by Fields, MJ
What had crawled up his butt and died?
Ten
Finn
The walk back to the cabin was tough. Mady had completely thrown me under the bus and didn’t seem to care—or have a clue what she’d done. I wasn’t mad at her; the anger I felt was toward myself.
“Are you okay?” Her voice seemed small and worried, which only fueled my miserableness.
“Fine.” It was the only thing I could muster. I didn’t want to make her feel anxious. I’d felt awful after listening to her explain it last night, and I never wanted to be the cause of her anxiety ever again. It just served as a reminder of how much we still didn’t know about each other.
The closer we got to our cabin, the more nervous she became. And the more nervous she became, the worse I felt, which made my footfalls even louder against the packed-dirt trail. When we got the door, I couldn’t handle the silence any longer, so I stopped and turned to her.
“I’m sorry,” I muttered, my voice a concoction of bitterness and concern.
“What for?” Her brows knitted together, the crease between them deepening while her gaze searched my face for answers. “I’m pretty sure I should be the one saying sorry, but I don’t know what I did. I hate giving blanketed apologies, which makes it difficult when you won’t tell me what’s wrong. So I don’t even know where to begin.”
I grabbed her hands in mine—to shut her up, but also to halt her frantic movements. “You have nothing to be sorry about. It’s me. God, Mads. You have no idea.” I pulled her into my chest and rested my cheek on top of her head. It must’ve surprised her, because she stood there for a moment before wrapping her arms around me.
“You’re freaking me out, Finn.” Her words were muffled against my shirt.
I tried to gather the words I needed to form an explanation, except nothing came. I had no idea how to express myself without my mood getting in the way. But one thing was for sure, this conversation didn’t need to be had outside. So I dropped my arms, pulled away, and said, “Let’s go inside and talk,” as I held the door open for her.
Mady took a seat on her bed, and I mirrored her on mine so we faced one another. It was important that she looked at me as I tried to explain myself, even though it was hard to look at her while I spoke my truth. And the longer we sat there, the harder it was to form words, until I gave in and uttered the first thing that came to me. “I have a bad habit of jumping to the worst conclusions first.”
“I’m confused. What conclusion did you jump to?”
I let out a long sigh and decided to just go for it. After all, it wasn’t like it was a secret or something I never wanted her to find out. One flip through any of my yearbooks, and she could’ve figured it out on her own.
I squared my shoulders in false bravado. “To make a long, boring story relatively short, I was a fat kid. I wasn’t made fun of very often—mostly because I’d shut them up with my fist—but that didn’t stop me from developing certain…insecurities, I guess you can say. I’ve gotten past most of them as I got older by basically learning how to put things into perspective. But it all still bothers me from time to time.”
“What does?”
I had to take a second and convince myself that she wasn’t playing stupid to be nice. It wasn’t a hard sell, considering—what I knew of her—she genuinely was a good person. But it seemed I had a difficult time ignoring everything I knew about other girls who looked like her. I enjoyed being with attractive women—it did my ego good—however, I always felt like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop anytime I got too close to one.
And if a shoe was going to drop, it was best to get it out of the way than be blindsided by it like I’d been with my ex-wife. I’d learned that it was easier when a woman figured out she could do better before I developed real feelings.
“The way I look, Mady.” I held out my arms as if putting my body on display. “I may have shed a lot of the weight that I carried for years, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t stand to lose more. Unfortunately, I’m just a big guy; I doubt I’ll ever be skinny or ripped. But that doesn’t bother me anymore. Most of the time, I’m happy with who I am.”
“Most of the time…but not today?”
“No. Today I jumped to conclusions, and because of that, I’m truly sorry.”
She huffed and slumped forward, catching herself with her forearms on her knees. “I still don’t know what conclusion you jumped to, Finn. You haven’t explained that part.”
“You helped create a promotional campaign that centers around people of all sizes. Don’t get me wrong, I think it was a genius move. But then you included me, and I couldn’t help but feel that you only did so to have a heavier male in the shot.”
“What?” She sat ramrod straight, shoulders pulled back, and gawked at me with wide, incredulous eyes. “Why on Earth would I do that? I wanted you to be a part of it because none of this would’ve even happened without you. It had nothing to do with your weight.”
I held up my hand to silence her so that I could finish explaining. “I know that now, Mads. In fact, I knew it at the time, but every now and then, that voice takes over and it’s hard to turn it off. That’s what happened today. I looked around at the other eight people in the group and did a mental inventory—there were six girls and two guys, one of which is skinny and the other is no stranger to the gym. And since your vision was for diversity, that was the first thought that came to mind.”
With a long sigh, she covered her face with both hands. She sat there for a moment like that, slumped forward, shoulders curled in, not saying a word. Then she dropped her hands, exhaled heavily, and met my stare. “I’m so sorry, Finn. I never meant to make you feel that way.”
“It’s honestly not your fault, so you have nothing to apologize for. Like I said, I’m the one who allowed a lifetime of insecurities to get in the way of a really nice and thoughtful gesture.”
