by Darren Main
When we live under Spirit’s law of abundance, many wonderful things begin to happen. We no longer feel trapped by our jobs. Rather, we can quit jobs that don’t satisfy us and instead spend our time doing that which makes our heart sing. We no longer worry about paying the bills or have any desire to cheat or steal because there is an internal knowing that all we need will come to us.
This way of thinking is much more than a positive and optimistic attitude to wealth. I once read that Gandhi’s mother ate less than a handful of rice each day, and did so by choice. She lived under the grace of abundance because she had all she needed and was content. There are many people who are very wealthy and yet live in fear of a stock market crash or a hostile takeover.
Under Spirit’s watchful eye, our relationships open up. We are able to love freely, and our codependent and neurotic relationships are either healed or given up altogether. Our love addictions and our experiences of jealousy and insecurity begin to disappear, and we begin to realize the deep sense of intimacy that gives way to fast-track spiritual growth.
When Patanjali promises that abstinence from stealing will result in jewels showering down upon us, he means it quite literally. By recognizing that there is nothing to steal, on any level, we shift our thinking from one of scarcity to one of abundance, and the world opens up to offer us wealth beyond the comprehension of the person caught in scarcity. This is what is offered us by the practice of Asteya.
Sexual Moderation (Brahmacarya)
The chaste acquire vitality.
—The Yoga Sutras 2:38
Brahmacarya, the fourth yama, is the practice of using one’s sexual energy in a mindful and conscious way. While this can be done in several ways, it has traditionally been practiced by abstaining from sexual activity with others, as well as from masturbation.
In the not-so-distant past, a student of yoga would be asked to take strict vows of celibacy before he or she would even be considered for training. Of course, in many traditions this dissolved when yoga started to become more trendy here in the West. Liberal Americans and Europeans were not thrilled about the idea of letting go of their hard won sexual freedom, and so Brahmacarya is rarely discussed in urban settings.
Before we get into the practice of Brahmacarya, I think it is important to reaffirm the concept to which we have returned over and over again in this chapter – that the yamas are not about making a person good or bad. Yoga doesn’t view sex as dirty and immoral or even as a bad thing. In fact, rather than denying or exploiting our sexuality, it sees it as a powerful force that should be used for our spiritual growth.
In order to understand the importance of Brahmacarya, we need to review a concept from Chapter 3. As I noted in that chapter, kundalini energy lies dormant at the base of the spine, coiled like a sleeping serpent. On occasion, she wakes and begins her ascent up the spine until eventually she reaches the crown chakra where she is united with her formless lover.
When this ascension begins, we most often experience it as sexual arousal. Many of us have become quite adept at allowing this energy to rise up as high as the second chakra and then diffusing it outward by masturbating or having sex with another person. While there is certainly nothing wrong with sexual activity, it is important to remember that the traditional orgasm diffuses the sexual energy and greatly reduces the chances of it rising any higher than the second chakra.
All the forms of the practice of Brahmacarya are about much more than simply changing our sexual behavior. They are more about changing our thinking around sexuality than about how we express it. Remember, thought directs both energy and behavior. By changing our minds about sex we simultaneously change our behavior and direct that energy in a more conscious way.
There are two main forms of Brahmacarya. The first and more traditional form is celibacy. In this practice one abstains from sexual activity altogether. This includes abstaining from masturbation and sexual activities with others. This is not a denial of sexual energy. In fact, it is the practice of bringing heightened awareness to our sexuality.
When practicing yogic celibacy, a yogi begins to notice all the times that he or she is looking outside for fulfillment. Rather than foster those thoughts with fantasy or engaging in sexual activity, the energy is directed to the higher centers. Sexual thoughts and fantasies are bound to come up—and in the beginning will come up with a fury—but training the mind not to engage these thoughts (an activity which fuels them), creates space for other pursuits—namely moving the kundalini up the spine.
My friend Betsy once remarked that she had been celibate for quite a while. She had a crush on a male friend and he didn’t seem to be returning her affections. For a month or more she had been flirting with him and trying to get his attention, but nothing seemed to work. Because he was not interested, she had gone for several months without sex. Although Betsy was not having sex, she was certainly not practicing Brahmacarya, because Brahmacarya is much more than a dry spell in the dating arena. If she were, she would have made a conscious decision not to engage in sexuality and she would have worked to curtail her flirting and fantasizing. The issue is not whether she actually had sex. For the amount of energy that she spent chasing after this guy, she might as well have been having sex. The issue here is how people direct their sexual energy and whether they do it consciously.
The second way a person can practice Brahmacarya is through a conscious sexual relationship. This relationship can be between members of the same or opposite sex, and can have any number of styles such as monogamous or open. The relationship can be long-term or can be short-lived. The nature and style of the relationship is really not that important, though many people feel safer in a committed situation.
