First Kiss Last

by Sara Miller

“I spent my entire relationship with Cade being second best to you. Did you know that? I wasn’t as pretty as you or as smart as you or as kind as you. Then he goes and names my own damn kid after you.” Nicole was so mad she practically spit as she spoke.

  Leah was trying to process too much at once. Liam was named after her? Leah, Liam . . . they did share the “lee” part and both were two syllables. Was it true? Would Cade do that? And where the hell was he? The jobsite was nearby, he should be here already! She snapped out of her thoughts.

  “Sky, did you call your dad?” She didn’t want to take her eyes off Nicole. “Sky!” She spoke sharply.

  “On his way.”

  “You don’t tell my kids what to do! I’ll be damned if I let them call you Mom. I’m their mom, not you.” She took another step closer.

  “No!” Liam shouted again. This time he stepped out where he could be seen. He took Leah’s hand. “She is gonna be our new mom! We asked for her for Christmas! We love her and she loves us! Dad bought a ring, right Sky? Remember!” His little voice was frantic.

  “Oh, Liam,” Sky knelt down, pulled her brother to her and wrapped him in a hug. “She said no, I heard her. She doesn’t want us. She’s married and is gonna have a family of her own.”

  “Oh, that’s just too damn funny,” Nicole cackled hysterically. “Cade thinks I’m the bad one? But you are married and having someone else’s kid?” she scoffed. “Bitch, get outta my way.”

  Nicole was now right in Leah’s face.

  Leah refused to back down. She may have failed Cade and his children on so many levels but on this, she would not move. She held her ground and noticed two police officers were making their way toward them. When Nicole moved in and raised her voice, Leah saw them run.

  Leah’s brain was not processing all the words and insults being flung at her. Liam was in serious distress. He was crying and arguing with his sister. His tiny fist pounded against her.

  Nicole chose that moment to try to reach for Liam.

  Without conscious thought, Leah moved to block her.

  Nicole shoved her out of the way.

  Leah watched in slow motion as she began to fall. She twisted, hoping to protect her baby. She saw Sky pull Liam away from their mother just as one of the officers grabbed Nicole.

  When Leah hit the ground, her breath was knocked out of her and she lost track of everything happening around her.

  She opened her eyes when she felt hands on her. There was a paramedic checking her out. He asked question after question but she couldn’t focus. She asked about the children and her baby.

  “The children are fine. Their dad is here.”

  They gave no answer about her baby as the exam continued.

  She felt some relief remembering she hit on her side, not her belly. Her arm and hip were already starting to ache. Leah did not feel any cramping. She put her good hand to her belly and felt a reassuring kick.

  Leah tried to sit up. She wanted to know what was happening, and she wanted to see Cade. There was no denying it. She could hear him and knew he was only a few feet away. She leaned and could see him. His back was to her and he was talking to a police officer. She focused on their conversation, trying to hear.

  “Your fiancé did a great job protecting your kids,” the officer was informing him. “We’re taking your ex in for violating the restraining order and for physically assaulting your fiancé. The paramedics are checking her and the baby right now.”

  “My what?!”

  Leah may not have been able to not see Cade’s face, but his voice chilled her to the bone.

  “What baby? What the hell is going on?”

  “Dad . . .” Sky tried but if she said more, Leah did not hear it.

  Leah was pretty sure things could not get worse. She closed her eyes and wanted to disappear. Then things got worse.

  “Mom, that’s him!” she heard Emmie say.

  “Cade Emerson, is that you?” Lily’s voice sounded shocked. “What is happening? Where is my sister?”

  “Lily,” Leah heard him say. Cade turned then. Leah saw the instant he recognized her. His blue eyes never looked more intense.

  Leah wanted to speak. To explain. Anything other than sit there staring back. She tried to get up. The paramedic tried to stop her and when he couldn’t, he helped her to her feet. She was upright for only a second before everything went black.

  When she opened her eyes again, she was on a bed. No, that was not right because she was still outside. She could hear her sister and Cade arguing. She could hear Liam crying and Allison demanding to know what was going on.

