by Claire Adams
“Sounds yummy,” I agreed, taking a look down into the vat that she was stirring.
“What's up?” Mom asked, looking worried.
I didn't know how she could tell so easily that something was wrong, but I appreciated it. I wanted to tell her all about the pregnancy test and about the fact that it was positive, but the more I thought about it, the more sure I was that that was a bad idea.
I swallowed hard. Ever since Mom had found out that she had cancer, she'd become spacey. I knew she wanted the best for me; she always had. But as much as she wanted me to be happy, and as much as she wanted to have grandchildren, I couldn't help but wonder how pleased she would be for me if she were to find out that I was pregnant.
I didn't want her to think that I was making the same mistakes that she had made. Of course, she would never phrase things in that negative light, but all the same.
Besides, I didn't want to tell her and have Eric find out from someone else before I had the chance to tell him. He was the father of this child, whatever else might happen, and he deserved to hear the news from me. Before anyone else did.
I shook my head and took a step back from the pot of cherries. “I just was wondering what you were up to,” I lied.
Mom raised an eyebrow at me, continuing to stir her cherries. “Are you sure that you're not just here to check up on me?” Mom asked.
“Mom, I know you can get by just fine on your own,” I said, rolling my eyes.
“Sure,” Mom agreed. “But the next thing I know, you're probably going to be asking me if Dr. Jones has called again recently. And you'll want to know what I've said to him, what I've decided regarding the chemotherapy, and everything else. Isn't that right?”
I blushed and ducked my head. From the way she said it, I could tell that she really thought this was all none of my business. I didn't understand how she could feel that way when I was her only daughter. Didn't she realize how much I stood to lose? But I shook my head, knowing that an argumentative approach was going to get us nowhere. In fact, it would probably only cause us to lose ground.
“So has he called?” I asked.
Mom laughed. “Yes,” she admitted, sounding only amused. “The good doctor gave me a call yesterday to see how I was doing. I told him that nothing's changed.”
“Well, did he ask you to come in for more tests?” I asked.
“Oh no,” Mom said, shaking her head. “I made it pretty clear that I wasn't going to be doing anything like that.” She grinned. “He's just angling for another dinner invitation, I'm sure. But I'm not cooking for him again, not right now. I don't have the energy.”
I frowned. “Mom—”
“And don't you go saying that the lack of energy is caused by this cancer!” Mom interrupted.
I stared at her for a long moment, wondering what else I could say. I felt totally at a loss. And the thing was, I didn't want to keep fighting with her on this, especially not right now, with everything else on my mind. I swallowed hard.
“Don't look so glum,” Mom said, patting me on the head. “Everything always works out exactly the way that it's meant to; you know that.”
“I know,” I whispered.
“Now, why don't you give me a hand with these cherries? I'll give you a few jars to take home with you. Bet it's been a while since you've had real cherry preserves, not those canned monstrosities that you can find at the store. They taste great over a bowl of vanilla ice cream.”
I grinned at her. “All right, sold,” I told her, rolling up my sleeves. “Where do you want me to start?” Maybe the manual labor would get my mind off the fact that I was pregnant.
Maybe.
Chapter Seventeen
Eric
On Sunday, I needed to drive to Aurora to pick up some new equipment for my practice. I'd wanted to just have the stuff delivered to me in Tamlin, but apparently, they didn't do rural deliveries, and I'd had to have the stuff delivered to a larger practice in the city if I wanted to get my hands on it. I rolled my eyes. Bureaucratic nonsense.
The drive into the city was frustrating: traffic was at its peak, but I was glad I didn’t have to deal with how people from Chicago liked to drive. I had to go to Chicago on occasion and that was a living nightmare. I was glad that I was able to have the equipment delivered to a smaller city like Aurora. There was still plenty of traffic, but it wasn’t a total nightmare.
I found the building that I needed wasn’t totally convenient to get to, but I was just going to have to make it work. I found a parking spot near the front. Not quite where I would have liked to be, but as long as they had dollies I would be alright with where I parked. I had to admit this was still less stressful than the times I had been to Chicago. Aurora was still pretty big and busy, but it was easier to get around. I made sure my parking was good, I didn’t want to get a ticket and have to come back for the court date. Once I'd checked my parking job, I lingered in the car for a long moment, taking deep breaths and letting them out slowly. I shouldn't let myself get so riled up about this. It wasn't as though there was a specific time that I had to pick up the packages.
Of course, I knew that it wasn't just the traffic and the parking situation that had me riled up. I had had a dream about Olivia the previous night, a sexy one, and I'd woken up feeling guilty in the bed that I used to share with Emily. Not for the first time, I wondered whether it wouldn't have been easier for me to move somewhere new after her death. Staying around Tamlin made it impossible for me to move on sometimes.
But then again, Tamlin was where Helen lived, and Emma needed her Nana. Plus, even though I knew people uprooted their kids all the time, I still didn't want to do that to Emma, not when she was so young and impressionable.
And in some ways, I didn't want to move on from what I'd had with Emily. I'd loved the woman very dearly, and I wanted to hold that little piece of her, whatever was left, for the rest of my life.
