by Fields, MJ
I stand here in the cold, unable to move. Cross just stands behind me, silent. Then, after a moment, he nudges me aside, reaches for a towel, and opens it for me to walk into it.
I stand and let him dry me off. It feels nice. Being taken care of. I look up at him as he is toweling my hair and decide that his jaw is the finest jaw I have ever seen. So, I lean up and press a kiss to the underside of it. He goes still.
“What are you doing, Gabby?” he asks.
I notice his voice is a little hoarse, and I look up at him.
“Kissing your jaw,” I answer. I see the confused amusement on his face, so I explain further, “I decided it was the finest jaw I had ever seen, and it needed to be kissed as a reward.”
He smiles a sexy little smile and shakes his head. Then, he takes a big step back. “Okay, drunk girl, we got your teeth brushed and the puke out of your hair. Now, hold your arms up.”
I do as he asked, and he slides his hands behind my back and unfastens my soaked bra. I gasp at the unexpected move. He looks the other direction as he peels it off of me and drops it to the bathroom floor. Then, with my arms still in the air, he quickly pulls a way-too-large tee over my head.
“I will leave you to remove the rest and put these dry boxer shorts on, if you think you are steady enough now.”
I just nod, and he turns and walks out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him. I quickly lose the wet underwear and pull on the boxers. They are way too big, and I have to get a tight grip on the front of them as I try to walk without them falling to the ground.
I can hear him on the phone as I shuffle into the open studio-style loft with a huge king-size bed in the middle, an open kitchen to the left, and a cozy living area to the right with a big stone fireplace and a large L-shaped couch. I love his place. It’s big but cozy, and it fits him to a T.
I haven’t been here in so long. For years, I would just pop in, and he and I would play video games or order pizza and binge-watch our favorite shows. Most of the time, Nicco was there, too, but sometimes, it was just the two of us. He has not invited me over since he started ignoring me. I miss it. It was an escape from my volatile home. I lost him that day. My friend, my bonus big brother. Gone.
Now, here we stand in the exact same room. He is right; I’m still a little drunk. I can feel it, and my stomach is still very unhappy with me.
“Yep, every single one of us. I found her in the woods, drunk off her ass, with a bunch of older boys I did not recognize, about to go skinny-dipping in the springs. I know. Yeah, she’s hurt, and I guess Adriana was just trying to cheer her up, but, for fuck’s sake, they were getting wasted and voluntarily naked with complete strangers. Horny, drunk pricks.”
Great, he is tattling on me.
“No, man, it’s late. I will keep her here tonight. She has been puking up vodka for the better part of the last hour. I just wanted to warn you and see if you could intercept your mom when she realizes she is not home. Tell her she stayed with you at Marianna’s apartment or something. Just put her off until tomorrow afternoon. I have a feeling she is gonna feel like ass in the morning. Yeah, me, too. I’ll call you when we are up.” He ends the call and looks up at me. “How are you feeling?”
I drop my eyes. “A little pathetic, to tell the truth.”
I hear a chuckle, and then he says, “We have all been there before. Here, take these and drink this entire bottle of water.”
My stomach churns at the thought, but I do as I was told.
“Now, bed.”
I shuffle over, climb up the platform, and nestle in. It smells like him, and I sigh my pleasure. I love his smell. It is spicy and salty and all man.
A few moments later, I feel the dip in the bed, and I open my eyes to find Cross atop me. He has my arms pinned at the sides of my head, and his arms are locked in a push-up position. No part of him is touching any part of me, except his hands. I’m confused and excited.
“What’s happening?”
“Your first kiss,” he answers as he lowers his lips to mine.