  Leah felt a sudden jolt of movement as the medics transported her. As they loaded her into the ambulance, Leah saw Lily was hurrying towards the parking lot. Both of her nieces were running to keep up. Emmie kept looking back at Cade or over at the ambulance.

  Cade had not moved. He was standing in the exact same spot. His hands on his hips, his face just as intense. Even close up, she doubted she’d be able to read his expression.

  Never in a million years did Leah expect it to play out this way. She had thought maybe they would meet in a dream first. Or she had considered calling him after the baby was born. Maybe the worst scenario she had truly entertained was the idea of running into him unawares, like at the grocery store. A fight in a park involving emergency personnel was not on the list.

  He looked so mad. Leah was even more sure now: Cade would never forgive her. Truth was, Leah was not sure she could forgive herself.

  She thought of the kids. First Liam, the sweet boy, then Sky. She was a fighter, so much like her father. Leah tried to recall what Sky had said to Liam. The words came back and Leah gasped, causing the paramedic beside her to spring back into action.

  I heard her. She said no. She doesn’t want us.

  Had Sky gone to the kitchen for another Christmas cookie? Had she overheard their conversation? It was the only explanation.

  And it meant Sky remembered the dreams too.

  Leah wished they were all here right now. She would tell them the truth. She would apologize for all the hurt she caused them. She would promise to leave them alone and never hurt them again. There was no way to fix it now. She cried.

  After they arrived at the hospital, the nurses and doctors ran test after test. When Lily appeared at her side, Leah tuned it all out and slept.

  Chapter 40

  For the second time in less than a month, Leah woke in the hospital. She was not a fan and hoped this would not become a habit.

  She saw Lily sitting in a chair a few feet away. Her eyes were closed but she did not seem upset. Leah hoped that was good news.

  Lily’s eyes popped open.

  “You’re awake. Oh, thank God!” Lily came up to the bed and wrapped her arms around her, “First things first, the baby is fine.”

  Leah started crying. She was so relieved she could not form words. That was what mattered most. The rest could wait. Lily apparently did not agree.

  “Secondly . . . Cade Emerson?” Lily looked at her sister and waited.

  Leah tried to reach for a tissue and Lily moved the box within reach. Leah stalled, dabbing her eyes.

  Lily waited.

  Finally, Leah nodded.

  “I should have known,” Lily sighed.

  “Wait, what?” Leah found her voice.

  “You are just like me.”

  “How so?” Leah was confused. They were nothing alike.

  “I fell for Robert in high school and that was it. Love of my life. Forever after.”

  “Um yeah, I know. But that’s not how it went for me . . .” Leah shook her head sadly.

  “Not the forever after part. Yet. But you fell for Cade and gave him your heart, all the way back then. Didn’t you?”

  Leah could only nod.

  “See? Just like me. I should have guessed,” she shook her head. “Wait till I tell Robert.”

  “Do you have to?”

  “Yes!” Lily rolled her eyes. �
�It all makes so much sense now. He liked you all through high school too. I told you so!”

  “Well, I don’t think he likes me much right now . . .”

  Lily frowned and opened her mouth. She looked ready to argue but Leah did not want to hear it. Thankfully, the doctor’s arrival spared her.

  “Miss Richardson, we need to stop meeting this way,” the handsome Dr. Thompson winked at her.

  Leah was not sure which threw her off more, the use of her maiden name or the doctor’s innocent teasing.

  “It was not on purpose, I promise,” she said. When he actually looked a little disappointed, she added, “But if I had to see anyone, I’m glad it was you!” She smiled weakly and he seemed appeased.

  He went over all the tests they had run. Explaining what they were for and what they told him. He was very thorough and had an amazing bedside manner. Dr. Thompson assured her that while she may be sore from the fall, her baby was safe, strong, and healthy.

  “Remember,” he warned her, “any symptoms of cramping or bleeding, you come straight back in to see me. Got it?”

  She nodded.

