by Mia Clark
"How's it different?" my dad asks.
He doesn't want to know, he just wants to do that thing he does where he tries to get me to see his side of things. Yeah, well, your side is wrong this time, Dad. I don't know how to tell you that without completely fucking everything up and saying something I'll regret, though.
"They were dating for months, first off," I say. "That's kind of serious, don't you think? And then he went and treated her like an asshole."
"Serious relationships are difficult," my dad says. "Have you ever had a serious relationship, Ethan? I'm not trying to be mean here, but it's not something you can understand unless you've done it. Sometimes people say and do things that they don't exactly mean. It can make or break the bond two people have, but if they push through it they can become stronger."
Oh, yeah? So Jake tried to blackmail Ashley but he didn't mean it? It was a mistake? And if she went along with him and acted as his sex toy for a weekend, and they pushed through it, they could have a stronger, tighter relationship than ever before?
Fuck off, Dad. I mean that in the nicest of ways, but he seriously has no fucking clue what he's talking about in this case.
"Listen," I say, trying to be diplomatic. This is new, and I'm only bothering to try it because of Ashley. "If I were dating Ashley—" Fuck! I fucked this up already, didn't I? "I mean, if I were dating a girl like Ashley," I correct myself. "I'd never treat her like he did. I would never say or do the things he did."
There. That's good, right? He doesn't have to know the specifics.
My dad gives me a weird look, and I'm not sure if it's because of the "If I were dating Ashley" thing or something else.
Nah, it's something else, apparently. "Ethan, you've been treating her like that for years. When her mom and I came home, you two were having an argument in the game room. I love you, son, and I want the best for you, and I want you to find a girl you can be serious about, but you've got a really bad track record. Frankly, if I were Ashley's father, I wouldn't want you dating my daughter, either."
Wow. Really, Dad? Really? Wow. Just... holy fucking wow.
What can I even say to that? Because he is, you know? Her father, I mean. Stepfather, but in this case it's practically the same thing. There's underlying issues here or something, and he's said his piece. He doesn't know, and I guess now he can never know. He doesn't agree. He wouldn't understand. He would not accept me dating Ashley, because he literally just said he wouldn't.
I guess that's it. I don't know what to say. I want to say something. I consider just being straight with him and telling him that I am dating Ashley. We've been dating for a few days now. It's going good, actually. That argument in the game room? Yeah, that was fake, because her mom was supposed to tell you before you two got back, but she didn't. Did you really want to know I was fucking Ashley on the pool table right before you two got home? Uh... pretty sure you didn't! I didn't want to tell you that, either. I didn't mean for it to be something anyone found out about, and, yeah, I got a little excited and made a mistake there, but I make a lot of mistakes.
I get it, Dad. I'm a fuck up. I fuck everything up. I fucked this up.
I don't want to, though. I want to make this work. I...
Just fuck it. I don't have to explain shit to anyone.
"Can we just get some fishing rods and get out of here?" I say.
"Yeah," my dad says, sighing. "I didn't mean to get into that conversation with you. I'm just looking out for you, Ethan."
"I get it, Dad," I say. "It's no big deal, alright?"
It's kind of a big deal to me.
*** Ashley
"Ooh, this one is cute," my mom says, holding up a... shirt?
"Mom, it's a t-shirt," I say. "I mean, I guess it's cute? It looks the same as all the other shirts, though."
"It's a cute camping shirt, Ashley," my mom says. "Sometimes you need to choose between cute and utilitarian, but I think this one is both."
I laugh. "Really? I think it's nice, but it's just a shirt."
"Well, I'm going to get it!" she says, lifting her head up, proud.
"And I'm going to get..." I snatch up a shirt. It's mostly regular, but I do like it. It's cute in its own way, and it's a bit tighter fitting, so it won't hang loose around my upper body. Not um... too tight, but tight enough? I want to look nice around Ethan still, even if we're camping.
"I approve," my mom says with a nod.