Just a gentle brush at first, and then a tug at my lower lip with his teeth. I gasp as a foreign sensation flushes my body. He takes the opportunity to enter my mouth. I don’t know what to do. I can’t think. All I can do is feel. As he moves his tongue with mine, gently at first and then with more urgency, I find my nerve, and I start to kiss him back. I don’t even realize I am, but I start seeking his mouth more desperately. I want to touch him. I want to put my fingers in his hair and pull him to me, but he has my hands trapped, and my struggle is futile. He angles his head a little, and the kiss deepens. Every part of my body is on fire and longing to touch him or be touched by him. I plant my feet and arch up, so my aching breasts graze his chest, and I moan low in my throat at the pleasure that scores through me. Sweet agony.
Then, just like that, he is gone. He rockets off the bed and across the room. Disoriented and bereaved, I come up on my elbows and stare at him. He is standing there, against the wall, breathing heavy, with his hands in his hair. I have never seen anything sexier in my life. He drops his hands and meets my eyes.
“Don’t go giving your kisses away to just anyone, Gabby. They are too precious, and you deserve better than some drunken make-out session with a random stranger. Promise me.”
“I promise.”
“Good. Now, get some sleep. That hangover is going to be intense in the morning,” he says as he grabs a pillow and heads to the couch to settle in.
I decide right then and there that, that is the easiest promise I have ever made because I have no desire to kiss anyone else but him ever again.
Five
Brie — Present
I am getting my hands on that baby for the first time today. I have looked forward to holding the tiny bundle in my arms all week. I love babies. I love the way they smell, the way they feel and sound, and I just melt when their tiny little hand wraps around my finger. God, I hope he likes me.
Little Cassian’s mom and dad have a date night planned for his company’s awards banquet, and afterward, they are staying at a resort hotel in Orange County for the night. That means, I’m staying the night at their house, and I get twenty-four full hours to bond with my new charge.
It is kind of crazy how excited I am to see a tiny human. It is like I’m going on a first date.
Will he like me? Will he cry the moment he sees me? Is he gonna be traumatized when his mamma walks out the door? Am I going to know what to do if something goes wrong or if he gets sick in the night? All these questions are tumbling around in my head.
I have memorized both his parents’ mobile numbers, the police department’s number, the fire department’s number, and the number to poison control. I can do this. Women take care of babies and live to tell the tale every single day. The fact that they are leaving their baby in the hands of a girl with zero experience in the childcare industry probably makes them nervous, too. I did, however, take a course back at home and became certified in infant care and CPR. I figured this was a good idea just in case the job at the club did not work out because California is full of mothers who either work all day or shop all day and need someone to raise their children for them, right?
Melanie White is neither of those moms. She and Rick are very nice, and I can tell she is a good mom and happy to be at home with her son, but everyone needs a break now and then. They are a good fit for me with my school and work schedule. I’m so happy they are entrusting their baby boy to me. I don’t take that gift lightly, and I will not let them or that little guy down.
“Oh my God, thank goodness you are here. I’m running so late.” Melanie opens the door as she juggles securing a sparkling earring to one of her earlobes. She is teetering on one stiletto heel. “Rick will be here any minute. Cassian was a little fussy and needed extra cuddles, so I wasn’t able to get in the shower until fifteen minutes ago.”
I can tell she is a bit frantic as I look around the living room strewed with discarded dresses and sho
es. Being a new mommy has to be hard, even for the ones who stay home ninety percent of the time. Babies are time-consuming. I take a look around at the mess and decide I will help pick up once I get the baby down for the night. I can hear his unhappy cries coming from down the hall, and I follow the sound.
“I’m going to go calm him down. You do what you need to do. Don’t worry about us,” I tell Melanie.
I receive her appreciative, “Okay. Thank you so much, Brie.”
I find the nursery, and I’m immediately enchanted. The walls are a pale blue-green, and one wall has a beautiful forest mural painted on it. It reminds me of my childhood. I loved the trees and earth and the sky and the animals. I walk over to the crib where all the screaming is coming from, and I look down into the most charming little, wet, bright red face. His tiny body is wiggling in discontent, and he is screeching his displeasure at being ignored loud enough for the neighbors to hear.
