If he let go of his anger, what would be left? Grief. Immense, overwhelming grief.
His anger had at least kept a portion of that at bay.
And once he’d dealt with his grief? What then? What part would Lillian, his first love, his only love, have in his life?
She would be gone for good.
He would have to face the final, irrevocable loss and accept that Lillian would never, ever come back.
His hands shook only a little while he strung lights, but it was an effort to keep them still. What this woman was doing wasn’t right—not for him—but so damned good for his children.
Their bright chatter in the kitchen, their happiness, spread to every corner of his house.
And so, he did whatever he was told.
Which was how he found himself on the sofa hours later stringing popcorn and fresh cranberries to make garlands for the tree.
Long-suffering Jason sat beside him doing the same thing while Samantha helped the little ones put the paper chains on the tree.
Michael and Jason had been given this chore because the smaller kids had done nothing but eat the popcorn. Plus the only needles they’d been allowed to use, thick and dull needles, had cracked too many kernels.
Glancing around the room, Michael noticed that the order Samantha had imposed after her arrival had descended into chaos once again.
This was different, though, new and fresh and happy. Not out of control like a house that had given up on itself.
They settled into bed that night and the kids fell asleep hard, while Michael lay on the sofa staring at the Christmas tree and wished they were all back in the living room with him.
Funny that no one had complained about his snoring while in the big room, but his kids still didn’t want him to share their small bedrooms.
They’d turned on the Christmas lights earlier in the evening and Michael hadn’t yet extinguished them.
He was afraid to, because the dark edges of his grief hovered and bedeviled and threatened to overwhelm him.
Chapter Eleven
The next morning, Samantha asked Michael if she could borrow his truck.
He handed her the keys.
Considering his children’s excitement, how they’d insisted on eating breakfast in the living room in front of the lighted tree, he could deny her nothing.
“We’re going Christmas shopping. I’m taking the little ones, okay?”
He nodded.
Half an hour later, Michael stood alone in his living room and turned in a circle.
It didn’t feel right, to be in this empty house by himself.
He remembered the night they’d come and how he’d hated their arrival.
Now he couldn’t wait for them to return.
He headed out the back door to spend time with his animals.
As well, Samantha had said they were going Christmas shopping. He had some ideas of his own.
He might not like this idea of Christmas in February, but—Whoa. That wasn’t accurate. It wasn’t that he didn’t like it. He just didn’t know if he could survive it.
* * *
SAMANTHA HELD LILY’S hand while they walked down Main Street.
The two younger boys ran ahead and Jason stayed close to her, by her side.
“Here,” Lily said, pointing to the door of the hardware store they’d just come to. “Daddy likes this store.”
“Boys,” she called, and Colt and Mick ran back to join them. “We’re going in here.”
Once inside, she asked Mick and Lily, “What kinds of things does your dad like?”
“Old stuff,” Mick said in a normal tone. Sammy smiled. He’d remembered his hearing aids.
Samantha grinned. “Yes. I’ve noticed that. What else does he like? Lily? Any ideas?”
The little girl nodded. “Come.” She took Samantha’s hand and dragged her toward the back of the store. There, past nails and screws, hammers and drills, and an assortment of tools Sammy couldn’t begin to name, was a wall full of old tools. Ancient things. Again, she couldn’t have named them.
They were pricey, as though the town either wanted or needed to sell its heritage, but couldn’t manage to actually part with it.
They might have been cleared out of barns and basements, but someone knew their value as pieces of the town’s history.
Her mind ran through her budget for the month. Michael hadn’t let her pay for their food, but at least had eventually taken money for the Christmas items she’d wanted, after some persuasion.
She was okay for the rest of the month, but she certainly couldn’t purchase many of these items.
“Which one do you like?” She leaned down toward Lily. “Which do you think your daddy will like?”
She held her breath. Please don’t pick anything too expensive.
Lily stuck out one tiny finger from her tiny square fist, surprisingly like her father’s, and touched a wooden ruler.
“That? He’d like that?” There was something wrong with it. “Why doesn’t it have all of the numbers? It starts at twenty and ends at twenty-six. Then there’s ten to sixteen upside down on top of those. Very strange.” At one end an odd brass hinge had a circle shape jutting from it away from the ruler.
“I’ll show you.” Lily’s soft voice cut through the boys’ chatter.
She picked up the ruler and separated the top section from the bottom along the circle. She lifted a piece of wood from behind the ruler on one side, and then lifted another on the other end using a second hinge. The she opened the entire thing from a center brass hinge.
“See?” She giggled. “It’s long!”
A wooden yardstick that folded and unfolded, it clearly delighted Lily. Samantha wasn’t sure whether the child wanted it for herself or for her father.
“See?” Lily set the tip of her finger on a minuscule spike of brass sticking out from the top of the ruler and pointed to a hole farther along. “This goes into here.”
“Ingenious.” She studied the child as she opened and closed the yardstick again. “Would your daddy like it?”
Lily nodded so hard her hat fell sideways. Samantha adjusted it and said, “Then we’ll buy it for him.”
