Chapter 5
Renie missed her horse. If she asked her mom, she’d bring Pooh to Crested Butte for her. But she wouldn’t ask. She had a very good reason why not.
Billy would take good care of Pooh, better than she would herself. He understood horses, loved them, lived and breathed them. Or at least he used to. Before the baby.
She still didn’t want to talk about him, to anyone. If her mom tried to bring him up she’d leave the room. Her mom would get mad at her, but Renie didn’t mind making her mom mad. She did mind talking about Billy.
“I’m open to any suggestions you might have,” Liv said when Dottie called to check in.
“I haven’t come up with anything, if I do, I’ll call you.”
“How’s Willow?”
“As beautiful as the day is long. And Billy’s such a good daddy. Have to admit, I wasn’t sure he had it in him. Thought that darlin’ little girl would be spendin’ more time with her grandma than her daddy.”
“I’m due for a trip over, I can’t wait to see her. I bet she’s getting so big.”
Liv had been to see Willow, and to check on Pooh, a couple times in the last eight months. Renie didn’t ask where she was going, and she didn’t volunteer any information. She even took photos of Willow, just in case. But, Renie never mentioned Billy or anything to do with him. She never mentioned Pooh either. It broke Liv’s heart as much as anything else.
— • —
He checked his phone, almost one in the morning. No wonder she fell asleep so fast. Not to mention the emotional wringer he put her through.
He realized at one point tonight that Renie would be way ahead of him. She saw coming before he did. She was usually at least one step ahead of him, if not more.
He had several things to consider. Their two families were almost one. He was much older than she, and based on her reactions to him tonight, he was more experienced than she too. She was his best friend. Of everything, that was the most important. She was terrified that he would hurt her, which meant she wanted more than friendship with him. If she didn’t, she would’ve said so, and she definitely wouldn’t be worried about him hurting her.
He wondered how long it had been that he’d taken Renie Fairchild for granted. Probably since the day he met her. She often looked at him in a way that said she knew exactly what he was thinking; and then she’d laugh at him for it. Nobody called him on his shit better than Renie did. Not even his mom, who called people on their shit all the time.
A couple years ago, Renie’s mom broke her neck in an accident while barrel racing. Things changed between them then. Liv had been in a coma, and Renie stayed by her side every minute. And he stayed by Renie’s side. As Liv started to recover, he rode with her, encouraged her, got her back in the saddle. Renie had been with them then too.
Wait, he thought, it was before that. The first rodeo Liv competed in, in Woodward, Oklahoma. His parents, Renie, Paige, and Mark, even Ben, had come to town to see Liv in her first barrel race.
That weekend he danced with Renie. He held her close and realized she wasn’t a little girl anymore. She was a woman, and every part of him stood up and took notice. He even remembered the song. They danced to “Free” by Zac Brown Band. It made him wonder what it would be like to hop in a truck and go…travel around the country, just her and him.
The next day when they caravanned home, Renie rode with him. He didn’t want anyone riding with him on the road. People on the circuit said he was weird about it, but he didn’t care. It was the way he liked it. But, when she rode with him, it was different.
They’d talked, and laughed, and then were quiet, and no matter what, he was comfortable.
Then there was the wedding. Last summer, Ben Rice talked Liv Fairchild into marrying him. It took place in Crested Butte, where Ben lived. His family had owned the Flying R Ranch on the south side of Crested Butte Mountain near East River Valley, since the mid-1800s. Each of Ben’s brothers, and their parents, had houses on the ranch. The week of the wedding, he and his parents stayed with Will, Ben’s youngest brother and his wife, Maeve. Renie stayed at Ben’s with her mom and Ben’s two boys, Jake and Luke.
Ben and Liv got married on the porch of his parents’ sprawling ranch house. The setting was perfect enough it looked like a movie set.
The house, built of dark wood, had a huge wraparound porch, and a spectacular view of Mount Crested Butte to the east, and the valley to the west. And all around them, the Rocky Mountains rose majestically out of the earth, as though they were there to witness the wedding. The sun was shining; the sky was a perfect cloud-free Colorado blue. A light breeze blew, but it was warm that day.
Twelve-year-old Jake, and Luke who recently turned ten, walked Liv down the aisle that formed naturally by the stone walkway that wound through the front lawn up to the porch steps. Renie, the maid of honor, stood on those steps looking so beautiful, she took Billy’s breath away.
When he closed his eyes, he pictured the soft pink dress she wore. It was sleeveless and rested just above her knees. She was tan from spending all her time outdoors, and her blond hair was loose, blowing in the wind. Her feet were bare. He remembered, that day, realizing Renie was about the sexiest woman he’d ever seen. And the most beautiful.
He watched as her mother made her way to where Ben stood on the porch, right across from Renie. It was almost as though Renie was the parent watching her child marry the love of her life; she looked at her mother with such pride and love.
The ceremony had been short. Liv stood, barefoot herself, one step higher than Ben because he was so much taller than she. And when the ceremony ended, Ben sang to her. He wrote the song, “And Then You Fall,” for her. He released it not long after Liv’s accident, while she was still in the coma. There wasn’t a dry eye at the Rice Ranch that day.
