“No…” I looked up, my eyes filled with tears. “Oh God no!… When I did find out I would have nothing to do with him… I hate drugs, I would never, never… He lied to me… Well, he didn’t, he just wasn’t truthful.” I gulped. “But then, neither have I been with you. I guess I had better get my things together and leave…”
“What?” Annie squealed. “What do you mean? Mum, stop her!”
“You can’t want me to work for you… With my past… I’m sorry, I should have been honest with you, told you my past.”
“Amanda…” May took my hands. “You have proven to us you are an amazing horsewoman and a really special friend. What someone else did is nothing to do with you. Of course, you can stay, in fact, I would be very cross if you tried to leave.”
“Sorry…” I wiped my eyes. Looking at both of the worried faces around me.
“Why are you sorry?” May leaned forward. “You’ve had a tough life. I think you just need a break.” She opened her arms and held me, I sobbed, leaving a damp trail of tears down her shoulder. Eventually, she pushed me back. “I want you to remember something. I know we haven’t known you long, but I am a pretty good judge of character and you are a good person. I just want you to know that you can call here home for as long as you wish…”
I am embarrassed to say that I sobbed again even more loudly, as did Annie and even the stoic May had to wipe her eyes.
17
Seasons Greetings
It had been just over four months since leaving London and starting my life in Wiltshire. In the weeks followed my breakdown and revelations, May and Annie had done all they could to make me feel safe.
Stories of Edwin and what he’d done peppered the press as the trial progressed. It seemed every day brought a new revelation. The day the press reported that the stable staff, myself included, had been regularly drugged had made Annie howl with tears and hug me tighter than ever. It was clear that Anne’s death in a random hit and run was anything but random and my fears about Liz’s disappearance were brought to life when it was revealed that she had been flown overseas but sadly, remained missing.
***
During this time I had also met Annie’s boyfriend, Sean. Whereas I had expected a local boy, he was in fact from Cork in Ireland and spoke with a soft Irish brogue and had a mop of shocking red hair. He was tall and muscular and it was clear that Annie was totally besotted with him. He was easy to get on with and was soon a regular feature on our morning hacks with the three of us galloping, whooping and yelling up the hillside towards the Ridgeway.
He was studying agricultural technology, which, he had assured me over a pint at the local pub with Annie was more about computers and drones than wellies and muck spreaders. To be honest, I didn’t understand much about technology so nodded sagely before leaving them, not wanting to be a gooseberry.
***
As autumn progressed into winter, the weather became much colder. Annie and May became concerned about my lack of warm clothing, the winter winds blew down the hills and chilled me to the bone, it was a far cry from London when it never seemed to get cold enough to wear more than a fleece and potentially a waterproof jacket. Therefore, after I refused more generosity from Annie’s credit card, which, at my insistence, I was still quietly paying her mother for, they had kitted me out with more hand-me-downs this time in the form of jumpers which smelt faintly of mothballs and a heavy coat which swamped my body but was so warm it felt as if I was wearing a duvet and I never wanted to take it off.
We had settled into a comfortable life, waking and feeding before mucking out. More often I did this by myself allowing Annie to have more time in bed, not least as she was often sharing it with Sean. I would smile each day when they both came down and we could hack out for a gallop before he would drive away to study.
I broached the subject with May one day while we cleaning tack together while Annie was off meeting friends. Did she mind that her daughter had a boyfriend? She’d laughed and said she was delighted as he was a good man, she would rather know where they were than know that they would still be sharing a bed somewhere else. ‘When you’re a mother’ she had said, I’d scoffed saying I couldn’t see a time when I would ever have a family, she’d just looked sagely and smiled saying that she had said the same and that ‘my time would come…’
In the weeks leading up to Christmas, I went through my small savings pot which I still kept in the old boot and still added to weekly to ensure I was able to put a little money aside for Christmas presents. During my weekly shopping trips I looked to buy some small presents for Annie, May and Sean. It was nothing big, I couldn’t afford that, but I hoped at least they would be things they liked.
