Alex hadn’t specified where to meet at the mall, so Debby stood by the entrance, against a wall. The snow flurries had turned into a heavier snow shower, so she pulled up her hood. She checked her watch for the third time. Six fifty-seven p.m. She clasped Alex’s gift under her arm and peered through the snowflakes. Her heart rate increased as she watched a figure huddled in a down coat, hood, gloves, and Eskimo boots, carrying a plastic grocery bag, trek toward her. Alex. Debby stepped away from the wall and walked toward her, meeting her before she reached the doors.
“Hey. I’m glad you came.” Alex’s eyes crinkled above the scarf covering her face.
She was smiling, but Debby could see the tension and fear in her eyes. “I’m glad you called me.” Debby reached to touch her. To make sure she was really there.
“Can we sit in your car for a bit?”
“Of course. Wouldn’t you rather go inside the mall?”
“Yes, but your car is more private.”
Alex put her arm through hers as they walked. She opened the passenger door for her and rushed to the other side. They put down their hoods and took off their gloves, and Debby started the engine and turned up the heater.
“So, tell me what’s going on?” She gently stroked Alex’s cheek. She needed to feel her skin. She wanted to smooth away the deep worry lines around Alex’s eyes. She looked so tired.
“Before I explain, I want to give you this. You may not want it after I’m done.” Alex withdrew the wrapped gift from her bag and handed it to her.
Debby looked at the gift in her hand, wondering what could possibly be so bad that she wouldn’t want it. Her stomach turned in dread. She passed Alex’s gift to her. “This is for you.”
Alex took the gift and clenched it to her body. “Thank you.” Tears pooled in her eyes and spilled down her rosy cheeks.
Debby’s chest constricted and she took Alex’s hands in hers and kissed them. “Please don’t cry, baby. What’s going on?”
Alex took a deep breath and began to speak. “I have something important to tell you, but first, I need you to understand that I would’ve told you this a long time ago if I’d have known this would happen.”
“What happened? What is it?” Debby couldn’t help from interrupting. Alex was scaring her.
“Have you ever heard of the WITSEC program?”
“WITSEC, as in witness protection?”
“Yes.” Alex wiped her eyes and unzipped her coat. “About three years ago, my sister, my father, and I entered the program. I can’t give you all the details, I’m not even supposed to be telling you this much, but our lives were in danger, so the U.S. Marshal Service changed our names and relocated us to Northville.”
Debby stared at her, uncomprehending for a moment. “Wow. So…who are you?”
“God, Debby. I wish I could tell you, but it isn’t only my life I need to worry about. My sister would be in danger, too. Please believe me when I say I’ve hated not being truthful with you.”
“Wow.” Debby let go of Alex’s hands and stared at her. It was all a lie. She’s a lie.
“All I can say is I’m sorry. I never meant to mislead you. I can’t describe how difficult it is to be someone without a past. Someone I don’t even know.” Alex twisted her gloves and tossed them on to the dash. A soft sob escaped her and she huddled into herself.
Instantly, her own anger vanished. Those were old fears, not things she needed to put onto Alex. Debby clasped her hand and rubbed her thumb over her knuckles. Alex might not be her real name, but was that so important? “Where have you been for a month?”
“That’s what I wanted to tell you. The deputy marshal assigned to protect us believes we may be in danger. He thinks we need to relocate again.” Alex sat up and turned to face her. “I won’t leave without you, Debby. I love you, and I don’t ever want to be away from you. I don’t know what to do.”
Debby blinked away her own tears and leaned to kiss Alex. “I love you, too. But won’t you be in danger if you stay?”
“Maybe. Probably. I don’t know right now, but Joe thinks so.”
“Your uncle Joe is a marshal?”
“Oh, crap. Please don’t tell anybody.” Alex looked frightened.
“I won’t. I promise.”
“At this point, I don’t know anything for certain, but if I disappear, know that I’ll find you again. Somehow.” Alex looked at her watch. “I have to get back. Joe doesn’t know I’m here, and I don’t want Jen and Dad to get into trouble if he found out. I miss you.” Alex placed her hand on her cheek and gently glided her lips on hers.
