by Fields, MJ
I turn toward the courtyard and take it in. The space is a good size with a few large shade trees sprinkled about. There are cobblestone sidewalks lined with flower beds bursting with purple salvia and bright yellow coreopsis along the path. A couple of people are seated on benches under the trees, reading or typing away on their laptops, and one girl is lying on a beach towel, soaking up a few late rays of sunshine. Yes, I will definitely love it here.
I make my way to the center building and climb the exterior staircase leading up to the third floor. It is insane how anxious I am to meet my new roommates. Will they be able to tell by looking at me the hell I have been through this past year? Is my outside as tattered as my inside? I know these are silly thoughts because my scars don’t show on the outside. They are not physical scars, not all of them anyway.
I reach the third floor, and I see 3B right at the top of the stairs. A shadow is peeking out of the front window before my foot even hits the landing, so I assume Daniel texted to let them know we had arrived. As I raise my knuckles to knock, the door swings open, and a tall, slender girl my age with shoulder-length blonde hair that has bright pink tips comes barreling for me and wraps her arms around me.
Dawn, I think to myself. This must be Dawn.
“Brie, we are so glad you are finally here,” she practically squeals.
She smells like coconut, and I allow myself to absorb some of her enthusiasm as I squeeze her back and look behind her into my new home. It’s intimidating, but she hooks her arm in mine and leads me in like we have known each other for ages.
“We have your room all ready for you. The bed is made up with fresh linens, and it has been thoroughly cleaned. Tonya took everything with her that wasn’t nailed down, but all of the furniture is still here, so we’ll just have to go shopping to get you all the essentials, like pillows, blankets, and a lamp. Not that you need too many blankets here. It’s always warm.”
She is talking a mile a minute as she leads me through the apartment, past a nice-sized living space and down a hall. I instantly like her.
“This is your room. It’s the smallest of the three, but it has the best view. The ocean is across the street and down a couple of blocks. You have your own bathroom—well, sort of. It is the one across the hall, and it is also the guest bathroom when we have company. Kelsey and I have a Jack and Jill bath between our rooms, and we share it. Come on; I will show you the rest.”
I follow her and check out both their rooms and the large-closet-sized space they use as a makeshift office with a tiny desk and shared computer and printer.
“Now, we come to our favorite spot in the entire apartment,” she informs me as we round the living room.
She swings her arms wide in a dramatic game-show-hostess fashion. “Ta-da. The kitchen. This is where all the magic happens. We don’t have a table or anything, but this island is massive, and the barstools are very comfy. It is the reason we rented this place. It is just so big and open. We like to cook, and we absolutely love to eat. There is a small deck through those sliding glass doors. It has an outdoor table and umbrella with a matching couch and electric fire pit. We sometimes like to sit out there and have coffee in the morning or dinner if it is a nice, cool evening. Or wine. We like our wine almost as much as we like our food.”
She laughs, and I can’t help but smile with her.
Kelsey, a petite girl with long blonde hair, is behind the island, cutting up what looks like bleu cheese and adding it to a board with other varieties, grapes, and crackers. My stomach growls at the sight.
“Yes, we do. We aren’t exactly winos, but let’s just say, we do our part to keep Napa Valley thriving.” She looks up and adds, “Wow, look at you. You look like some exotic creature with your dark hair and olive skin. We don’t see many Italian beauties around here. It’s all bleached-blonde Valley girls with spray tans and fake tits. Present company excluded, of course.” She slides her eyes to Dawn, who obviously has enhanced assets.
Dawn playfully sticks her tongue out at her friend. I can’t help but notice that Kelsey is a natural stunner. Makeup free with a smattering of freckles across her nose. Her long hair is pulled back into a ponytail, and she is dressed in yoga pants and a tight tee.
I wonder if every girl in LA really is blonde and beautiful. It’s very different from home. New York is a melting pot of ethnicity and culture, and everyone always seems to be made up to the max and in a hurry to be somewhere.
“I have some snacks here because we assumed you would be peckish after that long flight. We figured we would just call out for dinner later tonight after you had time to get settled in.”
We hear Daniel enter the kitchen as I thank them for the warm welcome.
“No problem. We are happy to have someone new in here. Tonya was … well, she was …”
“She was the devil,” Daniel finishes Kelsey’s thought from the doorway.
Dawn walks over to him for a quick kiss and then admits, “Yeah, she was. I don’t want you to think we are difficult to live with or anything. She was just in a bad mood most of the time and a bit on the lazy side. I mean, really, you are a twenty-three-year-old adult; wash your own dishes and pick your own clothes up off of the bathroom floor every once in a while.” She rolls her eyes. “When she started hitting on Kelsey’s boyfriend right in front of us one night, it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Girl Code. You never, ever break Girl Code. She had to go.”
I get it. I have four brothers. Tidy is not a word in their vocabulary, and it drove me and my mother nuts. And I, too, have felt the sharp sting of a friend’s betrayal.
“You guys don’t have to worry about me. I like a clean and neat environment, too, and I have zero time or desire to hit on anyone at all. I’m focusing on me right now. Only me.”
A look of relief passes between my new roomies, and I know—I just know—I am home.
