Emotional Intelligence
21 Powerful Strategies for Improving Your Social Skills and Increasing your EQ for Life and Work
Table Of Contents
Introduction 3
Chapter 1. Understanding Emotional Intelligence 4
How do you know you have good EQ? 5
When is emotional intelligence right and when is it wrong? 5
The elements of emotional intelligence 6
Characteristics of people with high or low emotional intelligence 8
Chapter 2. The Role of Social Intelligence to Happiness in Life and Work 11
Chapter 3. The Language of Emotional Intelligence 17
Dimensions of Emotional Ability In The Context of Non Verbal Communication 17
Communicating emotions effectively 19
Why people fail to express emotions 20
Chapter 4. How to Master your Emotion and Improve Your EQ 22
The reasons behind the limiting emotions 22
Exercises to improve your emotional intelligence 24
Chapter 5. The Role of EQ in Effective Leadership 29
The basis of effective leadership 29
What happens when emotions of group members are not understood? 29
Traits of an effective leader 30
Emotional Leadership Exercises 31
Chapter 6. 21 Powerful Strategies to Improve your EQ and Social Skills 33
Why you need Social Skills 33
Social skills you need and how they help in achieving social success 34
Communicating Clearly 36
Mastering Emotions 38
Exercises to develop your social skills 40
Conclusion 43
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Introduction
This book contains 21 Powerful Strategies for Improving Your Social Skills and Increase your EQ for Life and Work. It presents a description of what Emotional Intelligence is and how acquiring the skills to enhance it will greatly change your social and work life.
Time was when most people consider mental or cognitive ability as the major contributor to an individual’s success in life and at work. Success then was associated with a broad array of mental abilities, such as memory, reasoning, judgment, and abstract thought. As such, IQ was held as the standard of excellence for success in life until Daniel Goleman came up with his best-selling book on emotional intelligence.
Goleman’s book popularized the concept of emotional intelligence and caught the attention of researchers, scientists, the public, and the media. But today, scientists claim a connection between emotional abilities and prosocial behavior, reduction of violence in schools, and its effective application in the workplace. Now, people from all professions incorporate emotional intelligence into their social and professional practices.
You can benefit from the use of emotional intelligence and achieve happiness in your personal, social, and professional life. This book shows you how to acquire the abilities to improve your emotional and social intelligence.
Thanks for downloading this book. I hope you enjoy it!
Chapter 1
Understanding Emotional Intelligence
Imagine a situation where you receive a job offer, and you see it as a great opportunity in terms of salary, advancement, and location. But, you feel uneasy about resigning from your present job and moving on. Confronted with this situation, will you disregard your feeling and choose the logical path of accepting the job? Or, will you follow your feeling and disappoint your family?
Solving problems and making decisions entail thoughts and feelings, or you can say logic and intuition, both of which are part of what is referred to as emotional intelligence. You may have faced similar situations where you have to make wise decisions. Being able to understand your emotions and the emotions of others, you can use the knowledge to achieve success in life.
What is emotional intelligence?
Emotional intelligence is that ability which enables you, not only to recognize your emotions and that of the other people but to understand and control the emotions. Being able to control your emotions is valuable, especially in stressful moments.
Another way of looking at emotional intelligence is to view it as noncognitive – emotional and social – abilities, skills, and competencies that allow you to cope with environmental pressures and demands.
Emotional intelligence involves knowing what you feel when interacting with others, understanding how others feel, and using that knowledge to act constructively for your interest and that of the other people. It calls for your ability to empathize, to be resilient when confronted with difficulties, to control your impulses, and manage stress.
The end purpose of using emotional intelligence is to achieve prosocial behaviors. It can be used to come up with a win-win solution to a difficult situation where both end of the parties benefit. But, there is a dark side to emotional intelligence that you should be aware of in order to protect yourself.
How do you know you have good EQ?
