by Abigail Agar
Chapter 23
Lavender’s heart was heavy. She was excited for Melora but was also terribly sad to be saying goodbye. It was something far more painful than she had been prepared for.
She had known for quite some time that this day was coming. Melora was so excited about getting married, and the time had finally come. But despite the joy in the air, Lavender knew that it meant she was going to be alone at the estate now. She would be on her own without her dearest friend.
And as she was on her own, what did that mean for her? She could not imagine actually being happy, actually liking it there without someone to whom she was so close. She feared that it would only cause her to lean further towards Lord Beckman. She was worried that she would draw ever closer to him, only to be forced into a position of realizing how dangerous that truly was.
As she made her way to Melora’s room, she tried to keep her spirits up so that she could be happy for Melora, despite the bitter weight of this shift.
“I am going to miss you,” she said, sitting on Melora’s bed.
“And I am going to miss you, as well. I wish that we could have had more time living under this roof with one another. I wish that I had brought you to work here long before,” Melora said.
“Well, there was such a long time in my life in which I had no need of work. You could not have known,” Lavender said.
“True. I suppose I would never have thought you would have to find a position. But I still wish that we had been given more time with one another. You have been the best friend in all the world. It is just a shame that you are going to remain stuck here,” Melora said.
“I … I suppose …” she replied.
Melora looked at her curiously.
“You are not regretful of it?” she asked.
“I know you are observant enough to understand why my heart is torn,” Lavender said.
“Yes, I suppose I have seen that. I have seen that you are … interested,” Melora said.
“You must think me a terrible fool. I know that Lord Beckman is a nobleman and that he must marry a woman of superior birth to me. And I know that it would not make any sense at all to hope for his love. Nevertheless, I find myself longing for it, to have his affections,” she said.
“There is nothing wrong with wanting that, Lavender. I only … I am surprised. Indeed, he has changed, but is he now a good man?” Melora asked.
“I believe that he is. I believe that everything we saw of him before resulted from pettiness that resided in him and was simply overpowering. But he has overcome it. He has pushed against it, even,” she said.
“I do hope that you are right. Honestly, I do not think that I have such faith in him as you do,” Melora said.
“So you do not approve of my feelings?” Lavender asked, knowing that Melora and others had not seen the true depths of the marquess.
“I cannot say that. You spend a great deal of time with him. I do not. So I do understand that there may be aspects to who he is, which I have not been privy to. Still, Lavender. I think it is best that you truly ask yourself if this is what you want,” Melora said.
“Does it matter? It is not something I shall ever have,” she replied.
“You may have nothing now, but remember who you are. Remember the strength inside of you from your days of position. Let Lord Beckman see that. Let him see that you are not some sheepish girl,” Melora said.
Lavender nodded in determination.
“Now, I fear the time has come,” Melora said. “I must leave for my mother’s home. But I shall see you tomorrow at my wedding.”
Melora had tears of bittersweet joy in her eyes, but Lavender’s were of a very different sort. Her own was the recognition of longing and loss.
“I am going to miss you terribly,” Lavender said, throwing her arms around Melora.
“And I shall miss you,” Melora said, returning the embrace.
Lavender helped Melora to the door with her things and, there, they waited for the cart to come, which would take Melora to her family’s home. It was a difficult farewell, but Lavender had known all along that it had to happen.
Still, she wondered if her day would ever come. And, if it did, to whom would she be married? Would she be happy? Would it be for love?
Or would she be forced to marry just to get by?
***
At the wedding, the next day, Lavender and all the other maids got ready and walked to the church together. It was exciting for all of them, and Lavender tried her best to interact with and engage the other ladies.
She could hardly believe that she was about to see her dearest friend married. It was still a blend of excitement and sadness in her heart, but she decided to put on a happy face and make every effort to be the sort of friend Melora deserved at that moment. There was no reason for her to be anything but the very portrait of eagerness for Melora.
By the time they arrived, all of the girls tried to push into the church for the marriage ceremony. Although unusual for so many people to attend, they all wanted to be there, rather than just meeting at the reception like most weddings. So they pushed one another through the door and took their seats to watch as Melora Stevens married Gregory Booth.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife,” the reverend said.
