SAT 1:51 AM
Nora:
Oh God.
It's been ten minutes.
Celery:
i dont know if this is like
rude
or whatever
but...
shes dead right?
Nora:
Probably!
And it's all your fault!
Celery:
my fault?
how is it my fault?
Nora:
Because you put the idea in her head!
You can't get electrocuted by 112.41 u.
Celery:
what the hell is that?
Nora:
THE ATOMIC MASS OF CADMIUM.
[AMBER has joined the group chat]
Celery:
omg youre alive!
Kevin [Voice]:
"Where are you parked?"
Amber [Voice]:
"Over here! Come on!"
Nora:
Oh thank goodness.
Amber, I've never been so relieved to get a text from you.
Amber [Voice]:
"Sorry, guys!"
"The spark fried my Bluetooth and jacked up my phone."
"I had to restart it like, eleven times."
"You're on speaker."
Kevin [Voice]:
"Really, Amber?"
"We're out of the house for five seconds and you're already talk-texting your friends?"
Amber [Voice]:
"I had to let them know we were okay!"
"We wouldn't have even escaped without their help!"
Kevin [Voice]:
"Fair point."
"Hello robo-voice girls."
Celery:
hey hot blind guy
Nora:
Wait, stop.
Amber, what the hell did you do back there?
Amber [Voice]:
"I took your advice!"
Nora:
I did not advise you to stick a fork in an electrical socket!
Amber [Voice]:
"But you said we could escape like we did at the party!"
"In the dark."
"The light switch was on the other side of the room, but there was an outlet next to me."
"So was the sink full of dirty dishes."
"I remembered what Kevin said about the outlet, and how if I stuck the fork in both sides it would pop the breaker."
Kevin [Voice]:
"I would like the record to show I also said it would PROBABLY not kill you."
"There was a very good chance you could have gotten fried back there."
Amber [Voice]:
"There was also a very good chance of being shot in the face."
"So I rammed the fork in the outlet."
Celery:
like a goddamn boss
Kevin [Voice]:
"I heard the POP, and then everybody started shouting."
"I could hear those three morons fumbling over each other and crashing into the furniture."
Amber [Voice]:
"It was pitch black."
"I was like, completely blind."
"No offense."
Kevin [Voice]:
"There's nothing offensive about being blind."
Amber [Voice]:
"That's the spirit!"
"I grabbed Kevin's hand and asked if he could guide us out of the house."
Nora:
And you were able to do that?
Kevin [Voice]:
"Of course!"
"I paid attention when they brought me in."
"I remembered the path and counted steps."
"Plus I had my cane."
"Piece of cake."
Nora:
That's amazing!
Amber [Voice]:
"I know, right?"
"My hero!"
Kevin [Voice]:
"For everyone at home, I should say that now I'm blushing."
Celery:
enough with the blushing
you two are like bad anime
Amber [Voice]:
"Here's my car."
"Hop in!"
Kevin [Voice]:
"Thanks!"
"Wait."
"Do you hear that?"
Amber [Voice]:
"What?"
"Oh my God, did those freaks follow us?"
Kevin [Voice]:
"No it's"
"It's police sirens."
"They're getting louder."
"They're coming this way!"
Amber [Voice]:
"What?!"
"Celery, I thought you said the cops were scared of this neighborhood!"
Celery:
they are!
Nora:
I can vouch for that.
It took me fifteen minutes to talk them into going there.
Amber [Voice]:
"YOU called the cops on us?"
Nora:
No! I called the cops on SASHA.
The second you said you were in Washington Depot.
How can you be surprised?
I've been telling you to do this all night.
Amber [Voice]:
"Oh my gosh, here they come."
"Kevin, duck!"
"Hide!"
Celery:
what are you hiding for?
Amber [Voice]:
"We're carrying five pounds of ecstasy, remember?"
Kevin [Voice]:
"Um, we're not, actually."
"Sasha took the backpack when she abducted me."
"Whoa. What was that noise? What broke?"
Amber [Voice]:
"The police just knocked in the door of the house!"
Celery:
dang! they're not messin around!
Amber [Voice]:
"Gunshots! Sasha's shooting!"
"The cops are shooting back!"
Nora:
Maybe now would be a good time to drive away.
Just sayin'.
Amber [Voice]:
"Wait, they're dragging Sasha out of the house!"
"She's in handcuffs!"
Nora:
Oh thank goodness.
What about the others?
Amber [Voice]:
"They got the Hulk too!"
"They're putting him in a cruiser."
"And the waiter!"
Kevin [Voice]:
"Awesome!"