EQ is crucial to your success in life; therefore, developing the right EQ skills is crucial. You will know if you or the other person you are facing has the right EQ competencies:
When you are aware of your feelings, recognize them when they occur, and be able to discriminate them.
When you can handle your feelings, making them relevant to the current situation so you can respond accordingly.
When you can motivate yourself, collect your feelings, and lead yourself toward a goal despite inertia, self-doubts, and impulsiveness.
When you can recognize and empathize with the feelings of others and sync into their nonverbal and verbal cues.
When you can handle interpersonal interactions, resolve conflicts and negotiate successfully.
There is, however, a dark side to emotional intelligence. By itself, emotional intelligence is morally neutral. One w
ho has mastered emotional intelligence can use it to protect or promote the self. Or, the skills can be used to promote the self at the expense of others.
Studies have shown that people with high EQ can assess and control emotions to advance their own interests or achieve their personal goals. A report made by Dr. Martin Kilduff argues that EQ has a dark counterpart to the principles of EQ. Persons with high EQ use this ability to intimidate, spin, and manipulate individuals or groups to influence them and conform to one’s will.
When is emotional intelligence right and when is it wrong?
A person with high EQ abilities and competencies can misuse or abuse EQ by:
Strategically detecting emotion – the skill is used to analyze colleagues with regards their emotional state and pick up on nonverbal clues. The information they get will then be used for personal advantage.
Control display of emotions – persons high on EQ can hide their emotions, like a poker player. Or, they can express strong beliefs not held just to advance the self, at the expense of others.
Shape and stir the emotions of others - Persons high on EQ are adept at appearing sympathetic to another person, while silently shaping and stirring the other person’s emotions. A master EQ performer can listen to your account of a story while the master performer puts emphasis on the negatives and disregards the positives. This is referred to as strategic empathizing which unbalances the other person, especially if the other person is viewed as a threat by the perpetrator.
While knowledge of the prosocial end of EQ can help you in several ways, it is prudent to be aware of its dark side. This knowledge can protect you from people who might abuse their EQ abilities.
The elements of emotional intelligence
There are those who consider EQ to be more significant than the IQ in bringing about success in life and work. It is believed that success would depend on how well you read your own emotions, the emotions and cues – verbal and nonverbal - of others around you, and how you respond in appropriate ways. Otherwise, with the inability to read and interpret emotions, success will be far from your reach in life and at work.
A step towards good EQ is to understand its five categories:
Self-awareness
This is an EQ competency which allows you to recognize your emotion as it occurs. Self-awareness is the key to emotional intelligence since all the other categories depend on recognizing, identifying, and understanding our emotions.
To develop self-awareness, you need to be attuned to your true feelings. If you are able to identify your feelings, you can manage and control them. Being self-aware involves emotional awareness where you recognize your feelings and its effects, accurate and objective self-assessment which allows you to examine your strengths and limits, and self-confidence, which means you are certain of your worth and capabilities.
Self-regulation
Once you have recognized and identified your feelings, you have to express, manage, and regulate these feelings appropriately. Self-regulation involves:
Self-control to manage disruptive impulses and emotions
Trustworthiness in adhering to a standard of integrity and honesty
Conscientiousness – which means you claim responsibility for your actions and performance
Adaptability – where you are able to handle change and are flexible
Innovation – where you welcome and acknowledge new ideas and information.
Self-motivation
It has been shown that people high on EQ have high intrinsic motivation. They are driven by internal reasons rather than external rewards, such as fame, wealth, or respect. Achieving self-motivation involves:
Achievement drive where you strive to improve performance or conform to a standard of excellence
Commitment – where you align your goals with that of the group or organization
Initiative – to be ready to act when you see an opportunity
Optimism – where you persist with your goals despite setbacks and obstacles encountered.
Empathy
This is an ability which enables you to understand what the other person thinks, feels, and sees the condition from the other person’s point of view. Empathy comes from within you, not forced, and allows you to be compassionate to the other’s feelings. Empathy involves:
Service orientation - a helping behavior where you anticipate, recognize, and meet the needs of others.
