by Fields, MJ
“Yeah, my boots are ugly, huh?” Callie nodded in answer. “Mine are designed to protect my legs since I ride this motorcycle.” I pointed to my bike. “But if you don’t like girly stuff, how come you have bows in your hair?” Instantly, I knew that I had said the wrong thing, because Callie turned to face me, her cheeks puffed out. “Sorry, I guess that’s your nana’s doing, too?”
“Yep.”
“But you’re in shorts and a T-shirt today.”
“I sneak them in my backpack and then change at school. Nana picks me up, so after school, I run into the bathroom and change.”
“But you didn’t today?”
“Couldn’t. My backpack was missing.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh. She’s going to be upset. I don’t want to hurt her. I just don’t want to dress like a baby doll. I want to be G.I. Jane.”
“As in Demi Moore?”
“Yeah, you’ve seen it?”
“Yes, I’m just shocked you have.”
“My daddy lets me watch it, but Nana won’t. I’m allowed to watch Disney when I’m with her, so I stick to Mulan and Merida cause they aren’t afraid of boys.”
“They’re pretty badass—I mean, cool.” Callie let out a giggle. “Sorry.”
“I like how you’re dressed, you look cool.” Callie met my eyes and smiled as she emphasized the word cool. Okay, this kid was way too smart.
“Thanks. I like my outfit, too, even if it’s a bit hot, and I like being a deputy. I get to help people like your dad, who is worried about you.”
“You aren’t afraid, are you?”
“Nope.” Okay, that was a total lie, but I didn’t want to discuss my fear of facing down the barrel of a gun with a child.
“Do you always carry a gun?” She pointed to my sidearm.
“Yes, it protects me, and it protects other people. I don’t pull it out very often.”
“What’s that?” Callie pointed to my TASER.
“It’s a TASER.”
“Oh, that’s the shock thing, right?”
“Yep. Callie, why does your nana dress you? How about your mommy?”
“I only have an angel mommy. Do you know what an angel mommy is?”
“I do. I have an angel mommy, too. My mommy went to heaven when I was four.”
“I was a baby, I don’t remember her. Do you remember your mommy?”
“I remember some things. But I have a Margaret.”
“What’s a Margaret?”
“She’s my stepmom. My dad married her when I was eight years old.”
“Was she a nice stepmom or was she like Cinderella’s stepmom?”
“She’s very nice. I love her, and she’s one of my best friends.”
“Did she teach you how to braid your hair? Nana doesn’t know how to braid.”
“Yep, she sure did.” I grabbed hold of my plait and waved the end. “You know what?”
“What?”
“Have you ever heard of Kidz Klub?”
“No.”
“It is a special club for very special kids just like you. They all have an angel. Some have an angel mommy, some have an angel daddy, and some have both. But I like it because you can borrow a mommy.”
“Borrow? Like from a library?”
“Yeah, just like that. I go there once a week, and if someone needs a mommy for a moment, they can ask me. If I can help them, I will. I can teach someone how to braid their hair or go to a ball game or just help with homework.”
The rest of our conversation was cut off by a car pulling into the parking lot and stopping behind my bike where Callie and I stood talking. “I think your dad is here.”
The driver’s door of the Porsche Cayenne swung open and a man got out. It wasn’t until he looked up that I realized it was the doctor from the other day. The hot doctor with blue eyes.
But there was no denying that he was Callie’s father, same dark hair and the same stunning blue eyes, which I hadn’t put together until I saw him. “Callie.” The single word seemed to be ripped from his chest, and my heart clutched for this man and the worry he’d been through.
I glanced at the woman in the perfect sweater set and pearls who’d slid from the passenger side of the car. Either this was her nana or Dr. Montgomery liked them older. “That your dad?” Callie nodded. “Go to him.”
Callie looked up to me, her eyes big, but she didn’t immediately let go of my hand. “Will I get to see you again?”
“Hopefully not. You aren’t going to be running away anymore, are you?”