***
Christmas week was pretty much like any other with the exception that Annie was away for most of the time, shopping and spending time with Sean’s friends at parties. May was busy in the house so I worked through the yard work quietly and efficiently. The ground was rock hard so what little exercising I could do was in the arena, I let as many of the horses have a break in the paddocks as I could, allowing their owners to concentrate on holiday chores. I was very generously given cards and small gifts from most of the livery owners, and had enough wine and chocolate to see me well into the new year. I greatly appreciated their gifts and kind words.
I had just finished sweeping the yard late on Christmas Eve. The horses were settled and a night, sat on the sofa in front of the fire beckoned. It was cold and wet with steady rain falling when I had a sudden feeling I should check the paddocks, a sort of groom’s sixth sense which suddenly fills you with dread. I climbed over the paddock gate and found five of the six horses by the light of my phone torch. Where the hell was Tiny? It wasn’t like I could lose a near eighteen hand horse. I trudged through the muddy field, my toes cold and my feet sliding in the slop, it was only when at the very far corner that I saw him. There was a small stream which ran along the bottom of the field, with a shallow part where the horses could drink and a section with deeper sides which had been fenced off. I saw a mass beyond the fence line and ran towards it. Tiny, having no doubt leaned heavily on the fence for a reason that would only make sense to a horse, had fallen through and landed in the stream. He was trapped having fallen into the water with his legs flailing in the air. I rushed to him, jumping into the thigh-deep water which seeped through my breeches, trying to steady his head. I swore, probably more than I should of done, grabbing my phone and dialling Annie, typically it went to voicemail. “Annie… Shit! Tiny’s trapped in the brook, I’m trying to free him. For goodness sake get help as soon as you get this.” I cut off, dialling May’s number, it rang twice before Tiny swung his head, smashing the phone from my grasp, it landed with a splash in the deep water, it’s light dying as the battery became sodden.
I couldn’t move him, he was wedged in the deep cutting and now I was in the dark, trying to think what I could do, I didn’t want to leave him as the water was deep and he was tiring, if he dropped his head he could drown. I had no way to get help. I panicked, desperate to think but getting colder by the second as was Tiny. It was then I saw the rope, it was trapped on brambles by the side of the brook, a mad idea came into my head. I fought my way deeper through the water and into the brambles which tore my coat and the skin beneath. I struggled, fighting before I was able to drag the rope free of the thorns. I looped it, reaching for Tiny’s thrashing legs as they swung in the near pitch-black inches from my head. Oh, this was madness, I tried to calm him, he stilled for a moment and I was able to loop the rope around his forelegs. I scrambled free of the water, inadvertently smearing my body with mud as I slithered up the bank, but managing to pull the rope clear. There was Duchess, I called her, rustling my pockets as if I had treats. As she approached I grasped her head collar and dragged her close. She was a saint, standing still as if she understood what I was trying to do. I looped the rope around her chest, she hopped in a small rear but steadied as I spoke to her calming her. “Come on
girl, your boyfriend needs you.”
I grabbed her withers and heaved myself onto her back, sitting on her rugs and wrapping my sodden legs around her body. I kicked on, she pulled, straining against the rope. I wasn’t sure this would work, I could break Tiny’s legs. I put the thoughts from my mind and pushed her on, she pulled, the rope becoming taut, then slowly Tiny’s legs tipped, his legs now leaning on the bank, I screamed and kicked and she pulled forward, I could feel her haunches drop beneath me as she pulled. I glanced back and saw Tiny sliding in the same slick mud I had. He was slowly sliding, turning as Duchess pulled. I kicked on again and, almost like a cork from a bottle Tiny slid and was laying in the shallow part of the brook.
