by Ruby Dixon
Fear makes my heart thump loud in my chest. I hitch up my skirts and storm my way up the ramp. I walk slow at first, but as the path winds around the tall tower, I start running. By the time I reach the room of the webs, I’m at a full-blown sprint.
One of the Spidae is there, gazing up at the web. He looks the same as he always does—long white hair, long white robes—and I don’t know if it’s one I’ve met before or a different one. It doesn’t matter. I rush toward the web. “Where’s his strand?”
The Spidae doesn’t ask for more details than that. He knows what I mean. He gives me a look that might have something like pity in it, and then strolls forward, gesturing at another section of the web. I follow him, moving in close. As I approach, each strand seems to take on its own individual life, and out of the cluster, I see the shining golden strand that has to be Aron’s. I lean in, studying it, making note of where it crisscrosses with other threads, and continue to follow it into the weave.
There are three strands…or there should be. I see the one that is Aron—my Aron—intertwined with my own. I follow the others instead. Two of the strands have moved closer together, so close they were almost interwoven. Now, one hangs loose, broken free from the web itself.
“One of his Aspects is dead,” I murmur, as if saying it aloud confirms it.
“Yes,” the Spidae moves to my side. “Killed by another, it seems.”
I stare at the two closely tangled threads. Hedonism and Apathy moving together. Now only one thread remains. I turn to look at the Spidae. “It’s Apathy that died, isn’t it? Someone killed his anchor?”
He inclines his head. “He is gone. Aron is re-absorbing him. His personality will be different for a few days.”
I know that. I do. Didn’t we go through this with Liar Aron? But my heart still hurts. I ache for the Aron that’s gone—even though I know he has to go—and I’m a little afraid that only one Aron remains.
Hedonism.
“Motherfucker,” I mutter.
“Aron has many flaws, but that is not one of them,” the Spidae says in that cool voice of his. “Have you made your decision?”
I clench my fists, straightening. “What decision?”
Instead of answering me, he walks slowly behind the web, and my skin prickles. I know where he’s going. Reluctantly, I follow, and I see the second web—the Earth web—and my strand, stretched taut across the two. Is it just me, or are the few threads that are pulled tight between the two webs—displaced people like myself—fewer in number than before? Or is it my imagination?
“Have you decided if you wish to return to your world or stay with Aron?”
“You know my answer.” I thought it was obvious after the weeks that have passed. “You want me to say it aloud?”
He inclines his head in a nod.
Bastard. “I’m staying. I won’t leave my Aron.”
“Very well.” He reaches out and pinches my thread, tearing it away from the Earth web. Something small and fragile feels as if it’s tearing away inside me, too, and I choke on a gasp.
He just did that. He just fucking did that.
He didn’t have to. He could have left it for however long it needed to be up and he fucking pulled me free. I stare at him in horror and then turn and leave the room, too furious to speak.
“You are angry, Faithful?” he calls after me. “Why?”
I don’t answer. I storm down the hall, determined to never look at those bastards again. Forever will be too soon. I hate that as I head away, I know he’s following me. I can hear his light footsteps on the spiderweb-covered ground. Is he following so he can twist the knife? Or is there more to this story?
If there’s more, I don’t want to hear. It’s clear I’m not dealing with stable entities. He might think it’s no big deal, but I can’t stop seeing his hand twisting and plucking at my thread, tearing it away from the web.
Tearing it away from my past.
Now I have no choice but to go forward, and that’s completely tied to Aron, who’s currently full of apathy.
“Faith?” Yulenna appears in a doorway, startling me. “Is everything all right? I thought I heard…” Her voice dies and her eyes go wide as she sees the Spidae and shrinks back ever so slightly.
I immediately step in front of her, feeling protective. I turn and face the Spidae who followed me, a curious look on his normally blank face. “Can’t you just fuck off, already?”
He just blinks at me. “You are angry. I wish to understand why.”
