“It will hurt a lot more if you go telling your aunt lies. You understand that?” He let me go and I took off and raced out the door, my heart beating a mile a minute.
10
I wasn’t sure how I got through the school day after the drama with Preston. I had to figure out a way to avoid him. I really didn’t want to cause my aunt any hurt or lead her into a relapse, but I wasn’t sure that staying quiet about her psycho boyfriend would be much helping her either. If it weren’t for D-Waite I would be hating my new life but instead he had become my everything. At the moment he was everything.
Maddie walked by me without speaking and then at lunchtime she actually sat with the popular girls, who we thought were shallow. There were so many things about this new life I wasn’t willing to share with her. Until my mother died Maddie and I had never had a secret. We shared everything. I guess it’s called growing up, but after last night I didn’t feel like the same person. Something had definitely changed and I wasn’t ready to share the details with anyone.
At first D-Waite refused to make love to me. He kept saying that we needed to wait, that he wanted me to be sure. I tried telling him that I had never been so sure about anything in my life, but he wasn’t buying it. He kept pushing me away and attempting to make me feel better with kisses, but I had made up he was the one and that that night was the night for it to happen.
“Gabby, you don’t know what this means.” He kept trying to talk me out of it.
“Means to who? Me or you?”
“This can change your whole life.”
“I’m not stupid. I may be a virgin but I know about protection.”
He started pulling on his hair again. Poor guy was so frustrated I had to stop myself from bursting out into laughter. I knew exactly what point he was trying to make, but I wasn’t going to let him dictate when and where and how I lost my virginity. My whole life I’d been the poster child for following every rule I could but this time I wanted to do things my way. Not be so uptight and safe. I didn’t know if I would ever feel this way again with anyone else but I knew that I needed to feel this way for my first time. I wanted to be closer to D-Waite than to any living human being and I wanted a damn orgasm. Some of my girlfriends at school who had already done it said to make sure you got an orgasm first or else the guy gets his and it’s all over. Something told me that D-Waite wasn’t one of those guys, that he would leave me satisfied, and that’s why I wanted to do this.
“Fuck! You killing me, girl.” He sighed.
“Good. Then you should just do what I say.”
“You know there is no going back?”
“I wouldn’t want to,” I said, then climbed on top of him and planted a long, slow, deep kiss on him just to remind him that I really was a grown-up. It was halfway until my eighteenth birthday and I intended to start celebrating early. I smiled at myself. I had never felt this confidant and grown-up. I kissed him again. “Now are you going to take my virginity or should I offer it to someone else?” I teased him.
He took my face in his hands and looked me in the eyes. “Don’t even joke about that. You are mine.”
“And you are mine,” I responded, feeling an intensity like nothing I’d ever felt before in my life. I wanted this to last forever.
“If you want to stop just say it. Okay?” He had gotten all intense on me but I liked it. No one made me feel as loved as he did at that moment.
“You sure do talk a lot.” I started kissing on his earlobe. Reading that Fifty Shades of Grey book and Cosmo magazine came in handy. Of course I wasn’t talking about the dark stuff but all that sex made me anxious to do it.
My whole body felt on fire just thinking about the way he had licked the insides of my thighs, traveling up until his face was in my pussy. I couldn’t describe the pleasure I had experienced as he took me to orgasm. Unless you’ve had one it’s hard to explain how deeply satisfying and powerful it is to let go that completely. It’s like you’re fighting off this huge avalanche and at the last minute you stop and let it take you. My body was in spasms for what felt like forever.
I had been having these mini shocks down between my legs all day. Just thinking about the things D-Waite did to my body brought me close to orgasm. I’d been so distracted thinking about his hard, thick penis that when Mrs. Broady called on me in French class I had no idea what she was talking about. My classmates all giggled at me because I was known for being a teacher pleaser and always having the answer. Funny that I wasn’t even embarrassed. All I wanted was to be back in that bed with D-Waite. By the time the bell rang signaling last class I had reached the end of my rope. I needed him.
I texted D-Waite on my bus ride home, promising him lots of pleasure if he met me at his apartment. He reminded me to be careful and said he’d bring some food. When I exited the B54 I saw that girl Naynay flirting with one of the boys who always harassed me when I got off the bus. I had to walk past them to cross the park, and for a moment I thought of going the long way, but I was too excited to see D-Waite. I put my head down and tried to hurry past, but she noticed and stepped in front of me, blocking me from moving.
“Where you rushing to, bitch?” Naynay spat the words out at me. I folded my arms over my chest and didn’t speak.
“So you bad now?” She pushed a pointy, glittered fingernail into my chest. I moved away out of her reach. “You better be keeping away from D-Waite if you know what’s good for you.”
“Serious? D-Waite’s hitting that?” The idiot in the saggy pants came forward, giving me an X-ray look up and down as if imagining me naked. “Damn, Dame gets all the new pussy.”
I frowned, scowling at being referred to as my anatomy. “I don’t have time for this.” I glared at Naynay.
“Oh you bad now? Ready to kick my ass?” She high-fived her friend.
“You better leave her alone. You know Dame don’t play around. I wouldn’t go messing with his piece.”
