by Sable Sylvan
“You know, you’re allowed to breathe,” said Connor. “It’s not like that’s your first kiss or something.”
Noel’s cheeks burned, giving Connor an answer Noel’s lips couldn’t seem to give him.
“Wait…” started Connor.
“Bye, Connor, see you later!” squeaked Noel, still holding her breath, as she pulled out of the embrace.
“Noel!” Connor shouted, but Noel had already run off to the kitchen.
“Connor! Lucy! Mephistopheles! On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer, on Vixen! On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen!” shouted Krampus from another table. “See? I can call out names too! Now, let’s go.” Krampus stood up and brushed some straw off of his body. How he had gotten straw on his body, in the middle of a bakery, was anyone’s guess. Connor didn’t think to ask about it. Avery just frowned at the mess Krampus was making, a mess Avery was going to have to clean-up!
“But–” started Connor.
“As much as I’d love to see another episode of your little soap opera, we must be going,” said Krampus, taking Connor by the shoulder and walking him outside. “Your training is nowhere near complete – and apparently, you have some phone calls to make. If it weren’t for a project for Avery, I wouldn’t let you make the calls. Here.”
Krampus pulled a phone out of his pocket and showed it to Connor.
“You don’t need to know the number – just say the name, and the phone does the rest,” said Krampus.
Connor reached for the phone, but Krampus repocketed it.
“One hundred push-ups, for each person you need to call, and don’t go calling up phone sex lines,” said Krampus. “I don’t need to have an awkward conversation with Santana about why that would be on my bill.”
“More of a camgirl man?” teased Connor.
“Just get in the boat,” ordered Krampus.
Noel’s heart was racing. She’d always felt a lot like Snow White – just waiting for her prince to kiss her, well, when her seven older brothers (who couldn’t exactly be described as lovable fantasy dwarves living in a quaint forest cabin) gave her some room. It had finally happened. She’d had her first kiss – and it had been from Connor, a man who she had been surprised to find she couldn’t easily catch. She’d pretended that she was an experienced player when in reality, all her ‘dates’ had just been ‘study dates’ with classmates at business school that had definitely not ended with a sexy kiss. That made her doubly surprised to have been kissed by Connor at all!
She looked out the back window and saw Connor rowing across the lake. She couldn’t believe what she’d gotten herself into. There was no way things could stay simple, especially if Connor was going to meet her brothers during the Christmas delivery blitz. The seven of them were sure to put Connor through the wringer - or was it ‘five golden ring(er)s,’ in the spirit of the holidays?
Chapter Four
December 16th, 2011
Connor mopped his brow before digging his shovel in again and finally, with one heave, dislodging the large stump from its place in the earth. Connor put the shovel down and picked up the stump. He shook large clumps of soil off of the stump’s roots before carrying the massive piece of wood to the woodpile back at the base of the cabin, his shovel in his other hand.
Connor put the stump down in front of the camp and put the shovel back with his other tools.
“It’s done,” said Connor. “One tree – felled, cut, and torn out of the earth like a hair out of a biscuit.”
“Is that so?” asked Krampus. “Well, took you long enough – but at least you’re faster now than you were before. It used to take you all day to do that but look at you now – it’s done within two hours.”
“I thought this was supposed to be a Christmas tree farm,” said Connor. “I haven’t done much harvesting of those.”
“You needed to work on your upper arm strength,” said Krampus. “Come.”
Krampus led Connor to the clearing that Connor had made over the last few weeks. Krampus motioned over to the camp and motioned back toward the hole. The stump came flying through the air, grazing the top of Connor’s head, before it landed in the hole Connor had dug. Krampus waved his hand in a circle, and the hole filled back up as if the stump had never been removed, and then, with one more wave, the stump turned into a wooden throne, rooted to the ground.
“What was the point of having me dig up the stump if you were just going to do that?” asked Connor, spitting soil out of his mouth.
“To tell you the truth, I forgot I’d need a chair,” said Krampus. “Now that you’ve cleared out this area, it’s time for us to start your real training.”
