Love Me Like You Do: Books That Keep You In Bed

by Fields, MJ

  Seventeen

  One more hit, One more drink

  Taking me to the brink

  One more hit, One more drink

  Please help me before I sink

  - Trevin Allen

  Trevin – Age 22

  The most god-awful noise stings the air and I hear the voice of a female mumble something, but I just roll over, ignoring her and the pounding in my head.

  When it goes off again, I grab my pillow, covering my face and my ears. “Trev…” I hear her say as her hand reaches over to hit my back. “Trev, your phone won’t shut up. Answer it already.”

  I sit up, looking to see if I recognize the girl sleeping in my bed. But then I remember I’m not in my bed. I’m in some hotel in God knows where and I think the girl’s name is Summer, or Sunny—shit, I don’t know.

  The noise finally stops and I take a deep breath, drinking in the calmness of silence until it starts up again. “What the fuck?” I whisper as I hold my head.

  Last night was crazy, even for me. I search for my phone just to make sure it’s not Lily—anyone else can wait until I’m awake. This calling at five in the morning is bullshit.

  I see it’s Chad, the other guitarist in the band. Knowing him, he’s gotten himself messed up with some chick and needs me to bail him out. Not this time, bro.

  I silence the call, but before I can turn it off, he calls again.

  “Chad, fuck man, can’t you call someone else to bail you out this time?” I force out as I rub my eyes in pain.

  “Trev, it’s Brad... There’s been an accident. You need to get down here dude.”

  “What the fuck? What happened?” I stand up too fast and almost fall back down before I get my bearings.

  “Man…” He pauses. “We were all pretty fucked up. Some people started fucking around on motorcycles.” He stops again. “Fuck, man, just get your ass down here. We’re at Houston Methodist Hospital. It’s not looking good, bro.”

  “Fuck…I’m on my way.”

  I start to get dressed and nudge the girl passed out in my bed. “Summer…” I take a guess, hoping it’s right. “I’ve got to get out of here. You have to get up.”

  “It’s Sunny and whatever, leave,” she says nonchalantly as she turns her head to the other side, not giving a shit that I’m heading out.

  I look around, noticing this isn’t my hotel room so I have nothing here. This must be her room, so I guess it doesn’t matter if she gets up or not.

  “Thanks for last night.” I kiss the top of her head. I’m not a total dick.

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” She waves her hand without turning around. “See you next time. You have my number.”

  I do? I shake my head, looking more closely at her when I realize who she is. Fuck, my life is so messed up, but I do remember Sunny now. She and I hook up every time I’m in Houston. For a minute there, I didn’t even know what state I was in.

  Whoever thought having a different girl every night was an awesome way to live was wrong. It blows something fierce sometimes. Trying to erase my own lame idea of a love life out of my brain, I push my way through the mounds of people sleeping in the living room area of the suite and out the door to the elevator.

  The front desk calls me a cab and I head straight to the hospital. When I arrive, there are news cameras everywhere, and security has to move everyone bombarding the cab so I can get to the front door.

  “Is he alive, Trevin?” one reporter shouts.

  “Where were you last night? How come you weren’t with the rest of the band?” I hear another yell.

  I tuck my head and push my way through the doors, thankful the hospital is blocking anyone from entering the facility. I walk to the desk, but before I can say anything, Chad comes around the corner, calling my name. “Hey, Trev, he’s this way.”

  I turn and walk toward Chad, who looks like hell. “What the fuck happened last night? Where were you? Where’s Kyle?” I question without greeting him.

  “We were all together. Kyle and Brad started fucking around on these guys’ bikes. They wanted to race and things got out of hand. Kyle’s in surgery with a broken leg and cracked ribs, but Brad…man…Brad’s not looking too good. He flew off the bike and Kyle hit him dead on, ran over him entirely. I watched the entire thing like it was happening in slow motion.”

  I watch in shock as Chad trembles, remembering the details. I can’t believe this is happening. We sit helplessly in the waiting room for hours before Brad’s parents race through the doors. His mom looks a wreck, like she’s been crying for hours, and his dad is as white as a ghost.

