by Fields, MJ
“Lily, just go home. I need to be alone right now.” I turn in the opposite direction of the bus stop we would take to get home and start walking. To where, I have no clue.
Thankfully, she respects my feelings and lets me be. I walk around for the rest of the day until darkness fills the sky and my feet eventually lead me back home. I stop out front, staring at my front door, not wanting to walk through but having no place else to go.
My dad’s car is gone—typical. After my mom passed away, he found out she had a life insurance policy she’d taken out shortly before the accident, and he’s been living it up ever since. He hasn’t gone to work all week, and when I do see him, he’s either drunk or high. The fact he’s partying with money he collected from my mother’s death makes me sick. He practically lives at the bar, with zero thought about the lowlifes and sluts he brings home, having sex with random women and partying with strangers until the early morning. I wake up to multiple people passed out around the house with no clue who the hell they are, and I can't remember the last night I slept well.
I glance over to Lily’s place, only to see her walking toward me. Without saying a word, she encloses her hand around mine, resting her shoulder against me, and wraps her other hand around my upper arm. As the years have passed, I’ve gotten a lot taller, yet she seems to stay the same size. I stand a good foot over her and her shoulder rests perfectly on the curve of my bicep.
Every time she touches me like this, either to comfort me or looking for security of her own, shocks of electricity flood my veins. I try like hell to ignore them. I don’t want a girlfriend right now—all I need is my best friend.
“Trev,” she finally whispers.
“Shh, don’t say anything. I know,” I say, cutting her off.
She doesn’t respond, just stands silently with me, comforting me in this small way.
After a while, she breaks the silence. “Are we still on for tomorrow?”
I chuckle, shaking my head before looking down at her as she cranes her neck up to stare into my eyes. “Yeah, I guess.”
Tomorrow is my sixteenth birthday. I should be ecstatic—this is an important day for any teenager. A car. A driver’s license. Anyone else my age would be jumping up and down, but I couldn’t care less. My mom’s gone, my dad’s a drunk, and I’d rather ignore the day all together. But Lily has other plans. No matter how much I fight it, I know she’ll make the day better.
She stretches up on her tiptoes to kiss my cheek. “Goodnight, Trev.”
“Night, Lily Pad.” I kiss the top of her head before walking toward my front door.
The emptiness of our lifeless house hits me hard, but honestly, it’s better than having to face my drunken father. I run straight up to my room, shoving my door closed and turning on my music to blast Deftones.
Lily finally gave up on music lessons about a year ago and gave me her guitar. I keep it hidden under my bed and only play when I’m alone in the house. I never know what my dad might do in a drunken rage. He’s destroyed everything else in this house, but if he touched my guitar, I might have to finally hurt him back.
He’s taken my baseball dreams, and with it, any chance of college; I won’t let him ruin my music dreams as well.
I’ve gotten pretty good and can keep rhythm with the song to play along. Music heals my soul and gets me through each day. Other than Lily, it’s the only thing that’s kept me sane since the death of my mom.
I play late into the night and click it off only when I’m ready to go to bed. My dad’s still not home, and the fact that he’s having a late night out is the best part of my night.
I’ve been asleep for some time when my dad bursts through my door and into my room, flipping the light on and yelling at me to get up from a dead sleep.
“Come on, Trev, get up! I have a surprise for your birthday!”
His excitement scares the shit out of me. More so than his anger.
“What are you doing? I was sleeping,” I respond, confused.
“Not anymore. It’s your sixteenth birthday, and it’s time you became a man. Now get up and come downstairs.”
Oh no. I have no idea what he’s up to, but the idea he’s going to make me a man scares the piss out of me. I don’t have a clue what that means. Maybe he’s kicking me out and that’s why he’s so damn chipper.
I throw on some lounge pants over my boxer briefs and walk downstairs without a shirt or socks on. Arriving in the living room, I’m greeted by my father standing between two women dressed in the raunchiest, most revealing clothes I’ve ever seen.
