“Suzanne, don’t speak to me as if I am a child.” She really was pushing it.
“Don’t act like one, and I won’t. You don’t even have a license to drive a damn car, let alone drive it after you’ve been drinking! It’s against the law! You could have been arrested for that and I wouldn’t be able to get you out of jail. How would I even explain who you are?”
He smiled at her and closed the few feet separating them. “All your worrying and I’m fine. Now, calm yourself down, and I’ll make us both a cup of tea and we can talk this out like adults and—”
“Adults? Do you think your behavior tonight was responsible?”
“I have been very responsible, more than you can ever know,” he said, walking toward the kitchen. “And I am not slurring my words,” he added, making sure he enunciated each one perfectly.
“Well, you’re not now, but you were when you first came in,” she said from behind as she followed him into the kitchen. “Honestly, Charlie, you can’t drink and then get behind the wheel of a car. It’s not just irresponsible, it’s breaking the law.”
“I’ve heard you, Suzanne.” He put the kettle on to boil and then turned to the cabinet. “Do you want some tea then?”
She shook her head.
He merely sighed as he brought out a tea bag. So much for talking to her tonight. The way she was staring at him, with her arms folded across her stomach, told him to back off as far as possible. And then young Jennifer’s words ran through his head. Tell her.
“And another thing,” she began, as she leaned against the refrigerator. “I know that you’ve been cooped up with me and Matty for six weeks now. I understand you need a break. Sometimes I feel like I need one too. I’m not keeping you prisoner. I’m not stifling you. At least that’s not my intention. If you can’t breathe, then…”
“Enough of this talking.” It was time for some action. He cut off her words as he came to stand directly in front of her and stared into her wide blue eyes. He’d had enough words tonight. “Then?”
She was startled by his close proximity, and yet he didn’t back off. “Then…” she barely mumbled, still staring into his eyes, as though she couldn’t look away.
“Aye, Suzie… haven’t we had enough words for tonight?” He could feel her breath on his chin as she stared at his mouth. He could sense her breasts, mere inches from his chest, moving up and down with each shortened breath.
“I was… was just going to say that if you can’t breathe around me, maybe it’s… it’s because…”
“Save your breath,” he murmured, right before he lowered his mouth to hers and pressed her body back against the refrigerator with his. He grabbed her hands and curled his own around them. He felt her body stiffen with surprise and then slowly, sweetly, she melted into him as she clasped her fingers deeply into his own.
It was everything he had imagined and more. Her lips… so tender and yet now responding, matching his passion with her own. Magnets fell to the floor, along with the rental agreement, and neither of them cared as the astonishing kiss deepened with intensity.
Dear God in heaven, she tasted so sweet and, when he heard a moan low in her throat, he pressed his mouth even more firmly against hers, exploring her, grinding his body into hers, feeling her luscious breasts crushing against his chest, her heartbeat pounding with his own need to melt with her, until there was no longer any separation between them.
She slowly broke the kiss and gasped for breath, as he began to kiss her temple softly, running his mouth ever so gently over her throbbing pulse. “Ah, Suzie… sweet, sweet woman,” he murmured against her warm skin. “I’ve waited so long.”
“I…” Her breath at his neck was ragged.
He broke the embrace and leaned back to see her face. She was flushed. Her eyes were almost glazed. Her lips appeared full and sensuous. She looked like a woman well kissed.
“You what?” he whispered with a soft smile.
“I… I don’t know what to say.” She extricated her hands from his and pushed her hair away from her forehead. It too was glistening with a sudden sheen.
Hearing her words, he backed up a bit to give her more room. “Have I offended you?”
She shook her head. “No… not at all. I… ah. You startled me, that’s all. Save my breath, huh? Well, I would if you hadn’t just plundered it.” She giggled with nervousness.
Now he really backed up. What was that supposed to mean? She was making fun of him? “It appears I have offended you, Suzanne. My apologies. Blame it on the drink.”