“Because you’re playing with us. We’re not people to you. We’re strings to be pulled and manipulated.” I shake my head, unable to articulate just how unsettled and angry I am at his actions. I pinch the bridge of my nose. “You don’t snip someone right in front of their eyes, okay?”
“Because you came in to see if Aron had been affected,” he murmurs, and for a moment, I get that his robot brain is trying to understand why I’m upset. “You were not asking about yourself so you should not have been…tampered with?”
“All I’m saying is try to think like a real person, all right? We’re not puppets. We’re not strings. We’re flesh and blood people and when we’re having a bad day, maybe you don’t fucking snip our strings in front of our eyes.”
Yulenna quivers behind me and I realize I’ve raised my voice.
“I see.” He nods slowly. “So I wait for…a good day to do such things?”
“Or not do it at all!”
“I must. It is my job.”
I frown at him, thinking. He said there were three of them in this tower. He’s clearly not lies, apathy, or arrogance. He doesn’t seem to strike me as any of those, just so bizarrely out of touch that he doesn’t grasp how the mind works. “You’re…you’re not split like Aron is, are you?”
He inclines his head, his eerie pale eyes locked on mine. “I am not part of the Anticipation. This is how I have always been.”
As we talk, another Spidae arrives, this one exactly the same as the other Aspect, but his eyes are pale gray and so colorless they look like ice. He stands next to his other-self and watches us, his head tilting to the side like a curious bird…or a spider.
I can feel Yulenna’s fists in the back of my gown. She’s not leaving, but she’s clearly afraid. I don’t back down from the two of them. I’m not afraid of them, strangely enough. Sure, they can snip my string, but there’s a reason they’re helping Aron—my Aron—and that makes me safe. Whatever it is that’s going on in their strange minds, I think they want him to succeed.
I also wonder if that’s why they push with so many weird questions.
So I lift my chin, staring at the newcomer. “Which one are you? Past, present or future?”
“Is that how we are designated, then?” He smiles, and the expression is more creepy than reassuring.
“What are you, then?”
“The Spidae,” they answer at the same time.
“But you’re supposed to be split? Like this?”
One spreads his hands in a gesture while the other answers. “The High Father cannot leave the fabric of space and time unattended. Whatever our flaws, they will remain with us for all time.”
“Here, in our exile,” chimes in the other.
I exhale a sharp breath. “You really need an anchor to keep your shit together, dude. Both of you.”
“It is true,” the original Spidae says. “We do not know—or care—about humankind because we interact with them so very little.”
“But they are fascinating,” his brother murmurs, his gaze on my furious expression.
I fight back a shudder. Is this how Aron would be if he had no anchor? “Yeah, well, when Aron’s himself again, maybe we’ll see if we can send someone back from Yshrem to come stay here with you. You need an anchor, you really do.”
“Because we cannot keep behaving as we are?” the one asks, while the other tilts his head.
God, they are so creepy.
“Perhaps we should just pul
l a human from the other web. The web that sweet Faithful came from,” the first Spidae says, and the look in his eyes grows sly. “They seem eager to serve the gods in all ways.”
The breath explodes out of me. If they’re baiting me, they found the right way to do it. “You fucking bastard, you wouldn’t dare—”
“Faith.” Yulenna’s soft voice makes me go quiet. Her hands tug at my dress, like a child wanting attention. “Don’t. Okay? There’s no need to be upset. I’ll do it.”
At first, I don’t understand what she means. “Do what?”
The two Spidae go completely still, and their attention focuses on Yulenna, not me. “An interesting thread,” one murmurs.
“I see it now,” says the other. “Very interesting.”
Yulenna swallows hard, then lifts her chin. Her thick hair is pulled in a thick braid, and she’s wearing a pale gown with a square fur collar that shows her cleavage and clings to her body in all the right ways. She’s gorgeous, as usual. Her eyes are wide and frightened, but she smiles at me. “I will serve the gods.”
I shake my head, grabbing her shoulders and pulling her away. “Wait, Yulenna, no. You don’t have to do this.”
“I know.”