Even when she cried, Renie was beautiful. Her tears made her dark blue eyes sparkle more than they did normally. She cried softly, tears slowing spilling out of her eyes. And she smiled. She smiled through her tears. Picturing her, remembering how she looked took Billy’s breath away, as much as it had that day.
The party that followed went on throughout the afternoon and early evening. Ben’s band, CB Rice, played for hours. Ben sang off and on, but each time he did, he brought Liv up on stage with him. It was as though he couldn’t stand not being able to touch her, even for a few minutes.
Billy danced with Renie most of the night, when he was able to get her away from Jake and Luke, now her stepbrothers. They were still as in love with her as they were the day they met her.
Yep, he’d been in love with Renie then. Why hadn’t he realized it? It was so clear to him now.
It was close to midnight when the party started breaking up. Ben and Liv went back to their house. Jake and Luke stayed at their grandparents’ house, so did Renie. Billy’s parents went back to Will’s place on the other side of the ranch, but Billy hadn’t been ready to leave.
He and Renie sat on the porch and took in the wonder of the mountain sky that perfect summer night. They stayed there until sunrise, when Bud, Ben’s dad, came out to start his day, and offered to take Billy up to Will’s house.
It hadn’t occurred to Billy to kiss Renie that night. Now he wished he had.
***
Billy turned so more of his body came in contact with Renie’s. He wanted nothing more than to hold her tight. He woke her. He hadn’t meant to.
“Billy?”
“Yeah Renie?”
“Are we gonna be okay?”
“We’re gonna be way better than that.”
***
When Billy woke up later, the sun streamed through the thin white window coverings. It had to be mid-morning at least. Renie was still sound asleep.
They’d moved in the night, so they faced each other. Her lips were so close to his; he felt her breath on his cheek. He had to brush his lips across hers. She woke with a start, and a gasp.
That had done it. His mouth descended on he
rs as his hand came up to fist in her hair, holding her still, so she had no choice but to kiss him back. He tucked his other arm under her body and pulled her closer into him. He wrapped a leg over hers, so she had no choice but to press against him.
Renie put her hands on his chest and pushed back from him. He looked into her eyes, trying to figure out what she was thinking.
His hand moved to the curve of her back, down to her bottom, and pulled her back into him.
God he wished her eyes could speak. Everything he needed to hear was in them, they were telling him, but he couldn’t grasp what they were saying.
She pushed away from him again and sat up. She pulled her sweatshirt over her head. Her hands moved to her waist, and she pushed off her pajama bottoms.
Billy lost every bit of air in his lungs. He closed his eyes and opened them again. He was dizzy, delirious almost, as he took in the sight before him, of her naked.
“I knew it,” he said.
“What did you know Billy?” she smiled.
“Fucking amazing. I knew you would be.”
She was cold; it was cold in her bedroom. He didn’t want to cover her with the comforter; he had no choice but to cover her with himself. He slipped off his boxers and pushed his thigh between hers, forcing his way in closer to her.
“Wait,” she whispered.
He leaned over to where his jeans lay on the floor. He reached into the pocket and found a condom. A miracle he had one with him. She watched him open the packet and put it on. Every move he made, her eyes followed.
He kissed her again, first her lips, then down her neck, taking a turn with each breast, while his hands reached down to where they would soon come together.
Slowly, very slowly, he slid into her, and stopped. He pushed back from her. His hands went to each side of her face and held her, looking into her eyes, his questioning, their bodies still joined.
She leaned forward and brought her lips to his. Her mouth pulled at his. She kissed him so hard, his body reacted instinctively, moving into her of its own accord. He pushed into her. She breathed in deeply, but made no other sound. His hands caressed her face as their lips stayed joined in the same way their bodies were.
There would be no holding back; he had no control over his body’s reaction to her. He wanted to go slow, be gentle and make this, her first time, perfect for her. His pace quickened. He moved harder into her, and then, when he couldn’t wait a moment longer, she cried out. Her fingers dug in where her hands pulled at his shoulders. He had to see her face.
“Open your eyes,” he said softly. “Look at me.”
He pulled her on top of him. His body refused to leave the snug comfort of hers. “Renie—”
“Shh.” She ran her fingertips over his lips.
He closed his eyes for a moment, to steady himself, before he thought about what they had done. He’d promised her he wouldn’t hurt her. He hoped and prayed he hadn’t.
She’d been waiting for this moment, this day, all her life, or at least the last couple of years, when she allowed herself to fantasize about the first time she and Billy had sex. And now here he was, underneath her. Every time she went to move away from him, to move her body enough that their bodies were no longer joined, he held her still.
He wanted to talk, she knew he did, the same way she understood everything else about Billy’s subtle nuances. But she wasn’t ready to, or even to listen to what he had to say. Instead, she wanted to linger, savor this time with him. No matter what happened between them, it wouldn’t be this way ever again, because this was her first time, not just with Billy, but with anyone.
