by Fields, MJ
“Awesome. I’ll call you when we are back in the city.”
“Okay.”
I look over to see Lorenzo and Cross watching as Jeremy finishes his task of reaching the places I can’t with the sunblock and then heads back toward the house. Neither looks very happy. They will just have to get over it.
We all eat, and the party starts to slow down as the sun sets. Some of the crowd starts dispersing to their own rentals, or they’re heading back into the city. Adi and I, Tony and his girl of the moment, Stav, Lo, Nicco, Marianna, Cross, and Angelica are staying at this house.
Adi has snuck off to the neighbor’s house with him. He is the son of one of her mother’s friends, and the two of them hook up every chance they get. I probably won’t see much of her the rest of the weekend.
After a quick shower to wash away the sweat and the sand, I rub myself down with after-sun lotion, throw on a pair of bike shorts and a tank top, and head downstairs. It’s late, and almost everyone has crashed for the night, but I’m still wide awake. I decide to make a snack and curl up on the huge sofa in the den to watch a movie. I settle for a scary movie about possessed dolls, cut off all the lights, and grab a blanket. The movie is intense. Just as one of the dolls is about to wrap its hands around the neck of a sleeping child, a hand reaches over the top of the sofa and tugs my ponytail.
I scream a bloodcurdling scream. I mean, I scream so loud, the foundation of the house shakes. Thank God the den is in the basement, and the houses in the Hamptons are miles apart, or the cops would probably be showing up. I jump to my feet and throw my hands into a Charlie’s Angels fight pose. How I think that will benefit me in a fight to the death with a bloodthirsty china doll I have no clue. When my eyes adjust, I see Cross standing there, laughing his ass off in the dark. Bastard.
“What in the hell are you doing, sneaking up on me like that?”
“I wasn’t sneaking. I couldn’t sleep and came down here to watch a little television without waking Angie. I saw you curled up and thought you were sleeping. I did not realize I would freak you out so much.” He is still laughing at me. “Please don’t karate-chop me to death. I’m truly sorry.”
I drop my arms and plop back down. “Ugh, you ruined a good part. Now, I have to go back.”
“How far are you in?”
“About twenty minutes. Why? You want to watch it?”
“If you don’t mind starting it over.”
I grab the remote and start the movie over. Then, I pass him my bucket of popcorn as he sits on the sofa. He picks my feet up, puts them in his lap, and settles in. It reminds me of all the times we used to do this before things got weird between us. On Sundays, I would walk or ride my bike to his place, and we would make food and lie around on his couch, watching videos all day. I cherished that time together.
When the movie ends, we stay there in silence and in the dark. Neither of us wanting to get up and head back to our rooms upstairs.
Finally, he starts to talk. “So, Jeremy, huh?”
“It’s just dinner.”
“What happened to what’s his name, French Hottie?”
I laugh at his use of Adi’s nickname for Antoine.
“Antoine. And we still talk almost every day, but I did not want to be worried about maintaining a long-distance relationship while I was at school. So, we agreed to see other people.”
“I thought maybe he would move here.”
“He talked about it, but he loves his job, and his family is very close. I didn’t want to be the reason he left either.”
He nods at my revelation.
“I guess he was not the one after all.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because, if he were, he would have moved here whether you asked him to or not. He would not have been able to stay away.”
Maybe he is right. After all, I wasn’t able to stay away. Hard as I tried.
“Are you ever going to tell me?”
He is rubbing my feet now, but his mind is far off.
“Huh?”
“What were you going to tell me when you came to see me the night before I left? Or the next morning when you came for brunch?”
He keeps kneading my foot, and he’s looking down, watching his hands and not meeting my eyes. “I wanted to apologize for what happened in the coat closet. I should have been able to control myself better than that. I didn’t mean to ruin your party for you. I felt like shit.”
“That all?”
I am disappointed. I wanted it to be more than just that.
