by Lotta Smith
My name is Amanda Meyer. I’m a special assistant with the FBI’s New York City field office. In my previous life, I was a medical student with mediocre grades, serious germaphobia, and low motivation to be exposed to total strangers’ bodily fluids, but with some tricky twists of life, I got kicked out of med school—with no degree but a ton of student loan debt. Then Rick Rowling recruited me to work for the bureau’s Paranormal Cases Division, and with a dash of magic, I was about to tie the knot with him, my seriously sexy boss and the only heir to USCAB.
Under normal circumstances, I’d be euphorically happy with my engagement to one of the most eligible bachelors in Manhattan, and I was… until Alice came into the picture.
I’m not complaining. After all, she’d generously offered to pay for the wedding, and it was really generous of her… except, she’d also volunteered to plan my—I mean our—wedding, and she was determined to go big. As in some kind of royal wedding, or one of the Kardashian weddings. She never remarried or had another child, so according to her, she wished to be a part of her only child’s wedding. Luckily for her, she came from old money and could afford an almost-royal wedding, not to mention she’d grown richer following many flings with millionaires and billionaires from all over the world.
Initially, Rick wanted to turn down her offer, but I sensed a kind of desperation in Alice, like she was dying to build a relationship with her estranged son, so I persuaded him to let her in. But I was truly, seriously regretting my stupid, sentimental decision.
Alice was planning a huge wedding, and things were getting out of control. Okay, so going big was fine. I personally preferred small and intimate occasions, but I didn’t essentially object to a big wedding. After all, weddings were used as part of marketing strategies by many companies and as the old saying goes, there’s no such thing as bad press. A big wedding could be good for the family business. But since Alice had appointed herself the chief wedding planner, what used to be my dream wedding had literally spiraled. After all, I had no idea about her ambition to make a mind-blowing comeback to Hollywood as a reality TV star when she offered to pick up the tab for the wedding, or that she had every intention of utilizing our wedding as a tool for gaining publicity. To make it even worse, Alice was working her own magic and making our wedding into a nightmare, or the wedding from Hell.
In my not-so-long career working for the FBI’s Paranormal Cases Division, I’d dealt with murderers, ghosts with maleficent intentions, and an evil witch psychic named Aurora Westwood, but Alice Wunderlande was by far the most difficult and dangerous counterpart I’d ever encountered.
“Okay, so you don’t like the big ribbon in front, or a yellow ball gown. I’ll find something more exciting before the next meeting.” Alice flashed a dazzling smile. Then she glanced at her gold Cartier Panthere watch. “Oh gosh, I have to run. I found this awesome cake artist named Nathan Wang. Guess what? He specializes in complete vegan wedding cakes! He can create a total miracle with soy milk and tofu. Can you believe that?”
I wanted to shriek, “Noooooooo!”
As Alice enthused, Rick crossed his arms, visibly frowning. “Look, Alice—” He opened his mouth, but the stormy mother didn’t listen to her only child.
“Oh, Rick, darling, you can thank me later. By the way—” She stood up.
“I didn’t know you’ve turned into a vegetarian,” Dan commented.
“Of course, you didn’t.” Alice gave a meaningful glance at him. “And you didn’t know that I knew you’ve been dating five-plus women for the past few years, did you?”
“So what? Any problem?” Dan raised an eyebrow. “You’ve had more lovers than Courtney Love.”
Ignoring her ex-hubby, Alice turned to Rick. “By the way, we’ve got to do something more dramatic for the ceremony than an exchange of rings. I’m thinking of a tattoo exchanging. What do you think?”
Rick took a deep breath. “A tattoo exchanging? Wow, that’s impressive, huh? Except the ceremony will turn into a freak show rather than a wedding.”
“Oh, come on, sweetie. Stop frowning.” Alice touched her own forehead. “You don’t want to end up with frown lines. Anyway, I have to run. Ciao!”
She went out of the room like a category four hurricane.
My jaw dropped. “A tattoo exchange? Did she just say tattoo exchange?”
