by Renna Peak
“And then what? And then what happens, Andrew?”
“I…I don’t know.”
“Then we both get to live the rest of our lives knowing that we might have had something? That if I hadn’t fucked everything up when my adult life was just beginning that I might have been able to have you? That if I was still a whole woman I might actually be enough for you? Will admitting that really make things better for either of us?”
His eyebrows draw together, but he says nothing.
I shake my head and my eyes fill with the stupid tears once more. “Fine. I love you, Andrew. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my life. I can’t imagine how I’m going to live without you. And I don’t know how I’m going to find a way through this, but I know I will. I will. I will because I have to. And you will, too.”
He stares at me as though he wants to pull me in his arms, but he stands there frozen. “You can’t give up so easily, Victoria.”
“I’m not giving up, Andrew. I’m letting you go.”
Andrew
I just stare at her. I thought that I could make her see. Thought that by getting her to admit her true feelings for me, she’d realize the truth—that she and I are meant to be together, no matter what obstacles stand in our way.
But even now she resists. Even now she tries to push me away, continuing to insist that we can’t be together. When will she realize that we—and we alone—choose what we can and can’t do?
“You don’t need to let me go,” I tell her.
She shakes her head. “I do. Stop pretending like we can make this work. It just makes it harder.”
A tear spills from her lashes and down her cheek. It makes my entire body ache. I don’t want to make her cry. I want to show her that she deserves love—that after everything she’s suffered in this life, she still deserves happiness.
I reach out, cupping her cheek. My thumb brushes across her skin, catching the tear and sweeping it away.
“I love you,” I murmur. “And you love me. It’s as simple as that.”
“Nothing about this is simple,” she says.
“It can be,” I say, leaning closer to her. “When I’m with you, Victoria, everything else fades away. There’s only us—and it’s simple and right and real.”
She starts to shake her head again. “We can’t…”
I silence her with a kiss.
Her entire body tenses when my mouth meets hers, but I need to make her see. When our bodies come together, she can’t deny that we’re supposed to be together.
I sense the exact instant her body starts to respond to mine. Her lips open beneath mine, and her hands come up and grip my shirt, clinging to me as our tongues meet. My hand glides into her hair, holding her face against mine.
Now she has to understand. Has to see how it is between us…
But suddenly, she freezes. Before I even have a chance to register the change in her, she’s jerking away from me and pushing me back.
“No,” she says. “I told you this couldn’t happen. And it won’t. You promised me you would stop this and marry Princess Justine.”
I reach for her. “Victoria—”
“No,” she says. “I want you to leave. Now.”
I frown. “I have no intention of—”
“Leave. Now.” She gives me a look that’s so guarded, so cold, that I feel that sad ache in my chest again.
I move slowly toward the door, but I won’t leave her without a fight. “My speech—”
“I’ll have the final typed version to you tonight, Your Highness.”
And then what? I doubt she’s planning on staying very long after that—but I’m not willing to let her go yet. I stop in the doorway.
“The speech tomorrow,” I say. “I want you there.”
She squeezes her eyes shut and gives a sharp shake of her head. “I can’t.”
“Please,” I tell her. “I need a friend there.”
Her eyes open. “You’ll have your family there—your mother and father and William and Sophia.”
“I want someone there who knows the truth. The full truth.”
She hesitates. “Don’t make me sit through that.”
“You’re the one insisting I do this. Telling me that this is the right course of action.”
“Because it is. But that doesn’t make it easy.”
I catch her gaze in mine. “Please, Victoria.”
She drops her eyes, saying nothing. I stay where I am, waiting. I long to take her in my arms again, to kiss her one more time, but I don’t.
Finally, she looks up at me. “I’ll think about it.”
That’s the best answer I’m going to get, I know. I straighten, nodding. “Please do. It would mean everything to me.”
She’s already looking away from me. “I need to type up your speech. If you could leave me—”
“Understood.” As much as I hate to go.
She turns away from me, not even offering me a farewell. I wonder if she plans to slip away in the night after she sends me her final version of the speech.
I’ll post someone to watch her door, I tell myself. If she leaves, I want to know. Give myself one last chance to change her mind.
Right now, it’s the only hope I have.
Later that evening, I head outside to the gymnasium. My fingers tap against my pocket, making sure my mobile phone is still there.
Victoria sent me the final version of the speech half an hour ago. I know I should practice it a few times, but I couldn’t bear to look at it. Ever since the speech hit my inbox, I’ve been waiting for a call from Felix, the man I posted outside her door, telling me she’s left. But no call has come, and I’m just growing antsier by the minute. I thought a walk would calm me, but now I’m not so certain.
The light is on in the gymnasium as I approach. For a moment, hope fills my chest—but Felix would have called me if Victoria left her room at all, even to come here. Instead, when I walk through the gymnasium door, I find William practicing.
I shouldn’t be surprised or disappointed, but I am.
He notices me right away. The point of his épée drops.
