by Rebecca Rode
“Don’t stare like that,” Bianca said in broken Common, scowling from the doorway. “You look like I just rose from the dead.”
She wasn’t far off. Ember hadn’t spoken to Bianca since her friend had rebuffed her the day Ember returned to Earth. And now she was here, asking to speak with her. Was Ember finally forgiven for the hell she’d put Bianca through? Ember didn’t dare hope, but she knew her eyes betrayed her.
“They said you want to come along?” Ember asked. She ignored the fact that Bianca had spoken in Common rather than their native Romani, ensuring an extra barrier between them.
Her friend’s frown deepened. “I believe it is a good thing for me to have a change and travel. My evaluator say yes, but Amai say I am not ready. So I come to you.”
So Ember was a last resort. She bit back her disappointment. Bianca looked unnatural in her gray cafeteria-worker jumpsuit. It was a color Ember had never seen on her friend before. Bianca favored reds and oranges. The gray drained the life from her face.
Today, there was nothing in her expression to indicate they had ever been friends. Any warmth Bianca had once had for Ember was gone. They were strangers now, two revolutionary women talking business.
Ember’s previous hope was replaced with a sharp disappointment. “Your Common is good. You must have studied hard these past months.”
Bianca looked at the instrument panel, the ceiling, the floor. Everywhere but at Ember. “Give your permission, and I will go.”
“If it will help in your healing, you have my authorization. I’ll send the order.”
Bianca gave a sharp nod and was already halfway out the door. Ember gritted her teeth. Was it so hard to speak to Ember face-to-face?
“Bianca,” she called. “Please come back. I’ve wanted to speak with you for so long.”
But her friend marched away, calling over her shoulder. “I have nothing to say to you.”
“Wait.” Ember sprinted after her, catching Bianca halfway down the ramp. She placed herself between the ground and her friend, refusing to allow her to pass. She switched to Romani. “You have to know how sorry I am. I wish I could restore all you’ve lost.”
Bianca raised her dainty eyebrows and changed to Romani as well. “You had the chance to do just that, Ember. And you chose not to.”
Ember paused. “What do you mean?”
“I’ve been interviewing witnesses. Even Amai confirmed it. If you hadn’t stayed behind for a man you barely knew, you could have saved us. All of us.”
The words felt like dozens of knives slicing through her mind. It was true. That was the worst nightmare of all—dreaming she’d returned home in time to stop the Empire soldiers from destroying her village and saved her father. Whenever she awoke to find it was only a dream, Ember felt a fresh wave of grief overcome her. One decision. So many lives.
Was this mission another decision like that, affecting an entire civilization? Or would she succeed and bring home the transportation and supplies they so desperately needed to escape the vanguard?
“You’re right. I should have saved them.” Ember’s words were quiet and hollow. What would Bianca have given for the chance to save the man she loved? Ember had that chance now. The only factors in Stefan’s death would be a battle and Ruben. If she kept Stefan far away from the war, he’d be safe. It had to work.
Bianca’s scowl was back, although tinged with sadness. It was the same expression she’d worn in that terrible nightmare.
Oh, Ember. When will you see that the storm is you?
“I’m glad you’re still here,” Ember managed. “I thought you would go home after the Union disbanded.”
“There is no home. Or have you forgotten already?” Bianca looked Ember up and down, eyeing her black flicker jacket with distaste. “Yes, I see you have.”
Ember swallowed hard. “I swear to you, Bianca, I tried to protect you.”
“Oh, is that what that was?” Bianca shot back. “Union soldiers knocking on our door late at night, ordering me to take my family and follow them? They said you wouldn’t help them unless I did. Wouldn’t even look me in the eye when they said it. I slammed the door on them.”
Ember flinched. “They were supposed to bring you to safety.”
“Then you knew our village was in danger and sent rebel soldiers to kidnap me from my bed instead of trying to save everyone else? What’s wrong with you, Ember?”
“I didn’t expect this to happen.”