Nora:
Wait, why are they arresting the waiter?
The waiter was a hostage.
Celery:
theyve got him on six counts of felony being-a-dick
Kevin [Voice]:
"Haha! True."
"Not to mention assault."
"If I press charges."
Amber [Voice]:
"Are you going to?"
Kevin [Voice]:
"Hell no I'm not going to."
"I don't want to get involved in that mess."
"I'm going to turn my back on this whole night and pretend none of it ever happened."
Amber [Voice]:
"None of it?"
Kevin [Voice]:
"None of it."
"I'm erasing the entire night from my memory."
"I want to forget every single last bit of it."
Amber [Voice]:
"I see."
"I guess that's okay."
"If that's how you feel."
Kevin [Voice]:
"It is."
"But it's technically morning now."
"And I'm starting a whole new day."
"With a beautiful stranger."
Amber [Voice]:
"Oh."
"I see what you did there."
Kevin [Voice]:
"Hello, stranger. I'm Kevin."
Amber [Voice]:
"Hi, Kevin."
"I'm Amber."
Celery:
hello people
im celery
i like long walks on the beach and insane c
lown posse
Nora:
God Celery, shut up.
Kevin [Voice]:
"Amber, I hope this isn't being too forward."
"Since we just met and all."
"But I think you're a really special girl, and I'd like to get to know you better."
"Can I take you to dinner tonight?"
Amber [Voice]:
"I don't know."
"Will it be a super madcap adventure full of drugs and psychopaths?"
Kevin [Voice]:
"No. It will be boring."
"Excruciatingly boring."
"The most boring date you've ever been on in your life."
Amber [Voice]:
"That sounds wonderful."
"But you should know, I'm not the kind of girl who puts out on the first date."
Kevin [Voice]:
"Of course."
Amber [Voice]:
"I put out before the first date."
Kevin [Voice]:
"Oh."
"Oh!"
Celery:
dang girl
smooth!
get that d!
Nora:
Everything about this makes me feel dirty.
Kevin [Voice]:
"Well, I'm not making any promises about what happens next, but I will say one thing for sure."
"I'm not down for a four-way."
Amber [Voice]:
"What?"
"Oh. I get it."
"Thanks for everything, ladies. Buh-bye."
[AMBER has left the group chat]
Celery:
oh man
just when it was starting to get good
Nora:
I'm just glad they're safe.
And I'm happy everything worked out for them.
Celery:
it did
ambers lucky she had her two BFFs to help her
you know, the two of us make a pretty good team
Nora:
No, we don't.
Celery:
lol we really dont
[ End of Chat Log ]
Thank You
Hello people!
Thank you so much for being here! I hope you had as much fun reading the Texting Girls' first adventure as I had writing it.
If you thought this book was full of teh lolz, could you please do me a big favor and leave a quick review on Amazon or Goodreads? Reviews from kick-ass people like you help other readers discover my books. More readers = more demand = a better chance of my publisher letting me write more of this ridiculous nonsense for you. Haha!
Seriously though, reviews are the best.
Here are some direct links to make it easy for you:
Review on Amazon
Review on Goodreads
If you want to know when new Texting Girls books come out, you can join my mailing list here.
Thanks again for reading, and for being awesome!
♥ Casey
About the Author
Casey Summers lives in Oregon with a skanky cat who purrs like an old man with a sinus infection. When not writing, Casey enjoys getting lost in the woods, eating tacos, and binge-watching YouTube videos (though not necessarily at the same time).
To see the latest titles from Casey and all the Canaby Press authors, visit CanabyPress.com.
A blind date... literally!
College sophomore Amber Meadows is terrible at relationships. So when she goes on a blind date with Kevin (who is impossibly cute, charming, and actually, literally blind) she's terrified she'll screw up her new romance before it even begins.
Desperate for backup, Amber secretly texts her two besties for advice on how to win Kevin over. Nora is level-headed, quick-witted, and highly (almost scarily) intelligent. Celery is quirky, impulsive, and does not have one single F to give. They never agree. On anything. Ever.
When a mysterious woman kidnaps Kevin at gunpoint, Amber's date turns into a madcap adventure filled with incompetent drug dealers, psychotic trivia masters, and one super pissed-off waiter. With Nora and Celery's help, can Amber win Kevin's heart? Or at least get them both to the end of the date alive?
Told entirely through text messages, the Texting Girls series is perfect for fans of Lauren Myracle's Internet Girls, Lisa Greenwald's TBH, and Brett Wright's OMG Shakespeare.
Amber's Blind Date Page 8