“Yup.” Jackie nodded. And after a brief pause, the ghost of a drag queen flipped herself in the air, changing into a black nylon parka and black skinny jeans—the same outfit Camila Cabello wore on TV, which was amazing in a weird way. We’d been acquainted for almost two years, but until recently, Jackie had been stuck with the same skimpy neon pink and green outfit that she was wearing when she was killed on the night of Pride Dance. According to Jackie, her newly acquired ability to change her attire was related to the fact that we’d uncovered her killer.
“Is she out of her head? Is she out of her mind? If she only knew the type of weddings we like. Don’t think that she can ruin it. What can I say, I’m the maid of the honor,” Jackie started singing in her most sultry voice, with a perfect impression of the Latin pop singer.
“Bravo.” I applauded at the ghost sporting rapper-chic attire. Thanks to her background in Broadway, she could really sing.
“Thank you!” She bowed. “By the way, I caught Alice phoning someone about a possible llama rental.”
“Renting a llama?” I parroted. “You mean, like, the animal?”
“Yes. She seemed to believe that using a llama as the ring bearer was mind-blowing. As for it being mind-blowing, I have no objection. Then again, I’m not sure if I’d feel safe relying on a llama to carry the rings if I were in your shoes.” Jackie rolled her eyes.
“Seriously, she can’t hire a llama to carry the rings!” I half shrieked.
“A llama?” Dan’s eyebrows shot up. “As in the camel-like creature without the humps?”
“I’m afraid so.” I nodded. “Oh, don’t forget about the animal’s extra-stinky spit. I read somewhere that the stench of llama’s spit stays for three days at least, and even the most intense washing, showering, or bathing can’t get rid of the foul smell. According to Jackie, Alice is planning to hire a llama as the ring bearer.”
“Look, we’ve got to do something,” Rick said through gritted teeth.
“I guess,” Dan agreed.
“We have to stop her. That woman’s gonna ruin our wedding,” Rick declared.
“That woman?” Dan furrowed his perfectly-shaped eyebrows. “For your information, that woman happens to be your mother.”
“Don’t forget about her being your ex-wife,” Rick retorted.
“Very funny.” Dan let out a dry laugh.
“Apparently, using a llama as the ring bearer isn’t a good idea. First off, Alicia wants Emma to be your ring bearer and Minty to be the flower girl,” Jackie said, dropping the names of my sister and nieces.
“I know,” I agreed.
“What?” Rick and Dan said in unison.
“I was talking to Jackie,” I explained, relaying my conversation with Jackie, my maid of honor, whose presence Alice wasn’t aware of.
“Also, don’t forget about Brian,” Jackie said. “He wants to perform the ceremony.”
“So, of course, we’ve got to ask Brian to preside over the ceremony,” I went on. Brian Powers was our mutual friend and an exorcist. He was present when Rick popped the question. Not to mention, he’d saved my behind so many times. “We can’t exclude him from our wedding, can we?”
“I know,” Rick agreed. “Okay, so we’ve got the priest, a flower girl, and a ring girl. We’re better off secretly doing the ceremony while Alice plans a freak show.”
Dan groaned and massaged his temples.
CHAPTER 2
“Thank you for coming, Ms. Meyer—or should I call you Mrs. Rowling?” Assistant Director in Charge Sheldon Hernandez fumbled with his words.
“Oh… I’m still Ms. Meyer,” I said, a little breathlessly.
> Rick and I had a talk about our wedding and discussed having a small, intimate ceremony without Alice meddling with the process, making the whole thing into an excessively lavish spectacle. Still, when I replied to Hernandez, I was bothered by a small voice in my head. Unless Alice keeps complicating the wedding and prevents me from getting married to Rick.
What bothered me more was that even Rick himself seemed to grow skeptical about a small wedding. After coming back to the office, he told me that we should be open to all options, including a huge wedding. The problem was that I couldn’t picture myself in the very center of a huge wedding. Okay, so I didn’t like the huge wedding planned by Alice. Rick suggested we say no to Alice and instead have Dan pay for another big wedding. Then again, I wasn’t sure if it was right for me to have Dan cover the bills for our big wedding after he’d just paid off my student loan. Besides that, I wanted to get married as stealthily as possible. I’d had my share of unwanted attention when I got kicked out of med school with the unfortunate nickname ‘the Grim Reaper.’