  He even gave her his number in case she had questions. Leah thanked him and he left. As soon as he was out of the room, Lily pounced.

  “That’s what I was talking about!”

  “What?” Leah was confused. They were talking about Cade when the doctor came in. More specifically, Cade’s feelings toward her and she was not ready to return to that discussion.

  “I told you that doctor had a thing for you! His personal cell number? Who does that? You are like Aphrodite,” Lily shook her head sadly. “Us mere mortals cannot compete.”

  Leah laughed. She couldn’t help it. It felt good to laugh after so much happening all at once. Lily laughed too and let both subjects drop.

  When she was able to leave, they wheeled her out and Lily pulled up with the minivan. Leah maneuvered stiffly into the passenger seat and Lily helped her buckle up. They had barely gotten moving when Leah called out.

  “Wait!”

  “What?” Lily slammed on the brakes. “Is it the baby? Are you okay?”

  “We’re fine but where are the girls?”

  “Oh my God, Leah. You scared the crap out of me. Robert met me here and picked up the girls as soon as they brought you in!” She continued to drive.

  “Sorry. I hope I didn’t scare them, especially Emmie.”

  “About Emmie . . .” Lily seemed to consider her words before she spoke. “She didn’t seem scared at all, actually.”

  “Oh, that’s good, right?” Leah suddenly dreaded mentioning Emmie.

  “I’m not sure. This might sound crazy but . . .”

  “Go ahead,” Leah decided to face the music.

  “It was almost like she expected it. Like she knew it was coming? Is that even a thing? I know it sounds crazy, but remember she insisted I come today when other weeks they only wanted you. And then when we saw the commotion and ran up, she seemed to recognize Cade. How is that possible?”

  “She’s like me.”

  “I know and Allison is like me but—”

  “No, I mean I’m pretty sure she is like me.”

  “Like—”

  Leah saw the change on Lily’s face when she understood.

  “Oh.”

  “Are you okay? Do you need to pull over?” Leah asked.

  Lily shook her head, but turned into the first fast-food place they came to. She ordered chocolate shakes without asking Leah what she wanted. As they waited in line, Lily found her voice again.

  “Do you really think so? How? Why?”

  “Yes, I’m about as sure as I can be without asking her point blank.” Leah explained about seeing Emmie in her dreams: at the corn maze, on Halloween, and again at Thanksgiving. “Remember she kept looking out the window? I think she was looking for them, not at the snow.”

  “Wow.”

  “Yeah,” Leah agreed.

  They got their shakes and drank quietly the rest of the ride home. Leah expected more questions and further discussions, but Lily seemed abnormally silent. When they pulled in the drive though, she did have at least one more question.

  “If she does . . . if she can . . . you’ll help her, right?”

  “Of course,” Leah reached over and took her sister’s hand and squeezed.

  They made their way quietly inside. It was late and the girls were already in bed. Robert had waited up. He gave Leah the biggest hug without saying a word.

  As she headed off to bed, Leah felt pretty sure she would dream tonight. She just had no idea what to expect.

  Chapter 41

  Leah was in the hallway again. It was dark and all the doors were shut. She did not even try to open any of them. She was so sick of this dream. Sick of being shut out. Sick of holding onto the secret. Leah wanted things out in the open but she had no idea how to do it.

  She had no one to blame but herself. And she did. She took full responsibility. The second she did not tell Cade she was pregnant, she had shut him out. She had created these locked doors.

  Leah turned and went to the living room. She took the afghan and curled up on the couch. She closed her eyes hoping to wake or to go back to the nothingness. Neither happened. So she simply waited, alone in the darkness.

  She was not sure how long it had been when she heard the click of a latch. Soft light spilled into the hallway. Leah heard soft footsteps. Liam, of course. She would send him back to bed. It hurt too much.

  When the figure appeared, it was not Liam. Sky stood at the edge of the room. Hands on her hips. Hair a mess.

  “Why are you here?”

  “I . . .” Leah floundered.

  “I wanna know,” she demanded.