“Hey there, little guy. You sure seem a bit upset. Are you not getting enough attention from these stuffed lions and giraffes for your liking?”
He starts at the sound of my voice and then begins to settle.
His wails turn into whimpers as he looks up at me. I am not sure if he is old enough to be able to see my face clearly yet, but I know he can hear my soothing tone. I pick him up and snuggle him into the crook of my arm. I gently bounce him as I begin to sing an old Italian lullaby my nonna would sing to us when we were babies. He begins to coo up at me as his little eyelids start to droop. He is absolutely adorable. He has a dollop of dark hair on the top of his head and a deep dimple in his left cheek. I just want to pinch the cuteness. I’m instantly in love.
“Oh, he likes you very much. Totally smitten.”
I look up at Melanie, who is now completely pulled together and leaning against the doorframe, watching us. She looks stunning in her cocktail dress.
“The feeling is definitely mutual.” I don’t know why I was so unsure about this. I am certain this job is going to be the highlight of my new life.
After I have the baby fed, bathed, and peacefully asleep, I settle in on the oversize couch next to his bassinet and watch him sleep. I’m vaguely aware that I won’t sleep a wink tonight. I keep looking over to make sure his little chest is rising and falling like it should be. How do new parents get any rest? I’m terrified to close my eyes.
I make my way to the kitchen to pop myself a bowl of popcorn, and then I grab the remote and settle in for a long night of late-night trash TV. I like this. Don’t get me wrong; nights with my roommates are fabulous. They are fun. I finally feel like I am a part of a tribe. Living with them has been so much easier than I expected. I don’t want to jinx myself, but between them, school, and this job, I’m very content. That scares me because, every time I let myself fall into happy contentment, the floor always drops from beneath me. I don’t want to be the girl who’s always looking over her shoulder for the bad news lurking around the corner, but that is what this past year has reduced me to. What if it doesn’t last?
I hear a little sigh from the bassinet and decide that I will not look for trouble anymore. If trouble is coming for me, it is going to have to look hard to find me.
* * *
The next morning, Melanie and Rick arrive home and regale me with stories of their adventurous night. I can tell they really enjoyed having some baby-free time together. It made me even prouder to be taking on this responsibility. I think parents who get plenty of planned alone time are able to recharge and be more focused parents. Little Cassian deserves nothing less than one hundred percent from all us adults in his life.
“How did it go with him last night?” Melanie asks as she scoops yogurt on top of a bowl of cut fruit and hands it over to me.
“It was wonderful. We cuddled and played a little, but he mostly just slept and pooped all evening, as four-month-olds do. He woke up at three a.m. and five a.m. for his bottles, and other than that, we had an uneventful night.”
She nods. “He has been an easy baby so far. We are blessed. You know you are welcome to come by anytime, right? Even if we don’t have anything in particular planned. Just come get a snuggle whenever you feel like you need one.”
She knows this move has been hard on me. We talked in-depth about the changes I was making before I arrived. I like Melanie. She is easy to talk to, and she doles out sage advice. We became close friends while communicating before my move. She is more than my employer; she is a friend, and even though she is only ten years my senior, she is even kind of like a second mom.
As I say good-bye to the little family, I have a feeling of sadness wash over me. I miss my brothers. Yes, they are overbearing and even brutish at times, but they fiercely love me. All of them, especially Nicco. For all the grumbling and griping he did, being forced to have me tag along with him and his friends all those years, we actually grew to be quite close. He was my protector and my confidant. Families are hard sometimes. No one can make you happier or drive you crazier than your own flesh and blood. You know each other too well, and you know how to push each other’s buttons. If only we could have stayed little. Chasing fireflies and wrecking bikes were our biggest worries. Everyone has to eventually grow up even if you have to be dragged into adulthood, kicking and screaming.
