by Fields, MJ
To be fair, he could.
And I most definitely could live without him.
I grabbed my purse off the floor next to me and groaned as I noticed the obscene number of missed calls and texts on the screen—all from Roger. The last one said something about talking to other guys while I was out.
“Just what I thought…not an emergency,” I said, dropping my phone back into my purse after switching it to vibrate. “Happy now?”
Hopefully they were, because I wasn’t.
“What’s his deal?” Nellie didn’t bother to look away from the mirror this time, she just continued with our group conversation while contouring her face. “I don’t understand why he has such an issue with you coming out with us for a few drinks. It’s not like we do this every weekend or anything.”
“I wish I had an answer for you, but I don’t. He just doesn’t like it when I go out without him.” A fact he’d made known shortly after we started dating. I should’ve put a stop to it then, but unfortunately, I hadn’t.
Julie turned on the bed to face me, crossing her legs and tucking her bare feet beneath her. “Then why don’t you just break up with him? It’s obvious you aren’t happy in the relationship. I seriously don’t understand why you keep ending up with guys like Roger—assholes who treat you more like property than a person.”
Again, I wished I had an answer for her. It was just as much of a mystery for me as it was for them. I’d always found myself with guys who were sweet and attentive at the beginning, but after a few weeks or months, their true colors began to show. And by that point, I was already invested in the relationship.
“We need to find you a good guy.” Nellie had been saying this for years, though it hadn’t happened yet. “Someone who will treat you right and not flip out anytime you hang out with us.”
“Good luck finding someone who meets her expectations.” Julie laughed while pointing in my direction, as if to say I had a long checklist of wants and needs where potential boyfriends were concerned. And to be fair, I did.
Out of the three of them, I was closest to Julie. I told them all everything—well, mostly everything—but it seemed Julie was the one who understood me best. Nellie and Brooke had been bonded as best friends since childhood, and Julie and I were added to the group in college. So even though we were a foursome, at times, it felt like we were simply two sets of friends coming together.
I gave her the middle finger and rolled my eyes. “You make me sound like a diva. I’m not. And I don’t think my standards are too high, either.”
“You want things that don’t exist, Mady. He’s got to be a man’s man, a real alpha, yet you want him to be sensitive enough to sit around and share his feelings with you. And he’s got to be ready and willing to make decisions at a moment’s notice while taking everything you want into consideration.” Julie started ticking things off on her fingers.
Then Brooke joined in—honestly, I’d almost forgotten she was there; her white shirt made her practically blend in with the wall. “Don’t forget looks. She’s got to be both physically and sexually attracted to him as well.”
“Damn, you guys are making me sound super conceited. Doesn’t everyone want to find their partner attractive and have chemistry with them? I can’t be the only one. Actually, I think that’s a pretty normal requirement when looking for someone to date. Have any of you ever slept with someone who didn’t do it for you?” I crossed my arms over my chest and sat back with a satisfied smirk. “Exactly. You need mutual attraction in a relationship. Otherwise, all you have is friendship.”
Nellie leaned back to peer into the bedroom, finally coming to my defense by saying, “I can’t argue with her there.”
But it seemed Brooke wouldn’t let it go. “Yeah, but we all know how much appearance can change once you get to know the person. Mady, you’ve said so yourself when you’ve talked about other models you’ve done work with. They’re beautiful in pictures, but after spending a few hours together, you no longer see the attraction because they don’t have one single appealing quality.”
“Wow, guys…you really know how to make a person sound good, don’t you?” I laughed and picked at invisible fuzz on my jeans. “I’m well aware of how much someone’s personality affects their appearance. But if I’m not attracted to them in that way, it doesn’t matter how great they are. I may find them better looking than before getting to know them, but it won’t make me find them sexy. It doesn’t work that way.”
Brooke pulled her legs up and rested her arms on her bent knees. “It just makes me sad, that’s all. Who knows how many great guys that are out there and are perfect for you, but you’ll never know because you won’t give them a chance as long as you’re with that loser.”
It would’ve been easy to become offended or get upset over that comment, but I didn’t. Brooke had a heart of gold, and I knew there wasn’t any malice in it. If anything, it proved just how differently we all see things.
Thankfully, Julie came to my rescue. “I understand what Mady’s saying, and as bitchy as it might sound, I have to agree with her. You can’t fake attraction, nor can you make yourself feel that way about someone. And without it, you’re left with a good-looking friend.”
“I’d like to point something out, if I may…” Brooke held up her finger, interjecting before anyone else jumped in. “What would happen if you find someone you’re really attracted to, both physically and sexually, but then something happens to him, like a car accident or something?”
It wasn’t like I hadn’t ever heard this argument before. But no matter how hard I tried, I’d never been able to explain it without making myself sound even worse. So rather than try again, I simply shrugged and waited for someone else to respond.
Just as I’d suspected, Julie took the floor again to explain what I couldn’t. “Nothing happens, Brooke. The way I see it is…attraction is a chemical response to something. It’s why we aren’t interested in every guy who’s six feet tall with dark hair and blue eyes. We all may have a type, but that doesn’t mean we’re drawn to every guy who holds those specific traits. So if a person triggers a chemical response in you, then you’ll always feel that way about them, no matter what happens. Unless you’re just a cold-hearted bitch.”