We pick out a few more things, just essentials. I have regular clothes, but obviously camping is going to be a bit dirtier, right? Some of what I have at home isn't exactly well-suited for roughing it, so the clothes here will be good. It's kind of weird to me to buy something specifically for camping when I don't think we'll be going camping for very long or very often. Actually...
"How long are we going to be camping?" I ask.
My mom considers it for a second. "I'm not entirely sure, but I think it's a week. Maybe two. I believe we're just going to play it by ear. Why? Do you have a date planned with your secret lover?"
"Mom," I say, staring at her blankly.
"What? I'm just curious. Do you?"
"I don't know?" I tell her. Um... Ethan, do we? He's not here to ask. Secret date with my secret lover? It sounds like it could be fun, actually. "We haven't really planned anything out too much. We just go have fun in the moment."
"I understand," my mom says with a smile. "You really should plan something sometime, though. It can be a lot of fun. I don't know if I ever told you this, but Ethan's good at planning out activities. He used to help me with figuring out what we were going to do when we went on business trips with you two during high school."
"Wait, what? Really?" I did not know this. Honestly, I never would have suspected this, either.
"Oh, yes," my mom says, grinning ear to ear now. "Part of it was because he just wanted to get out of the hotel room. I know you stayed behind during the days to do your homework, and I think that's fine, dear, but Ethan's got a knack for finding things to do, and while his father was in meetings or doing business things, Ethan and I would plan out the trip. I think he had ulterior motives, because he liked to do his own thing during the days, but most of what we did after that in the evenings was a joint effort planned by the two of us."
"You never told me that," I say. I don't know why it would have made a difference, but I think I might have liked to know.
My mom shrugs. "I didn't mean to keep it a secret," she says. "I guess it never came up. He's good at it, though. If you two plan together, I bet you could come up with some really fun and exciting dates."
"It's not like our dates haven't been fun and exciting," I say. "They have. I like them a lot. I know that, um... well, we haven't gone anywhere too crazy yet, but I..." I don't know how to say this or explain it without sounding dumb, so I just stop.
"You don't have a lot of experience with dating," my mom says, understanding. "If I had to guess, Ethan doesn't, either. You're both used to different things and different types of situations, but I think that's a good thing, too."
"How?" I ask. I kind of really want to know. My mom seems so good at this, like she understands everything. I'm good at book smarts and things like that, but this is entirely different and new to me.
"Relationships aren't always about being the same," my mom says. "A lot of the time it's about being different, and learning about each other's differences. When you do something new and different with someone, you learn a lot about them. I think it brings you closer. Everything you do brings you closer in its own way, but a good mix of different things can give you a full appreciation of who exactly you're with."
"Ethan's really nice," I say without thinking. That um... well, no, he's a bad boy, too? "I know he's sometimes not nice, but he's really nice to me, too. It's hard to explain. He's really patient, but I feel like I can do more when I'm with him, if that makes sense? Like, it's fun to sort of push boundaries and get outside my comfort zone, though, um..."
"Thoug
h sometimes you end up having sex on the pool table with a very loud vibrator right before me and his father come home," my mother says, nodding twice. "I completely understand."
"Mom! You can't just say—"
And there they are. Ethan and his dad. Me and my mom are standing in the checkout line at the store now, about to get our clothes rung up, but Ethan and his dad come up to wait with us.
Ethan looks... strange... I don't know how to explain that one. Maybe it's just a side effect of the fact that we're supposed to pretend we don't like each other for his dad's sake. I think that's kind of a weird way to explain it, but I understand why it's necessary. Does it hurt him, though? Ethan?
I never really thought about it. I thought that we'd tell his dad as soon as we could, but before that it would be kind of fun to keep it our secret. Like clandestine lovers, you know? The two of us sneaking away for a moment's reprieve, and better enjoying the time we did have together until we could come out in the open.
I don't know if that's the truth of it or not, though.
"Hey," my stepdad says, smiling to me and my mom. "How's everything?"
"Good," my mom says. "We're just finishing up here."