“I wanted you to know that I hadn’t meant what I said to the guys. They were teasing me, and I let them get to me. I wanted to divert their attention from you, and I did not realize how what I was saying would sound to you, especially when I had just had you pinned against the wall upstairs. When you rounded that corner and I saw the look on your face and realized you had overhead us, after what we had just done, I was sick.”
“It’s fine. I was really upset that night, but I think I get it now.”
“No, you don’t, Gabby. You were seventeen years old. I was twenty-five. It was all kinds of wrong for me to touch you that way, but I was so fucking jealous when I saw you dancing with that punk from the woods. Jealous over a fucking kid. I knew though, once I crossed that line with you, there was no going back. When I held you in my arms while you came on my hand … fuck me, I knew everything had changed.”
I grow warm at the memory. I have played that moment over and over again in my mind. It still gets me as excited as I was then.
“I chased after you when you left to tell you we could not do that again. No matter how I tried to spin it and make it okay, it wasn’t. You were too young. I needed two more years.”
“You needed two years? What does that mean?”
“Fuck, Gabby, you were underage. But you wouldn’t be forever. I needed you to be patient and give me time. Time to work on your brothers and time for you to not be underage anymore, but when I got there the next morning to explain, you were gone. Lilliana said you had decided a while ago that you wanted to spend some time abroad. Then, she ran down for me all the reasons I was not good enough for you and why I needed to leave you alone. My age, my family, the fact that I hurt you so badly. She was very fucking convincing.”
Oh, Mamma, you got what you wanted. You ruined everything.
“I guess we were not meant to be, huh?”
He looks over at me then and smiles a sad smile. “I guess not.”
“Hey, at least you never had to endure being beaten to a bloody pulp by my brothers.”
“True.”
He just sits there with that faraway look again, so I playfully kick him in his side, and he catches my foot and starts to tickle it.
“Noooo, stop.”
I start laughing, and he doesn’t let up until I’m unable to catch my breath, and tears are streaming down my face.
“Babe?” we hear a sleepy voice calling down the stairs.
“I’ll be right up, Angie,” he yells back.
He looks over at me like he is sorry he has to go.
“Go on. I am probably going to sit here and watch one more horror flick. I don’t think I have been thoroughly scared yet tonight.”
He gets up and stretches. “You know, Jeremy is actually a pretty good guy.”
“That’s good to know.”
“Pretty lucky guy, too.”
With that, he kisses the top of my head and heads upstairs to his girlfriend.
Nineteen
Brie - Present
Fall break was a whirlwind. Dawn and I helped Kelsey pack up all of Bradley’s belongings into a box, and we sent it to him via UPS. She didn’t want to see him and give him the opportunity to try to change her mind. We had saved up a little money and decided to go to Laguna Beach for a long weekend as an early twenty-third birthday celebration for me. Just us girls. We rented a convertible and drove the PCH the entire way. It was glorious. Four days on the beach, playing vo
lleyball and drinking frozen cocktails. I came back with a closer bond to my roommates and some impressive tan lines.
I’ve received a ton of calls from Jake, which I let go to voicemail because I’m slightly embarrassed and a lot confused about the kiss.
Finally, I decide to stop avoiding him.
“Hello?”
“Hey, pretty girl.” His cautious voice comes across the line.
“Hey, Jake. Look, can we go ahead and get it out of the way? I don’t handle awkward situations very well, and honestly, I have been sending you to voicemail on purpose all week because of it.”
I hear the relief in the chuckle that comes across the line.
“Have I ever told you how much I love how matter-of-fact you are, Miss Masters? I don’t like awkward either. So, do you want to start, or should l?”
“You go,” I reply quickly. I’m anxious to hear what he has to say, and I believe in just ripping the Band-Aid off.
There is a sigh and a long pause.