“She ain’t messing with him. Are you?” She stepped in my face, her beady eyes studying me.
“It ain’t none of your business.” The words slid out before I could stop them.
“Sounds like a yes to me.” He laughed.
“Bitch, Im’a tell Mika and she’s gonna kick your little schoolgirl ass back to wherever you come from. We told you not to fuck with her man.”
“He ain’t her man. He’s mine.” I didn’t know what got into me, but hearing her call D-Waite Mika’s man made me territorial. I wasn’t about to let her think he was her personal property. No. He was my man.
“Whoa! Guess schoolgirl told you.” He whooped loudly, dancing around Naynay like a fool. She narrowed her eyes, staring at me.
“Guess she’s gonna get a chance to tell Mika to her face.” She broke out into the biggest, nastiest smile. My stomach suddenly felt as if someone had kicked me. Mika and another one of her girls, the short one, were coming toward us. I didn’t wait to see what was gonna happen. I just took off down the block into the entrance of the park.
I heard footsteps closing in behind me. I pulled out my phone and dialed. “I’m in the park. They’re coming after me!” I shouted as I attempted the sixty-yard dash; but with the heaviness of my backpack weighing me down I couldn’t move as fast as I needed.
Someone grabbed me by the backpack and yanked me back, flinging me to the ground. I threw my hands over my face as feet started kicking and slamming into me. I tried to get up but arms kept shoving me back down to the ground.
“Get off her!” I heard D-Waite shout at my perpetrators. Then, his arms were around me, pulling me to my feet and comforting me. “Mika, what the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Me? Your little bitch don’t belong around here.”
“She belongs with me! And if any of you have a problem with that then you need to take it up with me. Gabby hasn’t done anything to you,” he raged at them, holding me close.
“Her kind don’t belong in out hood,” Naynay shouted at him. “Rich little bitch.”
<
br /> “Fuck you know about her kind? Her dad used to run the Cumberland and I don’t think he’d appreciate you putting your hands on her.”
“Bullshit! I ain’t never seen her around here. Who her daddy?” Mika shot him a look like she didn’t believe him.
“Big John.” He dropped the name like the heavy weight that it was. They all backed up, surprised expressions covering their faces. “Yeah, and like I said I don’t think he’d appreciate you all fucking with his daughter.”
“Whatever!” Mika shot out, but something in her voice had changed. And she stared at me for a long time. It felt weird to have someone study me the way she did. I couldn’t figure out what she was thinking and whether it was fear, respect, or something else, but before I could think too long, D-Waite let me go and moved in front of her.
“You and me, Mika? We done!”
“Fuck you then, and don’t come begging for none of my good pussy when that uptight schoolgirl can’t do nothing for you.” Mika made a motion and her two girls followed her out of the park.
“How you feel?” He brushed off the leaves and dirt off my clothes.
“Why did you tell them about my father?” I hissed at him. I could barely admit it to myself and now everybody was about to know the truth about my paternity. Shit!
“I didn’t have a choice. I’m not always around so I can’t protect you; but your father’s name, that’s something else. Nobody is gonna try to fuck with you ’cause they are too scared of how long his reach is, even from inside prison. They may lock him up but they can’t take away the power he has in these streets.”
I wanted to be mad but I knew he had a point. There was something surreal about having a father who I’d never met protect me from a distance. D-Waite and I waited until they were gone to head back to his place.
11
By the time I got to my aunt’s house later on all of the lights were off. A few minutes after I undressed and got into bed my door opened. I grabbed hold of the knife I had placed under my pillow before I came into my room. If that motherfucker was gonna try to bother me he was gonna be in for a shock. I’d taken all of the bullshit I could for one day and nobody was gonna put me in victim mode again. Ever! I promised myself.
“Gabby.” My aunt’s voice was a whisper as she came toward me.
I took my hand off the knife as she sat down next to me. “What?”
“Are you okay?” She sounded worried.
“Yeah, I’m good.”
“I heard some kids outside talking about you. Did you tell them that Big John was your father?”
“It slipped out by accident,” I lied, not wanting to bring up D-Waite’s involvement in outing my paternity.
“You sure you want people to know? What if he finds out?”
“I don’t know. Is it true?”
“Of course it’s true. Your mother spent her entire life protecting you from him and the life he choose.”
“Well, my mother isn’t here anymore. I’m not saying that I want to get to know him, but suddenly I have this one living parent. That means I’m not alone.”
“You’re not alone. You have me.” She leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. “And you have Preston,” she added, but I didn’t respond. “You like him don’t you?”
“Auntie, maybe you’re moving too fast. How well do you know him?”
“I know him well enough to be sure I ain’t gonna ever do any better.”
“That’s not true. You have the world’s best heart. Any man would be lucky to have you,” I insisted.
“Honey, you’ll see when you’re older that things don’t always work out the way you dream. But, if you’re lucky enough to get a second chance at love, you take it, and that’s what I’m doing.”
“Well why does he have to move in?”
“Because it would help us with the bills. Starting next week we’ll get your social security but things are tight for us.”
“Can’t we make it the next six months? Then I will be gone and the two of you can move in and not have to worry about me in your space.”