Debby broke their connections and searched Alex’s eyes, seeing her honest plea. “I miss you, too. But how do I get in touch with you?”
Alex blew out a breath. “You can’t. I’ll use the same phone if I can and call you as soon as I know anything definite. Joe’s talking like we may have to go by the first of the year.”
“That’s only a week away.”
“I know.” Alex covered her face with her hands.
“What if I went with you?”
Alex looked up into her eyes. “I couldn’t ask that of you. You have no idea what it’s like to have to pretend to be someone besides who you’ve been your whole life. You’d have to change your name and leave your friends and family behind and never speak to them again.” Alex glanced at the clock in the car. “I have to go. I love you.” Alex slid on her gloves and stepped out of the car, taking a piece of her heart with her.
Debby watched Alex tramp away through the snow and wondered if she would ever see her again. She had a huge decision to make. She drove home on autopilot, barely aware of the traffic or snow. She’d promised herself she’d never be with anyone who kept secrets again. It turned out, Alex was almost entirely a secret. What did that mean?
*
Debby placed the framed picture from Alex on her dresser and hurried out to take care of Shadow before returning to her warm bedroom. She dressed in her nightshirt and lay on her bed, examining her feelings. She knew she loved Alex and wanted to see who they could be as a couple, but moving away with her seemed more like a detention than a romantic escape, if it was even possible. She put on a robe, brought her laptop to her bed, and propped herself up with pillows. Then she began her research on WITSEC.
An hour later, she knew more than she had, but less than she wanted. Not only would they have to move and change their names, they would never be able to talk about or return home. Her family could never know where she went, but surely the marshals would let her say good-bye to them. Then what? Her idea of a relationship was finding someone to love who was willing to meld and share their life with her. Moving with Alex meant giving up who she was, everything she had. She shut off her computer and stood to stretch her back.
The picture of them holding each other flooded her with emotions, a few of which she wanted to ignore, but couldn’t. It was the moment she had begun to fall in love with Alex. An ache in her belly signaled her longing for Alex even now, and surprisingly, she didn’t want it to go away. But giving up everything she knew seemed too great a price to pay for love. Should she even put a price on love, though? She kept both sides of the argument going in her head, wanting to stay safe and wanting Alex at the same time. Compromising for the sake of the one you love is different from giving up who you are. She shook her head. Who does the dishes or the cooking, and who takes out the garbage, is compromise. Leaving your home and family forever…that’s not just compromise. That’s…sacrifice.
Hadn’t she used her list as a device to protect her heart and avoid commitment for all these years? The price of that was avoiding love as well, and remembering the feeling of holding Alex in her arms made all that seem tragic. Alex had said she’d find her, that she wanted her, and she knew in her heart that she felt the same way, but she could see no way of that happening. She rested her head on her pillow and willed sleep to calm her restless mind and hoped for dreams that would bring a solution.
Chapter
Twenty-seven
“You’re not going to tell me where you went Wednesday, are you?”
“No, I’m not, Jennifer. If you don’t know, you can’t get in trouble.” Alex smiled and placed her new hard covered novel on her dresser, avoiding Jen’s glare.
“Okay. I think I know anyway. I was supposed to go to dinner with Phil last night. I think he was planning to give me a ring. I’d probably be engaged today, instead of sequestered who knows where waiting for information about a drug bust that may not happen.” Jennifer plopped into a chair at the kitchen table and rested her chin on her hands. “I hate this.” She dropped her hands and rested her forehead on her arms.
“Me, too, Jen.” Alex sat next to her and rubbed her back with one hand.
“Is everyone all right in here?” Her father stood in the narrow hallway in his pajamas and robe.
“We’re fine. Come on in and have some breakfast.” Alex stood and pulled a large frying pan out of the cupboard. “Bacon and eggs with toast for everybody?”
“Sounds great. Thanks, honey. Merry Christmas, by the way.” He poured three cups of coffee as he spoke and set them on the table.