The ruler had seen a lot of years and a lot of use. It was nicked and a little dirty, but Lily loved it. She insisted on carrying it to the cash desk.
There, Samantha asked the clerk for brass cleaner and advice on polishing the ruler.
Lily tried to climb the counter to watch the transaction and Sammy picked her up.
On her other side, Jason leaned against her and said, “Can cleaning it be my part of the Christmas present?”
Samantha ran her fingers through his hair. “What a great idea. Michael would really like that.”
She paid and they left.
Farther down Main Street, they came to a diner. “Let’s have lunch.”
She stepped inside, into a time warp of red vinyl and gray linoleum.
They took a table at the window. The waitress came over, a throwback to the fifties with her red-and-white polka-dot dress and white knit shrug. Full-figured, she did the fitted bodice and tight waist justice. An impressive set of hips made the dress flare dramatically.
The woman stared at Samantha curiously.
“Vy, hi!” Lily said. “It’s me! Lily!”
“I see you there, Miss Lily. You, too, Mick. Your dad not with you today?”
“He’s at home doing chores,” Mick said. “We’re Christmas shopping.”
She glanced at Samantha. “New friends and Christmas shopping. Curiouser and curiouser.” She delighted Sammy by quoting Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, Samantha’s all-time favorite story.
“I’m Samantha Read.” She stuck out her hand and the waitress, Vy, gave it a surprisingly firm shake.
“Travis’s sister?”
“Yes. These are my children, Jason and Colt.”
“I’m Violet Summer, but everyone calls me Vy. Jason, Colt and I have met.” She smiled at them. “What’s this about Christmas shopping?”
“We’re going to have Christmas in February.”
“Not just Christmas shopping, but actually having Christmas? In February?”
Samantha stood up and drew Vy aside. “It turns out the children haven’t celebrated Christmas since their mother died. I’m giving them Christmas now.”
Vy brightened. “Love it.”
“May I ask to leave the children here to eat while I run out to pick up gifts for them? I’d rather their presents remain a surprise until Christmas morning. Our Christmas morning.”
“For such a worthy cause, I would watch them, but I’m run off my feet. I’m sure Rachel would do it for you, though.”
“Rachel?”
Vy cocked her head. Her gaze became speculative. “Rachel McGuire. You don’t know about Rachel?”
“I know who she is, but I haven’t had a chance to meet her yet.”
“She’s in the booth in the window on the other side of the door. I can take the children’s orders while you talk to her.”
As Samantha stepped away Mick burst out with, “Cherry cola!” and turned back.
Vy waved her hand. “I got this. Mick, you know your dad will only let you have a little bit of pop. I’ll split a small one between you and Lily.”
Colt looked imploringly toward Samantha. “Vy, can you do the same for Colt and Jason?” she asked. “Split one and only one?”
“No problem. Okay, kids, let’s talk about food.” With one hand, Vy gently urged Samantha away. “I can handle the children. I’ll make sure they eat healthy food.”
While all four children tried to order at once, and Vy laughed, Samantha approached the other table slowly. She wanted to meet the woman who had finally snagged Travis’s affection, but what if they didn’t like each other?
There were four women chatting amiably in the booth, the bond of friendship evident even to a stranger. She stood at the end of the table. As one, they stopped talking and looked up at her.
The woman closest to her stared and then broke into the sunniest grin. She stood up and held out her hand. “You must be Samantha. Travis has told me so much about you.”
“He has?”
“Oh, yes. I’m Rachel and I’m so happy to finally meet you.”
Samantha took her hand and shook it. “Please call me Sammy.”
“I’m Travis’s...um...”
“Oh, for God’s sake, Rachel, just say it,” one of the women said. “You’re his girlfriend.”
“His fiancée,” another said.
Samantha studied the young woman critically. Her brother deserved the absolute, utter best.
Rachel’s smile faltered.
She wasn’t beautiful, but attractive. Thick tawny hair framed a face dominated by hazel eyes. Some of the golden streaks in her hair matched highlights in her eyes.
In the depths of those eyes, Samantha saw what had been missing in Travis’s life. Goodness. Kindness. A steady temperament. And a smile that could light up a baseball stadium.
Samantha threw her arms around Rachel, whispering, “Thank you. Thank you.”
She drew back, but kept her hands on the other woman’s arms. “Thank you for making him happy. Travis is—Travis deserves—” She didn’t have the words.
“I know,” Rachel said. “He’s the best.”
“Don’t—” Don’t hurt him, she’d been about to say, but stopped herself. She didn’t want to offend.
“I won’t,” Rachel responded as though she’d understood. “If I were his sister, I’d be concerned about a stranger stepping in, too. Please don’t worry. I couldn’t possibly love him more.”
Samantha’s eyes misted. Discreetly, she turned away and dabbed at her eyes.
“I’d like to get to know you better.”
“And you, too. In the meantime, I’m here on a mission. I need to ask you to babysit both my two children and Michael Moreno’s two. I know this is presumptuous, but—”
Rachel’s face lit up. “Your boys are here? Where? I’d love to meet them. Travis talks about them nonstop. He misses them.”