Of course, I never thought I'd love someone more than Emily, my mind said, and I dropped my head down on the steering wheel. I couldn't possibly love Olivia already. But there was something about my feelings for her. They went impossibly deep.
I had the sudden wish that I'd invited Olivia along with me on this day trip. She always helped to pass the time in the car, chatting about anything and everything. I wouldn't have been so upset about the traffic if I'd just had a companion there with me. Besides, it was a Sunday; she didn't have daycare duties that day. And I had a feeling that she could probably come up with plenty to do in the city for a day: see some old friends, go shopping, eat at her favorite restaurants.
But it was too late to ask her now, even if I'd wanted to.
I frowned, remembering what Georgia had said in the diner. She's probably doing something with Buck anyway.
I hated the surge of jealousy that went through me as I thought of that, but I couldn't help it. As much as I didn't want to believe Georgia, as much as I wanted to believe that she was just trying to rile me up or turn my interests back toward her (not that I'd ever actually been interested in her). I had to admit that it made logical sense that Olivia and Buck might be going together. I knew that Buck did yard work for Jeannie. And he was a strapping young man. Maybe not too bright, but I didn't know what Olivia was interested in.
And maybe all they were doing was having sex. His intelligence level wouldn't matter if that were the case.
I hated thinking of Olivia having sex with someone else, but I had to admit that that, as well, was a distinct possibility. She'd been so quick to say that what she and I were doing was just casual. For all I knew, that was because she wasn't planning on just being casual with me; she could have someone else on the side.
I shook my head and headed inside to collect the packages.
Fortunately, my ride back to Tamlin went a lot more smoothly once I got out of the city, and by the time I got back to the office, I was a lot more relaxed. I set up all the new equipment in my office and then went to my one afternoon appointment, with
Maggie Quinn. Normally, I didn't take weekend appointments, but from the sound of it, Maggie thought she was dying, and the elderly woman was one of Helen's closest friends.
I had a difficult time focusing at the level that I knew that I should be, so, fortunately, her appointment was easy. I prescribed some antibiotics to her, and that was that.
That evening, I went to pick Emma up from Nana's house. When I walked in the front door, I frowned, hearing Emma wailing in the other room. I took off my shoes and went to find her, confused as to why I didn't hear Nana's soothing noises like I normally would in this situation.
When I came around the corner to find Emma, I was surprised to see that she was alone. Her toys were scattered across the floor, and I guessed that she was either wailing because her block tower had collapsed or possibly because she was minorly injured. Or maybe it was just that she wasn't getting the attention that she wanted because Nana was nowhere to be seen.
My mind immediately jumped to all sorts of bizarre possibilities. Had Helen taken a bad fall? Had she been kidnapped? The likelihood of the former was, of course, higher than that of the latter, but either seemed possible, in my panic. I forced myself to take a deep breath and calm down. Again, I was just letting the stress of whatever it was that I wasn't doing with Olivia bleed over into my emotions.
I knelt down next to Emma, and she flung herself into my arms. “Hey, sweetie,” I murmured, petting her hair. “What's wrong?”
Emma just shook her head, refusing to tell me about it, and although normally I'd urge her to use her big girl words to tell me what the problem was, I let her cry herself out against my shoulder. I was still miffed as to where Helen was; even if she'd stepped away for a couple of minutes to try to find something to bribe Emma with, she should have returned by now. Nana wasn't neglectful; even if she knew that I was here, she would have come in to make sure that Emma was alright and that I had the situation handled.
Emma fell asleep against my shoulder, making me wonder how long she'd been crying for. Maybe she just refused to go down for her nap today, I reasoned, not wanting to jump to conclusions. It wouldn't have been the first time, unfortunately. Emma was stubborn.
I lay Emma down on the sofa for the time being and covered her with a blanket. I wanted to take her straight home, but I needed to figure out what had happened to Helen.
I walked around the downstairs, but I couldn't find the woman. Finally, I headed upstairs. Helen was in her bedroom laying on the floor. I rushed to her side and checked her pulse. It was faint.
“Helen?” I asked anxiously.
The old woman blinked and cocked her head to the side as she studied me. “Oh, Eric. I fell and it hurt. I couldn’t get up.”
I did a quick check up on Helen. Feeling around for sore spots. She didn’t seem to be in much pain.
“Helen,” I started. “Are you feeling okay?”
She shook her head as tears began to fall down her cheeks.
“Do you know who and where you are?” I needed to make sure this had nothing to do with dementia.
“I’m Helen and I’ve fallen in my room.”
I was happy with her response and once I finished my assessment of her and was sure she had no injuries, I helped her get up. I asked her if anything hurt while she was standing and when she said no, I had her sit down on her bed.
I went into the kitchen and fetched her a glass of water. I also grabbed her two Tylenol pills just in case she was in minor pain. I went back into her room and sat on the bed with her. I asked her if she remembered anything about the fall. Once again, I was checking to make sure it had nothing to do with her memory.
“I remember everything. I tripped over a slipper that was sticking out. And when I fell, I just couldn’t get back up.” She was still crying some, but paused to take the Tylenol and drink her glass of water.