All of the maids burst out into cheers. Melora blushed with evident embarrassment, and Lavender felt sorry for her but also delighted by the display of excitement from all these other women. She was glad that Melora knew how strongly she was supported.
From there, she made their way to the hall where the reception was to be held. After just a few moments there, surrounded by other friends in the community, as well as Melora’s and Gregory’s families, Lavender was taken aback by what she saw.
Lord Beckman and his mother were present, greeting people, being kind, and well-mannered. They were taking their time to interact with everyone and engage them in such a friendly manner.
Lavender could not imagine why they had come. It was not something that normally happened, a grand nobleman and noblewoman attending the wedding of one of their maids? This was so strange that Lavender stood there for a moment, marvelling.
But a moment later, Lord Beckman looked in her direction. Lavender smiled at him and was shocked as he rolled his wheelchair over to her.
“Good morning,” he greeted in a friendly manner.
“It is nearly noon,” she pointed out.
“Yes, I suppose it is. Regardless of the time of day, I am glad to see you,” he said.
“Oh? Well, I am surprised to see you. I was not aware that it was the custom of an employer to attend the wedding of a maid,” she said, honestly.
“Perhaps it is not always, but my mother is very fond of Miss Stevens. We thought it was appropriate for us to come and attend, to wish her all the best and to give her our support,” he said.
“That is very kind of you. I am certain that Miss Stevens—I mean Mrs Booth—is delighted by your attendance,” she said.
“Oh, yes! I shall have to get used to her new name. How neglectful of me,” he said.
“I am sure she would forgive you,” Lavender teased.
“I do hope so. Anyway, I wanted to come and ask you for a dance,” he said, as Melora’s uncle and cousins played their instruments in the background, rallying the attendees to dance.
But Lavender had not expected this invitation to dance. She would never have thought Lord Beckman would ask her for a dance in public. Their one and only dance in the past had taken place in private, and she had been the one to initiate, more to lift his spirits than anything.
But this?
Lavender felt quite sheepish about dancing with Lord Beckman there before the very eyes of the other maids. But he was waiting for her to respond, and she did not want to force him to continue waiting.
“I … yes …” she finally said.
Lavender made her way around to the back of the chair and started to push it forward as if she would try to
dance with him in the chair. It had not worked in the past, but he could hardly get up and dance properly even now.
But, shocking her as he had done before, Lord Beckman held up a hand to stop her and awkwardly pushed himself up and out of the chair.
He took uncomfortable steps towards Lavender and took her hand in his.
“Are you certain you wish to dance this way?” she asked.
“Yes, I am. Absolutely,” he said.
“You are going to be all right?” she asked further.
“You need not worry about a thing, Miss Philips. I am perfectly all right. Just dance with me. I may not be the most graceful man on the dance floor today, but if you are willing to subject yourself to my clumsiness, I am glad to be able to dance with you,” he said.
Lavender smiled sweetly at him and proceeded, letting him take her hand and lead her into the dance.
It truly was awkward and ungraceful, but she didn’t mind it so much. Lord Beckman was a delight to dance with even under these strange circumstances. Of course, she knew that they were being watched and that there were many people around eyeing them with curiosity.
Nevertheless, Lavender was determined to enjoy this dance, to engage with it fully and be thankful for this moment.
“I must confess that I feel like a toddler, learning to use his legs for the first time,” he said.
“You are doing so well,” Lavender refuted.
Lord Beckman threw his head back in a laugh.
“You are too sweet. I know that I am not doing well at all. It is a shame that I cannot give you a proper dance, but I am glad to have you in my arms once more, and I am thankful for your patience,” he said, causing her stomach to churn with an irritating excitement.
He appeared happy enough, although Lavender was certain that he could not be comfortable. She was starting to wonder if he would rather be dancing with Lady Foster than with her. Was it possible that she was simply his current substitute for the woman he truly wanted to be with?
“Are you all right?” he asked her.
“Yes, of course,” she replied.
“You look upset. Is there something on your mind?” he asked.
“Nothing,” she lied.