Callie shook her head. “But I like you. You get me.”
“Callie.” Her father interrupted us and pulled her from me and wrapped her tight in his arms. “What were you thinking? I was so worried. I would be lost if anything happened to you, you’re my world, you know that, right?”
“Yes. Daddy, this is Sadie.” Callie’s father was trying to bury his face into the crook of his daughter’s neck, but she was having none of it.
“What?” He asked Callie to repeat what she had said.
“This is Sadie, she found me.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” He moved Callie to one hip and held out a hand. “Hi, I’m—” He stared at me.
“Are you okay, Daddy?”
“Yes. Sorry. Deputy Lazar, we meet again, I’m Dr. Ryan Montgomery. I’m Callie’s father.”
“Hello, Dr. Montgomery. I found her inside in the candy aisle.” Callie held up her bag of Skittles to prove my point.
“Sadie bought them for me.”
“Deputy, I’m so sorry. What do I owe you?”
“Nothing.” I waved away his offer, and he hesitated, as if he didn’t know what to do next.
“I will have a talk with her. I have no clue what has gotten into her, she’s never done this before.”
“Callie can explain.” I locked eyes with the little girl. “Talk with your dad, tell him what you told me.” She looked away, not answering me.
“Thank you. I know that isn’t even enough, what else can I do?”
“No thanks needed. This is my job, I love helping. Take her home.”
“Daddy, can I go to the angel club?”
“The what?”
“Kidz Klub,” I corrected Callie. “I volunteer at a place called Kidz Klub, it’s off Orange Avenue. It’s sort of a community center for children who have lost a parent. They find kids their age in the same situation. But what is nice is that there are lots of women there who can help Callie, she wants to learn to braid her hair, do other things that mommies do with their daughters, and at Kidz Klub, she can sort of borrow a mommy.”
“We all have an angel. Sadie has an angel-mommy, too.” I could see the lights of understanding finally coming on in Dr. Montgomery’s brain.
I pulled out a card for the Kidz Klub and extended it to him. “Here’s their information. I’m there once a week. I alternate, depending on my day off, but next week, I’ll be there Tuesday.”
“Thanks,” Dr. Montgomery said softly as he held Callie close.
“By the way, thanks again for the water and fruit salad.”
“Don’t mention it.” I watched as he carried Callie toward his SUV, but he kept turning and glancing my way. The older woman hadn’t said a word, but she was obviously distraught. Her face was all blotchy and mascara had run down her cheeks.
“Bye, Sadie. I hope to see you again. Bye, Sadie. Bye.” Callie waved frantically as her father buckled her into the back seat. “I think that I want to be a deputy like you.” He paused, locked eyes with me over the rooftop of his SUV, and for the life of me, I couldn’t have looked away if an explosion was going off behind me.
Bye, he mouthed.
Raising my arm half-heartedly, I gave a slack-wrist wave. What was up with me? God, I didn’t act like this.
Five
Ryan
I was a man of science, and as such, I worked in hard facts, not in serendipity, twists of fate, or stars colliding. But what were the odds that the
deputy from the other day, the one who had caught my attention, the first woman in four years to do so, had been the one to find Callie? And all I had was her name—Sadie, Deputy Sadie Lazar. Not that I had any clue what I was going to do with it, I just had it.
“What is wrong?” I asked my mom, who was far too quiet in the passenger seat.
“Beside the fact that I’ve been scared out of my mind for my only grandchild?”
“Yeah, you look confused.”
My mom turned to face Callie. “Sweetheart, where is the pretty dress you wore to school today? You are wearing your play clothes.”
I glanced back at Callie via my rearview mirror. It hadn’t even dawned on me that she was wearing shorts and a T-shirt. Yeah, I knew that she wore a lot of dresses, but she also wore a lot of jeans and T-shirts, which in my opinion fit her personality much more. Tears welled in my daughter’s eyes, and her face turned sullen.
