Oath

by K. J. Jackson

  Liv nodded, attempting to share in her friend’s glee. Where she had never felt it before, this particular victory seemed hollow—she had had to destroy an innocent bystander, Lady Shepton. The look on the woman’s face when she saw her husband fondling Liv still hung heavy in Liv’s mind. She imagined it always would.

  Viola grabbed the top of her hand. “So where have you been? Were you delayed in the travel as well? I understand an uncommonly brutal snow held the land hostage for a while.”

  “It was a deep snow.” Liv nodded. “I had to travel by horseback to London. Mr. Niles still has not returned with the carriage.”

  “He hasn’t?” Viola’s head cocked to the side. “He did not accompany you? That is not safe, Livia. Then I assume Charles was with you?”

  “I actually have news, Viola.” Liv looked down as her hand flipped over under Viola’s, and she squeezed her fingers. “Lord Reggard was at Mortell Abbey. He accompanied me back to London.”

  Liv’s gaze lifted to her friend. She could see Viola run through names in her mind, and the exact moment when she recognized Tieran’s name.

  “Lord Reggard? Your Lord Reggard? Tieran? The one that left you before the war and never came back for you?”

  Liv nodded, her smile wide, near to bursting with wanting to tell Viola every detail of every minute she and Tieran had been together.

  Viola’s hand ripped from Liv’s grasp, flying up, her palm to Liv. “Wait, before you say another word. Please do not dare to tell me you allowed anything to transpire between the two of you.”

  Liv’s enthusiasm tempered. “I…well…yes—”

  “That is the man that left you, Livia. He left you and he never came back for you after the war. He had a year and you were not important enough for him. And then he suddenly reappears in your life and you fall to him like a lovesick debutante?”

  Liv’s head snapped back at Viola’s instant deprecation. “You haven’t even given me a chance to explain what happened, Viola.”

  Viola’s green eyes blinked hard at Liv’s snapped words. A breath passed, and her face softened. “Of course. Please, tell me.”

  “There were valid reasons Tieran didn’t return immediately after the war, and by the time he returned—and he did come for me—I had already been stolen for the brothel and had married Lord Canton. Then he married, and I never dared to even think on the possibility of our paths entwining again. But they have. And I am happy for it.” Liv’s mouth clamped shut. For all she had wanted moments ago to tell her friend everything, she now wanted to be done with the conversation.

  “Truly?” Viola asked.

  “Yes.”

  Viola patted her hand. “Then I am happy for you, my friend.”

  Liv exhaled. Viola appeared genuine in her support, but the sudden heavy pit in Liv’s stomach didn’t ease with her friend’s words. She gave Viola a slight nod. “Thank you.”

  Clapping her hands together, a bright smile returned to Viola’s face. “Let us move onto another topic. You have succeeded so well with Lord Shepton that I have hurried our Bow Street runner onto investigating Sir Bishman from the list. I have arranged a meeting with him a week from now. You will be available?”

  Happy to see the smile on Viola’s face once more, Liv nodded. “Yes, of course.”

  “Excellent. Though we still have Lord Lockston within our scope as I know you made some progress with him before leaving for Mortell Abbey. Do you think you can handle two of the names at the same time?”

  The pit in Liv’s stomach widened.

  Lord Lockston.

  He was on the list, and he was also the one that could drive an impenetrable wedge between her and Tieran.

  She looked to Viola, taking in her friend’s beaming smile.

  No. She couldn’t approach those particular concerns with Viola quite yet.

  She would.

  But not yet.

  { Chapter 17 }

  The thrashing woke her up.

  She had gone to sleep alone, curled on the side of the bed she and Tieran had shared since they had been back in London.

  Liv had thought for one brief moment of returning to her own townhouse for the night after leaving Viola, but then disregarded the notion.

  If Tieran did decide to return to the dowager house as well, she wasn’t going to leave a cold bed to greet him. No. She would be in his bed, warm and naked and willing.

