by Abigail Agar
But Ronan was forced to recognize that he did not have to behave how he was behaving. It was far better that he gave Miss Philips the opportunity to do her work in peace instead of having to face his obstinance.
“You are indeed quite skilled,” he said.
She glanced at him with a hint of surprise in her expression, but it was clear that she appreciated the acknowledgement, no matter how slight.
“Thank you, My Lord. I do hope that I have not hurt you,” she said.
“Only when you cleaned it, and I expected nothing different,” he said.
“Very well. I am glad that you are all right,” she said.
Just then, she finished her task and stood to clear aside the remnants of the previous day’s bandages. Ronan continued to watch to see how she went about the task. She was methodical as if she knew the exact measures to take. Not one part of the process appeared to be out of her depths.
“Are you quite certain that you did not study?” he asked.
“Medicine, you mean?” she asked.
“Yes, medicine,” he replied.
“I did not. I already told you how I know these things, whether you believe me or not,” she said. “If you will excuse me, I need to take these and dispose of them. Is there anything more I ought to bring you?”
Ronan stared at her for a moment. He was still trying to gauge exactly what sort of woman she was. Why was she so confident in telling him her thoughts exactly as they were?
“No, no, thank you. I am quite all right for now,” he said.
“Very well. I shall take some time to clean up and will be back shortly. Should you need anything in the meantime, ring the bell, and I shall come at once,” she said.
With that, she curtseyed again, this time with her arms quite full, and departed from the room, leaving Ronan once more on his own.
Yes, he found himself remembering some of the things Harold had said to him at that moment. He had been so awful of late. Even before this had happened, he had been an arrogant man, and he saw very little flaw in that.
But since the attack? Now, he was in a constant rage, never happy with what was going on around him, and determined that he would have his vengeance. Unfortunately, he took it out on those who surrounded him. He was rude to them instead of being grateful for the assistance that they provided.
Did he really have to change? The idea of it was unpleasant, and he was not entirely certain how to go about shifting his perspective.
It was Miss Philips who had managed to shake the way he had seen things. Maybe, Ronan began to think, he ought to pay attention.
Chapter 5
“Hush, be quick about it. No one will notice if we are gone, but they shall certainly notice if they see us rushing away,” Melora said in a quiet tone, a laugh playing in her words.
“I am coming,” Lavender replied in an equally hushed voice.
They were finally back in the servants’ quarters, well away from the estate’s main portion. It had been a busy morning, but now the marquess was asleep, and his mother was out to pay a call. In the meantime, Lavender and Melora decided to enjoy themselves by sneaking off to simply talk and relax.
“Come, come,” Lavender said, ushering Melora into her room.
It was such a relief to have this time to spend together, just enjoying one another’s company. It had felt as though they never got to spend time together, even though in the estate with one another at all times.
But although she was eager to jump into discussions about what was going on in the estate, Lavender first asked her friend about her impending marriage.
“How long until you become Mrs Booth?” Lavender asked.
“Just six weeks. After that, I shall go and be with my husband, and nothing is going to cause me any grief,” Melora said.
“Aside from your husband,” Lavender teased.
“Oh! You are awful. No, my Gregory shall never cause me even the faintest hint of trouble. You have met him. You know what he is like. A perfect gentleman in all respects,” Melora said.
“Indeed, I know that you are right. He is a very good man. I hope that he understands how fortunate he is to be married to a woman like you,” Lavender said.
“Oh, and you must hear about my gown!” Melora said, launching into her description.
Lavender was extremely excited. She could hardly believe that her friend was finally going to be married. After all, Melora had always been the sort of girl who longed for a husband more than anything else. It was her deepest wish and desire.
Lavender, on the other hand, had thought about it many times. But her thoughts were always clouded by the fact that she simply was not sure. She did not know what sort of man she wanted to be with. She did not know what kind of man would want her in reply.
She was too strong-willed. Although she would keep it quiet, that did not mean that she did not hold her opinions. Indeed, she held them very tightly. Sometimes, she was not sure she could let them go.