“So what was all the lumberjack shit for?” asked Connor, causing the mark on his chest to burn, as it did whenever he cursed.
Language, warned Comet.
Merry fuckin’ Christmas, thought Connor, causing his mark to burn again.
Mortals, tutted Comet with a laugh. So stubborn.
“Your body was flabby, probably from sitting in that pilot’s chair. Sitting’s bad for you, you know,” said Krampus, taking a seat in his wooden stump chair. “Now, your body is ready to wield Comet’s power. He’s one of Santana’s fastest reindeer, but he’s powerful, too – a real force of nature. Shift.”
Connor started to undo his belt.
“Really?” asked Krampus. “You forget so quickly? With magical shifts, you don’t have to do that.”
Connor got on all fours and shifted into Comet. Comet’s form was still unfamiliar to him, but he could feel primal power coursing through his veins.
“Over the hurdles,” ordered Krampus.
Connor looked over to Krampus. Krampus motioned to the clearing. Connor looked. The clearing had been empty a moment before, but now, it was filled with red and white striped hurdles.
Connor ran and approached the first hurdle. He jumped, but his hooves grazed the hurdle. The light touch of his back-left hoof was enough to cause the hurdle to shatter. Connor smelled peppermint. Of course, the hurdles were made of frikkin’ candy canes. Of course.
Connor was frozen in midair. He moved his legs, but they didn’t take him anywhere.
“Let’s do a play by play,” ordered Krampus. “First off – you jumped. Santana doesn’t have magic jumping reindeer – he has magic flying reindeer. Flying, you’ve heard of it, yes? Try again. From the top. Hit the ground between the hurdles; otherwise, there’s no challenge.”
Krampus waved his hand and Connor hit the ground, hard. He shook his head, got his bearings, and went back to the start of the course. This time, when he reached the hurdle, he didn’t just jump – he flew. He didn’t hit the candy cane hurdles and hit the ground before taking the next hurdle, and the next. The obstacles were raised a few feet up into the air for each round, so Connor had to fly up and down steeper heights each time.
“Enough!” shouted Krampus. Connor came back down to the ground. Krampus waved his hand, and the hurdles disappeared. Connor shifted back into his human form.
“So?” asked Connor. “How did I do?”
“Surprisingly well,” said Krampus. “However, it’s not my opinion that matters. The Jolly Fellow will be the judge of whether or not you’re ready for The Ride.”
“And when will he test me?” asked Connor.
“Speak of my cousin Lucy – get it? Speaking of the devil? Anyway, Santana will see you today,” said Krampus. “I have business, up North, so we might as well kill two birds with one stone.”
“Okay, I’m ready,” said Connor. “Are we teleporting or what?”
“I think the best way to test your endurance is for us to fly up North,” said Krampus. “Just follow me, and try not to end up in Antarctica on accident.”
“Follow you?” asked Connor. “You can fly?”
“I can do whatever the fuck I want, I’m a demon, that’s the deal, I don’t play by anyone’s rules but my own,” said Krampus quickly and defensively.
Green smoke and the smell of
sulfur filled the air. At first, Connor thought it was an especially stinky fart – a magical smelly fart. Then, he saw that, where there had previously been a grumpy demon, there was now a particularly grumpy black goat with thick horns and glowing green eyes.
The goat jumped into the air and took off like a shot. Connor quickly snapped his legs into the air and followed after Krampus. He caught up to the goat, which nodded backward. Connor looked down and back.
Outside of town, there was a vast forest, surrounding the village on all sides. Within the woods, there was the town of The Wreath, which formed a circular shape around the lake that was also known as The Wreath. In the center of the lake was Camp Kringle.
Connor spotted the familiar dock at Camp Kringle and traced a path across the lake to its twin, the pier at Bear Claw Bakery. He wondered if Noel was there, working, thinking about their kiss, because it had been all he’d been able to think about.
Could you at least try to focus on flying? asked Comet. I thought you were supposed to be this big pilot.