  I stand up to greet them. “Pam… Rick…”

  “Trevin. What’s going on? Is he all right? Oh my God!” his mom cries out as she wraps her arms around me in a tight hug. His dad pulls her off my body so she’s crying on his shoulder again. “I’m sorry. Just seeing you made everything too real,” she says through her tears.

  I push my hands into my pockets, not quite sure how to act. It’s been years since I’ve been around any caring parent, let alone a mom. My heart breaks at the thought, but I try to push it aside to focus on Brad. “It’s okay. No word yet on his condition. I keep asking, but they won’t tell us anything.”

  An eerie silence wipes over us as we sit down, trying to comfort each other while we wait for any news.

  After another hour, a doctor finally comes to the waiting room. The look on his face is somber and my stomach starts to turn the closer he gets.

  “I take it you guys are here for Brad Foster?”

  “Yes,” his dad says, standing up as fast as he can. “How is he?”

  He looks down, and I know instantly what he’s about to say. I’ve been told this before, and that’s a look you never forget. A look of lost hope, of sorrow and of pity.

  “We did the best we could,” he says. Pam screams and almost falls to the floor before Rick catches her. “Brad had too much internal damage and there was nothing we could do. I’m so sorry for your loss,” the doctor says with sadness in his eyes before he takes a deep breath, leaving us to deal with the loss of our best friend, their son, and the leader of our band.

  Eighteen

  Partying, drinking, girl after girl

  All looking for my lips to give me a whirl

  Spiraling down to the bottom I see.

  Only you and I know, it's not even me.

  - Trevin Allen

  Lily – Age 23

  Trevin is spiraling out of control and I’m not sure what to do. He feels like he’s lost everything and has admitted more than once, I’m the only reason he stays around at all. That’s a lot of pressure for anyone, let alone me. I want to be there for him, but at the same time, I’m trying to finish my master’s degree along with still teaching dance—my plate is overflowing. Worrying about Trevin’s mental stability is more than I can undertake.

  He, on the other hand, sits around all day, getting drunk. I’m still trying to get used to the random people camped out in our house and the parties going on at all hours of the day and night. I try not to focus on the details of what their parties entail, knowing it will only make me mad. There’s no doubt that Trevin’s doing drugs, but every time I ask him about it, he shies away, but not before he tells me to stay away from his drama. Each time he walks away, I wonder how he expects me to do that in our current living situation. He’s my best friend—I can’t help but worry.

  What’s worse is he hasn’t touched his guitar in months. I can see the light in his soul dimming, slowly fading away. This isn’t who he wants to be, but I have no clue how to bring him out of this funk. The band, the music…they were his life, and now he’s a shell of what he was with it gone.

  A huge fight broke out between the other two band members, Chad and Kyle, over their involvement in Brad’s death. Poor Trevin was stuck in the middle. He was the outsider, brought into the fold late in the game, and they’d all grown up together. He wasn’t there, he wasn’t involved, and somehow, his absence on the night
of Brad’s death left him sidelined and on the fringe.

  Within the few years he was in the band, he made more money than any normal person would in a lifetime, but now I sit back, watching him blow it on partying, countless people using him, and everything he shouldn’t be doing.

  My class got out late tonight and I have no clue what I’m going to be walking into at home. When I left for school, there were a few people over, none of which I recognized, and that always freaks me out. He doesn’t need to be hanging out with new people; they’re using him for who he is and what he can get his hands on—all at no cost to them, of course.

  To my surprise, when I get home, Trevin is sitting on the couch with his head in his hands and his arms resting on his knees. He doesn’t budge—not even flinch—as I come in, so I sit next to him and nudge him with my knee.

  “Hey, you,” I say as playfully as I can.

  He chances a look in my direction, giving me a meager smile. “What’s up, Pad?” He tips his chin the way guys do in acknowledgment before putting his head back down in his hands.