I shot Julie a knowing glance.
“Which Mady isn’t, by the way.” She grinned at me.
I mouthed, “Thank you.”
“I don’t know…” Brooke’s head dropped back until it met the wall behind her with a soft thud. “I’ve heard enough stories about people leaving their significant others after strokes or car accidents or anything else that changes only their appearance.”
Somehow, this conversation had gotten deep. What had started out as a discussion about me breaking up with Roger so they could find me a decent guy had taken a turn into some philosophical debate on attraction.
“I don’t think it has as much to do with the accident as it does the stress that comes with it. You’re talking about medical issues, things that could leave someone in a hospital bed for weeks or months.” This was Julie’s place to shine—working in a hospital had given her the insight to refute Brooke’s claims. “Imagine the bills, the ongoing battle with insurance companies, or the complete disruption of their normal lives. I believe those are the factors that go into someone walking out on their significant other after tragedy strikes.”
Brooke shrugged while staring at her wringing hands. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. That does make a lot of sense. It still makes me sad, though.”
“Does anyone want to know what makes me sad?” Nellie asked from the doorway, looking like she was finally ready to leave her apartment. “This conversation. It’s depressing as fuck. I think it’s time to take our pregame shots while waiting for our Uber driver to arrive.”
We all mumbled different variations of “it’s about time” beneath our breaths before following her out of her room to the kitchen, where we had tequila, limes, and salt waiting for us. Personal
ly, I loved tequila—I just wasn’t a fan of the trouble that seemed to follow.
“Let’s make a deal,” Nellie announced after we all had our shot glasses ready. “No leaving the club before one in the morning…no matter who we run into this time. If we have to leave, we’ll just go to another bar.”
Last weekend, we’d gone home after running into Brooke’s ex. While none of us regretted rallying behind her in her time of need, we could all agree that this time, we wouldn’t let anyone run us off. We’d had our cryfest, and now, it was time to show the world how strong we were.
“Deal.” We all raised our shots, clinked them together in a four-way toast, licked the salt from our hands, and tossed back the clear liquid.
* * *
Even though it was after eleven by the time we’d gotten to Cabanas, it wasn’t too bad. It’d given us three and a half hours to enjoy ourselves until the bar closed.
Needless to say, it was the drama-free night we all needed.
When the bartender made the announcement for last call, I checked with the girls to see who needed another drink. Julie was the only one, so she followed me to the back of the room to wait in the long queue at the bar.
“I’m going to use the restroom,” Julie yelled above the music. “If by chance you get to the front before I come back, order me a—”
“Rum and Diet Coke. Yeah, yeah…I got it.” I shooed her away with a smile and then continued to wait alone.
I casually scoured the room for no one in particular when someone brushed against my arm. Normally, in a crowded space, this wasn’t unusual. But the hand on my lower back and body heat along my entire side forced me to turn to see who it was. To my surprise, I found Finn next to me, smiling like a drunken idiot.
His gravelly voice flooded my ear and drowned my senses when he leaned forward and said, “Do you believe in coincidences?”
Swimming in the sensations of his deep baritone, all I could do was shake my head while staring unblinkingly at him. And when the lines next to his eyes creased heavily, those lips curling beneath his beard, I couldn’t even find the strength to keep that movement up. His presence not only silenced me, but it seemed to have put me in a frozen state of lust as well.
If this wasn’t last call, I would’ve asked for a bottle of water instead of more alcohol.
“Then I guess it’s fate that we keep running into each other, huh?”
My giggle snapped me out of the spell his voice had put me under, yet not before flooding my face with intense heat. I had no idea how he did it, but he managed to make me blush more than anyone else.
“Have you been here all night?” I wasn’t sure if he heard me over the loud thumping of the music until he nodded, his eyes still locked on mine. “Oh, I’m surprised I didn’t run into you earlier.”
“I saw you a few times, but you looked like you were having fun, so I didn’t want to interrupt. Did you just need a night out with your friends, or is this a special occasion?”
“You must not have heard. I hired an assistant, so we all came out to celebrate the fact that I landed the best assistant ever.” No matter how hard I fought the desire to flirt with him, I lost. Thanks, tequila. Then again, I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to know for sure just how tactful I was.
His smile told me I hadn’t hidden my true intentions very well. “What a coincidence, because I came out with my buddies tonight to celebrate my new job. You see—” he leaned closer to lower his voice while still being heard—“this hot Instagrammer just hired me to be her assistant.”
In my inebriated state, I tried to decipher his wording. Did he mean I was hot, or that I was an up-and-coming sensation on Instagram? Regardless of how long I debated the meaning of his words, the answer never came.
“My buddy is actually up at the bar.” He pointed over the crowd at someone I couldn’t see due to my height disadvantage. “Tell me what you’re drinking, and I’ll have him grab it for you so you don’t have to wait forever in this line.”