Again, what determines Brahmacarya is what’s in the mind. When two people come together for sex, one of two forces is always behind the act. The sexual energy will be used either by the ego or by Spirit. These are the only two motivators in any act, and sex is no different.
When a sexual relationship is driven by the ego, both people entering into the act want to get something. Perhaps one wants to use the other’s body for physical pleasure, or perhaps there are unresolved issues from the relationship between one’s parents. Even people who enter into sex in a more submissive role are often trying to get some kind of revenge, though they appear to be in the giving role.
When a sexual experience is motivated by Spirit, it is the act of giving. It is the experience of sharing and exchanging energy to coax both partners’ kundalini higher and higher up the spine. As this happens, the sexual union becomes much more than a first chakra survival act or a second chakra erotic act. As kundalini ascends, each chakra along the way opens and resonates with the corresponding chakra belonging to his or her partner. When partners work together in a safe and conscious way, the kundalini energy can rise more freely. In fact, some forms of Tantric yoga encourage couples to raise this energy together, and then create an inverted orgasm. In this experience a person pulls the energy in, rather than having a traditional outward orgasm.
The form of Brahmacarya one chooses to practice is not all that relevant. Yogic celibacy and conscious relationships are both wonderful when practiced consciously, and both can be appropriate at different times in one’s life. What is important is that we allow our sexual energy to be used on behalf of Spirit. When we do this we feel uplifted and cleansed by our sexual energy. When we let the ego drive our sexuality, we wind up repressing this vital energy, or exploiting it in a way that drains our energy and makes us feel spiritually depressed.
Greedlessness (Aparigraha)
Freedom from wanting unlocks the real purpose of existence.
—The Yoga Sutras 2:39
Aparigraha is the practice of becoming greedless. On the surface it seems a bit easier than the other yamas, because being a greedy person is not a desirable trait. In fact our culture spares no expense in its attack on the greedy, saying that they should give more to the poor and that they don’t deserve thei
r wealth.
Of course, it is true that some people with vast amounts of wealth could and perhaps should give more to the less fortunate. It is important to remember, however, that the practice of yoga is not about what other people do, but rather about what we do as individuals. Like all the other yamas, becoming less greedy is a practice, and when we practice this yama, we are much less likely to project greed outward onto others.
Greed is an interesting thing because, like stealing, it affirms a sense of lack and scarcity. When a person comes from a place of greed, he or she must believe in lack, or the concept of greed would be meaningless. Therefore it is in one’s own self interest to consider this yama closely.
I went through most of college on grants and scholarships. When I was about three years into my studies, I ran out of money. No matter where I looked for money, I couldn’t seem to find any. As the weeks went by, I realized that I had to drop out of school because I could not afford another semester.
At that time I was also looking into massage school. I had sent away for information on several schools, but one appealed to me more than the others. In order to apply I needed to send them fifty dollars along with the application. As I had only seventy dollars in my account and no way of paying for my schooling even if I got accepted, it seemed like a waste of money.
Although the situation looked bleak, I put the application on my small altar during my afternoon meditation in hopes of some sort of guidance or inspiration. By the time I had finished my sit, I knew what I had to do. I wrote out the check, addressed an envelope and sent off the application.
On the way to the mailbox, I bumped into my friend and landlord Ed. I asked him to join me for dinner. Although I only had twenty dollars, I felt inspired. When the check came, Ed wanted to pay for his half of the meal, but I felt strongly that I should treat him despite my lack of funds. Although it was not an expensive meal, I left a generous tip. I figured that if my bank account was empty, things could only improve.
All of this ‘irresponsibility’ led to a great sense of peace and the knowledge that things would somehow work out. When I got home that night, my mother had left a message on my answering machine. She had just received a call from her real-estate agent. After sitting for over a year on the market, the house her aunt had left her had finally sold and she wanted to help me pay for my schooling.
For me, this was a strong affirmation of the importance of Aparigraha. By opening up my wallet and offering to put my resources out there, I had created room for more abundance. I took a leap of faith in the renouncement of my money, but it somehow made way in my mind and heart for the work ahead of me.
When we practice Aparigraha, we let selfishness be replaced by selflessness, and we allow the greed that is inspired by a fear of scarcity to be replaced by generosity. Just as still water becomes stagnant, hoarded resources become toxic to our souls. When we practice Aparigraha we allow resources to flow through us, rather than allowing ourselves to block the flow of abundant energy that is always present.
Each one of these yamas—ahimsa (nonviolence), satya (truthfulness), asteya (nonstealing), brahmacarya (sexual moderation), and aparigraha (greedlessness)—works with all the others. They are like the threads of a spider web. When we practice one, all the others get engaged. When we consciously work these practices simultaneously, their effect on our lives is exponentially increased, creating a solid platform on which to practice yoga’s seven remaining limbs.