“They’re hookers!” he exclaims in the happiest voice I’ve ever heard from him. “I got one for each of us.”
Hookers? Is he serious right now? He bought me a hooker for my birthday.
“Ohhh, you weren’t kidding, Dick. I call dibs on him,” I hear one of them say as she walks out of his arms and wraps hers around my lower torso.
I’ve always found it ironic that my dad goes by Dick. His real name is Richard, but if a nickname ever fit someone to a T, this would be it.
“Um, I… Um…” I stutter, having no clue what to say or where to put my arms as she rubs all over my bare chest.
“See, girls? I told you he was still a virgin. He spends all his time with the princess next door—she sure as hell ain’t putting out. Fucking pansy ass. I knew I’d have to pay to make you a man,” my dad spits out.
There’s the dad I know.
“I thought we were going to party first?” the girl still standing in his arms whines.
“Yeah, I think this one needs a drink,” the girl wrapped around me says to my father as she slides her hand over my dick.
I flinch, shocked by her forward movements. No one but me has ever touched me there, and as I stand here, I’m still not one hundred percent sure if this is a dream or reality.
My dad laughs at my response to her hand between my legs. “Come on, you little shit. Be a fucking man. Let her touch you. Enjoy it for fuck’s sake. She’s costing me a fortune.” He walks into the kitchen and comes back with a bottle of Jack Daniels and pours us all shots. “To my stupid ass son, who has to have his dad pay someone to get his dick wet.”
The girls both holler in response as they take the shot back, but my dad and I are caught in a staring contest, and I’m not backing down. “Happy birthday, Trev,” he says in the most condescending way possible before downing the shot himself.
Taking a deep breath, inhaling the scent of the whiskey as the air fills my lungs, I look at the shot and take it back. It burns all the way down my throat. I cough when the fiery trail lines my esophagus, through my chest, and fills my stomach in a blazing inferno.
They all get a hearty laugh at the display of how young and inexperienced I truly am. The girl wraps her arms around my torso again. “Oh, this is going to be fun. I’m Candy by the way.”
“Candy.” I laugh. “Really?”
“Yeah, sugar. Just wait till you see how sweet I am.”
Everything about this feels wrong, but I’m a sixteen-year-old boy and my thoughts are clouded by my ever-growing urge to bring any and all attention to my dick. Here it is, right in front of me. She’s offering it up with no work on my part. I’d be stupid to turn this down.
My dad watches my mental epiphany and starts laughing when a smile creeps over my face.
This is what he considers father-son bonding? I need another shot.
After the third shot of Jack, things are feeling good and my nerves start to fade. For the first time, I’m actually talking and laughing with my dad, but I try not to focus on why.
More importantly, for the first time since my mom died, I don’t have that ache in my chest that feels like someone’s sitting on my throat, blocking all the air to my lungs and twisting my insides to oblivion.
I hate to admit it, but I’m actually happy.
Things take a turn when the girls stand up, creating a center stage by the coffee table, and start to strip each other. Watching
hookers put on a show in my living room with my dad sitting next to me is awkward as hell, but my dick is still hard as a rock. I can’t help it, though. I’ve seen porn and looked at Playboy, but having it live, right in front of me, is a totally different experience.
My dad’s laughter to my right catches my attention. He leans over, whispering, “Close your mouth, son.” The smell of alcohol on his breath is awful and almost breaks my enjoyment of the scene in front of me.
Heat fills my face and my cheeks blush as I snap my mouth shut, embarrassed to be sitting next to my dad while experiencing this for the first time.
Individually, the girls take each of us by the hand and walk us upstairs to our own bedrooms. “Have a good night, Trev.” My dad’s maniacal laugh echoing down the hall pulls me out of my lust-induced haze and totally kills the buzz I have going on from the alcohol.
When Candy clicks the door shut, my heart thuds against my chest. I look up to see her falling against the wood with a sexy smile on her face. As she pulls down the straps of her bra, I should be thrilled, but something’s not right—it’s all off kilter. This is my chance. What every guy dreams about.