“Brother,” he says. “What brings you here tonight?”
“Can’t you guess?” I say, striding toward him.
He gives me a wry smile. “You’ve had a rough month. I don’t envy you.”
“Nor I you,” I say. “How is Lady Clarissa?”
He grimaces. “Conniving and ridiculous. But that shouldn’t surprise you.”
“I thought you liked the crazy ones?”
“I never said that. I believe I mentioned that I preferred women who weren’t nobility. Lady Clarissa is the worst kind of noble.” He shrugs. “Thank God I’m the third son. I don’t know what I’d do if I were forced into your position. I’d run off long before I let anyone force me into marriage for political reasons.” His expression turns serious. “Not that I think your situation is hopeless. If you’re thinking of going up on the roof again—”
“I’m not, don’t worry. And don’t look at me like that—I mean it.” I rub the back of my head. “I’ve realized that I have more freedom than I thought. The only problem is that Victoria doesn’t agree with me.”
William is still looking at me very closely. “Fuck—you really have it bad for her, don’t you?”
“Have it bad. That’s putting it mildly.” I can’t believe I’m admitting this to William—we’re hardly the sorts to discuss our feelings with each other. Right now, though, I have no one else to turn to. “She’s…unlike anyone I’ve ever met. I don’t know what I’ll do without her.”
William is still frowning—it doesn’t suit him. But it also shows me he’s taking this quite seriously.
“What are you going to do?” he asks. “You’re supposed to announce your engagement to Justine tomorrow.” He gives a shake of his head. “I suppose you could do worse than Justine. She’s pretty enough.”
“And getting the royal scepter back might w
in me the good will of the people once again,” I say. “Yes, I know the arguments. But that doesn’t make me happy about any of this. There’s only one woman I want to marry—and she won’t have me. She thinks she’s doing me a favor by running away.”
“She loves you.”
I’m surprised by William’s astuteness—but perhaps I shouldn’t be.
“She has said as much, but she still refuses to choose a future with me.” My jaw tightens. “I’ve tried everything I can to convince her otherwise, but she won’t listen.”
“Then try harder.”
It’s so ridiculous that I almost laugh. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“I’m being serious. If you want her—if you think she’ll make you happier than any other choice you could make—then don’t give up.”
“When did you become a motivational speaker?”
“When my oldest brother couldn’t figure out how to get his head out of his ass and get what he wanted.”
“I’m trying, I assure you.”
“Then as I said, try harder.”
I shake my head, half frustrated and half amused. “It’s a wonder no one has asked you to record these little nuggets of wisdom. How has the world survived without such brilliance?”
“Mock me all you want, but you know I’m right.” His smile falls slightly again. “I mean it, Andrew. I know you think I’m some sort of fuck-up, but I want you to be happy. I’m decent like that.”
“I know you are.” It’s a small comfort, knowing William is on my side, and I’ll take anything at this point.
And honestly, his advice only reinforces what I’ve already decided myself—that I won’t give up on Victoria. One way or another, she’ll be mine.
I’ve made my choice, and I’m not afraid to let the entire world know it.
Victoria
My suitcase arrived earlier this afternoon and I’ve collected all my things. I’m ready to leave the palace—ready to leave Montovia forever. And I have my sleeping pills with me so I know I can brave getting on an airplane, at least.
I had been thinking I could slip out undetected, but as soon as I turn to leave, I see there’s some sort of guard standing watch at the end of the hallway.
I close my door—I’m pretty sure he didn’t see me open it, and even if he did, it doesn’t really matter. This is Andrew’s last-ditch attempt at trying to get me to stay.
Why can’t he see that we want the same thing? If I thought for a second that my staying was in the best interest of anyone, I would do it. But remaining here is only going to hurt us both. And not only that, it will hurt his chances to repair the damage he’s done to his reputation. He’s gone on and on about how important the people of his country are to him, and I’m only trying to help him honor his dedication to them.
Telling myself that my leaving Montovia and Andrew is for some greater good should make it hurt a little less. And maybe if I say it to myself enough, I might actually start to believe it.
I have to leave. I have to do what’s best for everyone in this situation, no matter how much it makes my heart ache in my chest. If our roles were reversed, Andrew would do it for me. It’s not right for either of us to be selfish in this situation considering how many people are counting on him to do the right thing.
It’s not like I’m a prisoner here, even if Andrew has stationed a guard outside. And the longer I stay, the more this is going to hurt both of us. Andrew might think he needs a friend at his speech, but what he really needs is a clean slate. It will be so much easier for us both if I’m not there to witness his public betrothal tomorrow.
I gather my things again. But when I swing the door open this time, it’s not the guard I see—it’s Andrew.
He’s holding one hand up as though he was just about to knock and the other is clutching some crumpled papers.
We stare at each other for a moment before he speaks. “You can’t leave. Not like this.”
I set my bags down on the floor near the door. “You really had to put a guard out there?” I motion in the direction of the man at the end of the hall. “You really thought that was the best way to get me to stay?”
