Finding Home with You

by Claire Raye

  He pauses, reaches down to grab me another beer. I nod my thanks.

  “There’s no shame in feeling that way,” he says.

  “No, I get it,” I say, shaking my head because that’s not what my silence means. “You were shot, Beck,” I continue. “That’s a pretty big fucking deal.”

  “Yeah,” he concedes. “And you were also shot,” he continues. “And you watched your girlfriend nearly get shot.”

  “Ah, fuck,” I say, scratching my jaw. “Fucking kills me just thinking about it.”

  “I know,” he says. “And that’s why I get that you want to walk away right now. And if it feels right, Ryan, don’t question it.”

  “No, I’m not, seriously,” I say, waving a hand as though to dismiss what he’s saying. “I’m good with leaving, I promise you.”

  “So what’s the plan then,” he asks. “Any thoughts on what you might do up here?”

  “Not join the force,” I say quickly.

  Beck laughs. “Yeah, you and Finn together, might be a bit too much testosterone for this town.”

  I smile. “Yeah, so I was thinking…”

  Beck watches me, not saying anything now. My eyes flick over to the kitchen and the idiot he currently has working back there, before roaming over the pub. Even though it’s quiet now, winter being the low season, this place has so much potential. So much room to grow.

  “Ryan?” Beck prompts.

  I take another sip of beer and a deep breath, before I open my mouth and go for it. “You ever thought about fixing this place up?” I ask, hoping to god I’m not about to insult the guy with my suggestions. “Maybe fix up the kitchen?”

  Beck stares silently back at me for a second or two before giving me a small nod of the head, as though he wants me to continue. So I do, telling him about my ideas for the kitchen, a new menu and a possible refurbishment or extension. An outdoor eating area for the summer months and definitely a new chef.

  Eventually I stop, take a deep breath and a long pull on my beer as I wait for his thoughts.

  “So basically,” Beck eventually says. “You want to join up and become partners. But you’ll run the kitchen and I’ll run the pub.” I nod, still not sure how he feels about any of this. “And you’re prepared to put money into the whole thing?” he continues.

  I nod. “I am,” I say. “I’m talking proper business partners here, Beck, no free ride or anything.”

  Beck nods. “You know Finn’s a silent partner in this too, right?”

  “Yeah, I know,” I say. “And of course he’d have to be involved in this as well. I’m not trying to shut him out or anything. And I know it’s a family business too, so the name sticks. I don’t want to change any of that. I’m just asking for a part, that’s all.”

  Beck nods, but doesn’t say anything, his face unreadable. He turns grabs a bottle of Jameson’s from a shelf behind him, putting two glasses onto the counter before giving both a generous pour.

  “Well,” Beck says looking up at me as he slides a glass in my direction. “I gotta say, Summers, those are some good ideas you have,” he says, his face still not giving anything away. “And I’m pretty sure we’ve already proven we can work together.”

  “So…?” I ask, my heart pounding in my chest as I start to think he might go for it.

  “So,” he says, grinning at me as he lifts his glass. “I say we do it.”

  “Fuck,” I say, letting out a deep breath. “You’re sure?” I ask even though he’s just agreed to it.

  Beck nods. “I’m positive,” he says. “I mean we’ll have to talk to Finn, but I can’t imagine he’ll think any different. So…” he pauses and holds up his whisky to me. “Congratulations, partner.”

  I laugh as I clink my glass against his.

  “Well?” Erin asks the second I walk in the front door. She’s jumping from foot to foot in the hall, as excited as a child on Christmas morning.

  I laugh, taking her hands in mine. “Beck’s in,” I say.

  Erin screeches with excitement, pressing up on her toes and planting kisses all over my face.

  “Hang on, Red,” I say, grinning. “He’s still gotta run it by Finn first. It’s not a done deal.”

  “Ah, Finn will be fine,” Erin says with a wave of her hand. “He’s always bitching about the food in that place anyway. He’ll love the idea.”