“That’s great. Excellent.” Hernandez nodded. “Congratulations on your engagement.”
“Thank you, sir.” I displayed a smile that I hoped wasn’t awkward.
Four hours after leaving Nobu, I was at Hernandez’s office on the 23rd floor of 26 Federal Plaza.
Hernandez was the head of the FBI’s New York City field office. For him, Rick Rowling had been a thorn in his side for a long, long time—mostly because of Rick’s loose cannon personality and his reckless investigation style that bordered on violent. Indeed, one of the reasons Hernandez decided to hire me—a fresh medical school dropout with zero experience in law enforcement—was because he kind of hoped Rick might drop dead after touching me, the girl with a truly unfortunate moniker: Grim Reaper. Except, unlike some people who’d previously committed serial crimes like murders but managed to slip out of the judiciary system, Rick didn’t drop dead by touching me.
Anyway, when I came into his office, I was expecting to receive a pink slip. After all, Rick, my boss and only colleague in the Paranormal Cases Division, was leaving the feds in order to join his family business, and considering I was hired to somewhat babysit him, it was obvious that the bureau didn’t need me anymore. I was planning to submit my resignation letter at the same time as Rick, but he told me to wait till Hernandez contacted me. According to him, I was likely to earn more by waiting for the bureau to give me the pink slip rather than voluntarily quitting.
I was ready to face the news from Hernandez that the bureau didn’t need me anymore and get to the process of claiming my severance pay and so on, but I wasn’t prepared for his next words.
“So, Ms. Meyer, I have a quick question. Are you interested in continuing to work with us after your husband-to-be has left the feds?”
“Excuse me?” My jaw dropped.
“You don’t need to sound so shocked.” Hernandez chuckled. “You’ve been a great asset to us, and many agents from various departments have expressed their wishes to continue working with you.”
I opened my mouth. “But… is it possible for the Paranormal Cases Division to exist as a one-person operation without an agent?”
Hernandez furrowed his bushy eyebrows. “Actually, I was meaning to offer you a contractor position, meaning you’d get calls when someone at the bureau needs your expertise.”
“Oh… I see. So, it’s not like I’d have to come to the office on a daily basis.”
“Right. I’m assuming you’ll be extremely busy with the wedding and everything anyway,” Hernandez went on, pulling a piece of paper out of a thick file on his desk. “Here’s a brief summary of the proposed contract.”
I glanced at it and my eyes almost popped out of my head, as if I was in a cartoon instead of my life. The contract fees offered were so much higher than the salary I’d been paid for the past few years.
Blinking, I scanned the proposed contract over and over. “Excuse me, but the compensation offered here is for—”
“That’s the price per case. So, Ms. Meyer, you can take your time reviewing the contract. I’d appreciate it if you’d get back to me in, say, a week?”
“I will.” I nodded like a bobblehead. “I will, sir.”
“Excellent. Now you can return to your office. There’s a new case awaiting you,” he said, and actually smiled. It was a shocking sight. I’d rarely seen him smile. “By the way, Ms. Meyer, my wife’s been fussing about what to wear on your big day since the news about your nuptial came out. I’ve been telling her that she’s not the one who’s getting married, but she never listens to me. Anyway, Alice is such a lovely lady, isn’t she? She called me and shared her exciting plans about you and her son’s big day. If you’re planning to invite my ex-wife to the wedding, don’t bother about the seating arrangements, okay? Both of us have remarried with no hard feelings. We’ve actually been discussing how nice it would be for us two couples to sit at the same table and—”
Hernandez was smiling, and he seemed to go on and on, so I cut him off. “Okay, sir. Thank you so much for your kind words. I’ll review the contract and be in touch with you shortly.” I forced a smile and stood up to leave. I couldn’t tell him that my soon-to-be mother-in-law was turning my wedding into a freak show with a tattoo exchange and a llama ring bearer.
As I tried my best not to think about the wedding, he said, “By the way, your wedding’s been a big topic among the city’s law enforcement. Everyone’s looking forward to your big day. So, where are you planning to use as the wedding venue?”