Two
Gabby — Past
“Come on, Gabby. It is your birthday. Your sweet sixteenth birthday that both your parents and your bonehead brothers forgot. I’m not going to let you sit here all night, crying into your pillow. Get up and get dressed. It’s party time.”
My best friend, Adriana, is standing above me as I lie on my bed, struggling to stop the tears.
Sixteen is supposed to be a big deal, right? I have been excited for weeks. When I woke up this morning, I fully expected to walk downstairs and find my mother making birthday pancakes and singing “Happy Birthday” to me with her angelic voice, like she had done every single year before, but there was no one in the kitchen, except my brother, Nicco, eating a bowl of cereal while he waited for the coffee to finish brewing. He didn’t even look up from his phone when I walked in. In fact, he didn’t acknowledge me at all, except to grunt when I said good morning.
I asked him where Mamma was, and he said she had gone into the city with Papa on some kind of family business. I was disappointed but assumed, whatever the business was, it must have been urgent for her to miss seeing me off this morning. Perhaps it wasn’t business at all. Maybe my parents were out, making arrangements for us to celebrate later or buying my gift.
I spent the rest of my day at school, eagerly anticipating coming home to whatever my family had planned for my milestone. However, when I walked in the door, all I could hear was my parents arguing in Papa’s study. I walked to the door, knocked softly, and peeked in. When Papa spotted me there, he immediately dismissed me and told me to go to my room and do my homework or something until dinner because the adults were having a grown-up conversation.
Funny how most of the grown-up conversations that happened in our house involved an awful lot of yelling.
Mamma, who had been trying to avoid eye contact with me, was standing behind him with tears streaming down her face. She finally looked up and gave me an apologetic look as I left, crestfallen. I could tell they were both extremely upset about something, but couldn’t they have at least said happy birthday?
I checked my broth
ers’ bedrooms as I made my way to mine, and they were all empty. Where was everyone?
Even though they were adults now, my brothers still lived here in the family home. Not that they ever actually slept here much anymore.
Tony, my oldest brother, is usually at his girlfriend’s house. Stavros is usually wherever Tony is. Lorenzo is always crashing at a friend’s house in the city after going out. And Nicco is either home or at his best friend, Cross’s, loft, which is above the detracted four-car garage on his father’s property about half a mile from us.
Cross. My Cross. My Cross, who has been avoiding any contact with me for months now after an embarrassing encounter where he walked into the bathroom as I was coming out of the shower. I was using Nicco’s bathroom because Mamma was having mine remodeled. I yelped when I walked out to find him walking in. He just stood there like a deer caught in headlights. It was mortifying.
I have been in love with Cross Scutari since I was four years old and his family moved in a few houses down from us. He and Nicco became fast friends, and he has always treated me like I am his little sister, too. However, the way he looked at me that day was anything but brotherly. At least, that’s the way I recall it in my mind.
“You are right. I’m not going to spend all night crying because of those selfish jerks. What do you have in mind?” I ask.
Adriana gets a mischievous look in her eye and replies with a sly smile, “I lifted a couple of bottles of vodka from my parents’ bar, and I called a few new friends to meet us down at the hot springs. We are going to let loose and party our asses off to celebrate your birthday.”
* * *
I am sure this is a very bad idea, but I’m so angry with my family that I do not care.
Not one of my brothers showed up to dinner. Mamma and I ate in the kitchen, and Papa ate in his study. Apparently, he was very busy, and whatever had him busy had Mamma upset. She barely spoke a word while we ate takeout alone. Nonna and Nonno were suspiciously absent as well. They have their own little cottage in the back of our house, but they usually come up to the main house for breakfast and dinner. I haven’t seen either one of them once today. Weird.
Mamma just stared at her plate of orange duck and moved the food around, not really eating. She didn’t mention my birthday.
It is now nine p.m., and I only have three hours left of the day that I have looked forward to since … well, since forever.
I am hurt and angry. So, I get up and get ready for a fun night with a bunch of strangers and my bestie, who is apparently the only person who loves me enough to remember my big day. Screw them all. It is time to get drunk and forget them, too.
I have never had vodka before. Actually, other than a glass of champagne to ring in the New Year with my family, I have never had any alcohol before. It isn’t pleasant. It tastes vile and burns all the way down. Why does everyone like this stuff?
Adriana keeps refilling our cups and adding enough lemonade to make it tolerable. We just keep forcing it down until we have enough in our system that we don’t care how it tastes anymore.
The friends she invited are a few boys who attend the community college across town. I don’t know any of them, but her older brother was in a study group with the one named Jamey. I can tell she likes him. I don’t blame her. He is hot. He is three years older than us, and I assume his friends are about the same.
Adi has thought of everything tonight. She ordered pizzas and even has a cake that she put six candles on for me to blow out. It is store-bought and not the usual homemade German chocolate cake my nonna makes for me every year, but it is a cake, and she did the best she could.
We have music playing from Adi’s iPhone and our drinks, and I’m enjoying myself quite a bit, dancing around and singing along.