“Wait a minute,” she called out as the kettle whistled and he walked toward the stove. “I wasn’t offended, Charlie, but you have been drinking. It’s just that this… this isn’t like you.”
“You may very well be right,” he stated, feeling a cold dread wrapping around his heart. How could he have misjudged her and the situation? He had no right to plunder her, as she put it. “Please accept my apologies,” he said as he poured the water into the cup. “I had no right to accost you.”
“Charlie, you didn’t accost me. In fact, I enjoyed it very much.” She ran her fingers nervously through her hair. “It’s just that it came out of nowhere. I wasn’t prepared.”
“I understand, Suzanne. Please, let’s just forget it happened.”
“But I don’t want to—”
“Let’s forget it,” he interrupted, looking her directly in the eye. “It was a mistake and I apologize. Why don’t you get some sleep? You look exhausted.”
She seemed to pull herself together, straightening her body and her robe. “You think it was a mistake?”
It took him a few seconds before he could force the word past his lips.
“Yes. I do.”
She simply nodded and slowly walked away from him. He stared down at his cup of tea and wished he could just disappear. Soon. As soon as he had her and Matty moved into the new home, he would leave. Tonight had taught him it was the right decision.
She fell into bed, not even checking on Matty. God in heaven, please let him sleep, she prayed. Curling her body around a pillow, she could still feel Charlie’s lips upon her own. She’d been rattled. More than rattled. She was unprepared for it, the way he took her mouth, the intensity of that kiss. And then when it ended, she’d ruined it by trying to make a joke. But how was she supposed to have reacted when her body was still vibrating? God, it was like nothing she’d ever experienced before! She didn’t know if it had been because of the kiss, or if she’d been feeling the motor vibration of the refrigerator!
Damn it, she had been rattled!
Just thinking about that brief encounter in front of the refrigerator was enough to make a moan slip from her lips again. She was as bad as Ryan’s Daughter… she’d never known it could be that passionate, making her mindless. And now, Charlie wasn’t even comfortable in her presence. How was she going to fix this one? Okay, so she was beginning to exercise more assertiveness and command in her life, but she couldn’t exactly walk up to him, throw him down on the sofa and tell him she’d finish what he’d started. And, oh… how her body was pleading with her to do just that.
It was shameful. She was shameful. But that kiss had unlocked something within her she hadn’t even known existed. She wanted mindless passion, and she wanted it with Charles Garrity.
Somehow, she had to fix this.
14
He was leaving. She knew it. She could tell by the way he was avoiding her. Every attempt she had made to gloss over that kiss had been politely rejected. It was as though he’d made up his mind and no matter what she did, it wasn’t enough. Suzanne blamed herself and her stupid reaction, making a joke, instead of being real. She had wondered who she was now, besides being a mother. Obviously, a comedienne wasn’t high on the list.
Finally, after three days of awkwardness, she couldn’t take it anymore and she asked Charlie if she could speak to him after they’d had dinner and she put Matty to bed for the night. Now it was here, the moment she had been
waiting for, and she prayed she would have the right words this time.
He had lit a fire earlier as the evening had turned cool, and Suzanne was glad, since the fire definitely made it more intimate. Dressed in jeans and a pale blue cotton sweater, she sat on the sofa, pulling her legs up under her and staring into the low flames as she waited for him to join her. He came into the room, bringing with him a cup of tea. Placing it on the other side of the coffee table, he bent over and picked up another piece of wood, then added it to the fire. Suzanne watched as the dark cooling embers flashed with brilliance and several trails of ash scattered up the sooted chimney like shooting stars.
“You’re leaving, aren’t you?” she whispered to his back.
He became very still for a few prolonged moments, and then stoked the fire. “Yes, Suzanne. I am. After you move into the new place. It’s time I took off on my own.”
“Why?” she pleaded. “We were doing so well together until that other night in the kitchen. I messed everything up, Charlie. I’m sorry.”