“I like having you around and I know Preston does too. But he’s worried that you don’t like him.”
“He’s here all the time,” I whined.
“’Cause I want him here. He never had a family so he wants us to be his family. Isn’t that sweet?”
“I just want it to be the two of us.” I couldn’t help the begging but I was desperate.
“Your mother ruined you by never dating or having men around.”
“She was protecting me. I didn’t understand that then but I do now.”
“What you tryin’a say, Gabby?” Her voice raised and I could hear the fear. She was afraid I would destroy her fantasy.
“Nothing. Do what you want. It’s not like I get a vote.” I resigned myself.
“No, you don’t.”
“Well can I at least get that lock on door? I just need my privacy.”
“Sure!” Her voice softened. “You all right, Gabby? I was seventeen once so I remember what it’s like to be out there dating guys and not thinking.”
“I’m thinking.”
“No, you not. You start liking a boy at your age, all thinking goes flying the fuck out the window. Shit, truth is that don’t never change with age. You being careful?”
“Yes, I’m being careful.”
“Using protection?”
“Ugh!” I groaned. “Are we really having this conversation? Because it’s embarrassing.” I wanted to crawl underneath the bed.
“Ain’t nobody ever had this talk with me so everything I learned was from some horny-ass boy tryin’a get in my pants.”
“I had the birds-and-bees talk a long time ago.” I reminded her of my age.
“It’s one thing to have it and another to need it.”
“I got it all covered. Thank you.” We both laughed. She stood up to leave.
“You know what you gonna do about your father?”
“No,” I admitted.
“’Cause now that folks know it may not be too long before he does too. The people around here ain’t known for their ability to keep shit to themselves.”
“You think he’s gonna find out?”
“I can bet he will.”
“You know him. What do you think he’s gonna do? Do you think he’ll even care that I’m his daughter? I mean how many kids does he have? Do you know? A guy like that must have a gang of baby mamas.”
“No. As far as I know he never had kids. Well, none that he knows about. Now get some sleep and the next time you decide not to come home you need to call me. You’re about to be eighteen, which makes you an adult, so don’t make me worry about you.”
After she left I couldn’t stop thinking about my father. What if I really was his only child and what if he wanted to be in my life? Or what if he rejected me? And did I really want to get to know a man who had done the things he must have done to land in prison for twenty-five years to life? But wasn’t my boyfriend doing the same things that my father had done? What a hypocrite I was being.
I spent the next hour or so playing scenarios in my head. Maybe I should go visit my father. Yeah, why wouldn’t I? I knew that it was a real risk going to see him but I had to at least try to put some closure on this new dad thing. And maybe seeing him would help me to understand what my mother felt about him. My whole life she’d never dated, never even had any male friends around me. She said it was for my protection but I always knew differently. She wasn’t willing to risk her heart again. Clearly she had done that at one point with my father. I had to meet the man who had turned my mother away from men. He had obviously broken her heart and, yet, she must have loved him, or why else would she have kept his child? And that’s when it hit me. My mother didn’t just keep me away from Big John because of his lifestyle. She kept me away because she loved him and somehow he had really hurt her. I picked up my phone and made a call.
“Hey.” I couldn’t help smiling knowing t
hat he was on the other end of the line.
“Hey, schoolgirl,” he joked.
“So if I wanted to visit my father how would I do it?” I assumed D-Waite knew all the ins and outs of the criminal justice system. He admitted that he had done some time, “a bid,” in juvie.
He said he’d call me right back. Five minutes later D-Waite told me that my father was in Elmira Penitentiary, a place they called “the Hill.” He said that if I had ID he could arrange for me to visit on Saturday as long as Big John agreed to see me. Of course I wouldn’t know that until I got there. If I decided to go. I fell asleep, confused about what to do.
It was dark outside when I woke up. Something was wrong. I was certain of that but I wasn’t immediately sure what it was. Then I felt a hand sweep over my ass. The covers were off me. I jumped damn near across the room.
“Now I wouldn’t do anything stupid if I were you,” Preston warned me.
“Get out!” I screamed.
“Shhhh! You wanna wake your aunt? Have me tell her that you’ve been propositioning me? Begging me to teach you everything I know,” he threatened.
“You touch me and you won’t have to worry about my aunt.” I tried to dive under the pillow for the blade but he stood in my way.
“Why you little bitch. I was willing to take care of you and your aunt. You think that young punk can teach you anything? He don’t know shit!” He grabbed my breasts and began to squeeze them roughly. I kicked and pushed until his hands released me. But I could tell that he wasn’t done.
“Get out!” I screamed. “Oooout!”
My aunt flung open the door and flicked on the lights. Preston stood there, naked except for his boxers.
“I thought I heard something,” he lied.
My aunt looked from me, my arms folded around my chest. “What the hell you doing in here with my niece?’ she confronted him.
“You accusing me of something?”
“Gabby, what happened?” she demanded.
“I don’t have to stay and listen to her lies.” Preston shot out of the room.
Aunt Kim flew after him. “I can’t believe you would try anything with Gabby. She’s a child,” she yelled at him.
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