  I only caught his sorrow-filled hazel eyes for a brief second, but I can tell whatever he’s on, he’s lit. And him only calling me Pad sends up huge red flags. He may have multiple nicknames for me, but he’s never called me just Pad.

  “You all right?” I put my left arm around his back in an effort to comfort him and my right arm on his knee to try to ground him.

  He pulls his head up and searches my eyes for a few breaths before he cocks his head to the side and opens his mouth. “Why are you still my friend?”

  I laugh, thinking he’s playing around. “Um, because you need someone to keep you tied to reality, duh.”

  He smirks, that sexy smirk that always gets me somewhere deep in my chest, before he says, “No, really? I mean. Look at me. I’m a total loser with no family, now no job, and nothing to do with my life. You’re going to college. Trying to make something of your life, and I’m sitting here, floating away into the oblivion.”

  “Come on, Trev…don't talk like that. Where did all your friends go? I thought I would come home to a full house.” This is not the Trevin I’ve ever known—this Trevin scares me. Us being friends isn’t a choice, it’s not an option, it’s who we are. The world doesn’t make sense without him in it, and that goes both ways. He is just as important in my existence as I am in his. The gravity we joke about, the undeniable pull, the reason people don’t understand it—they’ve never experienced it.

  He stares at me, remorse cloaking his features. “I kicked them out. I’m sorry I always have randoms over. People you should never be around. You’re this amazing person and I hang out with some pretty fucked-up losers.” He hasn’t said it, but I know exactly where his mind is right now. This is exactly how his dad was when he was growing up. Trevin hated living with it then and knows I do now. But he forgets: he couldn’t stand his dad, and I adore him—problems and all.

  “It’s okay, it’s your house. You can have whoever you want over.”

  “No, no, no. Don’t say that.” He shakes his head much harder than necessary as his words start to slur. “This is your house. All of this is for you.” He tries to stand, opening his arms wide to make his point, but falls back on the couch with a thud.

  I wrap my arms around him. “Hey, Trev, are you okay?” I ask, running my hand on the side of his face and forcing him to look at me.

  “No, I’m not. Everything I’ve ever had is gone. Except you. You’re the only thing that keeps me here. But even you’re going to be gone soon. You’re graduating and you’ll move on.” He stops, hesitating for a moment. Or possibly analyzing where he’d be with me gone. “And I’ll still be here. Doing nothing.”

  “Why would you say that? I’m not going anywhere.” Whatever definition our relationship takes on, I won’t leave him. Without him, Lily Pad doesn’t exist.

  “Yes, you will. You’ll leave me. You need to. I’ll never be good enough for you. God, I’ve tried my whole life to be what you needed. But no matter what, I’ll always be just me and you deserve more than just me.”

  “Trev, what are you talking about?” I’m not a stranger to his ramblings. When he’s intoxicated, he talks about some random stuff, but this is different—this is life altering.

  “Lily, I’ve always loved you. You’ll always be the one. These lips…” He tries to point to his beautiful mouth, but his arms aren’t moving that well. He’s losing motor function as his words flow together. “These lips have never touched anyone else’s…they’ve only touched yours. I’ll never let anyone else taste them—they’re reserved solely for you. Always. But I won’t let you degrade yourself by being with me.” The pain in his eyes is almost tangible. I ache for him, wishing I could change pieces of his past, desperate for him to see his worth.

  “Trev, come on, you’re scaring me. Here, get up, let’s get you some water.” I try to pick him up, but I’m no match for his large frame. He outweighs me by close to a hundred pounds and has twelve inches of height on me. His body is dead weight I simply can’t control.

  “I love you, Lily. Forever. I always will.”

  I watch as his eyes roll back in his head and his lids close. Unable to maintain any control over his body, he falls back against the couch. Frantically, I sit him up, slapping him in the face. The more scared I get, the harder I hit. “Trevin! Wake up! Trev!” I’m screaming in his ear, hoping for some type of reaction. But I don’t get a response, nothing. He’s passed out, but it’s more than that—he’s drenched in sweat and his skin is cool to the touch. Holding his head in my hands, his pulse beats wildly against my fingers on his neck…unnaturally fast.

