Michael’s smile was more of a tight grimace. ‘I wouldn’t like to become a threat to national security.’
‘Is that likely?’
‘Unfortunately, I’m unable to say at this point.’
The brothers regarded each other, on the brink of speaking, neither knowing what to say.
‘I’m glad you’re alive,’ said Gabriel awkwardly.
‘And I’m glad you are too.’
‘You’re still a dick.’ Gabriel tried to make it light, a return to equilibrium, but he looked like he might cry.
‘And you’re still a juvenile delinquent,’ replied Michael with a sad, indulgent smile.
Gabriel huffed a choked laugh.
‘You need to get out of here, Gabriel. My team needs to mop up and to be debriefed. Sharpe, please take him home.’
James guided Gabriel towards the doors leading back inside.
‘And thank you, Doctor Sharpe, for your most timely intervention.’
James nodded acknowledgement, then took Gabriel inside, down the inner staircase and back outside to the drive, and their car.
Chapter Fourteen
At the SUV, James bundled the cloak-wrapped blades and his cutlass into the back seat and placed his gun in the glove box before getting behind the wheel. When Gabriel hadn’t been able to buckle up his seatbelt by the time they reached the main road – the clink and clatter of the metal as Gabriel failed to keep the two halves steady was almost in time with his jittering heartbeat – James fastened the belt for him.
It was ridiculous to ask Gabriel if he was all right when he clearly wasn’t, so James opted for resting his hand over Gabriel’s, rubbing his thumb across the artist’s knuckles, before driving off.
They journeyed in silence, James guiding the vehicle along Basingstoke Road, heading for the M3, which would take them north-east and back to London. He kept one hand on the wheel, the other on Gabriel’s clenched fist.
Finally, Gabriel spoke.
‘W-what West said. About w-what h-happened in Afg-ghanistan.’
James took his hand away to place it on the wheel. He stared at the road ahead, resolute. And now it all falls apart. Gabriel had seemed so accepting of it all and, at the time, James couldn’t help thinking that Gabriel mustn’t have properly understood what it meant about him.
‘It’s all true. I’m a killer.’
The lapses had been brief but devastating. He had fought those instincts with everything he had ever since. He had returned to the base after his attempt to kill West, but his behaviour had been so erratic, and his recoiling response to the sight of blood so profound, the army had no trouble deciding to isolate him and send him home. He’d had to do a lot of work to cover up his medical tests, faking pulse and respiratory rates through willpower. To feed, he stole bags of blood that should have been used to save other lives and faked bloodwork results. Staying in a war zone was too dangerous: for him; for everyone. Too easy to succumb, with all that blood spilling so near him, all the time.
After his discharge, James fled to London to hide, where he thought he would go mad from thirst and boredom and despair. Until Gabriel came.
Now Gabriel was going to leave again.
It wasn’t a surprise to see, from the corner of his eye, Gabriel glaring at him, but James didn’t expect what came out of his mouth.
‘I d-don’t care what he s-said, Jamie.’ Gabriel took a steadying breath. ‘I don’t hold you responsible for things you d-did then. I’ve seen what the thirst d-does to you, and back then you’d only j-just… woken up, is that the right expression? West even said so. It was your first time and you woke up undead, thirsty and… and wild. Did you even know what was happening to you?’
James was so startled he took his eyes off the road to stare in disbelief at Gabriel.
Gabriel unclenched his fist and rested it on the back of James’s hand on the wheel. ‘Better watch the road, James. It’d b-be unbearably stupid to d-drive into a tree at this point.’
James, blinking rapidly in reflex against tears that weren’t coming, returned his attention to the road.
‘I didnae know what he’d done to me,’ James said in a strained voice. ‘I didnae know what I was. That doesn’t excuse–’
‘You didn’t k-kill those people on purpose. The s-soldier. West said the blood was already pumping out of him. And the man and his family… He said they d-died because you tried to be noble. He killed them really, didn’t h-he?’
‘Not the father. That was me. I tried tae stop drinking in time. I… I didnae know when to stop. He was still alive when I did, but he’d lost too much blood. I wouldnae touch the rest of them. So West. He. He killed them. All.’