I can fly, said Connor.
A plane, sure, but a lean, mean, Christmas machine like my body? Comet scoffed. It takes more than just a flight school’s simulator to master this. You’re going to be flying alongside seven other reindeer, all like me – big, strong, fast, and tougher than a bowl of grandma’s decades-old Christmas nuts and hard candy. You’re going to need to concentrate. You think you can handle that?
Yes, sir, grumbled Connor.
I’ll believe it when I see it, said Comet. All you’ve been thinking about since you first saw her is that girl – whether you like her or don’t like her, how to tell her you like her – if you like her. Oh, and let’s not forget – how to talk about the fact that the two of you, y’know, frikkin’ kissed under the mistletoe, as if that isn’t the most romantic frikkin’ thing you two could’ve done.
The pair flew through the air, over thick forests and ice-topped mountains, for what felt like hours. The goat bleated at Connor and nodded forward. Connor looked. A portal was opening in mid-air, marked by a border of green flames. Connor flew through the portal, followed by Krampus.
The new place was filled with swirling snow that obscured Connor’s vision, like white static on a television set. Connor felt a change in altitude that made his head spin.
Careful, warned Comet. My body can handle many things, but all that means nothing if your mind is not strong.
Where are we? Connor asked.
Why, haven’t you guessed by now? Comet asked Connor. We’re at The North Pole, of course – Krampus’ portal just gave us a detour.
A detour? Connor asked.
Of course – what, did you think he’d have you fly three thousand miles? Comet asked Connor. On The Ride, Santana will teleport between distant regions. You’ll still have to be fit to fly.
Distracted, Connor had lost track of Krampus. He turned to find his mentor, but couldn’t see him anywhere. A set of horns bashed into Connor’s torso, and he heard a bleating. It was Krampus. Connor followed Krampus through the blizzard. In all the whiteness of the snow, Krampus stuck out like a sore thumb – but then, Connor saw a flash of red. Then, he saw another flash and another.
As Connor and Krampus flew through the air, the flashing light seemed to become redder and brighter. Connor saw that the light was encased in something somewhat round, on top of what looked like a thick flagpole, but there was no flag on the pole, and the pole was hooked. Then, Connor realized what it was – a giant candy cane. From his earlier experience with Krampus, he was sure that it was probably made of the real thing.
Connor tailed Krampus, swerving around the candy cane. They passed the candy cane, flying toward the tarmac. Suddenly, large wreaths appeared over the tarmac. Krampus flew down to the tarmac and shifted back into his standard form, while Connor stayed in the air. He didn’t need instructions to know what he had to do. Connor flew through the first set of wreaths, a new wreath appearing as he flew through each wreath. Connor flew through the wreaths hard and fast, before stopping, his nose mere inches from glass separating him from a tall, broad man in a red velvet goodie, with a thick, white beard. Next to him was the man who, just minutes before, had been on the tarmac – Krampus.
Santana tapped on the glass and, in front of Connor’s eyes, it dissolved.
“Well, are you going to stay out there in the cold, or are you going to come on in, boy?” asked Santana with a hearty laugh.
Connor flew into the large festively decorated office and shifted back into his human form, brushing snow off of his body. He looked up. The glass window was back up where it had been a second ago.
“Whoa,” said Connor. “You just…and the glass…and…”
“I’m Santana Claus, Connor – there’s a lot of things I can do,” said Santana. “Of course, today, what I was interested in was seeing what you can do – and you didn’t disappoint.”
“He did okay?” asked Krampus, quirking a brow. “You were satisfied with that?”
“You trained him well, Krampus,” said Santana. “You and I – we have business to discuss. Connor. Outside.”
Connor nodded. He knew that the last thing he should be doing was pissing off Santana frikkin’ Claus, especially this close to Christmas when he was already on The Naughty List. Connor walked out of the double doors leading to Santana’s office. A tall man wearing blue robes with white trim brushed by Connor as Connor exited. Connor felt a chill run through his body and looked at the man as the doors shut.