“Well, thank you for talking to me and telling me all of that. I know it couldn’t have been easy.” The look in her eyes could’ve very well been described as pity, yet I refused to read too much into it. “I had no idea, Finn. You come across so confident.”
“That’s because I am.” I chuckled. “A few extra pounds won’t keep me from being who I am. I know what my good and bad qualities are and what I have to offer. If someone has an opinion on the way I look, then I can’t stop them. But if they feel the need to voice that opinion to my face, that’s when I put an end to it.”
She giggled beneath her breath, and her eyes squinted. That was one of my favorite things about her—her smile was obvious, even if you couldn’t see her mouth. “If it makes you feel any better, Finn, I happen to think you’re a really good-looking guy.”
No. That did not make me feel better. But I wasn’t about to spit on her compliment no matter how much I hated them—from anyone, not just Mady. So I said, “Thank you,” while trying my best to ignore the desire that pooled in my lower stomach at the sight of her sweet, innocent grin.
Damn, I needed a cold shower. STAT.
“Do you mind if I use the bathroom first?”
“Nope.” Mady hopped off the bed and started digging in her suitcase, organizing the clothes she’d tossed all over the place during the day. It had been hectic and fast-paced, which hadn’t left much time for tidiness.
As I lathered myself in soap, my thoughts drifted back to Mady. She was a conundrum. One minute she was organized and solid; the next minute, everything was in disarray and scattered. At times, she’d come across completely confident, and others, she was anxiety-ridden over showing too much skin. I couldn’t figure her out. I had a feeling there was more to her than the pieces she’d already given me, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.
I stood under the hot water for a few more minutes to finish rinsing off the suds. The heat felt amazing on my sore muscles. It wasn’t like I had a workout today, but being on my feet and in constant motion had been exhausting. At least tomorrow were solo shots. T
he photographer had said he could handle those alone since I’d already provided him with an itinerary and everyone knew their timeslots.
Once I finally talked myself into getting out of the shower—to leave enough hot water for Mady—I quickly toweled off and put on the pair of sweatpants I brought with me.
After Mady and I switched, I began to tidy up the room, noticing that her stuff looked the same as when I went to take my shower. I shook my head with laughter on my lips and then knelt over her suitcase to give her hand. I was amazed at how neat and organized she’d packed my bag before we left town, yet now, her belongings were haphazardly piled on the sofa.
I stood and turned when I heard a slight gasp behind me.
Mady hovered in the doorway, naked apart from her panties.
“Is everything okay?” I refused to allow myself to admire all that stood before me until I knew she was all right. There was something in her eyes that concerned me.
“I forgot a towel. I called for you to bring me one, but when you didn’t, I assumed you weren’t in the room.” Instantly, I recognized that look to be embarrassment—nothing to be concerned about. She was fine, which meant…
Before she had a chance to take off and lock herself in the bathroom, I allowed myself to admire every inch of her that she’d let me see. Wet hair clung to her dewy skin, draping over her shoulders down to her perfect breasts—which she kept covered with her arms as she tried to hide herself from me. The dark outline of one of her nipples could be seen from behind her bicep, and I felt the familiar pulse in my pants as my cock responded to the visual.
I shouldn’t have looked, but at this point, there was not a damn thing that could pull my attention away from her body. My gaze traveled down her stomach, past the small gold hoop in her belly button, hanging like a jewel in her navel. I took in her panties and the mound where her thighs met, down her legs to her painted toenails.
When I lifted my eyes to meet hers, I caught her watching me, as if trying to figure out what I was thinking. For a split second, her brows knitted, and I wondered if she was pissed at me for looking at her. But then she took a deep breath, her posture relaxing the slightest bit, her expression calmer.
I took a step toward her, and she took half a step back in somewhat of a cat-and-mouse chase. After one look at her half-naked, I’d be a fool not to chase her. My feet moved forward, as if they had a mind of their own, taking me to the Holy Grail.
“Mady…” My voice came out hoarse, choked by the desire that ran rampant inside. Yet it succeeded in halting her retreat. I remained still, holding her gaze with all the intensity I could muster. “You’re acting like a scared puppy. Stop. I saw more of you in that bikini than I can see now.” I smiled just to show her that she had nothing to worry about. If she wanted me to leave, then I would. But I had no intention of walking away until she told me so.
She pulled in a deep breath and—almost defiantly—lowered her arms, revealing herself. I got the feeling she was challenging me not to look. I really had nothing to lose…except everything. And when I looked into her eyes, I knew it was a challenge that I could easily pass.
Golden eyes like pools of honey drew me in like a siren, and I almost lost myself in them. She glanced down, and a small grin lifted the corners of her lips. Now, that was a smile I’d never seen on her before, and I immediately became determined to see it again and again and again.
I took another step, but this time, she held her ground. “Does the effect you have on men amuse you?” I asked, knowing that her attention had been drawn to the erection that was now threatening to break free from my sweatpants.
Her eyes shot back up to mine, and her lips parted. “No, I… I just…”
I laughed beneath my breath at the sight of her flustered.
Mady’s smile turned her cheeks into two red balls as she shook her head and muttered, “Asshole.”