  If she couldn’t give him everything he needed from her, at least she could give him that.

  But late into the night, she had fallen asleep while waiting for him.

  In the throes of a deep sleep, the thrashing scared her, melding with a half-conscious dream for a long stretch of time. Her heart thumping hard in her chest, she roused herself, pulling away from the nightmare that she couldn’t describe, only feel—feel terror ripping through her body, the sense of losing everything, of not being able to save herself.

  It was another moment before she realized the thrashing on the other side of the bed was what had turned her dream into a nightmare.

  Disbelief held fast in her grogginess for long seconds. Tieran was a perfectly still sleeper. Even in the mornings, he escaped from the bed without waking her. And he was always up early, in the study long before her brain even entertained thoughts of awaking.

  But who else would be in her bed thrashing about?

  Just as her eyes adjusted to the low light from the coals in the fireplace, he was on her.

  Violent, his body landed on top of her—his hands searching through the tangle of the sheets, his body shaking with the thrashing, his legs kicking into the bed.

  Fingers meeting flesh, he found her right arm to latch onto, the grip vicious. A growl, and his other hand caught her throat.

  Just before his fingers wrapped around her neck, cutting her air, Liv managed a scream. “Tieran.”

  It was enough to stop the growl—an instant switch—and his mouth came down on her, kissing her with a harsh ferocity that channeled all the rage in his body.

  His head moved down, his teeth raking against her neck as his hands mauled her body, squeezing, twisting flesh.

  Confusion took over from the terror of her dream. Tieran continued his attack, his body, hot with sweat, pressing down on her, his hands flailing about her flesh, finding a spot to attack, paw, and then releasing and searching for more.

  She could feel his shaft, rock-hard and expanding against her thighs with every ragged breath he took. But he didn’t seek entrance to her body. Not yet.

  His left fingers found her breast, grabbing the full of it, turning, tugging. Pain shot through her. Her eyes wide, she searched for his face.

  It was then she realized he wasn’t awake. Asleep and in the deep throes of a dream. A dream that had pulled him so far under he couldn’t escape.

  “Tieran.”

  She reached up to grab his face. His twisting body made it impossible to catch him.

  Her left hand caught a hold of the side of his head, her fingers burying into his hair, holding on as his thrashing intensified.

  “Tieran.” She screamed his name.

  Another growl and he shoved his hand under the small of her back, jerking her up from the bed.

  She held on, pulling his hair, her right hand swinging upward to slap his face. “Tieran.”

  The sting on her hand stung, but it worked.

  Tieran dropped her, both of his hands instantly abandoning her body. He lurched backward, sitting onto his heels, his knees still straddling her legs.

  Perfectly still, Liv lay under him, silent, not moving, barely breathing. Her heart pounding, she stared up at him, waiting. Waiting for what, she wasn’t sure.

  His hands fell to rest on the top of his thighs as his chest heaved with every breath. It took long moments for him to open his eyes to her.

  His look horrified, his eyes ran up and down her naked body, his face paling as his eyes stopped at every red mark on her skin. He swallowed so hard she could see the lump moving do
wn his throat. “Liv—hell—I hurt you—the devil take me—I hurt you, Liv.” He scrambled, trying to unsnarl himself from the sheets to move off of her legs.

  Liv sat up, quickly grabbing his left arm before he could escape her. “No. Stop, Tieran. Stop. You didn’t hurt me—not truly—but you did scare me—”

  He yanked his arm from her grasp and tried to free his legs from the tangle they were in. She snatched his forearm with both hands, clamping down, not letting him pull away from her.

  “Stop, Tieran. Stop and listen to me.”

  His motions jerked to a halt and his look, still repulsed at his own actions, lifted to her.

  “I was not scared for my own safety—you scared me because I was terrified for you. Wherever you were in your mind. What sort of hell were you dreaming about?”

  His look shifted from her to land on the pillow on his side of the bed.