Developing others – this involves sensing what others need, helping them develop, and boosting their abilities.
Leveraging diversity – where you cultivate opportunities through diverse people.
Political awareness – where you are able to read emotional currents and power relations within a group.
Understanding others – where you discern what the others feel underneath their wants and needs.
Social Skills
Developing interpersonal skills is as good as experiencing success in your career and life. Social skills allow you to socially interact with people and navigate through social situations with success. The social skills you need are:
Influence – apply persuasive tactics effectively
Communication – sending and reading verbal and nonverbal cues effectively.
Leadership – where you guide and inspire people.
Change catalyst – where you initiate and manage change.
Manage conflict – where you are able to understand, negotiate, and resolve disagreements.
Build bonds – where you nurture instrumental relationships, inspiring cooperation within groups to achieve a goal.
Collaboration and Cooperation – where you work with others to achieve shared goals.
Characteristics of people with high or low emotional intelligence
According to Daniel Goleman, having a high IQ or being smart will not bring you success if you don’t have emotional intelligence.
We can learn what effects having a high or a low emotional intelligence does to an individual by looking at some traits of people high on emotional intelligence. We can then compare these with people of low emotional intelligence.
People with high intelligence are:
not afraid of change. They see change as a fact of life and are quick to adapt.
aware of their strengths and weaknesses – where they excel, what to work on, what to learn, and the kind of environment that optimizes their abilities.
comfortable relating with others and make the others feel special. They have the innate ability to understand what the others are going through.
after quality, but accept that perfection is not real. They face difficulties, learn from mistakes, and move on.
able to balance their personal and professional life. They keep their body fit and healthy and engage in interest aside from work.
innately curious and possess a sense of wonder you would love to be with them. They are not judgmental, ask questions, look into possibilities, and open to new solutions.
thankful for each new day, feel good living, and not bothered by critics or toxic people.
highly focused. They have the ability to focus on the task on hand despite busy surroundings, interruptions, and distractions.
guarded and wary, keeping boundaries with others, and know how to say “No”, knowing that saying “Yes” all the time will only bring about stress.
forgiving, no grudges, don’t bark on past arguments, and quick to move on. Their outlook is positive and accepts the fact that people make mistakes. They don’t waste time on anger and on things they can’t change.
On the other hand, people with low emotional intelligence:
cannot control their emotions.
have no inkling about the feelings of others.
unable to maintain good personal, social, and work relationships.
think other people are overly sensitive.
intolerant of other people’s views.
cannot handle emotionally-charged situations.
pass mistak
es on to others.
often get into arguments.
unable to regulate emotions and often display sudden emotional outbursts.
Chapter 2
The Role of Social Intelligence to Happiness in Life and Work
The popularization of emotional intelligence led to researches in the biology and brain sciences. These studies reveal that people are “wired to connect” and that this connection, which appears even from infancy, has deep impact on people’s relationships on all aspects of their lives. This need to connect roots from how we evolved as humans – people who can find themselves in a group tend to survive longer.
People connection is an emerging science which discovered that our brain is designed to make us sociable, naturally drawn to a brain-to-brain connection each time we engage with another person. The neural connection affects the brain, and consequently the body, of people in interaction.
Even the most mundane interactions with others act as brain regulators that prime our emotions. The effect may either be desirable or not. It follows that the stronger a person is connected to someone, the greater the emotional mutual force. While the brains are connected, feelings go through a roller coaster.
Social interactions act as modulators which continually reset key facets of our brain function as they manage our emotions. Relationships, therefore, mold our experiences, shaping us in small to profound ways. Social relationships that are nourishing, then, benefits us while toxic relationships destroy our bodies.
Social intelligence brings out the best in you and makes you keen on exploring your hidden potential. Understanding, therefore, social intelligence is necessary if you are to bring out your hidden potentials and make a success of your social life.
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