He turned around and she was again reminded of how much she was attracted to him. Dressed in jeans and a long-sleeved white shirt, he smiled at her with such affection that she had to bite the inside of her cheek not to moan with a mixture of sadness and regret.
“You didn’t mess up anything. I had been thinking about this for some time now. I can’t depend on your kindness any longer. I have to strike out on my own and try to make my way in this strange new world I find myself in.”
“Why, Charlie? Why can’t you stay with us?” she asked, placing her feet on the floor and leaning forward to him. “I’ll pay you a decent salary, more than you could—”
“For what?” he interrupted softly. “Doing housework? Minding a baby?” He joined her on the edge of sofa and smiled. Looking down to his cup of tea, he added, “I never knew how hard it all was. Trying to find the time to wash clothes, or a dozen other things, and take care of a little one at the same time. And I don’t even have to feed him. I have a new respect for women, but I don’t want to do it anymore, Suzanne. It’s not me. I need to be out there, in the world, finding my place. It isn’t here.” He raised the cup to his lips and sipped.
“Okay,” she said, yet not willing to give up. “I can understand that. But why do you have to go away? Can’t you find your place and still live close to us?”
He looked at her then, and she could see the pain in his eyes. “Suzanne, there’s nothing here for me. The land is gone. Everything I knew no longer exists. My life…” he paused, as though stifling a thought, then finished, “It’s all gone.”
“I’m here,” she blurted out. “And Matty. We… we care about you.”
His face softened. “And I’m very grateful for that. I, too, care about you both. Probably more than I should. And, well… that’s another reason why I have to go.”
She would not cry, even though it felt like her heart was breaking. In that moment, she realized, as crazy as it was, she had been falling in love with an incredible man, a man who had time-traveled into her life and had captured her heart. Taking a deep breath, she whispered, “I’ve lost everyone, Charlie, please don’t let me lose you too. I promise I won’t ask you to do any more housework. I’ll take care of Matty. You can go and find some manly job if that’s what you want. Just don’t go, please.”
He looked into her eyes and held out his arm. “Come here, woman,” he whispered, in a rough voice.
She couldn’t hold back the tears any longer as she closed the space between them. Enveloped in his warm embrace, she clung to him and cried, “Don’t go, Charlie. I’m sorry for making a joke after you kissed me. I… I was so rattled and—”
“Shh,” he whispered above her head as he stroked her back and shoulders. “Don’t ever think you’ve done anything wrong. It isn’t about that. It’s about me, Suzie.”
“What? What is it?” she begged, looking up at him.
He reached down and gently placed a piece of hair behind her ear. “I have nothing to offer you, Suzanne. Nothing. A man doesn’t come to a woman like that.”
“That is what this is all about? Charlie, it doesn’t matter. I’ll have more than enough for both of us for two lifetimes! You can’t be serious.” Relief swept through her and she changed position, pulling her legs up onto the sofa and laying across his chest so she could face him. God, it all felt so natural, so right.
“I’m very serious,” he said, adjusting to her changed position. He now held her in his arms and looked into her eyes with a grave expression. “I don’t want your money. I don’t want to live like that. Can’t you understand I have to do this my way? I have to get out there and see what I can make of myself.”
“This is about pride?”
“This is about what’s right.”
What she felt was right at that moment was for her to remedy the blunder she’d made in the kitchen the other night. “Kiss me, Charlie.” It was bold, but she was desperate not to lose him, for she could feel how serious he was about this. And it was the only way she could think how to fix it.
He smiled into her eyes with tenderness. “That’s not going to change anything. Things are the way they are, and we must play our cards as they’ve been dealt.”
“Kiss me,” she whispered, leaning even closer to him. “I’m asking.”
She heard his quick intake of breath, as he lifted his face to meet hers. When his lips barely grazed hers, he breathed, “This won’t solve anything,” into her mouth and hesitated less than an inch from her face, not pulling away.