Connor looked around the lobby leading to Santana’s office. There was a boy, sitting and reading a magazine, and a girl at a desk, surrounded by a pile of presents. They looked to be young adults, in their mid-twenties, but to Connor, they seemed like kids. They looked familiar, but Connor couldn’t remember where he’d seen them before.
“This seat taken?” asked Connor, motioning to the armchair in the reception area.
“Nope,” said the young man, flicking through his magazine. “All yours. You the new one?”
“The new what?” asked Connor.
“Reindeer,” said the man. “Let’s see…we’ve had a replacement Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, and Vixen, so that makes you Cupid, right?”
“Comet,” corrected the young woman, clapping her hands together and pulling them apart, causing a box to appear between her hands, a wrapped present that hadn’t been there a second before. “It’s Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, then Comet, then Cupid, then Dasher, then Blitzen.”
“What’re you doing?” asked Connor.
“Who? Me?” asked the young woman.
“Yeah, you, who else?” asked Connor.
“I’m practicing,” said the woman.
“Practicing for what?” asked Connor.
“For my job,” said the woman.
“Pandora can be a bit…testy,” said the young man.
“Pandora? Guess the name fits, what with all the boxes,” said Connor.
“I’m Panda Claus, as in Santana’s daughter, so watch the sass,” ordered Pandora.
“And that would make you…?” Connor started.
“Jack, Jack Frost, son of Boreas Winter,” said Jack.
“Boreas Winter?” asked Connor.
“You know – Boreas ‘Old Man’ Winter?” asked Jack. “Ugh. Nobody knows about ice elementals.”
“Well, now I do,” said Connor. “I’m Connor.”
“We know who you are,” said Jack. “We were the ones talking with Noel before you showed up the other day.”
“And you were the ones who put the mistletoe up too?” asked Jack.
“You spotted it?” asked Pandora with a giggle.
“Yeah – and it made Noel furious,” said Connor.
“Did you two – you know what, never mind,” said Pandora as she conjured something big and thick, marked with a tag reading, ‘For Avery.’
“What are you doing?” asked Connor.
“I’m making presents,” said Pandora.
�
�Out of thin air?” asked Connor.
“It’s called giftomancy, and no – they’re made out of Christmas magic,” said Pandora. “It’s complicated. Technically it’s doramancy – like the second part of my name, ‘dora’ meaning ‘gift’ – but, everybody thinks that doramancy has to do with summoning doors.”
“Why do you have to practice?” asked Connor.
“Because one day, I’ll take my father’s place, and need to be able to conjure tons of gifts at once in case of emergencies – like if an orphanage got burgled,” said Pandora. “I’m practicing making tons of gifts in a row. I’m making all the gifts I’ll need to deliver to friends this year.”
“So you get to practice deliveries too,” said Connor. “Good. You’ll be prepared for your role as the next Santa.”
“I don’t want to be the next Santa – I want to be the first Panda, Panda Claus,” said Pandora. “Maybe I’d be Panda Claws. For now, I’m just Miss Claus, the girl that has a lot to learn before she can get anywhere near her father’s sleigh. Speaking of deliveries, did you see the routes I made for Noel? What did you think?”
“Why does it matter what I think?” asked Connor.
“Because you’re a pilot,” said Pandora. “Gossip travels fast in these parts.”
“In the huge region between Montana and the literal North Pole?” asked Connor.
“You know what I mean – among us magical folks,” said Pandora.
“The routes were good, but I think the deliveries would be more efficient if we did air drops, instead of delivering goods straight to the front door,” said Connor.
“Sometimes, efficient isn’t always the best solution,” said Pandora. “Why do you think my dad always goes down the chimney? Because if a kid spots Santa, they’ll have a piece of Christmas magic to believe in, even if other people insist Christmas magic isn’t real and neither is Santa.”
Pandora clapped and pulled her hands apart. A small box appeared between her hands.
“Huh,” said Pandora. “I guess I can start on deliveries sooner than expected. This is for you.”