“Merry fucking Christmas,” Jennifer mumbled under her breath and took a drink of coffee.
“I’m glad you made it back safely the other night, Alex.” Her father sipped his coffee and looked at her speculatively without asking anything further.
“Thanks, Dad. Merry Christmas to you, too.” She leaned and kissed his stubbled cheek. She hadn’t noticed how gray he had gotten over the past two years. This situation had taken a toll on them all, and it had the potential to get worse.
Alex turned the bacon sizzling in the pan and wished she were having Christmas morning breakfast with Debby. She had told Debby she loved her, and finding out that she felt the same way made this situation much harder. Now she had a decision to make. She could leave WITSEC, but she wasn’t sure how that would affect her father and sister. She needed to talk to Joe and find out if there were any other options.
*
Debby pulled the ham out of the oven to cool. Her brother, Matt, and his wife, Valerie, sat in the living room waiting. They had left her an unusual message that they wanted to see her for Christmas, so she had invited them over for dinner.
“Ham’s done and the potatoes will be soon.” She sat next to Valerie on the couch.
“It smells great, sis. We didn’t mean to invite ourselves over for dinner, but thanks.” Her brother grinned.
He looked happier than he had in a long time. “Of course you’d come to dinner. I wish Mom could be here, too, but I had a nice visit with her, sis, and the kids at Thanksgiving. We missed you there. In fact, I’ve missed you both this year.” Debby repressed tears at the thought of never seeing her brother again.
“We’ll make it out there in May for Mother’s Day. I’ve been working with a therapist who’s going to hook me up with a psychiatric service dog. We have some work to do yet, but I’m looking forward to it. I’m sure I’ll be more comfortable traveling.”
Debby glanced at Valerie and she practically beamed. “That’s great, Matt. Let me know how it works out.” She thought of Alex and Abby and their bond. “I have a friend who brings her dog to the nursing home where I work, and the residents love her. I think a service dog would be great for you.”
“We have other news, too.” Matt looked at his wife and they both grinned. “We’re planning a baby. As soon as I’ve finished a year of this therapy, we’re going to start a family.”
Debby hugged them both. “I’m so happy for you guys, and I’ll be an aunt.”
Debby wondered if Alex would like the idea of being an aunt, but that thought only managed to remind her of her dilemma. Could she leave and never meet her brother’s baby? Could she give up her family, her friends, her career?
“Let’s eat.” Matt pulled out a chair for Valerie and helped Debby serve the salad and potatoes.
“So, what’s new in your life?” Matt asked.
Debby took a bite of ham to stall. “I started my new job at the nursing home a few months ago, and I’ve registered for the Geriatric Pharmacist exam.” She wondered if she could still take the exam if she left with Alex. She’d need to work somewhere, right? But then, the license wouldn’t be in her name…the pitfalls were overwhelming.
“Cool. You must like working with the old folks.” Matt’s smirk indicated his joking.
“I don’t have that much interaction with them. I just make sure all their medications are correct and available.”
“No one special in your life?” Valerie asked.
“Actually, there is.”
Matt looked up and stopped eating. “Really?”
“Her name is Alex, and we’ve been dating for a few weeks. I’m not sure where it’s going, but we’re trying.” She took a forkful of potatoes.
“Well, good. I was hoping you’d get over that bitch, Evelyn, and move on.”
Debby smiled. Her brother was like their mom in his directness. She would miss him if she left. She’d miss them all. A niece or nephew I’d never know…
Matt and Valerie left before dark, and Debby was still cleaning up, thoughts a whirlwind of confusion, when her phone rang. Unknown caller.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Debby. It’s Alex. Would you be able to meet me at that hotel right next to the mall tonight?” Alex’s voice was muffled, as if she were standing in a closet.
“What time?”
“Seven again?”
“I’ll be there. Be careful.” Debby put her phone away and fed Buddy and Shadow before heading to the shower. She might not follow Alex into her life in the shadows, but she’d damn well take any last minutes of time she could have with her.