“Mom, why don’t we discuss this later?” I said as I pulled into the school parking lot. This was where I had met my mom earlier, since I’d come straight from work. “I’ll meet you at home.”
“Bye, Nana,” Callie whispered.
“Bye, sweet pea.”
I waited until my mom was in her car and had pulled out of the parking lot before broaching the subject. “Callie, what happened today? Why did you leave school?” I kept glancing back at Callie, but she didn’t answer me. “Callie, you need to answer me now.”
“Nana, I hurt Nana.”
“How did you hurt Nana?”
“Dadddd, don’t.”
“Caroline Alissa, you tell me right now.”
“I lost my dress.”
“How did you lose your dress?” I turned into the Science Center’s parking lot so I could give her my attention. “Unbuckle and come up here.” I slid my seat back as far as it would go, and as she climbed over the center console, I brought her into my lap. “Start at the beginning.”
“Nana makes me wear dresses.”
“Every day?”
“Yes. She says that young ladies do not wear jeans or shorts. Everyone at school makes fun of me. I can’t play.”
“But you’re wearing shorts today.”
“I sneak them in my backpack and change at school. Then I change back before Nana picks me up.”
While I didn’t approve of that at all, this was not the time to rebuke her for it, so I asked, “Oh, and what happened today that was different?”
“Madelyn has the same backpack as me, and I think she took mine when she went home sick at lunch.”
“Callie, I understand that this is a big deal to you and that you don’t want to hurt Nana’s feelings.” Callie shook her head. “And you don’t want to wear dresses.” Callie shook her head even harder. “But leaving the safety of your school without permission or without me or Nana is so much worse.” She looked at me confused. “You crossed a busy road. You could have been hit by a car.”
“I watched for the light.”
“Someone could have grabbed you, and then I would never see you again. You know that there are bad people in the world, they lie, steal, and hurt others. What would I do without you?”
“I’m sorry, Daddy.”
“This is worse than just saying sorry. There are a lot of people you have to say sorry to.”
“Like Nana?”
“Yes Nana.”
“And Sadie?”
And there it was. “Yes, and Deputy Lazar. Let’s go home, and you can start by apologizing to Nana.” Callie’s eyes filled with tears. “And be honest about the clothes, I will talk to her as well.”
“Promise?” Callie held up a pinkie, and I hooked it with mine.
“Promise, now get back into your booster and buckle up.”
With an index finger and thumb cupping my forehead, I squeezed my temples. I felt a little better understanding her reasoning, but it didn’t lesson the fear that seemed to still be coursing through me.
When I pulled into my driveway, I inwardly groaned and painted on a fake smile. “Look, your grammy and aunt are here.” I tried to get along with Deirdre’s mother Louise and her sister Sonya, but after Deirdre passed, the two of them had become vipers. I reminded myself that they were hurting just like I was, but somehow, they seemed to forget that I was Callie’s father and that Deirdre had been my wife, which meant that I held all the rights where Callie was concerned. Their constant game of passive-aggressive had kept me on edge for four years, but they were good to my daughter, so I tried to ignore it.
“Grammy, Aunt Sonya!” Callie screamed as she ran to them.
“Would you like to come inside?” I asked and waited for them to come into the garage before closing it. “Mom, we have visitors.”
“Don’t remind me.”
“Mom, they’re in the house.” I rolled my eyes. She had no love for them, and I had to say that they had made it mutual. “Can I get either of you a drink?”
“No,” Louise snapped. “We came because I got a phone call from Caroline’s school today.”
I made a mental note to talk with the school and have her removed from the emergency contact list. I allowed her to pick Callie up on Wednesday and spend a few hours, but they weren’t the main point of contact.
“Grammy, I met Sadie today.”
“Who is Sadie?” Sonya held up her nose, as if just saying the name reeked of something foul.
“She is a deputy. She bought me Skittles. She is so cool, and she rides a motorcycle. She found me and called Daddy and Nana.”