One of the boys, Dante, sits down beside me as I sit on the edge of the springs and place my feet in. He is handsome. He has black hair to match his black eyes. He is a lot bigger than the boys I’m used to seeing in class. It looks like he spends a lot of time in the gym or maybe he plays football for his school. I think they were talking about football earlier. Weren’t they? The night is getting kind of fuzzy. He sits so close to me; I can smell his cologne. I move over a little to give him some space, but he just moves with me.
“Where are you going?” he asks.
“Just thought I’d give you some more room.”
He leans in and whispers against my ear, “Who said I wanted any more room?”
Goose bumps trickle down my spine, and in my compromised state, I can’t decipher whether they are from thrill or fear. He moves back and gives me an assessing look. Maybe he isn’t sure either.
All of a sudden, he jumps to his feet and extends his hand to me as he suggests we all get into the hot springs for a swim.
“Um, it’s November, and we didn’t bring a bathing suit or towels or anything,” I manage to get out as I stumble to my feet.
The hot springs is one of my favorite places. It is a natural spring out in the woods, about a quarter of a mile from the back of our family’s property. It feeds into the lake further back, and it is always warm, January or July. It is like our own personal rock hot tub, hidden by the cover of the forest. When I was little, I thought it was a magical place.
I can still remember the day Nicco, Cross, and I found it.
They had been riding their bikes, and I was on mine, doing my best to keep up with them. Nicco was trying to ditch me. He was always trying to ditch me. I was a late-in-life “oops” baby, and I didn’t think his thirteen-year-old self appreciated having to always entertain a five-year-old, especially a five-year-old girl. We were flying through the woods, and Nicco hit the bank. He flipped off his bike and went headfirst right into the springs. I screamed as I slammed on my brakes and skidded sideways to avoid going in after him. Cross jumped off his bike and came running to me.
“Hey, Gabby. Are you okay, Tesoro?” he asked as he lifted my bike off me.
“I think I hurt my leg,” I cried.
He gently lifted my leg to inspect the damage. My right knee was busted open and bleeding.
“Yep, I think you did. It doesn’t look too bad, but I think we’d better leave our bikes here, and Nicco and I will take turns, carrying you home.”
I didn’t like that idea at all. I was too big to be carried home like a sissy.
“See, this is why you shouldn’t be tagging along with us in the first place. Boy play is too rough for little girls,” Nicco added as he climbed his way out of the hole and shook the water from his hair.
Sure, riding bikes through the woods and falling into watering holes were very dangerous stuff.
“Man, Cross, this place is cool. That water is deep, and it’s warm and bubbly. We should come back and swim once we get the baby home.”
I jumped up and shouted, “I am not a baby.”
Cross looked down into my angry face and said, “You are our baby, Gabby.”
I was sure my heart broke for the very first time when he said those words to me.
I walked myself home that day. Refusing to let either one of them carry me a single step. Busted-up knee and a bruised forehead be damned. I wasn’t about to let Cross see me act like a baby. I was a big girl. Big girls walked home without being carried and without crying.
Gah, Nicco was the worst brother ever.
I shake my foggy mind from the memory. “What did you say?” I ask Dante.
“I said, the water is warm, and we don’t really need bathing suits. We can get in our birthday suits, since it is your birthday.” There is a glint of excitement behind his eyes as he delivers his dare.
Is he crazy? We met a little over two hours ago. No way am I taking my clothes off and getting in the water without a suit in front of him or his friends.
I look to Adriana for backup. She is a few feet away in Jamey’s lap, and he is kissing the back of her neck. She seems to be enjoying it very much. Adriana likes to make out with boys. Lots of boys. Well, maybe not lots, bu
t she has had a couple of boyfriends, and she has let them round a few bases.
I have never been kissed. This is a fact that I’m starting to get a little self-conscious about.
It isn’t like I am ugly. I might not be a knockout like Adriana, but I know I’m at least pretty. Genetics. All four of my brothers are gorgeous. A fact that every girl in my school makes very clear to me. They are always trying to befriend me in the hopes of finding themselves in the company of one or more of the Mastreoni boys. It is so annoying. Their bedrooms have had revolving doors since they hit puberty, which my parents pretend not to notice. What a double standard. I brought Philip Barns home from school to study for our Latin exam one afternoon, and with the way my brothers acted, you would have thought we’d started ripping each other’s clothes off as we came in the door. I was so embarrassed, and needless to say, Philip never offered to help me study again. No boy ever offered to help me study again. Nor did they ask me out on any dates. I wasn’t sure anymore if they avoided me because of my brothers or because they just were not into me.
“Hey, guys, you want to go skinny-dipping or what?” Dante asks before I get a word out.
“Yes!” Adi jumps off Jamey’s lap and starts to undress.
All three of our guests follow her, and I stand there, a little dizzy, watching the show as they jump in.
“Come on, Gabby; don’t be so uptight. Just keep your underwear on if you are that nervous and get your ass in the water. Be spontaneous for once. It’s fun. We are having fun. Don’t make a big deal out of it.” She tries her best to convince me.
They are swimming and splashing around, and it does look fun. I mean, what could it hurt to let loose and do something wild for once? My head is swimming, and try as I might, I can’t think clearly enough to come up with a good reason not to jump in with Adi and our new friends.