They turned to leave, but a woman with amazing blond curls stopped her. “Rach, before you go, can you introduce us?”
“Cripes, where are my manners? Samantha, this is Honey Armstrong, Nadine Campbell and Max Porter.”
Honey was the woman with the curls, almost doll-like with deep-set blue eyes, a fair complexion and full lips.
Nadine had long red hair as straight as though she’d ironed it. The red was real, Samantha was certain, because of the woman’s paler-than-pale skin. She’d darkened her lashes to black and had used a pale mauve shadow to highlight a fine pair of green eyes.
She looked vaguely familiar, but Samantha couldn’t place her. Interesting.
By comparison, the woman who sat on her far side, Max, looked like a boy. Plain and simple, there was no better way to put it.
Her short, dark, roughly cropped hair appeared to have been combed with her fingers. It probably hadn’t seen a brush in years. An oversize plaid flannel shirt, over a waffle-weave undershirt that peeked out at the neckline, hid any womanly assets she might possess.
A smattering of freckles across her nose softened her look. She might have a pretty face, as gamine and heart-shaped as it was, but for her sullen expression, her demeanor a sharp contrast to her friends.
Samantha shook hands with all of them then turned back to Rachel. “I wouldn’t ordinarily leave the children like this, but I’m shopping for Christmas presents for them and don’t want them to see what I’m buying.”
“Wow, that’s early,” Honey said. “I think I’m organized, but shopping for next Christmas in February is brilliant. There should be good sales.”
“No. Not for next Christmas. For the one that’s just past.” She explained what she was doing and was met with wide approval.
Nadine said, “Now that’s brilliant, and truly kind. I like it.”
Samantha led Rachel to her table. They got there just as Vy arrived with a tray of small fruit juice glasses filled with dark liquid. A slice of pineapple sat on the lip of each glass. It looked like Vy had snipped straws in half to accommodate the short glasses.
“This is all the pop you’re getting today, so sip it slowly. I want everyone eating the pineapple, too. It’s good for you.”
She passed the glasses around and the children started to drink right away. “You’ll all have milk with your lunches.”
“Mick and Lily, you know Rachel McGuire?” Sammy asked.
They waved and chorused, “Hi, Rachel.”
“Jason and Colt, this is Rachel. She knows your uncle Travis. She’s going to sit with you while I shop for a bit.”
Rachel slid into the booth beside Lily and wiped a dribble of cola from the child’s chin.
“I’ll be quick. Lunch is on me. Please order whatever you like,” Samantha said.
“I’m stuffed. I already ate with the girls. Go do your thing and don’t worry. The children and I will get along just fine.”
Samantha knew there was a large new shopping mall up the highway, but she chose to stay on Main Street. She wanted to get to know this town and its people.
She needed to get a handle on why Travis had chosen this place to be their home.
Halfway down the block, she found an old toy store, with a window display that looked like it hadn’t changed in thirty years. The interior, though, was a delight, with every kind of jigsaw puzzle ever invented, old-fashioned mechanical building sets, every toy imaginable and an impressive display of dolls.
Samantha wanted to replace that raggedy
old doll of Lily’s. The more she studied the dolls in the shop, the harder it was to choose. She imagined buying one of these beauties, but all that came to mind, incongruously, was a look of betrayal on Lily’s face when she opened a new doll, as though Samantha had told her that Puff wasn’t good enough.
Although she looked around, nothing else hit her as just right for Lily.
For Mick, she bought a 100-piece bucket of Meccano pieces. For Colt, she picked out an advance toolbox of Meccano pieces. They’d both been gung ho about Michael’s old tools. Between the two of them, the boys could build amazing things.
Jason had a different character altogether. He wasn’t a builder so much as a tender. He loved taking care of creatures. He loved animals.
She chose a 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle, a gorgeous panorama of a ranch with horses in the fields and a rancher who looked vaguely like Michael. If she secretly hoped that Michael would do the puzzle with Jason, she could be forgiven for dreaming.
On impulse, she picked up a pot of puzzle glue, in case Jason wanted to keep the puzzle as a reminder of an idyllic couple of weeks spent on Michael’s ranch.
At the cash register, she paid and asked, “Is there somewhere in town where I can buy fabric?”
“Sophie at the department store carries some. Or you can drive out to the new mall.”
Samantha sensed a test here, but the salesman smiled pleasantly. “No, I’d rather shop in town.”
That earned her a big smile and a heartfelt thank you when she walked out of the store.
At the department store, she checked out the small fabric section and found colorful remnants she could use to make Puff some new clothes for Lily’s Christmas present.
On the way to cash out, a pile of brightly colored fabrics caught her eye—velvets and brocades in Christmas fabrics. They were marked down because, of course, it was after Christmas.
They were fabrics meant to make table runners and festive placemats, but Samantha bought red fabric with small gold poinsettias for a skirt for Lily to wear on Christmas-in-February Day.
She also bought white Swiss eyelet to make a blouse.
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