Bianca’s eyes shot daggers at Ember now. “Well, it did. And you weren’t there. Do you have any idea what it’s like to watch your loved ones die right in front of you? To see your little boy—” Her voice broke, and she seemed to break apart right in front of Ember.
Ember’s eyes were warm and wet. “If I could bring Luca back, I would. You know that.”
“Do I? Seems to me your godly powers aren’t worth much if you can’t even protect the people you claim to love.” She shoved Ember aside and strode down the gangplank.
Another gash ripped through the patchwork that was Ember’s heart. “Please, Bianca. We’re all that’s left.”
Bianca whirled to face her. “Which is your fault. Yours. So don’t snuggle up to me and pretend like things can ever be the same, because they can’t. Not while you parade around like some kind of hero.”
The dock workers had gone quiet, slowing their work to listen. Lovely. Now the entire settlement would gossip about Crazy Lady Flare and her argument with a cafeteria worker. Ember lowered her voice. “That’s not fair. I’ve lost as much as you have.”
Bianca’s jaw dropped before she slapped Ember across the face.
It was a sloppy strike, probably the first time Bianca had ever slapped anyone. But it stung all the same. Ember grasped her cheek and turned back to her friend, her gut twisting at Bianca’s expression.
She stood with fists clenched, her shoulders rigid, and she was visibly trembling. “Don’t ever say that again.”
Ember’s cheek throbbed, but she raised her hands in surrender. “I didn’t mean to discount your suffering, Bianca. Not at all. I’m just saying we can get through this together. I don’t want to be a hero any more than you do, and I’m the same Ember you’ve always known.” The last part came out strained.
“This says otherwise.” Bianca motioned to the giant hangar around them. The workers were gawking now. They didn’t even attempt to hide it. A worker had just struck Lady Flare with no repercussions. The entire settlement would know by evening. Hopefully by then Ember and her team would be long gone.
“Not only have you changed,” Bianca continued, “but now you’re on the wrong side. No, I take that back. You are the wrong side. If you really cared, you’d end this and turn yourself in to the emperor so we could all live in peace.”
With that, Bianca stalked past her.
Ember kept her gaze riveted on her friend until she disappeared through the massive arched doorway leading into the tube. Even if Ember decided to allow Bianca to join the mission, their friendship was decidedly over. Her life was two halves—before and after. Now that the last cord connecting the two had snapped, there was only after.
You fool, the voice scolded. You just stood there and apologized. They think you weak. You must arrest that woman before she causes more problems.
“I won’t have her arrested,” Ember growled. She turned and, feeling the eyes of dozens of workers on her back, retreated to the empty bridge once again, her anger now replaced by a chilling numbness. She wouldn’t subject Bianca to a cell when it was clear she was suffering. But that didn’t mean Ember had to follow through on her decision to let Bianca come along, either. There were too many lives at stake. Again.
She was so, so tired of decisions like this.
“Lady Flare?” The worker was in the doorway again, this time looking incredibly uncomfortable. He’d likely seen their argument. “A message for you from Amai.”
Ember tore it from his hand and quickly scanned it. Then she read it aga
in, everything within her willing the words to change.
Amai had been called away on an emergency. She wouldn’t be able to meet with her today and wished Ember luck. The ship was due to leave in a couple of hours. They’d board in just a few minutes.
Through the window, Ember saw Stefan heading for the ramp, his overnight bag slung over his back. He turned and shouted something to another worker, who waved back. Too late to leave him behind. Now she’d have to confront him.
In her mind, she ran through the conversation. Please don’t come. I can’t tell you why.
No, she knew how that would end. Keeping him here now would require breaking into his mind again, and that would shatter whatever shreds of his trust remained. As long as he thought last night was a frenzied psychological episode, she could heal their relationship. But if she did that again now, with so much at stake, he wouldn’t be here when she returned. She would still face a future without him.
