by Claire Adams
"If it was winter, we'd probably be able to see whales. That over there," she said, pointing across the water into the distance, "is Molokai Island. It's a little bigger than Lanai. More people, too."
"I can see why you'd want to keep this place a secret," I said.
"I hoped you'd like it," she said, smiling up at me. "I know you have a lot on your mind. I thought maybe it would help you figure stuff out the way it helps me."
"Thank you for sharing it with me," I said looking down at her.
I didn't know whether I'd ever met anyone so...sweet. She was like a kid. Ugh. No, bad example. She was just so nice, earnest, and willing to help. I thought about kissing her, but I didn't think that was why she'd brought me here.
We walked along the water in silence. She had taken off her shoes and was holding them in her hand. She pointed out an area near some rocks and suggested we go sit down. I followed her up and helped her spread the large beach towel she took out of her bag. She sat crossed legged on one side of the towel. I took my shoes off and sat next to her.
"Are you okay?" she asked me.
"I'm great."
"No, I mean... I woke you up so early today and you haven't had any of your..." She trailed off and shook her head. "I'm sorry," she said looking down. "I just read-"
"You read something?" I asked, cutting her off. Had someone leaked a rumor about my addiction?
"I did a little research about heroin addiction to try figure out what you were going through," she clarified.
I calmed down. I was jumping to conclusions. I was almost one hundred percent sure she didn’t know who I was; I needed to stop it.
"What did you find out?"
"That it's not just your mind that becomes addicted; it's your body, too," she said. "And, that opiates are the some of the hardest things to stop using."
"True, and true. I thought it was bullshit when I started, but look who was wrong," I said darkly.
"How long have you been using?"
"Coming up on a year, maybe," I said.
"How did it happen?"
"On tour. We got loaded almost every night. Our first major label album had done great. Whenever we got to a new city, the first thing we found out was where to get weed. We had a date in Philadelphia; after the show, we went back to our bus. One of the guys in the band, Jeffrey, let these guys come with us who said they could score us some weed. They gave us weed, but they also had dope.
"I hadn't been smoking that night, but I was drunk. One of the guys offered to get me high, and I let him shoot me up. I thought that would be the last time, but I was looking for dealers all of our next stops.
“When I got to LA, I found a doctor who I could get pure, pharmaceutical grade stuff from and an endless supply of needles. I started needing more and more, cutting people off and getting in trouble because I'd be too high to play." She hadn't interrupted me, so I kept going. I couldn't look at her telling her this stuff, but I could feel her blue eyes on me.
"I was already upset about how the band was getting, but when I started getting high, I stopped giving a fuck completely. In the beginning, I wrote most of our stuff, and they let us make the music we wanted to.
“Finally, before our European tour dates were announced, I left. They've been trying to get me back, but I can't do it. I can't make that shit they want us to make."
I almost kept going but stopped myself because I had said too much. I had almost told her about Kirsten, but even she wouldn't want to hear about that. She'd think I'd need to be put on the watch or something.
"If you were clean, would you go back to your band?"
"I don't want to get clean for them. I want it for me," I said, finally looking at her. She had turned her body so she was facing me. "Even if we never get back together, I still have to live with myself. People die from this shit. I don't want to go out like that," I admitted. I felt her hands wrap around mine and rest both of them on her crossed legs.
"If you'll let me, I'd really like to help you get better," she said. "I think it would be really sad if you went out like that, too."
Why, I wanted to ask her. What could she possibly gain from helping me? We had just met. We'd only known each other a few weeks.
"It's gonna get really ugly. You won't like me when I'm withdrawing," I warned, jokingly. I felt her squeeze my hand.
"You don't have to go through this alone," she said. This fucking chick. Why was she being so nice to me?
I didn’t want her to stop, but I didn't get it. I had nothing to offer her. I was a fucking burden. She was my babysitter. She had to drive me around, and now she was listening to me bitch about my shitty problems. Why was she like this? How was she so nice when she had no reason to be?
"I'm warning you, Abby," I said seriously. She scooted closer so her knee touched my thigh.
"I know," she said smiling. She got onto her knees and hugged me. Her arms went around my neck, and I immediately pulled her into me. I held her around the waist, holding her tight. To do that, she had to get her legs on either side of mine.
I felt her small body under my arms and really, really didn't want to let go. I felt her move her arms, but I didn't give. I loosened my hold so she could lean back enough to look at me. I saw a blush creep up her face.
"Do you want to start heading back?" she asked me. I had my hands around her waist, keeping her still on my lap.
"No," I said. My hands went lower, flattening over her bare thighs. "Do you?"
"The sun's going down," she said absently. She brought her hands up and rested them on my chest, lightly fisting the fabric.
"Take it off," I said.
She looked at me, something flashing in her eyes. She bit her lip and looked down at my body as her hands ran slowly down to the bottom of the shirt. I watched her grab it and pull it up, raising my arms so she could take it off completely.
She looked at my chest like she didn't know what to do with it. I took one of her hands and laid it palm down on my pec. She raked her fingers over my skin lightly. But when I grabbed the bottom of her tank top and tried to pull it off, she stopped me, pulling it back down. Fuck. Too fast.