* * *
When I came back to the office, Rick was studying a case file. “Hey.” He raised his hand and looked up at me.
“Hey,” I muttered, slouching onto my desk chair.
“What’s with the lip biting? What did he say?” Rick frowned. “You’re not going to miss working for the FBI, are you?”
“No,” I said. “Am I biting my lip?”
“Yes.” He cocked his head to the side.
I took a deep breath. “Hernandez says he and his wife are so very looking forward to our wedding. His wife is totally fussing about what to wear for the big day. Also, his ex-wife, Captain DeLaurentis, is expecting to attend our wedding, and according to Hernandez, practically every law enforcement officer in New York is looking forward to attending our wedding—and I don’t know what to do. Alice has been spreading the news faster than any media outlet.”
Rick groaned. “Hell.”
“He even wanted to know where our wedding venue would be. Perhaps I should have told him that we’ll be having a small, intimate wedding.” As I went on, my hands were shaking. “Will they be disappointed if we elope at city hall or go to Las Vegas?”
“Eloping is tempting, but obviously that’s not a great move, especially since we’ll continue our business in New York.” Rick stood up and came by my side.
“But I won’t be—” I opened my mouth to protest, but he didn’t let me finish the sentence as he held me tightly in his strong arms.
“Don’t worry, Mandy. We won’t be exchanging tattoos, and we won’t have a llama or other nonhuman beings.”
Listening to his deep, confident voice whispering into my ear, I felt my tense nerves easing, but then I caught Jackie clearing her throat disapprovingly in my other ear.
“Excuse me? Mandy, you’ve got to ask Rick if he’s excluding your maid of honor altogether from the wedding.”
“I will,” I mumbled.
“What?” Rick loosened his embrace around me.
“Jackie isn’t happy about your comment about having no nonhuman beings at the wedding,” I pointed out, his arms still wrapped around my shoulders.
“Oops. I didn’t mean to exclude her. Sorry, Jackie. My bad.” Rick pulled himself away from me and said, “After all, we need the maid of honor, right?”
Watching him apologize to the air, I knew I really loved this man. He’d never expressed doubts about Jackie’s existence or my ability to talk to dead people.
“Apology accepted,” Jackie said solemnly, but she was grinning from ear to ear. “I’m glad that you regard me as the official maid of honor.”
“Good.” He nodded when I relayed her words to Rick. “So, our wedding will be slightly bigger than we’d previously anticipated, but we’ll manage. We can hire a real wedding planner, and I mean someone professional. What do you say?”
“Sounds good. But what about Alice?” I asked.
“She can be in charge of… something, I guess. I’ll think about it later.” He shrugged. Then he glanced at the paperwork in my hand. “What’s that?”
“Oh, this?” I handed it to him. “Actually, Hernandez said he wants to hire me as a contractor and this is a rough draft of the contract.”
Rick glanced at the draft for a couple of seconds, and he clicked the tongue. “That sneaky bastard. He’s trying to make an exclusivity contract with you behind my back. And what does he think of you? A minimum-wage worker?”
“Minimum-wage worker? Excuse me?” My eyes widened. “The offered compensation per case happens to be a little higher than my salary.”
“What?” He raised an eyebrow. “You’ve got to be kidding.”
“No, I’m not kidding,” I said, and I couldn’t help feeling a little defiant. When the FBI offered me the initial salary, I thought they had practically saved my behind from a sea of debt. Back then, I had been unexpectedly kicked out of med school with no degree and a ton of student loans, and the offered salary as an FBI special assistant was slightly higher than that of a first-year resident’s, so I took it without much of a negotiation. Besides, I thought the offer was nice, assuming that I’d be able to solve some cases in a day or two. “I thought you knew the exact amount of my salary. Most bosses know that kind of thing, don’t they?”
“I’m not an average boss,” he replied casually. He went back to his desk and came back to my side with a file. After flipping through the pages, he said, “Okay, so you’re not kidding about your pay. Why didn’t you negotiate on your salary? Hernandez summons you as often as he takes Pepto-Bismol, so you’ve had many opportunities to negotiate.”