Ember clutched her cheek again, willing the heat to subside. She felt completely drained after confronting Bianca. What she wanted to do was fall into Stefan’s arms and tell him the whole story, not argue about whether he could come. Especially when he had the cabinet’s approval and everyone expected them to stay together as they’d done for months.
There was just one light in this dark, muddy mess she’d made of things, and that was the glimpse she’d had of Ruben in Stefan’s future. There was no way Ruben would be anywhere near the MaKan convoy. She’d do her best to keep Stefan out of the fighting, but this couldn’t possibly be the battle that would take his life. She had to cling to that.
A minute passed, and he still hadn’t come to find her. Either he didn’t know Ember was aboard already or he didn’t want to speak with her just now. Or perhaps he was searching the ship for his new luxury quarters, preparing to unpack for their four-day roundtrip journey. She should be doing the same.
I’m the same Ember I’ve always been, she’d told Bianca, but her friend was right. The crowds staring at Ember wherever she went, the cabinet expecting her to make important decisions, a grand suite marked Lady Flare. People calling her a god, as if the very stars served her. If only they knew how backward that belief really was.
Ember entered the corridor, finding her intended quarters immediately. She tore the name card off the door and kept walking. Minutes later, she stuck the card to another door and entered, dumping her bag beside the ship’s janitorial equipment. Then she shut the door and sat in the glorious, peaceful darkness.
The shadow hovering over her consciousness had retreated now, somewhere deep inside. For the first time in months, Ember felt utterly and truly alone. The only words permeating her mind now were the ones Bianca had spoken, and they ran through her mind in a vicious, endless loop.
What good are your godly powers if you can’t even protect the people you claim to love?
Chapter 10
Thirty-three hours later, Ember tossed the liquid remains of her breakfast into the bin and stood, looking around the small midlevel cafeteria one last time. Only six people remained, mostly workers off shift. She’d successfully avoided the meal rush again.
Her eyes fell on the frowning cafeteria worker, and she felt a stab of sadness. According to Amai, the entire settlement buzzed about Bianca’s assault on Lady Flare. Bianca was being carefully watched night and day. It didn’t make Ember feel any better.
Even now she saw her friend everywhere—in the soldier with braided hair, in the janitor’s careful step. A second cafeteria worker joined the first, head low as she refilled the stack of trays. She was about Bianca’s height.
Stop it, Ember told herself. The decision was final, and she’d do it again if it meant protecting her people. Stefan would have done the same thing. He always saw the big picture. They hadn’t spoken beyond trivial details since their departure. Whether Stefan was still angry or whether he took his cues from her, she couldn’t tell.
Thankfully, he was easy to avoid. Stefan served with Captain Terrance, coordinating the staff and carrying out orders. It was a fancy way of saying he was the captain’s Amai. Ember’s role on this ship would take effect once they reached the convoy, but she was beginning to wish she had a duty of some kind to perform. Idleness meant far too much time to think, which in turn meant hours of crippling worry between fits of dreamless sleep.
They’d reach the caravan tonight. If only the ship carried something harder than the watered-down excuse for alcohol she’d been downing for two days straight. It barely gave her a buzz at all.
The heavy smell of sanitizer followed Ember to the door. The crew had begun their cleanup. She’d nearly reached the corridor when she recognized one of the stragglers. Mar sat in the corner with a still-full tray of breakfast. She slowly raised a piece of bread to her mouth before perking up at seeing Ember. “There you are. Get over here.”
Ember hesitated, but she couldn’t think of a single excuse. Mar knew Ember wasn’t needed elsewhere. Ember sighed and made her way over, sliding onto the bench beside her friend.
“Captain Terrance thought you got murdered and dumped in the fuel tank when you disappeared yesterday,” Mar said. “I figured you needed some alone time and told him as much, but I’ve been starting to wonder myself.”
Ember found herself smiling. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
She grinned. “Well, at least you can smile. Everyone else is so grumpy and serious today. I asked the cafeteria guy how his day was going. For a second I thought he was going to run me through with his butcher knife.”