I take my phone out to call Nicco. I promised I would check in once I was settled. As much as I want as little contact as possible with them all, I still don’t want them to worry. The call rings twice before my big brother’s deep voice comes through.
“Hey, cara. Glad you finally decided to call your worried brother and let him know you were still breathing.”
I knew he was going to get his shots in. Nicco is not a big fan of my life changes. He doesn’t agree with running away from your problems. He thinks everyone should face them head-on and let them beat the absolute shit out of you in the process.
“Challenge makes you stronger, sis, and trying to outrun your problems isn’t going to make them disappear.”
That was his brilliant advice when my life imploded.
I never expected my problems to disappear. I wanted to disappear.
“When life flays you, you just stick it out and hope a thicker skin grows back in its place. It’s our family’s way,” he said.
And he was right. It’s how the women in our family have always lived. I have watched my mother turn the other cheek so many times, just to watch the shit get slapped out of the other a second later. I vowed a long time ago to never let that be me. I love my mother, but I don’t respect her very much. Letting a man treat you like a piece of property he can rule over and letting him humiliate you time and again with his affairs and dismissal are not things to be proud of. She thinks it makes her a strong matriarch. I think it makes her seem weak. It is not something to pass down to your daughter like a fucking badge of honor. Although Lilliana Mastreoni likes to wear it like it is one. That would not be … could not be my life. I love my papa, and he has loved and doted on me my entire life, as I am his princess, but I hate so many things about him and the life he forces all of us to lead.
“Well, I’m still breathing, big brother. Actually, I’m quite happy here. I like my classes, and I have not one, but two awesome jobs and a couple of crazy-as-hell roommates. Life is shaping up pretty well here.”
There is a long pause on the other end of the line. Then, “I’m happy for you, sis. I just wish you had found that here. I miss your bratty face. We all do. I think Tony is eating his feelings. You should see the weight he has put on since you left. Total blubber butt now.”
I laugh at his attempt to be funny. Tony is a gym rat. Completely obsessed with his muscles that one.
“So, you think you are there to stay, huh?” I can hear the sadness in his voice.
“Yeah, Nicco, I’m here to stay. Be happy for me, please. You are more than welcome to come visit me. I wouldn’t be opposed to that. Maybe in the spring?”
“A visit? You are going to allow me to come see you? Won’t that
blow your cover?”
“I am not in the Witness Protection Program, Nicco. I just changed my name and moved to a new city. I can have a brother visit. Just keep New York in New York.”
“Got it.”
“So, spring?”
“Yeah, sis, spring.”
Six
Gabby - Past
I stand in front of the mirror and stare at myself. My long dark brown hair is in a cascade of curls flowing down my back. I’m aglow with a smokey eye, and my high cheekbones are highlighted, courtesy of the makeup artist Papa hired to do my and Mamma’s faces. The red two-piece cocktail dress I’m wearing is halter style in the front and fits my figure perfectly, hugging my chest and cut low in the back. It shows a sliver of my stomach, and then the separate skirt swings out into a flattering, full A-line. I love it. I twirl around and let the skirt fly out around me. I feel beautiful.
Papa felt so bad last year when they forgot about my birthday that he has spent the last twelve months spoiling me rotten, trying to make up for it. It is no longer necessary. I forgave them all the instant I realized how truly sorry they were. My knucklehead brothers have done pretty much the same. I might complain about them, but nothing beats being their baby sister. They are overprotective and a little bossy sometimes, but they fiercely love me, and I am truly blessed.
Tonight, Papa is throwing me a Christmas/winter wonderland–themed party for my seventeenth birthday. I love Christmas, and being as my birthday is November 28, it’s easy to combine my two favorite things. Basically, the whole of October through New Year’s is a celebration for me. Everyone is coming tonight. All of my friends and a lot of Papa’s business acquaintances. He never misses an opportunity to schmooze them. I don’t mind really. As long as I get to dance the night away, the more, the merrier is my motto.