"Hey, Ethan," I say to him, offering him a small smile.
He shrugs, doesn't smile. "Hey."
"I guess we'll go wait in the car if you're all set," Ethan's dad says. "We should have everything good to go for tomorrow. Just the packing, but I think we'll be able to leave by noon and get to the campsite a few hours before dusk to set up the tents."
"Yeah, it'll be great," Ethan says, though he doesn't sound very into it. "Three tents, one big happy family. Awesome."
There's something off, and now I know it, but I can't ask him about it. I think my mom might realize it, too, but Ethan's dad doesn't seem to notice. Actually... there's something a little off with him, too? Maybe that's just my imagination. I feel like I know Ethan a lot better than his dad, for obvious reasons.
I can ask Ethan when we get home. I hope it's nothing too bad. I... I'm worried? Maybe, sort of, a little...
*** Ethan
We're home and everyone has plans. My dad's going to work on some last minute business stuff in his office in preparation for us going off grid for awhile. I get it, it's cool, he doesn't want to fuck this trip up with unexpected business junk so he's making sure that it's all taken care of and someone else can handle it while we're going.
Ashley and her mom are going into the living room to sort through their clothes. I really don't get that one. What's with women and their fascination with looking at the stuff they already bought? Didn't they look at it in the store? They were together, too, so it's not like either of them missed anything, but they're sorting through it and checking it out again anyways. Who am I to judge?
Me? What am I doing? Uh... yeah... about that...
"Hey," I say to no one in particular. "I'm going upstairs."
My dad shrugs and says good night. Ashley's mom does, too. It's not that late, but it's late enough that going upstairs is basically saying I probably won't be coming back down. Ashley sort of says good night, but she gives me this weird, confused look.
Yeah, you know what? I'm confused too, Princess. Not sure what to tell you.
I head upstairs, go to my room, close my door, and get undressed. I wasn't exactly planning on going to sleep already, but I just kind of want to lay down. Maybe close my eyes, forget about what happened. It's not that big of a deal, is it? I already knew that my dad didn't agree with me on most things, and this is just another thing we can disagree on.
It just seems big this time, though. Yeah, we've disagreed on my grades before, and I totally get that, but I still passed. I didn't pass with flying colors, and sometimes I barely made it through, but I graduated. I was good enough at football that I got a scholarship to a decent school, so there's that, too. It's not like I'm completely ruining my life here. And so what if I am? It's my life to ruin.
And girls. Yeah, we've argued about that. It's more that he got tired of dealing with them trying to call, call, call. They'd call my cell phone, and when I blocked them, they'd call the house, or sometimes they'd actually come to the house. Is that my fault? Yeah, uh... I guess it is, but I never told them to do any of that stuff.
And so on, and so forth. Oh well. It's all in the past.
This thing with Ashley isn't in the past, though. It's now. It's vibrant and alive and it's happening as we speak, except my dad doesn't approve. Which, yeah, this usually wouldn't bother me, except it's our family, so it's a little bigger than just me now. What happens if my dad disapproves and refuses to let Ashley and I be a couple while we're back home? We can do it anyways, sure, but it just fucks things up. It causes too much tension. It'll ruin shit that I don't want to ruin, and I guess I've never really considered something like that was possible before.
Well, you know what? It is! Surprise!
It's like a birthday present, but the opposite. Pretty much it fucking sucks.
I thought I locked my door when I came into my room, but I guess not, because it's opening right now. There's a pair of eyes peeking through the small crack of the open door, staring into the dark room. I've got those blackout curtains that block out all outside light, so it's dark as fuck in here, but the eyes stare right at me anyways.
"Ethan?" Ashley says, quiet and inquisitive.
"Hey," I say. "What's up?"
"Um... nothing... what are you doing?"
"What's it look like I'm doing?" I ask.
"I don't know. I can't see. Why's it so dark?"
She opens the door more and sneaks in, then closes it behind her. Now we're both in the dark. Ashley has the good sense to lock the door, though. I probably should have locked the door. I don't know if I can deal with her at the moment. I don't even know if I can deal with myself. Weird.