Chapter Six
Niyamas • Observances
Unwholesome thoughts can be neutralized by cultivating wholesome ones.
—The Yoga Sutras 2:33
Cultivating Good Habits
Yoga succeeds by these six: enthusiasm, openness, courage, knowledge of the truth, determination and solitude.
—Hatha Yoga Pradipika 1:16
As we noted in the last chapter, the first limb of yoga (yama) begins with a moral code which is better viewed as a practice rather than a hard and fast line between right and wrong. The same idea is true for the second limb, niyama.
Like the first limb, this second limb is made up of five practices. The niyamas are different from the yamas, however. While the yamas outline things that a yogi should avoid, such as lying and stealing, the niyamas speak of things we want to cultivate. That is why the niyamas are frequently referred to as the five observances. They are: shauca (purity), samtosha (contentment), tapas (austerity), svadhyaya (study), and ishvara pranidhana (surrender).
The niyamas are not practiced to make a person more spiritual or more holy. They are practiced to help us create a life where there is room for Spirit. The ego is very adept at filling our lives with all sorts of ‘busyness’ and toxic thinking, so we never have the chance to look at the important issues of Spirit. By practicing the niyamas, we consciously make space in our lives for the deeper spiritual pursuits in the yoga limbs that are to follow.
A few years back, when I was living in Montana, I was approached by one of my students who always seemed to have that star-struck look in her eyes whenever I was around. This often happens when a student confuses the teacher with the practice. A lot of people find immediate relief from their suffering and an instant sense of peace from their yoga practice. Sometimes they falsely associate yoga’s success with their teacher.
I had just given a talk on living a pure life to support one’s yoga practice, and she had a few questions. Because her questions were somewhat extensive I asked her to join me for dinner. She excitedly accepted, but looked as if there were a short circuit in her brain when I suggested that we go to Taco Bell. I guess she thought that because I was a yoga teacher that I had to live on tofu and brown rice, and that such a strict diet would make me more spiritual.
My whole reason for wanting to go to Taco Bell was not for the food per se. Rather, I was trying to demonstrate that I was human and that living a yogic life didn’t mean you had to live a perfectly pure, austere existence. Of course, I try not to frequent fast food restaurants, and I do eat my fair share of tofu and brown rice, but I try not to make a religion out of living a clean lifestyle. Such an obsession only distracts from the upper limbs of yoga, rather than creating a foundation for them.
She and I became friends after that dinner, and would dine together after class on a regular basis. She was able to see me as a normal guy who tries to live a clean and healthy life. We even started going to the food co-op, where we could get all the organic health food a yogi could ask for.
When we practice the niyamas, it is tempting to think that living them perfectly will somehow make us more spiritual. This is far from the truth. Striving to work them fully into your life will assist your overall practice greatly, but they are not designed to bring about spiritual enlightenment, only to clear a space where a yogi can go deeper into the practice. I have met lots of people who follow the niyamas to the letter; yet they are still unhappy, and others, who are not able to follow them well at all, seem very content. As with all things in yoga, balance and moderation are the key.
Purity (Shauca)
Purification also brings about clarity, happiness, concentration, master of the senses, and capacity for self-awareness.
—The Yoga Sutras 2:41
Shauca is the first niyama and it is the practice of keeping the body and mind pure. Ultimately, the practice of yoga is about removing the blocks to the awareness of our true nature—Atman. This is not an easy task because of our many attachments, and we often make things worse by piling on more blockages every day. This makes our yoga practice a system of maintenance rather than one of evolution. In the early stages of someone’s yoga practice it is not uncommon for them to continue with their lifestyle unchanged. Because so many people live high-stress lives, their yoga practice is more about repairing the day-to-day damage inflicted by such a toxic lifestyle rather than about evolving and growing.
There usually comes a point in a person’s yoga practice where the old way of living becomes less and less desirable, an
d the student wants to make changes in diet, occupation and/or relationships. Until a person does this, it is an uphill battle. The yoga practice may slow the bleeding, but it won’t heal the wound unless we stop re-opening it with unhealthy lifestyle habits. This is where the practice of Shauca becomes so essential to our overall yoga practice.
Shauca is the practice of living a more pure life. It is applied to several areas of a yogi’s lifestyle. Its sole purpose is to help us cease from putting garbage into the mind and body, and so give us a fair shake at removing the stuff that is already there. When I first started practicing yoga, I was a two to three pack-a-day smoker. I loved my cigarettes, but they made my yoga practice quite painful. Pranayama seeks to use the breath to fill the body with oxygen, among other things. The breathing techniques I was learning were no doubt helping to clear my lungs and give my body and mind some much-needed oxygen, but I was never able to move deeply into the pranayama part of my yoga practice because I was daily dumping more toxins into my lungs than I was able to purge through the poses and breathing.