The words dried in his mouth, and still Gabriel kept his hand over James’s, stroking his fingers and knuckles soothingly, as James had so recently done for him.
‘I’m sorry. For them and for you. I know you can’t have meant to kill anyone like that. That’s not who you are. I know who you are. I see who you are.’
‘Gabriel–’
‘You’ve done nothing but protect people since I’ve known you, Jamie. You care for your patients at the clinic. You’ve helped my friends. You’ve protected me. You saved Michael tonight, when he fell, and then you saved my life, again. You talk about yourself like you’re a monster, Jamie, but you’re not.’
‘I am,’ said James dully. ‘I’m just a very well contained one.’
‘No,’ countered Gabriel sternly, the jangling stammer of shock gone at last. ‘You’re a vampire but you’re not a monster. Maybe you did monstrous things at the start when you weren’t yourself, but the responsibility for that is West’s. You would never have chosen to do those things. You are not a monster.’
He continued in a gentler tone, his thumb rubbing softly against James’s skin.
‘If you think you lost your humanity, you’ve claimed it back. You’ve chosen who you want to be. And…’ Gabriel’s voice began to waver again. ‘I’ve been so alone for so long. Then I met you. You became my friend.’ He stumbled over the words now, as tears chased each other down his face. ‘I’ve been a half-mad bastard all these years, likely to end up gibbering on the streets for good, and now I’m… not. Thanks to you. You make me feel safe.’
James saw Gabriel looking at him like he was the answer to a forgotten prayer, and a great wave of tenderness swept over him.
‘You’re that for me too,’ he said. He tried to smile but it came out crinkled.
‘I love you,’ Gabriel blurted. Despite the tears, he lifted his chin in defiance, a challenge in case the declaration should be doubted. And then, slightly alarmed: ‘Eyes on the road.’
James took his gaze forward again, but a smile softened his mouth. ‘Eyes on the road,’ he confirmed. ‘See? I’m not going tae drive into a tree.’
‘Good.’
‘Absurd thing to do at this point, as you say. Now that you’ve said the L word without being off your tits on ecstasy.’
In his peripheral vision, James saw Gabriel become sheepish, then mulish. ‘It didn’t make it not true.’
‘No.’
‘And you said you loved me first, remember?’
‘I remember.’ James smiled more widely. ‘I didnae say it to you though. So here it is. Eyes off the road for a second. Ready?’
He looked straight into Gabriel’s eyes. ‘I love you, too.’
Gabriel’s laugh came out a half-sob, but he grinned. ‘Of course you do,’ he said, ‘I’m lovely. You said so.’
‘I did, and I’ll say it again.’
‘Road, James.’
James, grinning, brought his attention back to the long, dark ribbon of tree-lined road.
All was quiet for a few moments, but in those moments, James’s grin began to fade. He could hear Gabriel’s breathing grow thicker. Heavier. He could hear Gabriel’s heartrate speeding up again.
‘Gabriel?’
‘I’m… f
ine. I’m fine.’
‘You’re not fine.’
‘No,’ agreed Gabriel, his voice breaking, ‘I’m not fine. Some half-Geordie, half-fox psychopath got a brutish thug of a vampire to kill my friends because he wanted to attract Michael’s attention, for god knows what reason, and Michael nearly died and then I nearly died and that fucking vampire exploded into dust all over me and it’s not over. It’s not over. Frazer’s planning something and…’
He was talking faster and faster, was more and more agitated, not slowing down even as James pulled to the side of the road.
‘…and Michael’s in danger and he was a fuckwit when I was growing up and he ignored me mostly except when I thought he was in league with that bastard our father, only it turns out he hired Helene to look after me and I didn’t know and I treat him like shit and now someone’s trying to hurt him and that damned scratch healed right up and god knows what it means…’
James switched off the ignition, undid his seatbelt and twisted towards Gabriel; unclipped his belt in turn.
‘…but it’s not over, and Frazer said he might try to use me and I can’t I don’t I can’t Jamie, it’s not over, and, Christ, poor Alicia and Ben, and that kid Blue, all so Michael would know and pay attention and go looking for Frazer, or so Frazer knew where to find him; all those people dead and Datta thinks it was me and it was, it was me, it was because of me, oh fuck, oh fuck, Jamie. It was my fault…’
James wrapped his arms around Gabriel, who was sobbing. Gabriel folded into his embrace, against his chest, and clung, bawling.