Of course, now that she had found a position, she was glad to be able to provide for herself. It was better than having to learn what the world expected of her.
She could have freedom this way. Yes, she was a servant. Yes, she was dependent on a man who was quite awful. But she could also have her own say. If she found a better position, she could leave. She would not have to get the permission of a spouse.
“You know, I am quite certain that Gregory could find you a match among his friends. They are good men,” Melora said.
Lavender smiled politely but shook her head.
“Thank you, but I am not currently looking for a husband. Perhaps, when my father first passed away, I would have accepted any offer which was made to me. But, as it is now, I believe my best option is to work and to care for myself,” she said.
“Why is that?” Melora asked.
Lavender shrugged and tried to put it into words.
“I do not wish to fall in love because I am searching for love. I wish to be struck by love. And if I live my entire life without that ever happening, at least I will know that I did not settle to marry someone I did not truly, deeply love,” she said.
“That is beautiful, Lavender. I do hope that love strikes you, that you meet it head- on, and it takes your breath away in the form of a dashing man,” Melora said.
Melora was lucky. She had found a good man, one who would treat her well. This was the sort of thing that was so hard to find. Lavender was not sure there were other men like that out there.
Unfortunately, now she knew that there were men like the marquess.
“Perhaps one day. For now, I shall content myself to be the slave of a tyrant,” she said with a laugh.
“Oh! You really are terrible. Whatever you do, you must not allow the other maids to hear you,” Melora said with a laugh.
“I would never. The last thing I wish for is to be turned in and punished. But I know that you would never get me into any trouble for that. I mean, the only trouble you have got me into is working for that man,” Lavender said, continuing her amusement.
Melora shook her head, still smiling.
“I know that he is dreadful now, but I wish you had met him before the attack. He was awful then, do not misunderstand me, but still a great deal better than he is now. Before it was merely pride. Now it is pride and self-pity,” Melora said.
“Self-pity is a far more dangerous thing to be sure,” Lavender said.
“But I wish you to know that this is not all there is to the man. Honestly, you are seeing him at his absolute worst,” Melora insisted.
“Is that so? Or are you simply trying to be kind about him because you feel guilty for encouraging me to come here?” Lavender asked, only mildly serious.
“I assure you that he was not this bad. I have heard it rumoured that much of his strife is the result of what he has lost since the attack,” Melora said.
“And what has he lost?” Lavender asked.
“He is a very sociable man to be sure.
He cares a great deal for spending time and energy with others, and it is difficult for him to be away from them. But through this, he has lost the opportunity to be with others,” Melora began.
“He has had visitors,” Lavender reasoned. She had seen his mother, two older gentlemen, and a younger man all come and go in the past three days since she began her work.
“Yes, he has, but not like before. The marquess used to be a man who was constantly roaming about,” Melora said.
“Well, he is certainly still able to be kind to those with whom he does have an opportunity to interact,” Lavender said.
“There is more than that, Lavender. Allow me to finish,” Melora said.
Lavender squeezed her lips together and bit from inside, giving an apologetic glance at her friend.
“He has long been pursued by a Lady Foster. She has done every possible thing to ensure that she is in his path, and it is said that she was only just within the realms of propriety to convey her interest. He intended to court her, but then this happened. And now? She has sent him a note which all but wished him the best for his future and signed off any care she ever had for him,” Melora said.
“Truly? That is awful. Why would she do that?” Lavender asked.
“Because he was injured, and she does not wish to care for him. Besides, it is the London season coming up, and she would not be able to dance with her intended. I am hardly surprised that she would do that,” Melora said.
“Is she really that awful?” Lavender asked.
“They all are,” Melora said with a shrug.
“It must be quite the tragedy for him. A man who has never known difficulty would most certainly find this to be a great loss,” Lavender said.
“Indeed, he does. He is immensely popular, and this is quite a blow for him,” Melora said.