“You…you really want to serve them? An anchor has to go willingly.” Who would willingly tie themselves to these two? As I look back at them, a third joins, identical to his brothers, this one with eyes so black they look like coals in his pale face. Did I think one was creepy? Three is a nightmare. “You want to stay here?” I hiss at her. “Really?”
She swallows hard. “Not really. I’m kind of scared, actually.” But she gives me a brave smile. “But if you can learn a new world, so can I.”
“Yulenna, no, this is different—”
One of the Spidae glides forward and touches Yulenna’s fat black braid. He practically hovers over her, studying her with fascination. “You would serve us in all ways? The three of us?”
She nods.
“Time out,” I call out, making a T with my hands. “No. Absolutely not. Yulenna, you’re not a whore any longer, okay? You don’t have to do anything like this.”
Yulenna shakes her head, her eyes earnest even as the Spidae hovering over her toys with her braid. “I want to do this, Faith. Here, I have a purpose. I can serve the gods. Once we leave this tower, I’m just an unnecessary whore for a god who is in love with his anchor. I cannot fight in Aron’s army. How long do you think he will keep me around?”
My throat goes dry. I take her hand in mine. “You’re my friend. Aron would keep you as long as I want. You’ve been good to me, and to him.”
She squeezes my hand, and I feel like crying, because I can tell her mind is already made up. “You have been my friend, too. Thank you for making me feel like your equal in all ways.” Yulenna gives me a smile. “But now I must find my own path.”
I swallow hard.
“I can see the guilt on your face,” Yulenna teases. “Don’t. I’m choosing this, just as you choose to be with Aron.”
“If you’re sure,” I begin, but Yulenna pulls her hand from mine and turns to look at the Spidae. One extends his hand to her even as the other plays with her braid.
“I’m sure,” she says, and I hate the tremble in her voice. But she’s brave and strong as she takes the hand extended to her and walks away with the gods.
I watch her go, feeling helpless. Did I just give my friend up…?
I’m surprised when one of the Spidae – the one with blue eyes – turns back and approaches me. I back up a step as he heads in my direction, and there’s a look on his face I can’t decipher. He pauses in front of me, thinks, and then leans in.
“They won’t check your pockets, you know.”
“O-kay…thanks?” I pat my pockets, but they’re empty. And before I can ask him what the hell he’s talking about, he’s gone.
69
This horrible day seems to last forever. Aron is distant and vague, gazing out at nothing and speaking to no one. He answers when I ask him questions, but his answers are always along the lines of “I don’t care” or “It doesn’t matter” so I stop asking. I just have to wait this out, I tell myself a hundred times as I try to stay busy.
Yulenna is gone as if she was never with us. I go to her room and her things have been removed, and sometimes I catch a hint of her voice, but she never materializes. I suspect that the Spidae are keeping her from us so she won’t change her mind. They’re hiding their new toy.
It falls to me to talk to Markos, Kerren and Solat. I tell them about Aron’s apathy, and they listen with solemn expressions.
“So we no longer have the advantage,” Markos says. “Now, each Aspect of Aron has killed another.”
“Was that an advantage we had?” I joke lightly. “It doesn’t feel like one.”
“An advantage is an advantage.” Markos shrugs. “But when Aron is himself, we will discuss plans.”
I bite my lip and nod.
“What of Yulenna?” Solat asks. “Where has she gone this day?” He paces behind Markos and Kerren, his expression tense.
“That’s problem number two,” I say hesitantly. “She’s decided to anchor for the Spidae. They’ve taken her away.”
Solat goes pale. “She what?”
“It was her decision,” I say quickly. “She spoke with them and decided. It has to be given freely—”
Solat slams out of the room. “Yulenna!” he bellows, storming down the hall.
I wince. I knew that would go badly, especially given that they were clearly friends-with-benefits or more. “It was her choice. I have to honor it.”
Markos rubs his mouth, shocked. “This has been a day of surprises, none of them good.”
“We need time,” Kerren says, then corrects himself. “Solat will need time to understand.”