But Lily is at the center of my thoughts.
I’ve never thought about having sex with her—I mean, not really. She’s my best friend. She’s cute, but when I picture my first time, I’ve never pictured her—yet here I am, about to lose my virginity and all I can think about is that she’s not Lily.
I shouldn’t be doing this.
“Oh, honey, you’re nervous.” Candy smiles as she tiptoes up to me, standing between my thighs with me on the bed. Her hands cup my cheeks. “Don’t worry, sugar. I’ll be gentle.”
She leans down to kiss me, but I instantly turn my face to the right so she kisses my jaw. The thought of kissing this random stranger makes me sick to my stomach, I truly don’t want anyone else’s lips to ever touch mine. Only Lily’s.
“Wow, not even a small kiss for me, sugar?” she whines.
I shake my head. “Look, sorry. This is a bad idea.” I go to stand up, but she stops me.
“Oh dear, you have a girlfriend don’t you?” A look of disappointment crosses her features.
“No, actually I don’t,” I respond, pushing her completely away from me so I can stand up and start to walk toward my door.
“But there’s a girl you like?”
Even though I don’t answer, I stop in my tracks, because up until a few minutes ago, I would have said no. Now I’m not so sure.
She wraps her arms around my waist from behind, running her hands down my pants and grabbing my dick, rubbing up and down. No matter how hard I fight it, I’m instantly hard just from her touch.
“See, sugar? Don’t worry. I understand. Let me blow you at least. I mean, I’ve already been paid; you might as well take advantage.”
The thought almost drops me to my knees. I can’t say no. I’ve dreamt about having a girl’s mouth wrapped around my dick so many times. A shiver travels up my spine and she laughs at my reaction. She turns me around, pulls me toward my bed, pushing me to lay down. Before I know it, she’s stripping me of my pants and licking my dick from base to tip. Shaking, I take a deep breath and focus on my air intake, trying not to look as I feel the warmth of her mouth wrap around me and take me all the way in.
Holy. Shit. Fuck. Goddamn!
I drop my head to my pillow, trying not to cum instantly. Who knows when the next time will be that I’ll have this opportunity—I want this to last, so when I have regrets later, at least I can say it was kind of worth it.
The instant her hands join her mouth and run up my length just behind her lips, I’m done for. She giggles as I cum instantly but sucks me back down to finish me off.
“Well, sugar, that was the easiest money I’ve ever made. How was that?”
I look away, ashamed.
“Hey, don’t sweat it, sweetheart, I’ve had grown men cum just as fast. Maybe now when you’re with the girl you actually want to be with, you’ll last a bit longer. Are you sure you don’t want more?”
She stands up, jiggling her tits back and forth, but I just shake my head, turning over in my bed to face the wall.
“Okay, your loss. Thanks for the easy money.”
And just like that, the first girl I’ve ever been with walks out of my room, never to be seen again. As I lay in bed, confusion stirs through my brain. The euphoria from the shots I took and the load I just blew bring a sense of calmness to my life that I don’t think I’ve ever felt before.
Even though I know all of this is wrong, it also feels right knowing it didn’t mean anything and that woman just walked out of my life right after. Since it wasn’t Lily, I realize I’m totally fine with that fact, so I flip onto my stomach to enjoy the remaining alcohol still running through my body as I drift off to sleep.
Six
A simple man I am not
But Lord please, I beg for one more shot
- Trevin Allen
Trevin – 16th Birthday
The harsh pounding reverberating in my skull is never ending. When I peel my eyes open, the piercing light through my window shoots lightening bolts of pain directly to my brain.
I want nothing more than to fall back asleep, but the walkie-talkie is alive this morning with Lily on the other end. She leaves me no choice but to get up and act like nothing’s different, because there’s no way I can tell my best friend my dad bought me a hooker. And I sure as hell can’t tell her I couldn’t do anything with the chick because she invaded my thoughts.