Perhaps he really had been through a lot. Perhaps things had been difficult for him, and his life was terribly hard. But she could not find it within herself to give him sympathy for that. Instead, Lavender thought that he should be held to a higher standard. Indeed, should not the fortunate be kind to those unfortunate? And if he was grieving the loss of this romance, why would he not respond by making every effort to brighten the lives of others?
It was all terribly contradictory.
“I still find him to be appalling and think his behaviour is inexcusable,” Lavender said.
“I agree. When I try to make excuses for him, it is only because I know that he was not always this bad. It has come by degrees and has grown far worse. But I know that there is no excuse,” Melora said.
Lavender refused to feel sad for him. It just did not feel right. It did not feel right to give allowance to a man who was acting this way. He knew better than this.
“All I can say, my dear, is that I cannot abide someone like that,” she said.
“Oh, I know. He is dreadful. But at least it is decent work for now, yes?” Melora asked.
“Certainly. But I am going to miss you fiercely once you have gone. It is going to be awful to be here without you, you know,” Lavender said.
“You are going to be perfectly all right. I am sure of it. In fact, I believe you are going to come to love it here,” Melora said.
“Ha!” Lavender scoffed. “Love it here? I shall be satisfied, but I cannot think of anything more than that.”
“All right, then. Forgive me for trying so hard to see the brightness of it. I do, however, hope that you come to like it here and to find it beneficial for your future. I know that your life these past few years has been difficult, but you are going to find that this is not so bad a place to be,” Melora said.
“I am sure that you are correct. And you are going to be the most exquisite bride I have ever seen. I cannot imagine how wonderful your wedding is going to be,” Lavender said.
“I do hope so. And I hope that Gregory is happy with everything, that I please him as a bride and as a wife,” she said.
“I have no doubt that you shall. He is a good man, and he can see that you are a good woman who is bound to give him a wonderful future,” Lavender said.
“You think so?” Melora asked.
“You do not?” Lavender challenged her, causing Melora to blush and glance away. Of course she thought she would be a good wife. There was no reason to doubt it for either of them.
When Lavender thought about the future, she was now beginning to see this estate and see that she could have work and provide for herself, which certainly meant something.
Lavender was excited for Melora. Still, she was sad for herself. Although she was eager to have this new position and was excited about the work, one of the best parts of it had been the opportunity to work with someone she cared about. Now that Melora was leaving, Lavender would be on her own. She would be the one to have to do these things without a friend involved.
Then again, she was used to being alone. It was not going to be some new tragedy. She had been alone for over a year by now.
It was easier this way. It was easier to have no one than to lose them.
Chapter 6
Gritting his teeth as he stared at the same walls, Ronan tried to restrain himself from being furious. After all, there was no one he could be furious at. No one in the room, at least.
The highwaymen were to blame, of course, but they had nothing to do with the doctor who now stood before Ronan yet again.
“All right, Lord Beckman, you do appear to have improved, and that is a great thing. But you are still going to need to remain for a few more weeks I should think before you are going to be able to move around much,” he said.
“A few more weeks?” Ronan asked, irate. The pretty maid, Miss Philips, stood in the corner, listening to all of this. He knew that she considered it her top priority to follow through on the doctor’s instructions.
“Precisely. And I know that such a thing sounds difficult for a man such as yourself, someone who so enjoys activity and social engagement, but this is for the best,” he said.
“How can it possibly be for the best?” Ronan asked.
“Because there is still much you can do from here. Even from this bed, it is time to begin exercises which will help you in the future,” the doctor said.
“How can I exercise from here? I am in bed. There is no possibility of getting any exercise,” he complained.
“Not all exercise is outdoors, running and riding. Just as you may exercise your mind or your skills, you may exercise even your body from here in this very room and your bed,” he said.
“Very well, what is it you expect me to do?” Ronan asked, not wanting to hear any more of this.
“I expect you to work on moving your legs from where you are. Just a small amount. A centimetre before pausing, then another. You must begin small. And it should be done by dragging the leg on along the bed, not by lifting,” he said.
“That sounds like nothing at all,” Ronan replied.
“It may sound like nothing, but I assure you that it is going to be difficult and painful,” the doctor said.