‘It’s nae your fault,’ said James softly, holding Gabriel tight. ‘What Frazer and West did wasnae down to you. They did it to you, too. Shh, now. Shh. I’ll nae let them hurt you, or anyone else if I can help it.’
‘We have to stop him,’ said Gabriel fiercely. ‘You have to help me.’
‘All right.’ And it was as easy as that.
They sat together, James with his arms wrapped around Gabriel, holding him as closely as possible across the car’s console. He dropped kisses on Gabriel’s hair and forehead, rubbed his back, murmuring shh and hush and there, love, there until Gabriel’s crashing heart and anxious breathing settled.
Gabriel drew slowly back, looking wrecked. ‘We won’t let them get away with it.’
‘We won’t,’ James promised him. ‘But we should work with Michael on this.’ He braced himself for the protest. It didn’t come.
‘Yes. That’s… I think that’s wise.’
‘We should tell him about Sergeant Datta.’
That drew surprise at last.
‘Her vision about you and me,’ James explained, ‘is not what she thinks it is. It could relate to all of this. Spooky shite seems to be Michael’s job. Maybe he can make sense of it.’
Gabriel took in a shuddering breath. ‘Sorry.’ He was embarrassed.
‘Don’t be. It’s been a hell of a night.’
‘Are you okay?’
‘I’m fine.’
‘I mean… with… with killing West.’
‘He meant to hurt or kill you, Gabriel. I used to be a soldier, and he was the enemy. That’s one death that won’t be preying on my conscience.’ He traced his fingers over Gabriel’s skin, smeared in remnants of ash and blood and tears. ‘I’m so sorry he hurt you.’
‘He won’t hurt anyone ever again. Don’t be sorry for that,’ Gabriel told him.
‘I’m not.’
‘Good.’
Gabriel surged forward to kiss James; to bury the fingers of one hand in his hair and fist the other in James’s ridiculous pirate costume. James kissed him back, so Gabriel slid his arm around James’s waist, under the long coat, and held him.
‘Here, ye wee grub,’ chided James tenderly, ‘Yer a right mess.’ He untied the red sash around his waist and used it to wipe the streaks of ash and blood from Gabriel’s face. Gabriel tilted his head up to let James wipe the last of the dried blood from his throat, too. The skin was whole and undamaged, with no sign of the terrible bite that might have killed him.
James’s slow heart pulsed in his chest, a spasm of belated fear. He’d come so close to losing Gabriel. The memory of Gabriel trusting him to heal and not harm burned vividly in his mind’s eye. His mouth, his veins, his brain, his whole body still tingled with Gabriel’s precious blood.
Suddenly desperate to feel the living heat of him, James pulled Gabriel into his lap, pressing their torsos flush together. Through their layers of costume, he could feel the vibrant thud thud thud of Gabriel’s racing heartbeat, propelled this time by desire rather than fear.
‘Mind yer heid,’ murmured James, his palm cupping Gabriel’s skull, but the SUV’s cab was roomy. Soon, James’s hands slid over Gabriel’s arms and back again; then under the cloak, greedy for the warmth of his body.
Gabriel hummed in deep satisfaction as his lips parted and he tasted the tip of James’s tongue, the soft inside of his lip. An answering soft growl was pulled from James.
Gabriel’s kiss grew more passionate. He sucked at James’s lip and tongue as he crushed his arms around him, hands splayed against his spine to clutch him close.
James responded in kind, exploring the heat of Gabriel’s mouth, untucking Gabriel’s shirt so he could spread one hand on the small of his back, and dip the fingers of the other past the waistband of his trousers to brush against the rise of Gabriel’s backside.
So warm, God, Gabriel’s skin was so warm and his body responsive, muscles flexing and moving as he straddled James’s thighs and grew hard.
James released Gabriel’s mouth and kissed his throat, from the rhythm of his pulse point, down to his clavicle, up again to suck- kiss at the sensitive skin of Gabriel’s throat and jaw. Gabriel squirmed wantonly against James’s body while James pushed nose, mouth, eyes into the hollow under Gabriel’s ear, filling himself with the scent of him, with the heat and rhythm of his strong pulse against his eyelids.