I think that maybe he is going to change his mind, and then he starts, “Look, I like you, Brie. I really like you. And, Tuesday night, I was just trying to be funny and charming when I asked for that kiss. I assumed you would let me have a quick peck or a kiss on the cheek and bolt. When you didn’t, I was afraid that maybe you were a little drunker than I thought. So, I was warring with myself. Because that kiss was …” He trails off for a second, like he is trying to carefully choose his words. “It was fucking everything, but I did not want to take advantage of you. I was sitting there, exactly where I wanted to be, with you in my lap and your mouth on mine, but I wasn’t sure if it was truly where you wanted to be. So, I did the most douche-worthy thing I could; I picked you up and set you on your ass, and I walked off instead of staying and talking to you and making sure you were okay. All because I did not trust myself enough to keep my hands off of you.”
When he finishes, he lets out a long breath and waits on the line. I did not expect him to be so honest. I expected him to laugh it off as drunken fun and accuse me of overreacting to the entire scene. He didn’t do that.
He nervously clears his throat, and I realize I have just been sitting here, giving him no response.
“I appreciate that more than you know.”
“Appreciate what?”
“You stopping it where you did. You are right. It was a great kiss, but I would have been upset with myself if it had gone beyond that.”
A heavy sigh comes across the line. “Yeah,” he confirms.
I make a decision. It is a reckless, in-the-moment decision, but maybe it’s time to let go.
“I like you, too,” I whisper. “Maybe we can explore that a little more. If you still want to. I can’t make any promises, Jake, but I wouldn’t be opposed to spending some more time together, off the court.”
“How about now?”
“What? Right now? I just got back from Laguna, and I have to unpack and shower.”
“Tonight then?”
“Okay,” I relent before I have a chance to overthink it and chicken out. “Tonight around seven. See you then.”
I hang up the phone, and I lie across my bed. My heart is racing. From excitement or maybe a little bit of fear. Perhaps a mixture of both. I made a promise to myself that I would not get distracted by a boy, and here I am, going out on a date with Jake. A feeling of foreboding washes over me. This is a bad idea. A very bad idea.
Panic quickly sets in. What am I thinking? I unpack, and I frantically start to toss clothes onto the bed, trying to decide what to wear. Jake didn’t say where we were going, and the last time, he took me to The Beverly Hills Hotel. I settle on a light sleeveless dress and a pair of flat leather sandals. It is dressy casual, so I should be okay either way. I keep my long hair down and flowing in a beachy wave. The mocha locks now have a few caramel highlights running through them, courtesy of the Laguna sun. I skip any makeup other than a few coats of mascara and a pale rose lip gloss. When I emerge from my room, Dawn is lying on the couch with Daniel, watching television.
“Wow, you look nice. Where are you headed?” Dawn asks.
“Um, I’m not sure. Jake is taking me somewhere.”
At that, she darts straight up. “Jake? You are going out on a date with Jake?”
“I guess you could call it a date. I don’t know. I just agreed to spend some time with him, and we’ll see where it goes.”
“Kelsey, get your ass in here!” she yells.
“Oh my God, please do not make a big deal out of this. I’m nervous enough.” I stand there, wringing my hands and trying to think of a good excuse to call him and back out.
“Girl, it is a big deal. You are finally tearing down some of those walls you have built up. I feel like such a proud mamma bear at this moment.”
Kelsey comes out of her room, looking like she was in the middle of a nap. “What’s going on?”
“Brie is about to go out on her first date with Jake Mason.”
That declaration pulls her right out of her drowsiness. “You are? Oh my goodness, this is so exciting. Where are you guys going?”
“She doesn’t know. He didn’t tell her.”
“A surprise! Even better.” She claps and hops up and down.
Daniel can see the panic building inside me, and he decides to intervene. “Ladies, do you mind if I have a moment with my cousin?”
Both of them look like they want to tell him to fuck off, but he gives them both a look that says to back down. They relent and head to the kitchen, and Daniel pats the seat beside him. I sit down, and he wraps his arm around my shoulders.
“You okay?”
“Not really. I’m scared to death, to tell you the truth.”
