by Claire Raye
“What if we bring Erin in on this?”
“Absolutely not,” I say.
The captain holds up a hand. “Just hear me out.”
I shake my head, my jaw clenched as I force myself to remain calm. “Are you seriously asking me to get my girlfriend involved with this?” I ask. “A mob take down?”
“I know you don’t like the idea, Ryan, but you have to agree this has to end, don’t you?”
I nod, knowing he’s right, even if I don’t like his methods.
“And preferably without any more attempts on your life.”
“Or Erin’s,” I add.
“Or Erin’s,” he confirms.
“So,” I start, sitting forward and resting my hands on his desk. “How do you propose we do this?”
As the captain starts to outline his ideas, my unease only grows. It crosses my mind that if I told him about the baby, he might change his mind about recruiting Erin to help us out with all of this.
Ironically enough though, it’s actually the thought of her being pregnant that somehow convinces me to do this. While I might not like the idea, even worse is the idea that it all continues, escalates even as Macklin grows more and more frustrated.
“Okay, so we’re good?” he finally says.
I nod. “Yep, I’ll talk to her tonight.”
“Good.”
Joe and I spend the rest of the afternoon getting things organized for how we’re finally going to catch Macklin. The plan is for the whole thing to happen within the next day or so, which feels far too soon to me.
“You want to grab a drink?” he asks, just as we’re wrapping everything up.
“Nah,” I say, shaking my head. “I’m heading back to Rockport, sorry.”
“Chris up there?”
“Yeah,” I say, laughing. “If Erin hasn’t somehow killed him with her all bitching anyway.”
“Well good luck with everything,” he says. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Yep, night.”
I head over to my apartment to grab some more clothes before heading back up to Rockport. On the way, I call Beck to fill him in on everything, even though Finn has already covered most of it. I feel a bit bad that I didn’t tell him and Kelsey about the car accident, but everything feels as though it’s been happening so fast, there just hasn’t been time.
I don’t mention the baby though, knowing Erin and I haven’t discussed whether we’re telling people yet.
The house in mostly in darkness by the time I finally arrive and Chris is in the living room, quietly watching TV.
“Hey,” I say, as I walk in. “Everything go okay?”
He stands, switches off the TV and walks toward me. “Yeah, all good,” he says. “Your sister arrived and apart from her going to get some food, neither of them left the house.”
Shit, I forgot Sarah was coming down. “They didn’t give you too much grief, did they?”
Chris laughs a little. “Well, no, not exactly.”
“Don’t worry,” I say, laughing as I give him a slap on the shoulder. “I know they can both be pains in the ass so I do appreciate you putting up with it all day.”
“I’m not touching that one,” he says, heading for the front door. “The inn, it’s the big one down by the beach, right?” he asks, enquiring about Kelsey’s place where he’ll be staying tonight.
“Yep,” I confirm. “You okay for six tomorrow morning? Sorry it’s so early.”
“All good,” he says. “Night.”
After Chris leaves, I head back to Erin’s bedroom. She’s left a side light on but is fast asleep in bed. After taking a quick shower, I slide in beside her, wondering when the hell I am going to have the conversation about her helping us take down her ex-boyfriend and her father’s right-hand man.
Fuck.
“How was work?” she mumbles sleepily as she rolls over and rests her head on my shoulder.
I take a deep breath, knowing this is as good a time as any to start the conversation that half of me wants to have and the other half of me wants to ignore. “Productive,” I say, wrapping my arm around her. “Seems like your little trip to see your dad had some effect.”
“How so?”
“We’ve got a lead,” I tell her.
Erin lifts her head. “You do?”
I nod. “You ever hear of a Hamish Donnelly?” I ask her.
Erin shakes her head. “Nope.”
“Well, your dad called him from prison to set up a job.”
“A job?” she asks. “Or a hit?”
“A hit,” I confirm.
“Jesus Christ, Ryan,” she says, sitting up, wide awake now. “He’s put a hit out on you?”
I shrug. “Yeah, but we can use it to our advantage.”
“How?” she half shouts.
“Because now we have someone who’s between Anthony and your dad,” I tell her. “And if we reach out to him about speaking to Anthony, then we’ll be able to get him and end all of this,” I continue. “Before anything bad goes down,” I add, trying to reassure her even though I have no idea if that’s how this will all play out.
“But there’s no way this Hamish guy will talk to you or set anything up with Anthony,” she says. “You’re the police, they know that.”
“I know,” I say, knowing this is the part of the plan I hate. “But you’re not.”
“Wait, what?” she asks, surprised.
I sit up now, taking her hands in mine. “I don’t like this at all, Erin, but I can’t let it continue either,” I tell her. “And if you can somehow help us get to Anthony and end this shit, then I have to consider it. You’ll be protected the whole time, I promise. There won’t be a second where you’ll be alone or unguarded.”
Erin’s staring at me, an unreadable look on her face as she takes in my words.
“So,” she eventually says, jutting her chin out a little. “Does this mean I get my gun back?” And already I can see her mind ticking over with how she thinks this little scenario is going to play out.
