laugh.”
“Me too!” Lily agreed. “This week has been so . . . blah! And it’s just gonna keep raining, through the whole weekend. The jerks.”
“Yeah, the jerks.” Leah wasn’t sure who the jerks were but she agreed wholeheartedly with the sentiment.
As their laughter subsided, Lily sighed. “I have no idea what to do this weekend. The girls are already so bored.”
Robert returned and handed her a couple sheets of paper. Lily barely glanced at the pages before looking up at her husband.
“Really? It’s gonna be so busy . . .”
“Too late now, already booked it. Go pack.”
Lily jumped up, gave her husband a smacking kiss on the lips and ran out of the room.
Leah picked up the papers and recognized a familiar logo. Robert had gotten them weekend passes at a local resort with an indoor waterpark and other attractions. Lily was right, the place would be packed but the girls could run and play. They would have a blast. She flipped through the pages and noted the accommodations.
“One phone call and I can add a guest. Our suite can accommodate up to six. Do you want to go?”
Leah considered and as much fun as a change of venue sounded, it did not really appeal to her. The more she thought about it, the more she wanted to stay home. She hadn’t had more than a few hours alone in four months.
“Completely up to you. And don’t let Lily or the girls pressure you either way.”
Leah smiled happily. Robert was the greatest. She couldn’t ask for a better brother-in-law. Her parents failed to be loving and supportive, but Lily and Robert were. She felt so lucky to have them.
“You don’t want to go, do you?”
Leah shook her head.
“You want to break it to your sister or should I?”
“Better let me. She’ll just come to me to double-check anyway.” Leah laughed and Robert nodded in agreement. Lily popped back into the room with perfect timing. She had a suitcase in her hand.
“You guys are going to have so much fun!” Leah told her sister.
“Wait, you aren’t coming?” She looked from Leah to Robert. “Robert!”
“Lily!” She got Lily’s attention away from the innocent party. “Please. Please. Please! Do not make me squeeze all this into a bathing suit.”
Lily looked blank for a second. As if out of all the things Leah could say, this had never occurred to her. Then she smiled.
“You are right. Your goddess body would be too much of a distraction for all the dads at the waterpark. Marriages might crumble if you go. You better stay here. Alone. Where it’s safe and you won’t get stared at or hit on. Good choice.”
Leah laughed outright.
“Now I forgot why I even came in here. See? You are that distracting. Thank God my Robert is immune to your charms. He likes them taller and flatter and sassier,” Lily preened.
Robert and Leah were both laughing now. Lily gave up her silly pose and joined in.
“What’s going on?” Emmie asked.
“I think they finally lost it,” Allison shook her head so seriously that Leah was just about in tears. That’s when the girls spotted the suitcase.
When they heard the plan, their cheers were so loud, Leah had to take herself out of the room. That and she had to pee. She thought again about trying to wrassle herself in and out of a bathing suit, physically shuddered, then laughed.
Within the hour, Leah was finally alone. The only sound in the house was the endless rain. This time, it did not grate on her nerves. It felt soothing.
Leah felt truly relaxed. For dinner she ate popcorn, apple slices, and cheese. She binged watched a favorite show from her childhood that her nieces had deemed boring. It was a lovely evening.
After double-checking that all the doors were locked, Leah took a long shower and went to bed.
Something about having the house to herself and taking a shower put strange thoughts in her head. As Leah laid in bed waiting for sleep to claim her, she could not help but recall her most private moments with Cade.
She’d had seven years of mediocre sex with Eric, followed by three months of unbridled dream passion with Cade, then four months of celibacy. Leah squirmed in her bed, suddenly very horny.
Since she was just in the shower, she thought of that shared dream first. She remembered the dream so vividly that she nearly orgasmed just thinking about it.
Leah fisted her sheets in her hands instead of Cade’s hair. She imagined him once again between her legs, licking and sucking. As her need grew, she released the sheets. Her hands skimmed her body, slipping around her extended belly and between her legs. She imagined climbing on top of Cade.
That would be how they would have to do it now. With her on top. Leah imagined Cade deep inside her with his hands on her hips, framing her belly. He’d be as close to her and their unborn child as physically possible. She touched herself, pretending it was Cade.
Leah recalled the intensity of his blue eyes, the sound of his voice, the smell of his skin, everything that made him real to her. Dear God. She cried out as ripples of pleasure overtook her. Her muscles continued to contract for several long moments before her breathing regulated and her body finally relaxed.
