by Fields, MJ
He’s got to be fucking kidding. I’m not sticking my dick anywhere near anything that has touched his, much less the nasty-ass broad calling over the edge of the couch to me.
“Oh yeah, please come fuck me…” The words fade off into a grotesque moan that repulses me instead of turning me on.
I shake my head without responding and call Lily’s pager, entering eleven—my code. Then I walk straight up to my room, find an old duffle bag, and slam a few clothes inside. Grabbing my guitar, I turn back to take in my room for what will hopefully be the last time ever.
I stop, glancing at my mirror to a picture I have of my mom and me together at the baseball field. It was taken a couple of weeks before she passed away. The other two pictures are of Lily and me—one when we were younger and one taken about a year ago. I reach for all three, shoving them into my back pocket as I walk down the stairs, past my dad without saying a word. I leave the house I once called my home, never to look back. There’s only one place I need to be tonight.
I sit in front of her house, silently begging for her to be awake and to have heard my page, but I can’t help the slight fear setting in.
This is it.
Everything I’ve ever wanted, but it dawns on me this could be the last time I see Lily. It washes over me faster than I realized what was actually happening. I hear the lock click behind me and the door slowly opens, revealing Lily in small boy shorts and a tight tank top that doesn’t quite sit on her waistline, and she’s obviously not wearing a bra. The sudden rush of cold air from outside instantly turns her nipples hard, and my dick responds in seconds.
“Hey, Trev, everything okay?” she asks in a sleepy voice, her eyes squinting, trying to adjust to the streetlight outside.
After a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves, I reply. “Can I come in?”
She opens the door wider. “Of course. Just be quiet; my parents are asleep.”
She turns to walk back toward her room and I quietly follow her blindly to the room I’ve been in thousands of times before. Her sweet little ass sashays up the steps as I watch the words Love Pink sway from side to side, screaming at me in the dark.
I’ve been with other girls but held fast to two rules: no lips will ever touch mine that aren’t hers, and Lily would be the first person I would ever have sex with. I knew the time wasn’t right, so I’ve waited. Waited for her. Waited for us.
The moment we enter her room, I turn to close the door quietly behind me. Before she can sit down, I grab her hand, pulling her toward me, slamming our bodies together. Without a second thought, I push my lips against hers, letting go of her fingers to cup her head between both palms as I kiss her. I kiss her the way I did a few years ago, like I’ve wanted to do every day since—holding nothing back.
She doesn’t fight. She doesn’t resist. No. The second my lips touch hers, her mouth opens, inviting me in, sweeping her tongue against mine and pushing her body closer to my own.
Patiently, I walk her backward, one step feels like forever, but I want to enjoy this. Savor every second of my first, and possibly, my last time with the only girl I will ever love.
Our lips haven’t parted since I walked in the door, but we both pause when the back of her legs touch the side of her bed.
This is it.
She knows what I want.
She can feel my desire bulging in my pants. I pray she won’t stop me, but I feel her hesitation as her lips slowly pull away from mine.
“W–wait...Trevin.” Her hands push up to my chest, not pushing me away, but keeping space between us.
I pull back slightly and look into her eyes, grabbing her hands, holding them close to my heart. “Please, Lily. I’m leaving. Tonight is it. I just got a call and the Stone Cold wants me for their guitarist. This is my—”
“Trevin!” She cuts me off. “Are you serious right now?” She jumps up and down, holding onto my hands tighter.
I can’t help but smile at her excitement. “Yes, they just called and—”
“Is this from the tryouts in San Francisco?” She interrupts me again. “So what’s next? You’re leaving? For where? What about school? What about—”
It’s my turn to interrupt her. “They’re picking me up at five in the morning. But I can’t go. Not without being with you first. I’ve wanted you for so long, and I promised myself that you would be my first.”
My lips move back to claim what I’ve always felt was mine just as her hands wrap around my neck, pulling me down toward her bed.
Once she’s on her back, I push myself up, staring directly into her chocolate brown eyes as I sweep her soft, brown hair away from her face. “You’ll always be my gravity. You’re what I need to stay grounded, no matter where I go, no matter what happens. Remember that. Only you.”
I place one soft kiss on her lips, then her cheeks, moving down her neck as my hands slowly glide under her tank top, pulling it up, and sliding it over her head. Our eyes meet once again as we stare at each other, not saying a word but knowing nothing needs to be said.
My lips reunite with hers as my hand brushes over her breast, cupping it, indulging in the feeling of her soft skin against my rough fingers.
Pulling my lips from hers, I lean closer to her ear and whisper, “I’ve wanted this for so long.” My fingers travel from her breast and down into her boy shorts.
With an arch of her back, she invites me in and whispers my name in the sexiest moan I’ve ever heard. “Trevin…”
The want and need in her voice will be my undoing. I know, without a doubt, she wants me as badly as I want her. For the rest of my life, I’ll wonder why I waited so long to do this. But I try to push away that thought in favor of enjoying what’s happening now.
Her hands slide down my torso and pull the hem of my shirt up. I pause my own exploration to allow her to remove it completely. Bare chest to bare chest, skin to skin, I lower myself, feeling her exposed body softly against mine for the first time.