She’d wanted it to be with Billy, but she never considered it would happen. Now that it had, she was so glad she waited. Anyone else, no matter whom it had been, wouldn’t have been Billy. He was all that mattered to her.
“Do you have to be anywhere?” he asked.
“Not until this afternoon.”
“How are you?”
“Fine. How are you?”
“Gotta be a smart ass, don’t ya?”
Renie put her hands on either side of Billy’s head and raised herself up so she could see the look on his face.
“I’m okay Billy.”
“I wish you would’ve told me.”
“Why? Would it have changed anything?”
Yeah, it would have. That’s why she didn’t tell him. He would’ve wanted to talk about it. He might have even told her they shouldn’t. Or they should wait. He would have made a big deal out of it, as he had about making her breakfast. He would’ve planned for it to be special…and he would’ve over-thought it.
If anyone knew him, to his core, she did. She would’ve already known the things he was just figuring out himself.
“It would have. Which is why you didn’t tell me.”
He brought his head up at the same time his hand gripped the back of her neck, and kissed her.
***
Billy didn’t want to leave. He wanted to spend another night with her. She had class until nine, then she had to study she told him. He didn’t care. She came to his house and studied all the time. He never bothered her. He wouldn’t bother her here either.
Are you hungry? He texted her at eight. If she were, he’d get take-out and have it ready for her when she got back to the apartment.
She answered. Are you still here?
Yep.
Why?
Because I want to be, he thought, but he wouldn’t answer her. And he wouldn’t get into a text argument with her. He was staying, and that was the end of it. He looked through her kitchen until he found the drawer with the takeout menus. She thought she knew him so well, but he knew her too, better than she thought he did.
All these years Renie thought he hadn’t been paying attention. He got that now. But he had been. Who didn’t pay attention to their best friend? He recognized the meaning behind every look. He knew what her texts meant, even if they consisted of one word. He was able to fill in enough blanks to finish her thoughts.
He hadn’t noticed until now how often she’d kept him at a distance, under her terms. Renie came to him, when she wanted to. She stayed, when she wanted to. She put up with his shit, when she wanted to.
Billy wondered why Renie hadn’t invited him up here before. They could’ve hung out, gone to the places she liked to go. He would’ve been happy to sleep on her couch. But, she hadn’t ever invited him up, and he hadn’t ever invited himself, until last night.
He decided on Thai food. They had a favorite Thai place they went to in Colorado Springs sometimes. He’d get her favorites.
When Renie unlocked the door to her apartment, she was met with the overwhelming aroma of Tom Ka Gai. If she hadn’t already loved Billy most of her life, she would have fallen in love with him right then.
It was ten degrees outside, and she walked a mile from her class to her apartment. She was frozen to her core and chicken-coconut soup would thaw her out better than anything.
“I’m glad you’re still here.”
“Because you’re happy to see me?” He helped her take off her jacket, leaned in, and kissed her. “Or because I have dinner waiting?”
“Both, I guess.”
“You guess.” He wound his hand around her neck and pulled her closer to kiss her again. Her nose was like an ice cube, so he kissed it too.
“Come and eat,” he said. He pointed to the sofa, and when she sat down, he threw a blanket over her. “Get warm, I’ll bring the soup to you.”
“Who are you and what have you done with Billy Patterson?”
“I never do anything for you. Is that what you’re trying to say?” She was right. She did a lot more for him than he did for her.
“What have you been doing since I left?”
“Nothin’ much. Had some calls to make. Took a little nap. Tried on some of your clothes.”
She smirked.
“So you are listening to me? You look a million miles away. Whatcha’ thinkin’ about
pretty girl?”
She had been lost in thought, wondering how long he planned to stay, how things would be between them now. It would’ve been easier if he’d been gone when she got home tonight. It would’ve given her time to process this drastic change in their relationship. That was precisely why he hadn’t left. He didn’t want her to make any decisions without him there.
“You and me,” she answered.
“And?”
She didn’t know what to say. She had no idea how to do this. She’d dated, but no one long enough to get serious enough to sleep with them. Which meant she’d never been in a relationship.
He watched her, waiting for her to say something. She took another spoonful of soup. And he smiled. Billy Patterson had the best smile. Those dimples, his soft blue eyes…Renie imagined he got away with an awful lot in life by playing his smile card, as he did right now.
She took another spoonful of soup, and smiled back.
“I don’t know whether I love you because you’re such a brat, or despite it.”
She stopped smiling.
“Oh come on Renie. You know I love you. You love me too. Don’t ya? Doesn’t matter that things have changed for us in the between-the-sheets department. That’s not what I’m talkin’ about.”
He was right. They did love each other; they’d been part of each other’s lives forever.
“You’re right.”
“So…come on, tell me what you’re thinkin’.”
“I can’t do that Billy.”
“You always make me go first. Okay. I will. Again.”
She set her empty bowl down on the coffee table.
“You want more soup first? Or are you ready for Pad Thai?”
“I can wait. I want to hear what you have to say first.”
Billy stood and took her bowl to the kitchen. Now that he’d offered to go first, he had no idea what he would say. He knew how he felt; he didn’t know how to put it into words.
And Then You Dance Page 6