  Leah sighed and repositioned herself into a sitting position. Her feet stretched out in front of her on the couch.

  Sky came over and took the opposite end of the couch. She flipped on a nearby lamp. They both blinked at each other, adjusting to the light.

  “Tell me.”

  “I should probably tell your father first, I owe him that much at least . . .”

  “Listen, I don’t see him out here wanting to talk to you, do you?” Sky crossed her arms and leaned back, waiting. When Leah still did not speak, Sky added, “I’m not a kid. You seemed so nice, I trusted you. But you are married? Seriously?”

  “I was. And you are right, you’re not a little kid, so I’ll share with you what I think is appropriate.”

  When Sky nodded, Leah continued.

  “I was married. Was, Sky. I’m not anymore. While I was with your dad, I was separated from my husband and planned on getting a divorce. I love your dad and you and your brother and wanted to make a new life with you.”

  “We wanted that too. But you said no!” Sky raised her voice.

  “I hope you are never in a position to have to choose between two things you love. Two things you want more than anything in the world. And I thought I had to choose between them. I made a terrible mistake in the process. I should have told your dad.”

  “Told me what?” his accusing tone brought tears to Leah’s eyes. Of course he’d come in right now. She couldn’t look at him. She continued her conversation with Sky, knowing Cade would listen.

  “I found out right before Christmas that I was pregnant,” Leah took a deep breath. “I thought . . . I thought it was my husband’s baby. I thought I was stuck with him. I thought that even if I did leave him, you all would never want me because of it.”

  Sky stared at her, the teen seemed to be out of words.

  “I asked you,” Cade’s tone was livid. “I said whatever it was, I’d help or wait. But you didn’t say a fucking word. Just kept shaking your head no.”

  “I was in shock. I hadn’t told Eric yet. I hadn’t told anyone. I wasn’t thinking clearly.” She still couldn’t meet his eyes.

  “And when you told him, what’d he say? Are you two living happily ever after now that you got what you wanted?” his words were full o
f scorn.

  Leah knew this was it. She lifted her head and turned, facing him. His blue eyes were locked on her. She met them with equal intensity.

  “You want to know what he got me for Christmas, Cade? Divorce papers. ’Cause he did not want to be with me any more than I wanted to be with him. And when I told him about the baby, he said it’s not his and he could prove it. He lied to me our whole marriage. I—”

  “Wait, it’s not his? Then who—ooooh . . .” Sky looked back and forth between the adults, her eyes wide with understanding.

  “Skyler, out,” Cade pointed down the hall. The teen actually looked a bit relieved as she fled the room.

  “How?” he demanded.

  “How what?” she was suddenly out of sorts. Her neck hurt from looking up at him. She wanted to argue back at him but all the fight went out of her. She deserved his anger and took it.

  “How could he prove it,” he glared at her. “How?” he repeated.

  “He had a vasectomy. Before he even married me. I never knew. I had no clue. He spent all that money on infertility tests and treatments for me. I thought the problem was me. I thought I was broken and inferior,” tears slipped out. It still hurt, that betrayal.

  “So you were fucking both of us? What the hell, Leah!”

  “No!” she said firmly. Leah held up one hand. “No,” she repeated. Leah wanted to be honest and clear. “Eric and I had sex one last time back at the end of September and the next day we separated. After that I was only with you, Cade. Only you.” She needed him to believe this truth.

  Leah watched the struggle of emotions play across Cade’s face. She could tell he wanted to believe her. But the man had his pride and always held his anger close.

  “Why didn’t you tell me. If that’s my kid, I have the right to know!”

  “I wanted to tell you. But how was I supposed to? I broke our hearts, Cade. I’ve never seen you so hurt. I did that. It was my fault. And I couldn’t fix it! I did this and I didn’t know how to tell you.”

  “Call, text, just open your damn mouth and speak . . .”

  “I didn’t think you’d want to see me. I didn’t think you’d answer if I called. I didn’t know if you’d believe me. And the longer I waited the worse it got.”