  Her fingers dug into the muscles in his arm, pulling, demanding.

  “War.” His mouth opened, the one word a cracked whisper. His free hand ran across his face, rubbing. “I needed something to bring me back from the torture, and then I knew it was your body under me and I…I needed you to bring me back.”

  Where his face had gone ashen moments ago, a red flush started to creep up his neck, inflaming his cheeks.

  “Dammit to hell, Liv. I feared this. I am sorry…your body…I hurt you…I would never…” His head shook, his eyes going upward to the bed canopy. “I fell asleep at the moment I usually leave the bed. It was my mistake alone. I understand if you prefer separate chambers from here on.”

  Her forehead scrunched. “Wait. What do you mean you leave the bed?”

  He shrugged. “I leave the bed every night before I fall asleep. I sleep in the study. I thought you realized that.”

  She shook her head. “No. I just thought you were an early riser.”

  “It is safer for me to sleep alone.”

  She dropped his arm from her iron clamp, her left hand going lightly to his knee. His muscles under her fingertips were stretched into rigid cords. “And on what level of madness do you think I would accept separate chambers from you? I am here to be with you, Tieran—you—not an empty bed.”

  “But now you will not be able to sleep soundly.”

  Her shoulders lifted. “Apparently, I can sleep through much if you were sneaking out of our bed every night without me aware.”

  “No. I cannot have you lying next to me, scared that at any moment I may attack you, Liv.”

  Her eyes narrowed at him. “Why do you presume to know I will be scared?”

  “I…”

  “What?”

  His hand ran over his face again, his fingers simultaneously rubbing both of his eyes. He exhaled, meeting Liv’s stare. “Rachel. The dream—it happened once—only once with her—I frightened her so badly…”

  “That what?” Liv’s fingers curled upward on his knee, brushing onto his thigh. He nearly jerked away at the movement, and it appeared to take great effort for him to keep his leg still under her hand.

  “We never slept in the same bed again. I could not put her through that more than once. It is my burden—the dreams—the men I have killed, what I have done. How it distorts. In my dreams I am searching.”

  “Searching for what?”

  “Something to pull me away from there—from what I did. To pull me into the present.” His head shook, his look going downward along Liv’s torso. “And your body was there, next to me. Warm and alive and where I want to be. But there is still all the rage of the dream and I cannot control it. Not in that state.”

  Liv nodded. “And you never told Rachel what happened to you in the war. She wouldn’t have known what you battled.”

  “No.” Tieran’s entire body convulsed and he jerked away from Liv’s hand, turning to get out of the bed.

  She could see his body still warred with itself. His mind knew he was awake, a lifetime away from his sins, but his body still raged, still in the dream.

  She scampered across the bed after him, jumping off and rushing between him and the door just as his hand reached the knob.

  Grabbing his face between her hands, she had to force his head downward so he would meet her eyes. “You were not hurting me, Tieran. I am strong and I am not afraid of you.”

  “You should be.”

  Her fingers along his cheekbones, her thumbs dropped, lining his clenched jawline. “You would never, even in the worst hells of your dreams, hurt me.”

  He blinked hard, his head shaking under her hands. “You don’t know that, Liv.”

  “I do.”

  He stared down at her, his look searing, disbelief creasing the edges of his blue eyes.

  “You don’t believe me?”

  “I don’t know what to believe with you, Liv.”

  She winced. His words a brutal punch to the gut. That she deserved his honesty didn’t lessen the blow.

  “Then believe this.” Her hands along his face slid downward, curling around his neck as she lifted first her right thigh up and around his waist, and then her left.

  Wedging her thighs on top of his hip bones, she wrapped her legs around his back, her calves going downward to lock along his thighs. Lifted to eye level, only a breath between them, she focused on his downward gaze. “I am not afraid of your body, Tieran. I have never been afraid of your strength. And I never will be.”

  His blue eyes lifted to meet hers.