"Are you—Ow!" She fumbles in the dark, trying to get to my bed, but apparently she just crashed into my footboard. The bed shakes and I laugh.
"Are you laughing at me?" she asks. I can picture her brow furrowed, glaring at me.
"Nah, Princess, of course not," I say. "I'm laughing at the other girl crashing around my room in the dark."
"There's no other girl in here!" she says.
"What, there's not?"
"Nope!"
"Oh, huh."
"Don't be mean to me," she says. "Rule number seventeen."
"Well, fuck," I say.
"Well, fuck," she says back.
It sounds so out of place and weird coming from her lips that I laugh.
"Why are you sleeping already?" she asks.
There's something more to the question, and I'm pretty sure I know what it is. Despite my best intentions, my cock twitches in excitement. Yeah... why am I sleeping?
It's just... I... nah...
"Listen, Princess," I tell her, trying to figure out how to say this. I don't even fucking want to say it, but I think it's something I should say. "I don't think we should do this."
"Oh," she says, confused. "If you're tired then we can—"
"Nah, it's not that," I say, interrupting her. "I mean, uh... everything? I don't know if we should do what we're doing. Not just tonight, but..."
"Wait, um... Ethan?" she says.
"Yeah?"
"Are you trying to break up with me or something?"
"Look, it's not that I'm trying to break up with you," I say. "Actually, yeah, that's what I was saying, that we should uh... maybe consider it, because..."
I don't fucking know. I don't want to break up with her, but maybe it's for the best? I have no idea what I was thinking before, thinking we could somehow make this work? It's because I don't think about anything. I don't think things through. I figured if she was down with it, it was a good idea, because she's the smart one, right? If it was stupid, I thought she'd realize it before I did, and uh... yeah, after that little heart-to-heart talk with my dad at the sporting goods store, I have finally realized it's stupid, so...
"You can't break up with me," she says. "It's a rule."
"Princess, that's not even a rule. There's no rule saying I can't break up with you."
"I'm making it a rule right now," she says. "Rule number twenty. Ethan Colton, you can't break up with me. So there!"
"What the fuck, that's a shitty rule," I tell her. "Also I was breaking up with you before you even came up with the rule."
"Rules are retroactive," she says.
"The fuck they are! That makes no sense. Most of the rules make no sense at all if they're retroactive."
She finally manages to fumble her way to the side of my bed without crashing into something, and then she does some stuff. I can't see it, but I can hear it, and it sounds like she's stripping down, taking off her clothes. Mostly the zipper on her shorts, but there's a rustle and I think that's her shirt? Fuck if I know, since it's way too dark in here to tell.
You know what, though? Why's she getting naked when I'm breaking up with her? That's a really screwed up response if you ask me. Who does that?
Ashley, I guess. And now she's getting under the blankets with me, too. This girl is weird. Yeah, my stepsister is weird as fuck and I don't know what to do about it. She probably already knows, so there's no point in telling her.
"Why do you want to break up with me?" she asks. "What happened?"
"Are you seriously asking me this?" I ask her. "Who does that?"
"Me," she says. "I do."
"I guess you do."
She cuddles close to me, and I try to be indifferent, but basically as soon as she puts her hand over my chest, I'm done. Also, she's not naked. I can feel her bra brushing against my skin. It's cool, I guess. I've still got my underwear on, too, so whatever. This is probably for the best. I don't think it's possible for two people to break up when they're naked in bed together, but I don't know for sure. Never tried it before. Seems confusing.
"Is it your dad?" she asks.
"Yeah, kind of," I say.
"What happened?"
I wish she'd stop this. Maybe if I just tell her, then we can get this over and done with? I don't want it done. I'm not even being all that serious here, and I'm pretty sure that's why she doesn't believe me, but uh... yeah... we really should consider the consequences of our actions here. How fucked up is it for me to be the one thinking that, though? Who am I and what have I done with Ethan? Wow.