He shakes his head. “May I come in?”
“Andrew, there is nothing you can say—”
“There are twenty-seven…” He looks down at the papers in his hand. “Twenty-eight things I need to say to you.”
My brow furrows. “Twenty-eight? What sort of—?”
He clears his throat to interrupt, looking down to read the papers. “Number one.” He blows out a breath and lifts his gaze to mine. “I love that you can make fire from nothing but a twig and a sandal strap.”
I frown.
He nods and looks back down at the paper. “Second. I love how we fit together like perfect pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.”
My shoulders drop as I realize what he’s doing. “Andrew—”
“Third,” he interrupts again. “I love how my name sounds on your lips.”
I shake my head.
“Number four.” He raises his voice, looking over his shoulder. “I love that even when I do something ridiculous, you don’t think I am ridiculous.”
A small smile comes to my lips. “That was not on your list.”
“Consider it the twenty-ninth reason I love you, then.” He grins. “Number five.” He raises his voice again. “I love that I want the world to know that I love you, Victoria.”
“You are being ridiculous.” I tug on his elbow and pull him into my room, closing the door behind him. “You don’t have to do this.”
“Oh, but I do.” He shuffles the paper in his hand before lifting his gaze to mine again. “Sixth, and perhaps most important. I love that when I’m with you, I’m home. I love that when you’re with me, nothing else matters. I love that when you’re in my arms, I’m the man I’m supposed to be.”
I shake my head again and frown. “That was three things, Andrew. And…and—”
He reaches out and touches my face, cupping my cheek. “And nothing. Don’t you see? Nothing else matters. My life doesn’t matter unless you’re in it. You’re the only thing that’s right.”
My heart hammers in my chest as he says the words. As he looks into my eyes as though he can see into my soul.
But then I remember why none of it actually matters. Why he can have twenty-eight of the most beautiful reasons to love me and why none of them are going to change the impossible circumstances in which we find ourselves.
“Andrew, as much as I appreciate the effort…” My shoulders slump again and the thrashing in my chest turns to something a lot heavier. “We can’t do this. You know it. I know it. I don’t want to be the one to burst your bubble. I don’t want to be the one who has to be the voice of reason—”
“Then don’t.” He drops his hand away from my face. His gaze falls to the floor for a moment before he lifts it back to mine. “I’ve lived my entire life listening to the voice of reason. Hearing why I couldn’t do things. Why I shouldn’t—”
“And not listening to it got you into this mess, didn’t it? If you hadn’t gone to Prague that night with Leopold—”
“I would not have met you.”
My gaze narrows. “That is not how you should be looking at this. You—”
“But it’s true. Going to Prague was the best thing that ever happened to me. If a single thing about that night had been different, I never would have needed to hire you. I never would have come to Los Angeles and—”
“And nothing.” I ball my hands into fists. “I don’t know why I have to keep reminding you of this, Your Highness—you’re going to be a king. You need someone by your side who can be your queen.”
He smiles as he gazes into my eyes. “And you will be a most beguiling queen, Victoria. Even your name behind that title is perfection. And you—”
“Will never give you an heir. Have you forgotten that part, Andrew? You can love me twenty-eight ways to eternity, but it isn’t going to change the fact that I
cannot give you…” I shake my head again. “I cannot give your people what they deserve.”
His eyebrows draw together and his shoulders drop. “Why must you continue to bring that up? It is out of our control. And what does it matter? If I were to marry someone and we found we were unable to conceive—”
“No—women have been beheaded for not producing heirs, Andrew—”
“Male heirs. In the very distant past. And it isn’t as though—”
I interrupt with something that sounds like a cross between a groan and a scream. “Will you listen to yourself? All you’ve talked about since we’ve met is how important your people are to you. How important your country is to you. How can you set that aside now?”
“Because it doesn’t matter.” He reaches out and places his free hand on my shoulder. “All that matters is that you and I are together. The rest…” He shrugs. “We’ll figure it out together.”
I take a step back, twisting out of his grasp. “How can you say that? How are you going to explain any of this to the citizens of your country? You…you spent so much time after the plane crash thinking that Leo was trying to take your place in line. And now…now you’re saying you want him to?”
The line between his eyebrows deepens. “I’m saying nothing of the sort. I’m…I’m not saying I’m going to abdicate my position in line for the throne, Victoria. I was merely saying that it doesn’t matter—”
“Part of your position in line for the throne is producing an heir, Andrew. And I can’t believe that I am the one who has to remind you of that. If you don’t produce an heir, Leo will.” I stare at him for a moment. “Leo is. Right now. Have you thought about that? Have you even considered that the child Elle is carrying is going to be the future monarch of this country if you actually go through with what you’re suggesting?”
His mouth falls open and he stares at me.
I give him a wry smile. “Well, I can see from your expression that you haven’t.”
He jerks a hand through his hair. “It’s not something we need to worry about at this moment.”