“Aron’s going to be out of it for the next few days if it’s anything like when he took on Liar Aron’s Aspect,” I say, twisting my hands in my lap. For once, I’m not hungry. I just want to close my eyes and go to sleep. Maybe Aron’s apathy is affecting me, too. “But once he’s back to himself…”
“We should leave,” Markos agrees. “To Yshrem.”
“To our destiny,” Kerren adds, and I flinch.
Funny how that word “destiny” keeps popping up and it sounds more awful every time I hear it.
It takes two full days before Aron snaps out of his “apathy.” Two days of wandering around the somehow lonelier tower, now that both Aron and Yulenna are gone. Well, the Aron I know is gone, and in his place is a stranger who stares at the walls and gives a shit about nothing.
I ignore him. I have to, or I’ll snap. I pretend like he isn’t there, and when he wanders from room to room in that listless way of his, I make sure to leave. I can’t stand to see him like this. I know it’s not him. I know it isn’t. I just…can’t have him look at me with that same bored, uncaring look that he gives the others.
It’s quiet with Yulenna gone, too. There’s no one to talk to, really. The men are busy. I see Markos packing up the men’s supplies or sparring with Solat, who’s turned into an angry, silent man and not the laughing tease he was before. I see Kerren praying over the marker for Vitar’s grave, and I’m a terrible person because all I can think is that I’m glad there was no body, since the dead aren’t staying dead right now.
I try to sew, but it’s not fun without company. I should practice my staff-work like Aron showed me, but I don’t have the heart. I can’t concentrate. As companions go, I’m pretty useless, and it fills me with panic.
I don’t have a way home. Not any longer. I’m here now, forever. It hits me by degrees. Sometimes I’ll be fine with it, and sometimes I’ll think of how distant Aron has been for the last few days and want to vomit over the choice I’ve made.
I love him. I just am utterly terrified for what the future holds, because it feels like we’re barreling toward it.
And I can’t stop thinking of the thread that the Spidae pinc
hed off as if it were nothing. I see it every time I close my eyes. Are they going to pinch off the front of my thread like that when it’s my time? When Aron has to ascend again? Or do they pinch Aron’s thread with the same carelessness? The thought makes me sick.
I take to my bed, pulling the covers over my head and sinking into a fitful nap.
I wake up to a hot mouth on my neck, and a big body pressing mine into the mattress. Electricity—that delicious static that always builds between me and Aron—crackles in the air and I moan as he pulls my gown open, exposing my breasts.
“Faith,” Aron murmurs. “Wake up.”
I jerk awake with a gasp as I realize what’s happening. Aron looms over me, his eyes troubled, but they’re clearer than they were before. I grab his jaw and study his face, trying to see if any remnants of Apathy remain. “How are you feeling?”
“I am a god,” he says. “Why would I not be fine?”
Well, that sounds like Aron, but I’m not entirely sure. Time to test the waters a bit more. “I’ve been thinking about getting kinky in the blankets. You finally down for some butt stuff?”
“That depends.” He kisses my nipple and gives it a gentle tug with his teeth. “Are we talking your butt or mine?”
“Does it matter?”
“Not to me.” He grins wickedly.
For a moment, the breath catches in my chest. The relief I feel immediately turns to ice. What if…what if something happened to Hedonism and that’s why Aron wants to have sex? “I changed my mind,” I say quickly. “No butt stuff. No anything. Can we just talk?”
Aron tilts his head. “Talk?”
“About anything but sex,” I say desperately. “What about strategies? How are we going to get to Yshrem without an army? Is it safe? Or should we go back to Novoro?”
He snorts and reclines on the bed on his elbow, gazing down at me. “I will sooner walk all the way to Glistentide before I take an army of Novoran fops as my protectors. Do you know that their idea of a combat tourney involved capturing flags? Flags! Because they did not wish to hurt themselves.” His lip curls in disgust. “If I am to acquire an army, it has to be the best one possible. You know this, Faith.” And his hand goes possessively to my stomach. “And the best are most certainly not Novoro’s pathetic troops.”