I lept off, grabbing the penknife from my pocket I cut through the ropes and stood back as Tiny staggered to his feet, shaking the water from his rug. He was lame but standing. I grabbed his halter and steadily walked him towards the yard, Duchess followed, the two were inseparable. I dragged him into his stable, Duchess parked herself next door in her own stable snorting, no doubt complaining about the lack of hay net.
I dragged Tiny’s soaked rugs off, they were thick and seemed to have protected his body from injury. His legs were coated in mud, I grabbed a bucket and sponge and started to wash him down. There were some cuts including a deep one on his hock. I took out gamgee and bandages and wrapped them tightly around his leg to staunch the bleeding before grabbing the emergency phone which was always on charge in the tack room and dialling our vet.
I took as many towels as I could find from the laundry hamper and started to rub Tiny down, drying him off as best I could. Feeling his ears I could see he was still cold, so I took three dry rugs and laid them over him. I am sure it was adrenaline that kept me going for the hour before Steve the vet arrived, he was sewing Tiny’s hock when May put her head over the door.
“I saw a car, what’s Steve doing here…” She fell silent as she caught sight of me, Steve had given me the same reaction before leaping into action. I was soaked to the skin, coated in a thick layer of mud and there were deep scratches on my face and body where the brambles had torn at me.
“Mum! I’ve had a call…” Annie came racing onto the yard, her high heels clattering on the concrete. “Shit Amanda!”
May took hold of Tiny’s head-collar, I had managed to fill a haynet and he was pulling mouthfuls of hay. “Amanda go with Annie. Annie go and get her warm.”
I allowed myself to be led away. Annie sat me down on one of the kitchen chairs, I vaguely heard Christmas music playing, I just wanted to sleep now and fought Annie weakly as she tried to remove my soaked clothes. “Stay with me…” Annie pinched my ear.
“Ow…” I mumbled. I felt myself being wrapped in sweet-smelling horse blankets. Annie dragged the chair so that it was in front of the Aga. She pushed a mug into my hands, I looked around aimlessly so Annie lifted the mug to my lips and helped me sip warm sweet tea. I felt the warmth flow through me before my world went dark.
***
“She’s warmed up a lot more now…” My eyes fluttered open. I was lying on the sofa in the front room of May’s house, the fire was roaring and I was being watched by several people. I looked into the eyes of a paramedic who smiled. “Hello… Welcome back. Funny time to take a swim!”
I just wanted to sleep so closed my eyes, softly finding darkness.
***
“Merry Christmas!” Annie hugged me. “How are you feeling?”
“Eh?” I looked around, groggy. I’d woken overheated from a pile of duvets and horse blankets and walked into the kitchen where May, Sean and Annie were sitting. Looking down I was wearing pyjamas, but not my own and I was desperately confused.
“Oh, Amanda…” May rushed towards me and hugged me. “Our hero!”
In the light of the day, it was clear to the others what had happened. The fence beside the brook was smashed and there were deep gouges in the bank. Sean showed me what remained of my dead phone. The scratches on my arms and face had been dressed. The night before I had babbled that I had pulled Tiny free using Duchess but no one believed it until they saw the cut rope lying in the field and the deep hoof prints where she had dug in pulling Tiny free from the river.
“Tiny!” I walked in a daze towards the back door, Sean grabbed me, sitting me down.
“The horses are all fine, thanks to you. Goodness knows what would have happened if you hadn’t done what you did.” He kissed me on my cheek.
I sat looking around, still feeling somewhat drunk despite having not had a drink in days. Annie stood up. “Come on you. I think you need some more sleep, you can use my bed, we’ll do the horses for you”.
I allowed her to walk me upstairs and tuck me into her bed. She kissed me on the cheek and left me to slip into a near-instant sleep.
***
I had found clothes laid out on the bed for me, I smiled, Annie had been to my flat and picked me clean underwear, a fresh blouse and jeans. I dressed and walked downstairs.
“Amanda!” Annie grabbed me kissing me. “How are you?”