“Brie, I’m going to lay some honesty and a little big-brother advice on you now.”
Great, just what I need—another big brother.
“Not every relationship is going to be as heavy as the one you left behind, okay? Things here are very different than in New York. There are no family ties here. You are just a normal girl. Going out on a simple date with a nice guy who happens to think you are worth the trouble of getting past your boundaries to get to know you. It doesn’t have to be more than that. Relax. Have fun. Jake is not going to push for more than you are ready to give. I promise you that. If he does, I will break his kneecaps.”
At that, I bust out laughing. Daniel is no enforcer.
“No family ties, huh? Sounds like you keep a few in your pocket.”
He shrugs. “They are there if I need them.”
“Thanks, Daniel.” I take a deep breath. “I know I am overthinking this. I’m going to try to relax and have fun. I promise.”
About that time, the doorbell rings, and Dawn and Kelsey race out of the kitchen and hurl themselves at the door. Jake is standing there in slacks and a white linen shirt with three pink roses in his hand. He looks at the two of them with a smirk. He knows what they are about. He hands a rose to each of them as he says hello, and I can see the cartoon hearts appear in their eyes. Oh, this guy is good. Win the friends over, and you win the girl over. I don’t think it’s going to be quite that easy this time.
* * *
We end up at the Santa Monica Pier. It’s beautiful, and I love the lights and the people-watching. This is exactly what I needed to make the anxiety disappear. No pressure, just two people in the sea of others at the pier, enjoying a gorgeous fall night. We eat at The Albright, which is a great little seafood restaurant where you can get buckets of beer and low-country boil. It is amazing, and my simple dress is just fine.
“You aren’t afraid of heights, are you?” he asks as we approach the ticket booth.
“No. Why?”
“Because I’m about to take you on the Ferris wheel and show you my favorite view.”
He grabs us both tickets, and we stand in line. The Ferris wheel is stunning with large multicolored cars. We see a bride and groom crawl into the car ahead of us with what appears to be their wedding photogra
pher. How fun and unexpected. We get settled into the car that we are sharing with a couple of teenagers, and I feel the excitement build inside me. I love Ferris wheels. I have since I was little and my nonna took me on the Wonder Wheel at Coney Island. Now, any new city I visit, I always seek out the Ferris wheel, if they have one. I can’t believe I have been here over three months, and this is the first time I have been on this one.
The wheel keeps climbing slowly as they load all the cars. Once we are at the top, I look around, and he is right; the view is spectacular.
He starts to point all around us. “Look that way, up the coastline, and you can see the cliffs of Malibu. This way”—he points to the side—“and you can see the lights of LA. Of course, out there”—he points to the water on the other side—“is the Pacific Ocean. This is why it’s my favorite view.” He leans in and whispers, “It’s a little more breathtaking tonight though because you are in it.”
The wheel finally starts to move, and we get a wonderful breeze as we go round and round. I look over to the two teenagers across from us, and she is practically in his lap. Then, all of a sudden, they are making out hard-core. Like we aren’t even in the car with them. My mouth falls open, and I hear Jake’s roaring laughter.
Once we are back on the ground, I muse, “Wow, I don’t think they came up for air the entire ride.”
“You’ve got to love young love. I mean, when you live with your parents, you have to take every semi-private opportunity you can to cop a feel.”
I elbow him in the side.
“Ouch. What? You know it’s true.”
He is right. I do. I remember fighting for privacy when I was in a house full of nosy relatives. Maybe that’s why everything feels so much more intense at that age. You have to fight so hard for a single touch or a single kiss. You dream about it. Fantasize and build it up in your mind, and once you have a moment to act on it, all that pent-up emotion and angst just explodes out of you. It’s the best feeling in the world.
After we walk around the rest of the amusement park and Jake makes an ill-fated attempt at teaching me how to bait a hook to fish—honestly, I can’t kill anything, even a gross worm—we head back to my apartment. I am fidgety the whole way.