Gabriel fell still, though he held tight to James’s shoulders. ‘Sorry,’ he panted. ‘Sorry, I know you said… no sex. You don’t like…’
‘I like you doing that,’ said James. He kissed Gabriel’s throat and jaw again, ‘I love you doing that. Don’t stop.’
Gabriel moaned and tilted his head back. James licked a delicate line with the tip of his tongue, from Gabriel’s jaw to the sensitive hollow behind his ear. He sucked on the earlobe, licked delicately at the shell of its curve, lipped and sucked at the tip and edges of it.
‘I want to lick you all over,’ whispered James. ‘I want to touch you everywhere. It doesnae matter that I can’t get off. I want you.’ And right now he felt as though it might still be possible. All that remembered desire and remembered need filled him with desire and need now.
Gabriel took James’s face in his hands and kissed him, softly at first, then harder, then more deeply. ‘I don’t want to be selfish.’
‘I do,’ said James. ‘I want you to be selfish. I want you to want me. I want you to want this with me. Please, Gabriel. Oh, please.’
They kissed again, hot mouth on cool, hot breath panting against lips and tongue and skin, moaning into the contact. Gabriel’s hips jerked involuntarily and James’s hands caressed his back and the rise of his backside.
‘Gabriel,’ James breathed into Gabriel’s ear. He licked it and suckled again on the lobe. ‘I want you to do that. You are so lovely. Aye.’ He lifted a hand to suck wetly on two of his own fingers, then slipped those spit-wet fingers further down the back of Gabriel’s pants and ran them into the crease of Gabriel’s arse, softly and briefly over the sensitive puckered skin there, then again.
Gabriel’s breathy moan became a gasp. He rutted against James’s belly. ‘Christ. Jamie. God.’
James maintained the gentle but insistent stroke between the cheeks of Gabriel’s arse. He finished untucking Gabriel’s shirt all the way around. By feel alone, he popped the button of Gabriel’s trousers and undid the zi
p. He kissed Gabriel and suckled softly on his lower lip as he dipped his free hand into the front of Gabriel’s trousers and ran his fingers along the length of Gabriel’s shaft, so hot to his touch.
‘Is this good?’ he murmured.
Gabriel shoved his cock against James’s fingers. ‘Yes,’ he panted.
‘I’m not too…?’
‘God, Jamie, no. You’re perfect.’
James pulled Gabriel’s erection free. He rubbed his thumb over the sticky-wet crown of him, rubbing over the slit and foreskin, then down the shaft again, up again, down, a firm hold, a steady rhythm. He kneaded Gabriel’s backside, hand splayed, then pulled Gabriel closer into his lap and began the soft finger-stroke again, working Gabriel front and back.
Gabriel, chanting imprecations and Jamie, Jamie, rolled his hips, chasing friction for his cock and then his arse. The muscles of his thighs tightened as he rocked back and forth between the sensations, clutching James’s shoulders.
‘That’s it, mae lovely,’ James said to him, gazing in hungry wonder at the man moving in his lap, ‘So beautiful. Yes. God. Keep going. Keep going. That’s gorgeous. Fuck. You are so gorgeous. Come for me. Come all over me. Yes…’
Gabriel’s back arched as his hips jerked and his cock pulsed once, twice, three times, all over James’s hand and shirt. James kept stroking him softly, front and back, slowing down, bringing Gabriel back to shuddering rest before finally moving his hands.
He wiped his sticky fingers on his own costume before wrapping his arms around Gabriel and bringing his head down to his shoulder.
Gabriel wilted willingly against James, pushing his face into the shelter of James’s neck. Then he started to giggle.
‘Good thing we hired a Land Rover for the night,’ he said. ‘I’d have brained myself on the ceiling of a hatchback.’
James started to laugh too. ‘Or impaled yourself on the gearstick.’ He kissed Gabriel’s brow, then his cheek. ‘God, you’re lovely.’
Gabriel wriggled about until he could kiss James’s throat. ‘You sure you’re okay? You don’t need…?’
Ravenfall Page 19