  Delirious, I scream, “No!” as I run to call 9-1-1. I’m almost positive he’s overdosed, but with nothing around to indicate what he’s taken, I’m clueless and unable to help the operator.

  Everything is a blur, moving at the speed of light, yet it feels like it’s going in slow motion as I talk to the 9-1-1 operator. The paramedics show up within minutes, not the hours it seems to be. With Trevin strapped to a gurney in the back of an ambulance, I jump in with them, helplessly watching as they hook him up to machines and force a tube down his throat.

  The monitor shows his heart rate at 150, so they inject something into his arm. Readying the electric shock paddles, they wait to see if the medicine counteracts the attack the drugs are causing on his body. Thankfully, the frantic beeping coming through the machine starts to slow and they put the paddles away just as we pull up to the hospital.

  As they race him through the emergency room, I’m escorted to the waiting area, alone, left to wait in complete despair.

  It’s late, but I call my parents anyway because I don't know what else to do. They listen to me cry as I tell them everything that’s been going on over the last few months. I’ve kept most of it to myself so their opinion of Trevin wouldn’t be altered, but I can’t do it anymore.

  “Okay, honey, calm down. Are you alone?” my mom asks in her soothing mom voice that I so desperately needed to hear.

  “Yes, I am. I’m freaking out, Mom. What if something happens to him? What if they can’t help him?”

  “Don’t think like that. Think positively. That’s what Trevin needs right now.”

  “Mom… God…I’m just…I’m scared. He’s…” I start bawling as I hold the phone to my ear and cover my face with my other hand. I’m all alone, standing in the middle of the emergency room fearing the worst and knowing without Trevin, my life would be over.

  “I know, sweetheart. I know. Is there anyone you can call? Jordan maybe? I can hop in the car right now, or check the flights down there.”

  “No, Mom.” I take a deep breath. “It’s okay. I can call Jordan, I’m sure— oh, wait, here comes a nurse that rushed back with him.” I stand up and my stomach threatens to defect from my body as she approaches. “Can you please tell me what’s going on?” I beg.

  She grabs my arm and leads me to a chair. “Dear, he’s going to be ok
ay,” she says in the sweetest southern accent I’ve ever heard as she pets my hand. “The doctors pumped his stomach, and gave him more medications to counteract whatever he riddled his body with, but thankfully, he’s doing all right now.”

  When she tells me I can come back to see him, tears pour out of my eyes. Just when I thought there was nothing left to shed, they came on in full force.

  “Mom, did you hear that?” I say into the phone, relief flooding over me.

  “Yes, I did. That’s so amazing to hear.” Her voice cracks slightly. “I knew he’d be okay. Now go give him a big hug from us and call me later.”

  “I will. Love you, Mom.”

  “Oh, honey, I love you more than you will ever know. Trevin too.”

  I smile, knowing they do love him just as much as I do. He’ll forever be a part of our family.

  The feeling of relief that flows through me is stronger than any words I could ever articulate. Trevin’s been my world since I was eight years old. I don't care what it takes, I will help him fix his life. Together, we’ll find the Trevin I know...and bring him back to me.

  Seeing him lying in the hospital bed, he looks frail, a fragment of the man I love. I can’t help but take his hand, the way I’ve done so many times before, and pray that my comfort will bring him back.

  I feel his hand slowly return my grip, as he turns his head slightly and opens his eyes. Regret evident in his stare, he whispers, “I’m so sorry.”

  “No, Trevin. Stop.”

  “No, Lily, I didn’t mean to—I swear. I just wanted to numb the pain. They said this new herbal drug, Spice, was just like weed. I wasn’t trying to kill myself. I don’t want to die. Please believe me.”

  I lean down, placing my lips directly over his. I leave them there longer than necessary to ensure he knows that it’s okay—we’re okay. After a few seconds, I pull back. “I know, Trevin. You can’t anyway; I won’t let you leave me. Not yet.”