“Caroline, can you give your father and me a few moments to talk?” Louise directed her eyes to Sonya, who stood and held out her hand to Callie, and the two of them walked back to her bedroom. “I’m concerned. You work a lot of hours, maybe this is too much on your mother alone. I would like to get Caroline more often.”
“Louise, what happened today has nothing to do with my mother or your visitation. Callie was at school, which means somewhere they dropped the ball. So, don’t pretend as if my daughter is in some kind of neglectful situation, because you and I both know that is untrue. If you want to spend more time with her, all you have to do is ask.” For crying out loud, this woman really never did anything the easy way, did she?
“Well, I feel that I should get just as much time with Caroline as she does.” She pointed at my mother.
“Well, unless you move in here, that isn’t possible. I asked you if you would like to share and help but you said no, you reminded me that you’re her grandmother not her nanny.”
“Then I should get her on the weekends more.”
“No. I’m home on the weekends. I’d like to see my daughter. This is not a tit-for-tat. You are welcome to join us whenever we do things, I always let you know when Callie has soccer games or there is an event at her school. Those are normal grandparent activities.”
“I lost my daughter and now you are keeping my granddaughter away from me, too.”
I took several deep breaths because that was not at all what I was saying or doing. Callie loved Louise, and once upon a time, Louise was nothing like the bitter woman who stood in front of me. “No one is keeping Callie from you. You just can’t have her whenever you want. It isn’t convenient. I work full-time, so when I’m home, I want to spend time with my daughter. You can’t blame me for that. I’m trying here, I really am, but I need you to work with me and be reasonable.”
“What about Sonya? She wants Caroline some as well.”
“I’m sorry but she can see Callie when Callie is with you. Callie is here most days after school, you are always welcome to come by and visit her. Sonya is welcome to come as well.”
“Then why can’t she come to my house?”
I dragged one hand down my face, god, this was going on forever. “Because you let her eat whatever she wants. You don’t make her do her homework. And if she has soccer practice or is supposed to be at school for something you refuse to take her. It is too hard getting Callie up the next day after she’s
been with you. It isn’t healthy.”
“I’m her grandmother, I’m supposed to be fun.”
Where was a hammer, anyone? Because seriously I needed to bang my fucking head. “Listen, Louise, I’m tired. So, this is the last time I’m going to say this. I’m not withholding her from you but I’m not allowing you to mess up her schedule either. You are her grandmother, you don’t live with us, so spending as much time with her as my mother does is not possible. My mother is going above and beyond and going out of her way to help my daughter and me.”
“And Deirdre’s.”
“Deirdre is dead.” Saying those words cut me, but it was true, and it was time Louise faced reality. “I don’t mean to be cruel, but she has been gone for four years and has no say. If you would like to keep things as they are, then I suggest you remember a very important element to all of this.”
“What’s that?”
“I’m the parent. When Deirdre passed, I became a single father. I have full custody. Ultimately, it is up to me to decide what is best for Callie, and that includes who does and doesn’t get to spend time with her and when or if her routine is disrupted. Please help me, don’t keep pressuring me. Deirdre wouldn’t want this. I need your help.”
“Deirdre’s birthday is coming up, are you still allowing me to get Caroline that day or are you going to remind me that you are the sole parent on that day as well?”
Ughhh. I clenched and unclenched my fingers. This constant bickering drove me crazy. I went out of my way to avoid it, and in the end, I generally gave in just to shut her up. That was probably my problem, since she was used to harping on me and knowing that I’d cave. “I always allow you to spend that day with Callie, I have no intention of changing that.”
Once Louise and Sonya left, I strolled back to Callie’s room and plopped down on the floor next to her dollhouse. “Hey, Callie girl.”
“Hi, Daddy. Did you know that Aunt Sonya can’t have any kids and that is why she loves me so much?”
“I hadn’t heard. Did you give Aunt Sonya a big hug?” Callie nodded. I felt sorry for Sonya and her husband, but they could always adopt. There were lots of children who needed homes.