  “I will pull you back, Tieran. If my body can do that, then it is yours. Use it. However you need to. I will always be here—without fear—to pull you back.”

  Her words unleashed a brutal growl from the depths of his belly. The tip of his shaft still hard and already at her entrance, he stepped forward, her back ramming against the door.

  His mouth captured hers in that breath, taking her exhale as he crashed up into her. Taking what he had denied himself in bed. Taking her essence, the promise of absolution, for at least that moment in time.

  His hands went under her backside, spreading along the bottom of her thighs, holding her high against the onslaught of his shaft driving into her again and again.

  No quarter, no reprieve, his body met hers, drawing out just long enough with each stroke to drive deeper with the next.

  Her body tested, pushed to the line between pain and pleasure with every thrust plunging up into her, Liv gripped his neck, holding him to her—holding his breath, his mouth, his air tight onto her body.

  It broke free, pleasure winning the battle over pain, and her body started to shudder, the waves building. With every exhale, a rasping moan escaped from her lips. Tieran answered her every breath with a new blow, demanding she release, demanding she give everything she possessed in order to pull him back.

  A final stroke reached the depth of her core, and she gave it.

  Everything.

  Everything her body could offer. Everything her heart could offer. Her soul.

  Her body clenched in spasm after spasm as he rocked under her, violent, his growl turning into a guttural roar. The explosion that shook his body shifted the earth, her very being, taking all air from the room.

  She felt her body sliding down the door before she realized Tieran had dropped to his knees. He spun, gasping, crumbling against the door but not releasing her. He crushed her to his chest, his head curled over her shoulder as she straddled him, and she heard him fighting for breath, just the same as she was.

  They sat for minutes, silent, until Tieran suddenly grabbed her shoulders and pushed her away, his eyes frantically searching what he could see of her body. “Damn me, Liv. I did hurt you. I can feel the hot spots on your body. I can see the red on your skin—your arm, your breast.”

  “I am unharmed, Tieran.” She pushed forward in an attempt to curl onto his body again.

  He wouldn’t allow it. “Do not try and hide it from me, Liv.”

  She exhaled a sigh, flipping her hand palm up between them. “The sting on my hand from slapping you h
urt worse than anything you did. Everything else is minor in comparison.”

  His head shook, his jawline tightening. “I cannot do this to you, Liv—sleep in a bed with you.”

  “You can.”

  “No. I cannot trust myself.”

  Her hand dropped to his chest, her palm flattening on his skin. “It is no matter what you trust, Tieran. I trust you. That is what matters.”

  His frown deepened, creasing the sides of his face. “How can you possibly believe that, Liv? You know what I could do to you.”

  She nodded, her head tipping to the side, considering. “You are right. I know your size, your strength. I know you could crush my neck with one squeeze. I know you could snap my wrist in half with a twitch. I know you could smother me in seconds.”

  He stared at her, each word she said making him wince, silent blows.

  Her free hand went to the side of his face, her thumb tracing the line of the frown. “But you won’t. Because I also know that just now, even in your darkest dreams—the purgatory you were engulfed in—even then you were not hurting me. You could not do it. You knew it was me. Harsh, yes, but it was nothing I could not handle.”

  His fingers lifted to cover the back of her hand on his face. “And if it becomes more than you can handle, Liv? That is what I fear.”

  “Then I will slap you and wake you and bring you back to me.”

  Her fingers curled on his chest. “I am not afraid, Tieran,” she said, each word distinct, bearing the weight of everything she needed him to believe. “I have never been afraid of you, and I do not intend to start now.”

  She held his stare for long seconds, unflinching under his scrutiny for what he needed to find in her eyes. He needed belief. He needed her trust. She had both of those things unequivocally.

  He nodded, an exhale coming from the bottom of his chest. “Then let us go to bed, my love.”

  Liv grinned. “Love?”

  “Love.” He said the word again, the promise, the future of that one word echoing in the room.

  She leaned forward, kissing him.

  All she had ever wanted.