A drop of water fell from her hair and landed on her chest. When it started to run down between her breasts, I took one more step, bringing us within reach. I held my index finger against her stomach to stop its path before it reached the waistband of her panties.
Instantly, all the humor between us vanished.
And she was about to see just how confident I was.
“I know I’m not your usual type, Mady.” I traced my finger down the tanned skin of her stomach. “I’m well aware of the guys you usually go for—the ones who see a girl like you as a prize. The type of guy who likes to brag in the locker room about conquering a hot piece of ass. Guys who are only looking for the trophy to put on their mantle.” I hooked my finger into the top of her panties and slowly began to pull them down until I caught a glimpse of her hair behind the fabric.
My heart skipped a beat at the sight.
It was a neat line and had obviously been waxed recently. “A landing strip? I have to say, I didn’t peg you for the type. I figured you’d be completely bare, but I’m glad you’re not. Bald always seems...immature to me. I prefer to see a little more down there.”
Using my grip on the elastic of her panties, I pulled her closer.
“What I need you to understand, Mady, is that, to a man like me, you’re not a prize or a trophy to be won.”
She dropped her attention to my mouth as it neared hers, and her lips parted slightly in preparation. But at the last second, I turned my head and caressed her cheek with mine, my mouth close to her ear.
“You're a gift to be opened, a treasure to be uncovered.” I closed my eyes and inhaled her scent. There was a hint of perfume from earlier, but above that, she simply smelled clean, like soap. Her hair smelled of shampoo, and I made a mental note to ask her never to change it, as it made my head swim and my heart beat faster.
I was close enough that I could feel the stiffness of her nipples as they pressed against my chest. Releasing her waistband, I began to move with her, as if dancing, to ensure that her breasts brushed against my skin, making her shiver.
“You see…the thing about growing up as the fat kid is that, while all the other boys were getting girls because of their athleticism or good looks, I had to work on my personality. I was always the friend, always the one they came to for advice or for a shoulder to cry on.”
I moved behind her and ran my fingers through her hair, pulling the strands over her shoulders until they hung down her bare back.
My hard cock pressed against her ass through my pants as I leaned forward and breathed into her ear, “And I learned, Mady…I learned what it was that girls want. Not just emotionally, but physically as well. They told me the things that other boys did wrong. Moving too fast, not paying attention to, what I called, their hot zones.”
I traced my fingertips down her back, barely touching the skin, halfway between a stroke and a tickle. As I got to the base of her spine, I drew a line along the top of her ass and then started my way back up. When I reached the spot just under her ribs, she stiffened slightly, almost imperceptibly.
Bingo.
“Most guys try to manipulate a girl’s body, try to force a reaction. But I learned how to listen, to allow their bodies to tell me just what to do to get the reaction I’m after. Everyone has a place that drives them crazy when touched, and if you find it, you can take them from slightly aroused to really turned on with just a…” Holding her high on her waist and pressing my thumbs just beneath her ribcage on either side, inches from her spine, I pulled her against me so that my erection fit between the gap in her inner thighs. “…touch.”
She gasped and arched her spine, forcing her ass against my cock. Her arms swung behind her as she grabbed my hips to pull me closer, her head falling back to rest on my shoulder.
“I don't want to take you,” I rasped into her ear. “I want you to give yourself to me.”
She turned on her heel, grabbed my face, and kissed me. Hard. Desperately searching for my tongue with hers. Her nipples hardened against my chest as I wrapped my arms around her, sliding one hand inside her panties to grab her ass,
pulling her cheeks apart. When she moaned into my mouth, I pushed further until my fingers brushed against her folds.
The wetness on my fingers told me how turned on she was. And as I slid my hand farther between her legs, my fingertips pushed into her, making her gasp again and kiss me harder. Breathless, she pulled away and rested her forehead against my shoulder, running her fingers through the back of my hair, gripping me tightly as I pushed farther into her. She was so wet that my fingers slipped in easily.
“Show me,” she panted against my skin. “Show me everything; show me what it's like to be a gift instead of a prize.”
That was what I was waiting for.
With my hands on her hips, I led her backward to the small breakfast table in the corner of the room, never pulling my lips from hers. When the backs of her thighs hit the rounded tabletop, I lifted her onto the edge. She shifted to get more comfortable, fitting me between her legs while regarding me with those intoxicating hazel eyes.
I leaned in and kissed her lips, then her cheek, moving around her face to her ear, nibbling and sucking on her earlobe. Then I slowly moved down her neck to her collarbone, nipping along her skin, gentle yet firm enough that she could feel my teeth. She leaned back on her hands as I continued the path lower, then trailing my tongue along the curve of her right breast and back around again. As my breath neared her nipple, she arched slightly, as if begging me to take it into mouth.
But I wasn’t ready for that just yet.
I made my way to her left one—again, kissing around it before moving to the nipple. She must’ve thought I was going to tease her again, because she didn’t arch into me this time. So I pulled it into my mouth and sucked, squeezing it between my lips and flicking the hardened peak with my tongue, making her gasp. I moved back to her right breast and took that one into my mouth, warming it with my tongue and biting softly, scraping my teeth along the tip and sucking before releasing it with a pop.