  I laugh as I pull her against me, smiling down at her as I start to believe this new life I’ve dreamt about, the one I confided in to Erin so many weeks ago, might actually become a reality.

  There was never any doubt in my mind about my attraction to Erin, or the way I felt about us. I mean my desire for her was off the charts from the second we met each other and not just in the naked way. It just always felt impossible to believe we could actually find our way to a place where we were both happy, where we had everything we wanted.

  Between all the shit that was flying around, the stuff with Anthony and her dad; the fear she’s spent the last ten or so years living with, I just never thought we’d get there. And it blows my mind that she is finally safe now. That I can offer her a life that I know she’s always wanted.

  “Wait,” Erin says, pulling back a little. “Did you tell Beck about the…” her hand goes to her stomach. “I haven’t told Kelsey, fuck, I should be the one to tell her.”

  “Relax, babe,” I say, kissing her forehead. “I didn’t say anything. No one but my family knows. Well and my boss,” I add, remembering my confession on the phone last night. “I wasn’t sure how you wanted to tell them all,” I add, shrugging.

  Erin smiles up at me, her face alive with so much happiness. “Oh, I know the perfect time to do it,” she says, before throwing her arms around my neck and kissing me.

  Epilogue

  Christmas Eve

  Erin

  I stop just before the expanse of the wrap around porch. It sparkles brilliantly under the glow of millions of tiny white lights, and I smile at all the memories that come back to me in this moment.

  When you have no family, holidays can be a lonely and depressing time, but I have always been lucky enough to have Kelsey and Finn in my life. There hasn’t been a Christmas Eve where I haven’t been at the inn surrounded by the people who have become my family.

  “You nervous?” Ryan asks, his arm slipping around my shoulders as a waft of steam leaves his mouth and floats around in front of us. A light dusting of snow is falling around us making everything look like this idealized version of Christmas.

  “Not at all,” I respond, leaning into Ryan’s body and committing to memory this moment.

  “Why are you stopping then?”

  I let out a long slow breath; finally feeling like I can breathe again, like the constant worry, that heavy ache in my chest is gone. I never thought there would be a better feeling than relief, but as I stand here in the cold with Ryan next to me, the feeling of true happiness trumps everything.

  “I want to remember this moment forever,” I tell him as I close my eyes and take a deep breath trying to remember the smell of wood burning and the clean scent that snow gives off. I want to remember what the inn looks like and the way Ryan’s body feels against mine. Because after everything I’ve been through, this is where my new beginning is, where my family is complete.

  Ryan opens the door to the inn and we both stop for a second to take in the beautiful décor. Kelsey has once again outdone herself and I often wonder why the inn hasn’t been featured in magazines.

  A twelve-foot tall Christmas tree stands in the center of the room, accentuating the height of the already tall ceilings. It’s beautifully decorated in reds and silvers along with everything else in the inn.

  The dining room is already packed with people, tourists and locals, since this is the only place in town that is open on Christmas Eve.

  Looking around I spot Kelsey at the round table in the corner that she reserves for us every year. She’s chatting with Pop,
Beck by her side as she leans into him and smiles.

  It’s funny how much has changed in just a few short years. There was a time when it was just Kelsey and me here together. Slowly Finn joined us and eventually Pop too. But with Beck back and Ryan moving to Rockport our little group is slowly growing.

  And we’re about to add a baby to this whole mix next year.

  Now it’s Ryan that stops, pausing in front of the tree, he takes my hand and tugs me closer to it.

  “You nervous?” I ask, jokingly.

  “Not at all, but I want to take a picture in front of the tree. I don’t think we have a single picture of us together, and if you want to remember this forever, it’s a perfect way to start.”

  “You are so cheesy,” I say swatting him on the chest, but I know he’s right. This is where it all begins for us. We’re happy, and this picture will always be a reminder of that.