She could tell from his expression that he did not believe her, but Lavender tried to keep up the idea that she was not so upset as he feared. Even if she was anxious, even if she didn’t want him to be thinking of that other woman, she had to keep her emotions at bay.
The music began to wind down. The moment had been far too short, and Lavender had not allowed herself to fully enjoy it. She was sad to let him go.
But it was evident that the marquess was in pain from the efforts of the dance, and she helped him to sit back in his wheelchair.
“Thank you,” he said.
“Of course. Thank you for the dance,” she replied.
He looked at her with such depth and emotion, and Lavender thought she might burst.
Her heart belonged to him.
Chapter 24
Ronan and his mother were in the carriage, starting for the estate. He felt bad that the maids had to walk, but that had never bothered him before. Maybe, he realized, he was only bothered because it meant that Miss Philips also had to walk.
He was quiet, but his mother quickly began to speak of how happy she was for Mrs Booth.
“She always was one of the most darling girls. Possibly, among all of the maids whom I have employed, she is among my favourites. You know, it will be so sad not having her around anymore. But we are fortunate that her friend is willing to work with us,” she said, before leaving a pause.
“Oh, yes, of course,” Ronan replied, not wanting to sound too eager.
“What do you think of Miss Philips? Will she be an adequate replacement for Mrs Booth? You know her far better than I do,” she said.
“I believe she will make an excellent replacement,” he replied statically.
“Very well. I am glad to hear that. You know, I was quite happy to see you dancing with her at the wedding. It is certainly a good thing that you have set aside many of your prejudices against young women who are thought to be poor,” she said.
“It was not only poor young women, Mother. I fear that I was awful to most people,” he confessed.
“Yes, perhaps. But you have undergone a great change, and I cannot pretend that I am displeased with it,” she replied.
“May I ask you, Mother—without sounding as if I am blaming you for my actions—why did you not say something to me? Why did you allow me to be such an arrogant man?” he asked.
His mother glanced away, clearly ashamed of that very fact.
“I spoiled you. Even more so after the loss of your father. I think I just wanted you to be happy, but I did so to such an extent that I allowed you to treat others contemptibly. I always knew you were a good boy and figured you would grow out of it. But, I admit, there was much I ought to have done,” she said.
“Well, I trust that you know now that I shall not be the same as I was before. I am changed, Mother,” he said.
“I noticed,” she replied, grinning at him with side-eyes.
“Oh … well … that is good,” he said, uncomfortable. It was clear that his mother was trying to suggest something.
“You know, I think very highly of Miss Philips,” she said.
“Do you? I am glad. She appears to be a very amiable young woman,” he said, vaguely.
“Yes, she does. Amiable is a good word for it. I would go farther than that, however,” she said.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“I would say that she is uniquely dignified. I have scarcely come across a young woman quite like her. What I have seen of her character is remarkable,” she said.
“I suppose so, yes,” Ronan replied.
They grew quiet for a moment. Ronan understood that she was searching to get answers from him about how he felt about Miss Philips, but Ronan had no intention of telling her precisely what he was feeling. There was no reason to give in and share all of his feelings.
And yet, he also felt that it would be nice to unburden himself. Nevertheless, his mother was not the right person to speak with on the matter.
“Oh, I do miss your father,” she said suddenly, with a disappointed sigh.
“I know you do, Mother,” Ronan replied, sadly.
“He was always there for me. He was always looking out for us and what we needed,” she said.
“Yes, he was an excellent man,” Ronan said.
“I know that he would love to see you soon married,” she added. “You know, it was very difficult for us at first. It was a challenge to be in love when it was expressly forbidden. Think about it. Me, a young Irish lass. He, an English nobleman. Certainly, I came from noble stock as well, but I am noble Irish stock. That is not exactly respected here in England,” she said.
“I know, Mother. But you have got along quite well in your time here,” Ronan pointed out.
“True, it is true. I have. I am thankful for that. But, you must know, it was not easy at first. We faced a great deal of struggle, and yet it was all worth it. It was worth every last trial to know that I could spend my days with your father. There was no shame in being a match of two people whom society did not want to be together,” she said.