*
Alex was ready to leave, with her down coat, mittens, and boots on when Jennifer poked her head out of her room.
“Are you leaving again?”
“I won’t be long, honest. I have to do this, Jen.” Alex hoped her voice relayed the importance of her plea.
“Here.” Jennifer handed her a small sealed envelope with Phillip’s name printed on it. “Please see if Debby can get this to him. Please, Alex.”
Jennifer looked so distraught that Alex put the envelope in her pocket, nodded, and slipped out the door. Giving Phil, who could be in Martinez’s employ, a letter was probably so out of bounds as to be stupid. She’d have to think about what to do about it.
“I wasn’t sure you’d come.” Alex snuggled close to Debby as they sat on the couch of a fourth-story room overlooking the mall parking lot. “And this room is fantastic. Thanks for reserving it. I had to see you, and I wanted a safe place warmer than your car.” She nestled closer, sliding her arm behind her and resting her head on her shoulder.
“You sounded so lost on the phone. Did something happen?” Debby kissed the top of her head.
“Not anything new. I’m still waiting for Joe to get back to us with more information. I’m not sure what to do.”
“What time do you have to be back?” Debby placed a light kiss on her lips.
“Jennifer and Dad will worry if I’m gone too long.” Alex turned and pulled Debby into a searing kiss.
They shifted on the couch to lie side by side facing each other, and Alex slid a leg over Debby and rolled on top of her. “God, you feel good.” Debby’s voice caught as she spoke and slid her hands under Alex’s sweatshirt.
“So do you.” She cradled her face in her hands and kissed her until all thoughts of WITSEC fled. She pulled a breath away and whispered, “Take me to bed.”
Debby kissed her, then took her hand and led her to bed. They fell sideways onto it, their arms and legs entwined. Alex rolled to her back, pulling Debby on top of her. Her core clenched with need as she pushed her hips into Debby’s and kissed her with insatiable hunger. Debby broke their kiss and rolled to her side. She slipped her hand under Alex’s sweatshirt, drawing tiny circles on her belly toward her bra. Alex sat up and pulled her
sweatshirt over her head and removed her bra. Debby pushed her down on the bed and took turns with each nipple, flicking her tongue over them, sending currents of need pulsing along her nerves to her throbbing clit.
“I could come just from this.” Alex pulled Debby’s head against her breast.
Debby drew away and kissed the hollow of her neck. “Not yet, baby.” She pulled off her sweatshirt and bra and stepped out of her jeans and underwear.
Alex held her breath, watching her expose herself. So beautiful. She shimmied out of her jeans and panties and held her arms open, beckoning. Debby answered her call and pulled her into her arms. Their naked bodies fit together seamlessly. Two sculptures molded as one. Alex pushed Debby to her back and stroked the soft skin on her belly before inching her hand lower to skim her fingers over her silky pubic hair. “I love you, you know.” She spoke quietly as she continued her exploration.
“I love you, too.”
Debby’s words and her erratic breathing further ignited her burning desire. She slid her fingers through slippery folds to squeeze her rigid clit. Debby thrust her hips against her hand and reached for her.
“Come with me.” Her words squeaked out between broken moans. She skimmed the inside of Alex’s thigh with her fingers and cupped her sex as she teased her opening with her middle finger.
“Oh, God, yes.” Alex threw her head back and pushed her pussy against Debby’s hand, forcing her finger inside at the same time as she slid hers into Debby. They remained joined, writhing in pleasure, their orgasms overtaking them simultaneously.
Alex shifted to snuggle further into Debby’s embrace, ignoring the twinge of fear. She laid her head on her chest, reveling in the sound of her solid heartbeat. She never wanted to leave, but she couldn’t stay.
“I hear the wheels turning.” Debby turned on her side to face her. She kissed her and stroked her cheek. “Regrets?”
“No, babe. No regrets. I just wish I were free to stay here in your arms forever.” She caressed her ass and back as she spoke. “I’m glad we didn’t wait.”
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