  Ryan flags over a man standing with his partner near the front door watching the snow fall beautifully onto the garland that drapes the front porch.

  With his hand on my stomach and smiles on both of our faces, the man takes a few quick pictures and returns to the waiting woman.

  We make our way to the table, greeting Kelsey, Beck and Pop with hugs and handshakes.

  “I’m so glad you’re here,” Kelsey says, a smile on her face, but her eyes are shining with the faint glimmer of tears. She doesn’t know exactly what happened, but she knows it wasn’t good.

  Over time I’ll tell her, but right now everything is too raw, too real to involve anyone else. I’m still trying to process it all myself. She understands this better than anyone.

  “I’m going to stick around afterward too, like I always have. Someone’s gotta help you clean this place up.” I give her a little nudge with my elbow to let her know that while I might have been absent for a bit, I’m always here for her.

  Kelsey usually lets most of her staff go once the brunch is over to allow them time to celebrate with their families. But that means it leaves her with a lot of the work. I’ve always been here to help her, because when you own an inn there are no holidays. It’s become our thing and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

  Kelsey beams at my words and Beck gives me a wink before we all take a seat at the table.

  “Where’s Finn?” I ask, even though I know that Ryan is still a little sensitive about my relationship with Finn. I quickly look over at Ryan rolling my eyes and giving him a cheeky grin. His hand tightens on my thigh and I chuckle a little.

  “He’s running a bit late and I’m sure he’ll have to leave early,” Kelsey says, but her tone is annoyed as usual. For years Kelsey and I have been trying to get him to take a break from his job, take a moment to enjoy things like this, but he’s hell bent on being Rockport’s Chief of Police. Not like they give an award to the person who catches the Christmas decoration thief.

  A waiter begins to deliver bowls of food to our table; one of the perks of knowing the owner is we don’t have to wait in the buffet line. And just as the last platter of food is set down on the table Finn walks up.

  He places a kiss on the top of my head and moves along pecking Kelsey on the cheek, and then shakes hands with the guys.

  “Can’t stay long,” he says, his voice sounding more resigned than it has in the past, and all I can think is that he needs to find someone. He can’t be alone forever.

  Kelsey let’s out a high-pitched laugh and shrugs her shoulders.

  Finn reaches for the platter of ham and Ryan holds up a hand stopping him.

  “Dude, if you’re about to tell me to wait because you have to say grace you’re in the wrong fucking place,” Finn says and the entire table laughs, but Finn’s face remains stoic. He’s dead serious about the grace thing and no one fucks with his timeline. He needs to eat and run.

  “Settle down…” Ryan says, but I cut him off because I can tell he’s bordering on annoyed with Finn already. All I can hope is that Ryan gets over this pissing contest soon, because I know I’m over it.

  “We have an announcement,” I say, running my hand down Ryan’s arm and smiling at him.

  With everyone’s eyes on us, Ryan takes my hand in his and nods for me to continue.

  “Ryan and I are having a baby,” I proclaim, my voice louder than necessary, but it’s hard to hold back the excitement.

  The entire table erupts with excitement, with Kelsey literally screaming out loud and rushing to my side.

  “This means you’re staying in Rockport?” she says, but I can tell it’s a question, a worry that had been on her mind, but she never dared to ask me.

  I nod and she squeals again and tugs me up from the chair, pulling me into her arms. She hugs with so much force, but I don’t care. It’s the kind of hug that means something, the kind of hug that radiates love and happiness and friendship.

  When we’ve finally been hugged and congratulated by everyone, the excitement of the table dies down. Everyone is eating and talking, the room filled with the wonderful sounds of celebration.

  Above the chatter and the sounds of laugher, the din of food being served and tables being cleared, Ryan leans over to me. He places a kiss on my temple and quietly asks, “Are you happy, baby?”

  “I’ve never been happier in my life,” I whisper back.

  And I’ve never spoken truer words.