“Don’t talk,” she whispered back. “We’ve already said enough.” She smiled teasingly at him, hoping he’d know she was giving him back his own words.
The sly smirk on his face let her know he knew what had just happened and he pulled slightly away. “Sweet Jesus, Suzanne, you’re not making this easy.”
“Good. I don’t want it to be easy,” she murmured, just as she closed the space between them and pressed her lips firmly to his. She felt him equal her insistence and their kiss deepened.
He pulled her into his body and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, clinging to him, willing him to know how much she wanted him with her. After so long, she finally had the freedom to touch him, to feel the strength of his muscles, the silkiness of his hair as she ran her fingers through it… nearly desperate for the contact; to caress as much of him as she could. She opened her mouth to accept his exploration, while feeling his hand skimming over her breast then sliding down her sides to her waist. She felt the reverberation of his moan deep in her throat when he clutched her hips and pulled her completely against him.
He wanted her. She knew it. She felt it in every inch of her body.
It only lasted seconds more.
Breaking away from her, he quickly moved his hands to hold her shoulders, and she opened her eyes to see a pleading expression upon his face. “This isn’t going to change anything, Suz,” he muttered in a hoarse voice. “I must still leave.”
She was breathing heavily, staring into his deep green eyes, knowing that he was feeling the same as she. He had to be! “But…”
“It will only make it more difficult.” He kissed her temple and added, “for both of us.”
“How can you leave, Charlie?” she demanded, still reeling from their kiss. Her body was throbbing and she could feel his arousal against her. Now was not the time to be coy. Now was the time for honesty. “I want you. I want you to stay. I—”
“And I want you, love,” he whispered tenderly. “But not like this. I need to go make my own way. When I come to you, I will come as your equal. I’ve lost everything and have nothing to offer you now. I would only weigh you down when you need to get on with your life. We’ve both been through so much—”
“You are my equal!” she protested. “Look, I’ve lost almost everything too! We’re in the same boat.”
He was shaking his head.
“If it’s the money, then just forget about it. It doesn’t
make a difference to me. I’m not like that.”
He gathered her once more into his arms and held her close to his chest. Cradling her head in the palm of his hand, he whispered into her ear. “It makes a difference to me, Suzanne.”
She stared at the fabric of his shirt, realizing no matter what she did, or what she said, he really was going to leave her. A deep ache in her chest began, as though she were losing a part of her heart. “I can’t make you stay,” she murmured, trying to keep the tears from forming at her eyes.
“No, my love, you can’t.”
Be brave, she told herself. Do not plead or make this any harder. He was determined. He had to prove something to himself and she had to respect him and his wishes, as crazy as they seemed to her. “Money will not buy happiness, Charlie. I should know.”
“This isn’t just about money,” he whispered, stroking her hair, trying to calm her. “It’s about something much more important.”
“Self-esteem?”
He nodded. “Worth. It has to do with more than money. I have to feel honorable about my life. I don’t feel that now. It’s like I’m without direction. I knew it once, before I was taken away from everything, but I don’t know that anymore. I have to see if I can find it again. And staying here with you… bless your pure heart, you’d make it so easy I could put it off forever. But I’d never feel good about it. It would wear away whatever is good between us, until one day what we had was ruined.” He held her closer. “I could never do that to you, Suzanne. You’ve been through so much already. And I don’t want to do it to myself. I couldn’t have you and then lose you. Trust me, this is for the best.”
“Is this forever? I’ll never see you after you leave?” She didn’t care that her voice sounded like a child’s. She had to know.
“I don’t know the future. I just know it’s the right thing to do now.”
Cradled against his chest, she listened to his heartbeat and ran her hand up and down his arm in a slow motion. She would not cry, she told herself, as the burning in her eyes increased. She would wait until he was gone, and then she might just have that nervous breakdown she’d been putting off for almost two months. “Just so you know you don’t have to prove anything to me, I already think you’re the most honorable man I’ve ever known.”
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