“No, Erin, you don’t get your gun back. This isn’t a movie, you know?”
She lets out a loud huff. “I do know how to shoot, Ryan,” she says, annoyed. “I can defend myself.”
I pull her against me now so she’s resting against my chest. “That might be true, babe, but you’re still not having a gun.”
“Not fair,” she murmurs and I can’t help but smile. I thought she’d be terrified of what we’re asking her to do, but in reality, she almost seems excited. “So what exactly do you want me to do then?” she asks.
“Well,” I start. “We want you to call this Hamish guy. Tell him you got his number from your dad and you’d like to set up a meeting with Anthony to sort things out.”
“You really think he’s going to believe that?”
“Hamish?” I ask. “Yeah, he’s too much of a kiss ass to your father to not believe it,” I tell her.
“What about Anthony?” she asks. “He and I didn’t exactly end things on good terms and judging by how pissed he was the other day when he showed up here, how can you be so sure he’ll want to speak to me?”
I take a deep breath, knowing this is the one part of the plan we can’t guarantee. “We can’t,” I admit. “But if I had to put money on it, I’d say he won’t be able to help himself.”
Erin tilts her head so she’s looking up at me now. “Because of you and me?”
I lean down and press a kiss to her lips. “That, but mostly because of you and him.”
“Me?” she asks.
I nod, brushing her hair back. “He won’t be able to resist, Erin, trust me, it’s a guy thing,” I say, knowing that no man can resist the pull of their first love. God, just the thought of this guy having been with her infuriates me. And now, asking her to act like she wants to see him again, what he will think of that. How the fuck am I going to control myself when all of this eventually gets put in motion?
“And then what?” Erin asks, squeezing my arm and bringing me back to the present; reminding me that it’s me who’s with her now, not him.
“Then we’ll have you meet Anthony at a pre-arranged location and when he shows up…”
“You take him out,” she says and I swear she almost sounds excited by the idea, as though this is all a movie or TV show or something.
I roll my eyes, even though she can’t see me. “Has anyone ever told you, you watch too many movies, Red?” I ask, nuzzling her neck.
“Whatever,” she says, shrugging.
I press a kiss to the top of her head. “In any case,” I continue. “We don’t take him out, we arrest him and if I have anything to do with it, he goes to prison for the rest of his life.”
Erin says nothing now and I can’t help but wonder if there’s a part of her that’s a little hesitant to play such a big role in sending her ex-boyfriend to prison.
“Okay, I’m in,” she suddenly says. “Let’s do this.”
“Oh my god, Red,” I say, chuckling at her excitement. “What am I going to do with you?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” she says, twisting now to give me a kiss. “I can think of a few things.”
Afterwards, just as we’re both drifting off to sleep, Erin pulls herself against me and mumbles. “By the way, I’m pretty sure your sister had sex with Chris.”
“What?”
“They fucked.”
I laugh. “No, they didn’t,” I tell her. “Not a chance in hell that happened.”
“Um, have you met your sister?” she asks.
“Ah, yeah, but I’ve also known Chris for a long time and I know how professional he is.”
“Whatever,” she says, her cast arm resting on my chest as her fingers slowly move over my skin. “But your sister can be pretty hard to resist.”
“Yeah,” I say, trailing my fingers up and down her spine. “That’s because she’s a stubborn ass, just like you.”
“Hey,” she says, slapping my chest.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Erin
As I lay in bed listening to the slow steady rhythm of Ryan’s breathing and the ceiling fan humming, the quiet stillness of my house, I can’t help but hope that in agreeing to help with the arrest of Anthony my life will return to normal.
While I know Ryan and his team have enough on Anthony to put him away for a long time, I know it’s not enough to keep him in prison for the rest of his life. He’ll take a plea deal and he’ll be out in less than ten years. I’ve learned enough watching my father’s friends go down for major shit, but ending with minor results.
The secret I hold, deep and dark, I know could be Anthony’s undoing. It’s a secret that only Finn knows, a whisper in the dark, an admission on the tip of my tongue that I can’t bring myself to share with Ryan, because what if after all these years, it takes me down with it.
I agreed to help because as much as I fear him, I no longer want to live in fear, and not just for myself, but for Ryan and our baby, too. I can’t let this go on any longer, and I know I’m at a point where I need to admit to Ryan what I know about Anthony. I often wonder if I hide what I know or if I’m hiding from what I know.
I slowly find myself drifting off to sleep, my mind swirling with what I remember from that night, and as my eyes grow heavy, my dreams fill in the missing pieces. A nightmare that only fear can create.
Ryan’s alarm rings out softly, but even in its hushed tone, it still cuts through the darkness and forces its way into the sleepiness of the room.
We both groan at the same time knowing that even the black sky doesn’t give away exactly how early it is.
Early is an understatement—four o’clock a.m. Because any later and Ryan wouldn’t make it back to the station in time. Traffic begins to build with commuters around six, and suddenly a one hour commute turns into two hours.
Normally I’d roll over and act like his alarm wasn’t going off, but with Sarah here and after our discussion last night, we need to talk about how we proceed from here.