  Prologue

  A couple of weeks earlier – Rockport

  Finn

  I walk into the bar and take a seat at the end in the spot that seems to be tacitly reserved for Pop, Beck or me when one of us isn’t working.

  “Wow, what the fuck happened to you?” comes my brother’s voice from the other end of the bar.

  I shake my head, scrubbing a hand across my jaw. “Nothing, a work thing.”

  “You want a beer?” Beck asks.

  I nod and watch as he pours me a pint of Guinness, sliding it down the bar toward me before pouring another for himself.

  “You okay?” he asks as he walks closer to me.

  “Yeah,” I say, taking a sip of beer. “It’s nothing, really. Just a misunderstanding.”

  Beck nods. “Okay, you want something to eat?”

  I look over at the kitchen area at the back of the bar and the so-called chef that’s attempting to put some food together. “You got anything apart from deep fried shit?” I ask, even though as a silent partner in this place, I know he doesn’t.

  Beck glances over at the kitchen. “Burgers,” he says, half apologetically.

  I let out a long exhale. “Man, we gotta do something about that kitchen, Beck. I know I’m only a silent partner in all this, but seriously, the food sucks.”

  Beck nods because this isn’t the first time I’ve brought this up and besides which, he also knows it’s the truth. “Yeah, I know. We should sit down sometime and try and work something out.”

  “Before the summer,” I say, knowing that tourist season is when we make most of our money on this place.

  “Agreed.”

  Beck wanders off to serve some regulars, who like me, have come in after a day of work for a couple of quiet ones. The difference being they are here to socialize, while I’m here to relax in my own company.

  It’s not that I don’t have friends or drinking buddies, it’s just that after the day, hell, the last couple of weeks I’ve had, a little peace and quiet is exactly what I need.

  “Another?” Beck calls out, gesturing toward my glass.

  I look down and realize it’s almost empty. “Yeah, thanks. Just gonna hit the bathroom though.”

  Beck nods in acknowledgement as I slide off my stool and wander back to the bathrooms. Just as I hit the back corridor, my phone chimes out with a text. I pull it from my pocket, quickly reading the message from Erin before typing out a response.

  Before I can hit send however, I’m suddenly hit in the side with a force that sends me flying into the opposite wall and my phone skidding along the
floor.

  “Fuck!” I say, rubbing my already sore jaw.

  “Oh shit,” comes a voice before two hands are on me, pulling my hand away from my face. “Oh shit, shit, shit, look what’ve I done,” the voice says. “Quick, come in here.”

  Before I can even process what’s happening, I’m being pulled into what I quickly realize is the ladies restroom and backed up against the counter.

  “Hold on, I’ll get your phone,” the voice says, disappearing.

  The woman the voice belongs to is back before I have a chance to say anything, placing my phone on the counter before turning and grabbing a wad of paper towels, which she immediately holds under the faucet.

  “Here, put this on your face,” she says, holding the cool towels to my jaw.

  I glance up, my hands going to the towels. “It’s okay, really,” I say, seeing my would-be assailant for the first time.

  Now that I do, I gotta admit, she’s hot. A tall, blonde haired, blue eyed goddess who somehow looks like she could bring me to my knees with just a look.

  “I should get you some ice,” she says, finally meeting my stare.

  “It’s okay,” I repeat as I find myself smiling at her. “You didn’t do this,” I add, lowering the paper towels.

  “Really?” she asks, her fingers reaching up to touch my jaw as I nod my confirmation.

  The second she touches me; all brain function ceases to exist as a jolt of pure electricity shoots through me. From the very spot she’s touching me, all the way down my spine and straight to my dick. It shocks me, but given the way her eyes widen at the touch, I get the feeling I’m not the only one who felt it.

  “Ah, you’re…you’re sure…sure you’re alright?” she stammers, her words a whisper.

  “I am,” I say, sliding my hand up so it’s covering hers.

  “It looks like a decent bruise you’ve got there,” she continues, her eyes never leaving mine.