“Thanks, but I also have to get my friend a drink. She ran to the bathroom, and at this time of the night, there’s no telling how long she’ll be.”
Finn lifted his shoulders in a “suit yourself” kind of shrug, then shoved his hands into his pockets. “Well, it was nice seeing you again, Mady. I’m very much looking forward to reporting to work Monday morning.”
“Oh, good. So you got my email?”
He nodded and then said, “Yeah, I got it. Thanks.”
“No problem. See you in two days!” I offered an awkward wave, cutting it short when I realized how ridiculous I looked. At least it made him laugh, and I couldn’t seem to get enough of that sound.
“Take care, Mady.” He winked at me and then excused himself from the crowd.
I had no idea how long it took for Julie to find me, because once Finn had walked away, I’d grown lost in lust-filled fantasies that would have made my parents spend the rest of their lives on their knees praying for my salvation.
“Who was that?” Julie asked with her thumb hitched over her shoulder in the direction Finn had headed.
Apparently, I hadn’t been alone for too long, which didn’t bode well for the explicitness of my thoughts. There was no way I’d come up with that kind of filth in a short amount of time. So either she’d seen us yet had taken a while to get to me, or Finn had a way of drawing out my hidden porn star. Honestly, either was entirely possible.
“Kelly.”
Her eyes widened as she glanced between me and the horde of bodies behind us. “The chick who turned out to be a dude?”
“Yup, that’s him.”
After the interview, I’d called and told Julie all about him. Well, not all about him—certainly not the parts that continued to confuse me, such as my desire to find out just how soft his lips really were. However, I still hadn’t filled her in on the events that followed. I knew she’d have something to say about it, and likely tell the others, so I’d kept the fact that I’d hired him to myself for the time being. I only needed to know if it would work out before informing the girls that he was working for me.
“You made him sound so…different.” She must’ve been able to see him, because she continued to stare over my shoulder. “I do see what you were saying, though. He’s really not your type at all. Too bad.”
I could only nod and stare straight ahead, not trusting myself to open my mouth for fear of what I’d say. Truth be told, he wasn’t my type. Not in the slightest. Yes, he was tall, which I preferred, but that was about the extent of qualities he had that I looked for in a man.
I wasn’t a fan of light-colored locks. Being Italian, I was typically drawn to darker hair. And while I could happily stare into his eyes for the rest of my life, searching for the reason they felt so familiar, I’d always gone for guys with brown eyes—again, the Italian traits were what I was most fond of. Finn was about as opposite of Italian as anyone could get. I was almost positive I’d noticed faint freckles along his arm when we’d met for lunch at the beginning of the week. I could only imagine how easily he’d burn if he stood in the sun too long.
Yet somehow, I couldn’t keep him off my mind. If I wasn’t dreaming about him at night while I slept, I fantasized about him during the day when I didn’t have anything to occupy my thoughts. It wasn’t something I could explain, which was why I refused to mention it to the girls.
I kinda wondered where else he might have freckles. And part of me wanted to go on an expedition to find them.
Four
Finn
It was insane how fast people fled a bar once the lights came on.
They acted like cockroaches scattering for cover. Watching the crowd rush toward the exit reminded me of my younger days when I’d go to house parties. One mention of cops, and everyone ran in all directions, not at all caring where they were going, just as long as they weren’t there when the place got raided.
Thinking about that put a smile on my face.
“You remembe
ring all those nights at Pete Jensen’s barn, too?”
One look at Kyle’s face, and I knew I wasn’t the only one taking a walk down memory lane. He’d been to just as many parties as I had—if not more—in high school, most of which we’d gone to together. Between the two of us, we had stories that would make jaws drop.
He laughed and shook his head. “Those were the days, weren’t they?”
“Sure were.” I swallowed the last of my drink and set the empty glass on the table.
Kyle finished his at the same time and nearly tumbled off his barstool, causing us both to laugh. “We should probably start heading out before our ride leaves us.”
That was a joke, considering our ride was his wife, and there was no way she’d leave without our asses buckled into the car. The only reason she bothered to leave the house to pick us up was because she said we couldn’t be trusted together. Which was probably true, but only when we were drinking. One time, instead of going straight home after leaving the bar, we’d taken an Uber to a gas station for more beer. Marissa, his wife, finally found us drunk as skunks in a 7-Eleven parking lot. Ever since then, she insisted on picking us up from the bar when we went out—which honestly wasn’t that often.
Since the crowd had thinned considerably, it wasn’t too difficult to make our way outside. And as luck would have it, there was Mady, standing by the sidewalk. Granted, she wasn’t alone—two of her friends were talking amongst themselves a few feet from her, and another was on the curb, staring at her phone. Nonetheless, Mady was by herself. So, pretty much forgetting that Kyle was behind me, I used that opportunity to say goodnight.
I lightly touched her lower back as I came to a stop at her side. It was enough to make her gasp and clutch her chest, her wide eyes finding mine. It could’ve been all the alcohol I’d consumed, but catching the sight of her barely parted lips left my mind filled with thoughts of kissing her until she was breathless.