Every second, every inch of her, carving memories into my mind. My arms wrap around her, holding on tightly for fear I might float away if I let go. My tongue explores hers, dancing together in harmony. All I can think about is holding her tightly, trying to register this feeling in the back of my brain for the rest of my life. I need to be able to recall this memory at any given time regardless of where I am.
When I feel her hands reach between us to pull on my belt strap, every ounce of self-restraint flies out the window. Excitement floods my veins, knowing not only does she want this, but she’s willing to get the party started by making the first move—the point of no return.
My lower back lifts slightly, giving her room to finish what she’s started. Only in my wildest dreams did I truly believe she would be here, doing this with me. I never believed she’d be bold enough to touch me the way she is. We’ve never talked about other guys just like she never asks me about other girls, but right now, I pray to God this is her first time, too.
Our lips continue their exploration, our tongues communicate in the silence, as I feel my zipper slowly being lowered. When it finally stops moving, the pressure that built up is released as my cock springs free. To my ultimate surprise, Lily reaches in and grabs ahold of it like she’s never going to let go.
A moan starts deep in my chest before it escapes my lips, breaking our kiss as I try to hide the excitement threatening to shoot out of me. Unable to stand it any longer, I make my way down her beautiful body. When I reach her shorts, I slowly start to shimmy them down her legs until they’re completely off and I drop them on the floor beside the bed. My hands run up her soft legs, memorizing every inch until I reach where I really want to be. Where I’ve dreamed of being for so long.
Trying to hide the tremor in my hands, I take a deep breath and run my fingers along the inside of her thigh, then against her pussy for the first time. The sound of her quick inhale sends chills down my spine and rushes blood straight to my cock.
My fingers part her lips, circling her
clit, and moving lower to feel her wetness seep out. I dip my fingers in slowly, keeping my eyes on her—loving the way her back arches off the bed in ecstasy. She’s ready and my dream is finally coming true.
I stand tall before her and remove my own clothing before I look down at my best friend, the girl I will always love, who will always hold a place very deep in my heart. Our eyes meet and a slight smile curves her lips as her hand reaches out to mine, entangling our fingers, pulling me down, back to Earth, back to her.
Without breaking eye contact, I nestle on top of her, between her legs, and pause, waiting for acceptance, searching for any sign of doubt. But there is none.
All I see is her.
The unconditional love she’s always offered me. The way she accepts every part of me exactly as I am. My tiny piece of perfection. The portion of my heart that wanders the earth on the outside of my body. She sees me—the raw, unedited version of me…and she still loves me.
My lips are pulled down to hers as I slowly start to enter her for the first time. Her body tenses and I wrap my arms tightly around her, cocooning her as I make my final thrust inside.
There’s no lingering doubt. This is her first time. I swallow her winces of pain, wishing I could take away the discomfort so she could enjoy this the way I want her to. Kissing her as softly as possible, I try to show her what she means to me, what this moment means to me.
We lay together, united—giving her time to adjust to me. When I feel her body loosen, and her legs wrap around my waist, I slowly pull back before moving back in and whispering, “It will always be you.” I kiss her lips softly while I begin to make love to the only woman who will ever own my heart. Breaking away only to whisper, “Are you okay?” in her ear.
She sighs and I feel her nod, saying yes. Her lack of verbal response worries me, so I pull back, needing to see her eyes. What I didn’t expect was to feel myself tipping even more in love with her at this very moment.
Instantly, her mouth finds mine again and we both find our rhythm, pushing, pulling, tugging, moaning, loving one another like we should have many times before now. For the last decade, we’ve loved each other silently, never voicing the words—today, we seal it physically.
I want this to last forever. I try to focus on every part of her, locking it into my memory. My fingers run through her hair to remember how soft it is. I lower my nose to her neckline to breathe in the scent of the cucumber melon lotion she wears. And finally, I bring my mouth to hers, to taste her sweet lips on my tongue one more time.
Breaking the kiss, I place my forehead against hers and slow my movement, rolling in and out at an even slower pace. I pulled back thinking if my lips weren’t attached to hers I could last longer, but I was so wrong.
When she stares up at me, her eyes are so sweet, so expressive. I hold her gaze as I continue moving in and out of her. The tender smile that spreads across her face tells me exactly how much I mean to her, too.
Being able to see her lying so beautifully underneath me, a spot I’ve dreamt about for so many years, sends my heart racing, and any remaining control I had went out the window.
“Lily,” I whisper.
Now it’s her turn to say, “Shh…” Her lips reach up to silence mine, and I cum for, what feels like, the first time ever. Never have I experienced the pleasure she just brought to me, the depth of emotion, the joy in the release.
Afterward, we lay in each other’s arms. I was afraid things would be awkward, but it wasn’t at all. Once she got back from the bathroom and we put our clothes back on, we just laid together like we always had. Cuddling with one another on her bed, talking about me leaving and how excited she was for me to get this opportunity.
We didn’t exchange words about us or what just happened. There was nothing to be said. We both know we just changed everything yet nothing at all. She’ll always be mine, and whether I’m here or not, I’ll always be hers.