The mere idea makes my head hurt worse.
“Birthday boy…wake up…” I hear her sing through the crackling speaker.
“I’m up, I’m up,” I respond as clearly as I can while holding my head in pain.
“Great! Get dressed. I’m taking you out!” She’s way too happy this early in the morning. Glancing at the clock, I realize it’s noon and definitely time to get my ass out of bed. I pray my dad isn’t lurking somewhere in the vicinity.
If only my luck were that strong. As soon as I walk out of my room, my father’s belittling voice greets me like a fist to the face. “I can’t believe you didn’t fuck her, you pansy ass! Are you gay or what?”
“No, I’m not gay.” I stand up for myself.
“You just chicken shit then? I pay for a woman to fuck you and you don’t,” he screams in my face. “It’s that little girl next door, isn’t it? Is she giving it up to you?”
“Don’t talk about her like that!” I scream back.
“Ha! You’re a pansy-ass when it comes to that chick and you don’t even get anything in return. I’m embarrassed to call you my son.” He spits the words in my direction before walking away, retreating to his room.
More frustrated than I have been in a while, I storm outside, ready to take off anyone’s head that messes with me. Unfortunately, Lily is the first person I see.
“Hey, birthday boy, you ready?” The sun catches her hair in the most perfect way, resembling the angel she’s become.
“I’m not in the mood.” I shouldn’t be taking this shit out on her, but the bite in my tone makes her cringe just a bit.
“Okay…want to talk about it?” she says as sweetly as she can while rubbing my back.
Just the feel of her touching me makes my skin crawl. I feel guilty for what happened last night. I’m not committed to her, so I don’t have a clue why it bothers me, but it’s eating at me, and now I’m not sure what to do.
When I sit down on the curb without responding, she joins me and takes my hand. Her thumb caresses mine while she silently tries to soothe me. “It’s going to be okay. Whatever it is, I promise, I’ll be here.”
And I believe her. In this moment, I know everything will be okay, because just like every day since we were eight, she’ll be here with me.
I finally give in as a slight smile forms on my face. “What do you have planned today?” I ask while nudging her body with mine.
“Okay, don’t be m
ad.” Her radiant smile prevents me from ever being angry with her. “I don’t exactly have anything planned, but that’s my plan. I thought we could have a day like we did last summer. Doing nothing but lying around in my room listening to music and just hanging out.”
Instantly, my arm goes around her shoulders, bringing her into me. “That’s perfect. There’s nothing I would rather do today.”
She leans into the hug, wrapping her arms around my waist. The warmth of her body next to mine lessens the tension I walked out the door carrying. “Okay, good. Come on, let’s head up to my room.”
Memories of last night flood my brain—my reasons for not letting the hooker kiss me. I promised myself last summer no other lips would ever touch mine, and I still mean it. At some point, I hope I’m able to have her again, but I know now is not the time. I push my thoughts away, strolling into my best friend’s house for a perfect day of nothing but her.
After the last few months, this is exactly what I needed. I sat on her floor as she laid on her bed and we listened to music and talked the day away. Anytime I’m with her, none of my other problems exist. The only thing that matters is the smile on her face and the fact she makes me feel whole again. She grounds me, tethers me to reality to keep me from floating away.
The day’s fading into evening, but there’s one more thing I want to do, and I finally get the courage to ask Lily to go with me. “Thanks for today. I needed this, but I’m hoping you’ll come with me somewhere?”
She sits up without hesitation. “Sure, where are we going?”
I assist her all the way up and we walk out of her room hand in hand. “You’ll see. I just need my guitar first.”
“Mom?” Lily yells, trying to locate her mother.
“Yeah, honey.” We enter the kitchen to see her standing at the kitchen counter.
“Is it okay if I take the car so Trev and I can…” She looks at me, questioning our destination since she has no clue where we're going. “…go get ice cream?” she finishes to my surprise.