“Do you know how long you were on the floor for?” I asked her. I was not only concerned about her well-being but also because Emma was there and she could have gotten hurt while Helen was on the floor.
“About 15 minutes, I believe. It wasn’t too long before you got here,” she said.
Relief flooded me. I was glad to hear that it had just happened and Emma hadn’t been unsupervised for very long.
“I’m so sorry, Eric.” She said to me, patting her hand on my arm.
I turned to face her, “It’s not your fault, Helen.”
But even though she was okay and it was because she tripped, and she hadn’t been laying there for very long, I still knew that I could not risk leaving Emma with her any longer. She was getting far too old. I felt sick to my stomach. Because something could happen to Helen at any moment and if that happened, Emma could potentially be left unsupervised for hours on end.
As much as I didn’t want to keep Emma from Helen, I knew it was what I was going to have to do. I would of course, bring Emma to see Helen from time to time while I was with them.
I helped Helen get into her bed.
“You should lie down and get some sleep.” I told her, tucking her in.
“Thank you so much, Eric. I’m so sorry for Emma. Is she okay?” She asked.
“She is just fine. I promise. Don’t you worry about her.” I said to her. I didn’t want her to feel bad about what she could not control.
I stayed with her until she had fallen asleep, which fortunately didn't take long.
When I got back downstairs, Emma was still slumbering on the couch. The severity of the Nana situation caught up to me right then, and my hands clenched into fists. Who knew what could have happened to Emma while she was unattended. Of course, there were all the little things, the mischief that she could have gotten up to, but more importantly, she could have choked on something, or she could have hurt herself.
I also had to wonder if she'd witnessed Nana's episode. Imagine how confusing it would have been for a 3-year-old, for her Nana to suddenly fall to the ground and not get back up.
I swallowed hard. I needed to get Emma home. As much as I hated the idea of leaving Helen on her own, I knew I needed to let her rest and get Emma home. Fortunately, it was Sunday, so Emma would be back to daycare starting the following day.
When we got home, I tucked Emma into bed.
I busied myself around the house, putting away Emma's things and running a load of laundry. There were dishes in the dishwasher that needed to be put away, so I did those and then started refilling the machine with the dishes that had accumulated between the previous night and now. I choked down some food, even though I wasn't really hungry. Then, I poured myself a healthy-sized glass of wine, trying to force myself to relax.
It wasn't just that I was worried about what could have happened to Emma. No, that wasn't even my main concern. My main concern was the health and safety of Helen. Maybe it was time to think about putting her in a home.
I swallowed hard and took a sip of my wine, trying not to think too hard about Emily. But the images of her came flooding back from where they were engrained in my memory. I pressed my fingertips against my eyelids and then switched on the TV. I didn't normally watch anything this late in the evening, but I needed anything to distract my eyes from turning inwards.
Chapter Eighteen
Olivia
When Eric came by on Monday morning with Emma, he looked exhausted. “Rough weekend?” I asked sympathetically.
Eric looked shocked, like he hadn't expected me to realize he was that tired, and he glanced over at Emma. I wondered if it was her fault that he was this tired, and it was on the tip of my tongue to mention her bad behavior around the daycare, which at this point, I'd still been keeping to myself. I didn't know why I hadn't told him about it. Maybe because Emma had been a bit less sulky over the previous week. Or maybe because I wanted to handle things on my own.
Or maybe because I just needed that card in my back pocket: if Emma didn't behave, I could always tell her Daddy about it.
“So about the wedding on Friday, we're still on for that, ar
en't we?” I asked when he didn't say anything else. “And if so, are we going together or separately?”
Eric winced. “I'm sorry, I know you RSVP'd to have a plus-one, but I don't think I can make it after all,” he said, looking truly apologetic. He frowned. “Helen has been experiencing some health issues lately, and I'm taking her to look into assisted living facilities. She won't be able to watch Emma for the day on Friday, and since you'll be at the wedding as well, obviously you wouldn't be able to either. I'm not sure that I could find another sitter in that amount of time.”
“What about my mom?” Olivia suggested, looking confused. “Or, I'm sure there are other people in this town who could watch her for the day.”
“It's not just that,” Eric said, sounding frustrated and looking agitated. “There's the possibility that we'll need to do some other looking around in case the first place doesn’t fit her needs. Plus, I don't want to leave Helen alone; that could be even more dangerous to her health.”
“If you don't want to go, you could just say that,” I snapped, unable to help my frustration at him. Yet again, it seemed like he was going hot and cold on me. He was the one who had agreed to go to the wedding in the first place; it wasn't like I had pressured him. He could have just said no.
Eric looked taken aback, and he took a step closer to me. “Olivia, it's not that I don't want to go, it's just the timing that sucks,” he said soothingly. “Come here.”
I took a step back, looking pointedly over at where Emma was coloring pictures. “I don't think that's the best idea right now,” I told him in a low voice.
Eric's face contorted, and it looked like he was going to say something in response to that, but finally, he just nodded curtly. “I'll be back later to pick up Emma,” he said. Then, he headed out the door, without even saying goodbye.