"Shit. Abby, I'm sorry," I said. Well done, shithead, I thought. You were so close. "We don't have to do anything if you don't want to.”
"No, I'm sorry," she said. She looked down and took a deep breath. She pulled her tank top off slowly, leaving her in a small, light-green bikini top.
She shifted on my lap so our bodies were touching and slowly kissed me. Her kiss was feather light. She was kissing me like she was scared she was doing the wrong thing. I grabbed her around the waist again and pulled her into me. She broke the kiss and looked down at me.
"Are you sure?" I asked. I was pitching a tent in my pants, and where she was on top of me, I was sure she could feel it.
She nodded, reaching behind her and pulling the straps of her bikini loose. She took it off and put it beside us with our shirts. Fuck me, she was beautiful. Her tits were round, with hard, pink nipples. Her body was toned with light tan lines.
She ran her hands down my body again, kissing her way up from my chest. Oh yeah. She wanted me, too. Her lips were soft, kissing my neck and jaw before coming back to my lips again. Her hands went into my hair, down my back…everywhere. She parted her lips for me, allowing me to taste her. She let out the tiniest moan, squeezing one of my biceps.
I felt like I was inside her already, and we hadn't even done anything yet. The sound of the waves, everything I'd said to her, my addiction all faded into nothing. All I could feel were her small, soft hands, her body on top of mine.
I felt peaceful, like when I played the piano. She moaned again, feeling me bite her lower lip. Something told me I'd be able to make her make sweet music, too.
Chapter Sixteen
Abby
I didn't know what I was doing. My mind was racing. All I knew right then was that Nate wanted me. He wanted me to help him and now, he wanted me this way.
Every part of my body was buzzing. Running my hands over his planes of warm skin pulled tight over his muscles felt like a dream. The only thing that told me this was real was his hands on me. The light hair on his chest stimulated my nipples as he pulled me into him. His tongue pushed against mine in my mouth. His scruff felt prickly against my face.
He had poured his heart out to me. Maybe it was because what he'd just shared with me had been so intimate, but I felt like this and that were one combined experience. I felt so honored that he would share what he had. I felt overwhelmed by the intimacy, and opening my body up to him felt almost natural.
He held me around the waist, and I felt him move, lowering me onto my back on the towel. I felt exposed, seeing his face looking down at me. It had been a while since I'd let a guy touch me like this. His mouth came down on my nipple, and I gasped, sealing my eyes shut.
I felt him start on the button of my shorts. He snapped it open and dropped the zipper. I raised my hips to let him pull them off, but he slid his hand inside instead, rubbing my slit. I yelped, already overwhelmed by his mouth on my nipple and his hand touching me. I held his arm, squeezing as my body processed those long-forgotten sensations.
I wanted it. I wanted everything. I wriggled my hips trying to get my shorts off. He noticed and sat up on his knees to let me take my clothes off.
My default instinct when it came to men screamed at me to stop, but this wasn't just anybody. I hadn't felt this connected to anyone in a long time. His eyes on me as I undressed made me feel beautiful, not like a piece of meat.
"Jesus Christ, Abby," he said quietly. He started on his own pants, wrestling those and his underwear off before coming towards me again. He positioned himself between my legs and kissed me sweetly, holding his weight on his arms so he wasn't bearing down on me.
I felt brazen, running my hands over his shoulders, his back, his ass, any part of him I could reach. I reached one hand between us and found his dick. The head was wet under my fingers. My hand didn't even go all the way around. Oh my God, was it going to hurt?
I heard him groan and push his hips forward into my hand. I stroked the tight, hot skin, feeling how hard he was.
"I want to fuck you, Abby," he whispered into my ear, using his teeth gently biting and sucking my neck. I wanted him to. There was nothing else I wanted more than that.
"Do you have protection?"
He shifted off of me and searched the pockets of his jeans. I turned my head, seeing the bright pink and yellow sunset and remembering where we were. Not many people came to the beach; that was why I liked it. We were outside, but somehow, I didn’t feel we were exposed or in public.
He found a condom and fitted it over his dick. He got back on top of me, pulling my legs up around him.
"Ready?" he asked. I nodded, biting my lip. He kissed me softly, pushing the head of his dick against my opening. Fuck, that was big. It had been a while.
I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling him enter me. My lips stretched wider than they'd had to in a while. "Am I hurting you?" he asked, stopping. I let out a ragged exhale, realizing I'd been holding my breath. "Oh God, Abby," he said, pulling out.
"No. I don't want you to stop," I protested, reaching for him.
"I don't want to hurt you," he said, looking into my face.
"Just go slow," I said as I leaned in to kiss him. He lowered himself on top of me again, warning me once more before he started pushing into me.
I felt a little pressure and pain as he slowly entered me. He thrust forward and would pull out, slowly getting deeper every thrust. The pressure turned into pleasure the deeper I felt him. I began to writhe underneath him, feeling him fill me up.
By the time he could slide into me all the way smoothly, I was a mess, sweating and begging underneath him.