With every emotion running through my mind, and the anticipation of the journey I was about to start, there was no way I could sleep. Instead, I sat and watched her all night long.
Five in the morning came too soon. The swarm of light that fills her room notifies me of a car pulling up in front of my house. I lower my mouth to gently kiss her lips, waking her to say goodbye.
“Good morning, Lilies. Sorry to wake you, but I have to go.”
With sleep in her eyes, she turns to me, sadly saying, “You’re leaving now?” Her brow furrows and her face exudes sadness.
“I am. Wish me luck, okay? I’ll call as soon as I get situated.” I turn to crawl out of her bed.
“Trevin…” Her arm reaches up to stop me.
I turn to look at her, but she doesn't say anything. I lean in to kiss her lips once more, not knowing exactly what she wants to say, but knowing the emotions that are threatening to overtake me, and hoping she feels the same way.
As I pull apart from her kiss, I place my forehead onto hers, whispering, “Me too.”
Taking a deep breath, I grab my things and walk out of her room, moving on to better things in my life and praying to God that somehow, she’ll find a way to be there, too.
Nine
Why did you push me to be my own?
Why did you love me enough to care?
Now I'm here all alone
Floating in the middle of nowhere.
- Trevin Allen
Lily – Age 18
Graduation day wasn’t the same without Trevin. I always expected us to walk across the stage together, having our picture taken with those silly gowns and throwing our hats into the air. Thankfully, part of his signing deal was he had to finish high school, and since he was only a few months out, he was able to get a tutor on the road and finished everything in time to technically graduate with us—even though he wasn't here.
No, he’s on the road somewhere. He’s called a few times, but our conversations have been rushed since his schedule has him traveling constantly or it’s packed with practice, photo shoots, and performing. He was Stone Cold’s new golden boy, and the fans are eating him up.
I’m constantly replaying our last night together. I’ve gone through all the emotions an eighteen-year-old girl could have. First it was amazement over not being a virgin anymore, and I’d given it to my best friend. Then fear when I realized how stupid we’d been not using a condom. Then relief when I started my period a few days later. I had no clue what the time frame was of when I could get pregnant, so I studied up and got on birth control. Why, I don’t know—it’s not like he’s here to need it. I guess as a just-in-case kind of thing. Then, I just went to simply missing him. He’s been here, with me, every day since I was eight years old, and now he’s gone.
The last six months have been long and lonely without him, but he called the other day saying he wanted me to come to LA. I can’t wait to see him and finally figure out what’s actually going on between us.
He purchased the ticket and indicated I’d be staying with him while I was there. Even though we’ve never spoken about that night, or our relationship status, every thought of starting right where we left off fills me with excitement. I think I’m going to be sick sitting here waiting for this flight to land.
Trying to push my way through the long line to get off the plane, I lightly jog my way down the tarmac, wanting to jump into his waiting arms. As I exit the area, I look around, but he’s nowhere to be seen. Instead, I see an older man holding a sign that reads “Lily Pad” on it. I thought for a second, years ago, he would drop the name, but no such luck. I just gained an additional nickname instead.
I walk up, shaking my head at his sign. “Of course he would put Lily Pad on there, but that’s me. My name’s Lily.” I reach out my hand to greet the man in front of me.
“G’day, I’m Arnie. Trevin’s sorry he couldn’t pick you up and was even more sorry you got stuck with me. But he demanded if he couldn’t pick you up himself, it had to be me over some roadie.” He laughs at his own joke, and I can t
ell he’s a sweet man, putting me at ease.
“I’m sure you’ll be fine. Where are you taking me?”
“I’ll be dropping you off at his place so you can get settled.”
We drive for about twenty minutes, not talking about much, just listening to the radio as Arnie thumbs out the beat on the steering wheel and hums the tune. We pull up to a house that sits on the beach, and I’m instantly in awe. He said the house he was staying in was pretty cool, but I think he was downplaying it just a tad. This place is gorgeous!
Arnie lets me in and leads me back to his room, where we both assume I’ll be staying. The room is bare of anything on the walls or dressers except for three pictures. I walk up to his mirror where a picture of his mom and two pictures of Trevin and me sit nestled into the frame.
Turning around, I smile at Arnie who gives me an appreciative grin in return and says his goodbye. He indicates Trevin shouldn’t be much longer and insists I make myself at home.
All the other band members live on their own, but he shares this house with some of the head sound crew and road managers. A total of four guys live here, but you’d never know by the looks of it. I guess they have a maid—I know they didn’t clean for my arrival.
After taking a tour, I step outside to a view I’ve only dreamed of. Their place sits right on the water with a long deck wrapping around the back. The thought of slipping into my swimsuit, laying out and relaxing takes over, and I run to change, excited to soak in some sun while I wait for my own rock star to come home.
About an hour after I laid down, I hear the glass door slide open and I turn, excited to see if it’s him. Hard eyes stare back at me, scanning my entire body, slowly engulfing every inch without shame. I let him take me in, sitting still, waiting for him to get his fill as I enjoy the look of hunger taking over his face.