“I feel a bit more alive now… Sorry for ruining Christmas day for you all…”
“Oh, you silly girl! You saved Tiny, who is doing very well, Steve thinks he’ll only be lame for a few days. If he had been stuck overnight in that water…” She gulped. “Well, let’s say it would have been a very different story.” She took my hand. “Come on…”
“Oh, Amanda you beautiful thing!” May hugged me. “Come in, sit down. We were about to start dinner. Annie was going to wake you if you hadn’t come down.”
I looked at the table loaded with food, potatoes, Brussels sprouts, cabbage and more. In the centre of the table was a huge roast turkey. My stomach rumbled, I realised I had last eaten yesterday morning and was starving.
“No… Thank you, but this is for your family. I really can’t intrude, not on Christmas day.”
“Shut up!” Annie slapped my hand. She looked genuinely angry.
“Oh… sorry…”
“Give the stupid girl her present…” She grinned.
May smiled and picked up an envelope. “This is for you…”
Intrigued I opened the envelope. Inside there was a thick sheet of paper from a solicitor. I started to read before my knees started to go from beneath me. Annie helped me to an empty chair laughing.
“I told you she’d be surprised!”
“Surprised?” I held out the sheet of paper. “What is this?”
“Well…” May smiled. “I think you are almost like family to us. I know we have only known you for a few months, but when you know, you know. And as for last night, well you proved we were right…” She paused. “I had this drawn up a few weeks ago, it sort of makes it all official. Basically, if you choose to sign the paperwork you, legally become my daughter. Merry Christmas!”
18
The Sisterhood
“Hi, Sis!” Annie smiled. “Oh, I’m going to have to get used to that…”
“To be honest, I’m a bit shell shocked myself. In a good way, I assure you.” I paused. “Aren’t I really too old to be adopted?”
“It’s not actual adoption, its a legal agreement stating that you are part of the family. Mum sorted it, well I suggested it. To give you a proper family to call your own and well…” She sniffed, wiping her eyes. “You have always been like a sister to me.”
“Stop it, it’s me that gets all emotional and starts crying…” I stopped. “Shit! Presents, I made things for you all…” I ran to the kitchen dipping my feet into my boots forgetting that they were still filled with water. “Aggghh…” I heard Annie giggling behind me. “Stop it you or I’ll chuck you on the muck heap!” I took her boots and left, crossing the yard to my flat and picking up the box of gifts.
Everyone was intrigued when I handed out the wrapped gifts. Annie unwrapped her bracelet, made from braided horsehair with silver catches. “Duchess?” She had said and I nodded having made it from tail hair from her horse. May unwrapped
the huge painted horseshoe, correctly guessing that it was one of Tiny’s decorated with tiny flowers I had painted on. Sean unwrapped the hip flask, wrapped in leather I had taken from an old saddle and moulded and sewn around it. He was delighted, “Even more so when it has been filled with Jameson’s.”
May took out a parcel for me. I protested but she smiled and said this was more something from the Boxing day sales as my coat had not survived the ordeal with Tiny. I unwrapped a new warm jacket. It fitted perfectly and was toasty warm. I couldn’t be happier.
II
A NEW LIFE
19
Safety in Numbers
“So your brother?” Annie and I were grooming together. I could tell she’d wanted to say something, so when she finally broached the subject of Adam I wasn’t surprised. I sighed,
I’d tried to contact Adam but had failed. It had been so long since I’d run away so I was no longer worried about being traced or brought back to the care home, after all, I was an adult now with my own life. However, a long time had passed and the people who I had known had moved on or left social services completely. Trying to ask for help had hit a brick wall. I had no idea where Adam was or how I could get in touch with him, this saddened me greatly. I needed to know that he was okay, try to get back in touch and apologise for leaving him alone. I just hoped that his foster care had been successful and that he had been happy. I looked up, Annie had been talking while I had been in my own world. “Sorry… I was miles away!”
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