His body pressed down into mine as he drove into me. His strokes were long and deep, rekindling a flame inside me that I thought had died out a long time ago. I wasn't experienced, but it definitely hadn't felt like this the times I'd done it in the past. This felt raw and deep. I felt it in my whole body.
I felt him slow down slightly and move above me. I wanted to plead with him not to stop, but the words died in my throat.
His fingers firmly massaged my clit as he continued to fuck me. I cried out, feeling him play me like an instrument. I wasn't going to last much longer, not if he didn't stop touching me. I felt my body seize as I came. White light shot behind my eyelids, and I felt a flood of hot pleasure seep into every neglected part of me from my core.
He quickened his pace, fucking me with hard, short strokes before he finished, as well. We were still for a while afterwards. The wind was cool on my heated skin and I missed the feel of his large body over mine when he finally moved, sliding out of me. He asked me whether I was okay before he told me to start getting dressed as he got rid of the condom.
He offered to drive us back. I was a little unsure, but let him since I wasn't that sure sitting in the car with him after that wouldn't drive me to distraction. He got through the craggy, unpaved section near Keahiakawelo fairly quickly and followed my directions, getting on the road that would get us to the hotel. I folded my legs up on the seat and watched the darkening landscape go by us outside.
"Abby?" he said.
"Yeah?"
"Was that your first time?" he asked. Valid question, I suppose. I felt sore from the vigorous activity after such a long drought. Not a bad sore. Like a satisfied sore.
"No. It's just been a while since I last...you know," I said, looking over at him. "Was it your first time?" I asked him. He laughed.
"Definitely not," he said.
I peered back out the window. He was twenty-seven; of course, he wasn't a virgin. He'd been married before. It wasn't a big deal. We had just... It had just felt right, so we had done it. We were two people who were attracted to each other and we did something about it.
I sighed. How many other girls did this after sex? I didn't want to spend so much time dwelling on it, but we had just changed everything between us. He still wasn't leaving the resort for a long time. Had he come to Hawaii intending to have a relationship with someone? Was I his summer fling?
I felt a little gross thinking about it. Oh God, were there employee rules about this that I was breaking?
What was this in the first place? It was probably nothing. It was just something that had happened and now that it had, we could make the decision to keep it in the past and move on. I wanted to help him with his addiction. I was pretty sure my vagina had nothing to offer him as far as his recovery.
Our shift was over, so Makani wasn't at the front desk when I entered the lobby at the end of the day. Nate was, though.
He was standing there talking to Stephanie, one of the girls who did nights; he hadn’t gone right to his suite. I had taken my time making sure the car went back and had hoped I’d be able to get away with not seeing him again that night. I said hi to Stephanie, walking past the desk.
"I had a good time today," Nate said to me.
"I'm glad," I said shortly. "Have a good night, Mr. Stone."
"You're not coming up with me?" he asked. I blushed furiously. Stephanie was right there. What was he doing?
"Did you have a problem with your suite, Mr. Stone?" I asked.
"I wanted to get it looked at today. Maybe housekeeping took care of it. I still think you should come up with me and have a look," he said seriously.
"If there is a problem, I can come look at it, sir. Abby's not working right now," Stephanie added helpfully.
"No, I'll do it," I told her. I looked at Nate and started towards the elevator. The door closed, and I felt like he was laughing at me. Had he done that on purpose?
"I thought I asked you to stop calling me Mr. Stone," he said.
"I'm sorry. I got a little flustered when you asked me to come up to your room in front of one of my colleagues." He chuckled. At least he found this amusing.
"Are you ashamed of me?" he asked.
"Like what you go to do alone at Polihua Beach?" he asked. The doors opened, and I stepped out ahead of him.
"Yeah. Like that," I said quietly. We got to his door, and he took his time opening it up. I watched him doing it, realizing how calm he'd been the entire day. He'd even driven. His hands weren't shaking, and he hadn't broken out in a cold sweat.
"Thanks again for taking me out today. I know it isn't your job, but I'm glad I get to see the island with you," he said sincerely. I nodded.
"Don't mention it. Hey, maybe getting out more will be good for you. You didn't get the sweats once," I said lightly. He smiled.
"You're right," he said. "Where are you going right now?"
"Home. I have work tomorrow."
"Stay here with me. You don't have to go all the way home."
"I live just past the luau grounds on the beach; it isn't that far a walk at all."
"Abby," he said, taking a step towards me. He cupped my face and tilted it upwards so he could kiss me. "I want you to stay," he said.
Stop reading into this, Abby; he's just being nice, I thought. No, he just probably thinks it will happen again. Even if he does, what's wrong with that? It's not like I don't want the same thing.
"Okay," I said quietly. He let me in and closed the door behind me. I put my bag down near the door and turned to look at him.
"I have to leave early tomorrow morning for work."
"That's okay, stay here now. Are you hungry?" he asked.
"I am. Starved, actually."
"You can go have a shower; I'll get us food," he said. He peeled his shirt off and walked into the bedroom. What on earth was happening? He needed to be careful of what he was offering me because I needed to know what was going on here.
There were two bathrooms in the suite, so I used the one that wasn't in his room. I had a quick shower, washing my hair. I stared at my reflection in the foggy mirror after.