“Holy crap,” Leah spoke aloud. Thank God no one was home. They would have all come running.
Leah sighed contentedly. She’d needed that. She felt deliciously limp and didn’t want to move. Didn’t want to break the spell. She missed Cade—and not just the sex either, although she definitely missed that too. Leah missed every aspect of their shared dream life.
Leah wasn’t sure when she started crying but she was. The memories, the emotions, it was all too much. She let the tears fall.
Chapter 37
Leah was at the mall. She didn’t remember falling asleep. She didn’t remember waking up and driving anywhere. She was just here. Which had to mean this wasn’t real. Her first true dream in months . . . and she was at the mall? How unfair. She laughed at her reaction and looked around.
She, Cade, and the kids had Christmas shopped at this mall. Leah recognized Sky’s favorite store beside her, where Sky got her beloved sweater and showed Leah exactly which headbands she liked.
Leah did not have long to wait to find out why she was here. Sky and Liam were making a beeline for her, smiling excitedly.
“Miss Leah! You’re HERE! Is it really you?” Liam stopped just short of jumping on her. At the last second he hugged her tightly instead.
She hugged him back best she could, patting his back. Her pregnancy made simple things awkward.
“Hey,” Sky did not say much but her whole countenance communicated excitement. Her blue eyes flashed with anticipation. Her gaze kept slipping to the store-front display.
“Are you ready to find a dress?” Leah asked, instantly realizing her role in the dream.
“O.M.G. Yesss!”
Liam rolled his eyes. Clearly he did not care much for dress shopping. Still, he took Leah’s hand possessively and stood close, unwilling to stray from her side.
“I think we should strategize before we just start going from rack-to-rack,” Leah said. “And I’m hungry. How do pretzel nuggets sound?”
Before Sky could say yes, Liam was pulling her toward the pretzel place. Leah knew what these kids liked and placed an order for them all, including plain and cinnamon/sugar varieties. She also ordered fresh-squeezed lemonade.
As they ate their treats, Sky and Leah discussed what Sky was looking for in a dress. Leah loved to watch her face as expressed her thoughts. She had missed seeing Sky like this.
“I’d like it to be like knee length, I think. Not so short that Dad won’t let me wear it but also not too long. ’Cause I don’t want anything I can trip on. And I don’t want it to be short in front and long in back. I hate those!” Sky rolled her eyes.
“Oh, good thinking. I agree. What about color?”
“I like green!” Liam put in his opinion without even looking
up. He was playing with a toy from a vending machine Leah had spotted while they waited in line. Best fifty-cent purchase she’d made to date.
“Probably not green. I like green, but not for a dress.” Sky let Liam down easy. Thankfully, he hadn’t seen his sister’s face. Leah almost laughed aloud at Sky’s horrified reaction.
“I don’t have a specific color in mind but I kinda have a general idea?” Sky’s words came out as a question, which left Leah confused.
“Like what?”
“Like . . . I want it to be a cool color, not cool-cool, but as in not warm. Ugh. I’m not explaining well.”
Leah pushed a pretzel nugget toward her. Sky chewed and considered her words. Liam flew his tiny toy airplane through the air. He made little shooting noises and Leah smiled before turning her attention back to Sky.
“Try again,” she suggested.
“Okay, so like in a cool tone. Like blue. But . . . it could be more towards purple or more like aqua. Anywhere in that range. Does that make sense?”
“Nope!” Liam grinned, clearly trying to tease his sister.
Sky laughed and ruffled his hair. He tried to dodge her but she was quicker.
“I think almost any color in that range would look great on you,” Leah said, smiling at the sibling antics. “What about the neckline? Sleeves? Straps? Is there a dress code?”
“For school we can’t do strapless, but this is sponsored by the community center. I don’t think the same rules apply, but . . .”
Leah lifted an eyebrow.
“But Dad would lose his you-know-what if I bought a strapless one. He would probably make me return it and maybe not even let me go to the dance. So not worth it! Plus,” she confessed, “I’m not sure if I’d be comfortable without at least one shoulder strap.”
Leah had never worn a strapless dress in her life. She was just not built for it. So she instantly understood. Leah told Sky how smart and mature she thought she was. Sky blushed and also seemed very pleased.
“Liam, did you get enough?” Leah asked.
In answer, he quickly grabbed two more nuggets and popped one in his mouth immediately. Sky took one and Leah took the last one. They finished their drinks then hit the restrooms to wash their hands.