I roll over and cuddle into the side the of Ryan’s body, warm and comforting, and for a second I forget that I agreed to lure my ex-boyfriend into being arrested.
What the fuck have I gotten myself into?
“We need to talk more about last night,” I mutter, my voice still raspy from sleep.
“You backing out?”
“No, but I probably should be.”
Ryan lets out a long sigh, and I can’t tell if he’s bothered by me not coming to my senses and bailing, or if he’s annoyed that I’ve still decided to go through with it.
I’m sure he’s just as torn as I am about it. It’s seems fucking crazy to put myself in this situation, something that I have intentionally avoided for years, but it also seems like the only viable solution.
“I understand if you can’t go through with it,” Ryan says as he slides his arm around me, pulling me closer. “But I think you’ll be able to draw Anthony right to us this way. We’re struggling to find him.”
“I understand,” I reply, the hesitation in my voice makes me hold back. Pausing for I second I add, “It’s hard because I’ve avoided him for so long. I’m walking straight toward something I ran away from.”
Ryan falls silent and for a moment I wonder if he’s fallen back to sleep, but then his hand begins to absentmindedly brush my back.
There’s something about the darkness that gives me courage or maybe it’s that I know the truth will eventually come out.
“I think Anthony killed someone,” I whisper, my words hanging heavy in the air as they echo in my ears.
I’m sure Ryan already knows this, but I don’t mean he hired someone to do it. It’s still murder regardless of how it plays out, and in this case I mean that he actually took it upon himself to get the job done.
I feel his body stiffen against me and suddenly he’s sitting up, the light clicking on, illuminating the room, and taking the darkness along with my bravery with it.
“What did you say?” Ryan asks sharply, his eyes wide and focused directly on me. When I don’t speak immediately he snaps, “Erin, this is serious shit and if you don’t start talking now I’m going to assume the worst.”
“We were just kids…” I start, but Ryan cuts me off, his voice loud and booming, as he nearly shouts, “That’s bullshit, Erin.”
“Shit, Ryan, keep your voice down. Your sister is sleeping,” I say, my hands shaking as I put them on his chest trying to calm him down, yet I can’t even calm myself down. “And would you let me speak before you start interjecting?”
I’m sure Ryan can feel the trembling of my hands as he rests his over mine and the shakiness in my voice is apparent as I try to find the words, the words that will make him understand.
“We were supposed to be going to see a movie, but at the last minute Anthony got a phone call and we drove to this industrial area, like shipping containers and freight trucks. I wasn’t really paying attention,” I confess, shaking my head at my own stupidity, my naiveté, wishing now that I would’ve committed every detail to memory. “Anthony told me he’d be back in a second and I didn’t question him. Honestly, I knew by that point not to question him because I didn’t want to be anymore involved than I already was.”
Ryan has been silent, but his hands still clutch mine, and something about it allows me to keep going, like his touch gives me the strength to admit everything I know.
Carrying this secret has been a burden I have worn heavy for years, but more than that, I think carrying Anthony’s secret was the heaviest of them all. I held his close; it was bigger than anything because he didn’t care. I had to care for him.
“I heard arguing, but I couldn’t tell where it was coming from, and then I heard several gun shots.” I tell it all as if I was an outside observer, my voice now void of any attachment or emotion. “Anthony got back in the car as if nothing had happened. I re
member noticing how steady his breathing was and how composed he seemed, almost like it hadn’t even happened. A part of me thought I might have even dreamed the whole thing.”
I swallow hard, now beginning to worry about what Ryan is thinking, and even worse, that nagging feeling in the back of my mind is now front and center, screaming at me that I’m somehow responsible for what happened all those years ago.
Despite this, I continue, that detached feeling now long gone. “He made a phone call to a guy he just called H…”
Ryan stops me, sitting up a bit taller, his hand squeezing mine slightly. “Do you think it could’ve been Hamish? The guy I asked you about last night?” Ryan questions, but there’s an eagerness to his tone, like my admission might lead somewhere. “What did he say in the phone call?”
“It was cryptic, something I was never able to decipher, but I assume Anthony called him to clean up his mess.”
“What else do you know?” Ryan presses, moving farther away from me, and it now feels like an interrogation and I grow anxious, as a feeling of warmth spreads over my face and neck. I swallow back the sob that clings to my throat and I suddenly feel far from comfortable sharing anything with Ryan.
“Nothing,” I stutter out, but Ryan’s body language changes and he shifts so he’s now fully facing me.
“Erin, you need to tell me everything. There’s more, you need to remember. Any small detail that you think isn’t important. Did you see any blood on him? His hands? His clothing? Did he meet up with anyone afterward?” He slams his hands down on the bed, “Think, Erin!” he shouts and it shatters the stillness of the house.
His questions come at me in rapid fire not even giving me a chance to process, let alone answer.
“Ryan, stop it,” I admonish, my face now hot as my fingers claw at the itchiness that has developed on my neck. I can feel the tears swell in my eyes as I continue to silently beg for Ryan to stop his interrogation.
It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I understand he’s a cop, but at this moment I need him to be my boyfriend, not some hard ass detective trying to crack a case.