Ember shot a glance at the worker, who was indeed frowning as he swept her breakfast remains into the incinerator. Such a simple job—keep the soldiers fed and clean up afterward. Nobody would pay a terrible price if he failed. They’d just go hungry for a meal or two and continue on with their lives. She couldn’t imagine such bliss.
“Even your flicker team is brooding today,” Mar continued, picking at her food. “Don’t get me wrong—it’s so much better than working in security. But enough with the glumness already. We’ve got Lady Flare. That caravan doesn’t stand a chance. You should hear the stories they’re telling about you in the bunk room. They say ‘Lady Flare’ with such reverence. It’s really kind of funny.” She shoveled a few sautéed mushrooms into her mouth.
Ember didn’t want to know about it. “They need to stop saying those things.”
Mar swallowed her food and took a swig from her water packet. “Don’t take their faith away. They wouldn’t be here without it. These soldiers didn’t volunteer because they were bribed or threatened. That’s how the Empire works, not the revolution. They came because they believe in you and what you stand for.”
Or maybe they had nowhere else to go. The revolution was built almost entirely of people who couldn’t return to their homes. They were a group of misfits, ragtag soldiers with little training and big dreams. They assumed Ember would do what she’d promised to do—protect them and overturn a government poisoned by greed. It would all start with this one mission, a dangerous act of piracy to protect a revolution. They didn’t realize how precarious their savior really was.
She would find a way to use her power without unleashing her tainted soul on the world. She’d do it because she had to. And then she would decide what to do about Er’len and Sa’Kahn’s resistance.
Ember gave her friend a grim smile. “And why are you here?”
Mar shrugged. “I’m here for the same reasons. It’s just that I know more about you and the price you’ve paid to get here. Although I do have to complain about the mushrooms. They taste like dirt.” She grimaced and slid her tray aside.
“We’ve lived in a mountain for three months,” Brennan said, swinging his leg over the bench and plopping himself down next to Mar. “Everything tastes like dirt.” He broke open the water packet from his tray and began gulping it down, some of it dripping down his uniform.
Mar reddened. Ember watched her friend’s reaction with interest. Although there we
re a few years between them, Brennan and Mar had grown up together on Olvenack. She’d called him “the heroic type,” although by her expression, Mar didn’t see that as a good thing.
Reina, who had followed her brother over, seemed to finally realize Ember was there. She hesitated a second before taking the seat farthest from Ember. Then she attacked her food like a starving feline.
“And they call men messy eaters,” Brennan muttered.
Reina shot him a glare and continued to shovel her food into her mouth.
“We never did have our chat,” Ember told Reina, suddenly remembering. Things had gotten so busy their discussion about Reina’s stolen food had slipped her mind. “Maybe when you’re finished, we can talk on the way to the review meeting.” It wasn’t critical to the mission, but it would give Ember something to do.
Reina grimaced, then swallowed a huge mouthful of food and gave a nearly imperceptible nod as she downed her water.
“Well, I’m going to head up there now,” Mar said, avoiding Brennan’s gaze as she stood. “I like to be early to these things.”
“I’ll walk with you,” Brennan said, his mouth half full. He grabbed a pastry off his tray and stood, stacking their trays together to dump in the bin. Mar’s cheeks were a bright pink as she waited. They walked out the door, Mar a step ahead of him.
“He likes her,” Reina said under her breath as Ember stared after them. “Though I can’t imagine why. Mar’s never been his type. He prefers the impossible ones.”
Ember hid a grin. If Reina thought Mar was easy to get, she’d soon be surprised. Brennan and Mar. Warmth spread through Ember at the thought. Even if Ember and Stefan ended, at least something beautiful would carry on after all this was over.
That familiar stomach pain was back. She was beginning to suspect the food packets were the culprit, but she hadn’t eaten one since their departure. Maybe it took awhile for the effects to wear off. She’d downed her water packet too fast, and she wasn’t about to approach the grumpy cafeteria worker for another.