by Jillian Hart
She wanted to stay with him, but instead she climbed the steps, slipped into the dark room and lit a lamp. Like before, she carried it to the window and put it out for Luke. This time, though, instead of an empty street, she saw Gabe watching for her through the glass. Wordless, she touched the pane with her fingers as she thought of an old Bible verse.
But now we see through a glass darkly. But then face-to-face…
She’d been in the dark for so long…She hadn’t dared to pray for herself since the day she’d left Gabe at the altar. She hadn’t felt worthy and she didn’t feel worthy now, but she could pray for others. With a lump in her throat, she closed her eyes. “Be with Luke, Lord. Keep him safe. And Gabe, bless him, Lord Jesus. He’s a good man.” In the sudden silence, she recalled her promise to Reverend Hall. “Be with Billy, too, Lord. Help Maude and me to be good mothers to our sons.”
As she whispered amen, her heart pounded. She had more to say to God but couldn’t find the words. Feeling weak, she opened her eyes and looked down at the street. Gabe hadn’t budged. If she motioned to him, he’d come up the stairs. He’d stay until she felt strong again. Somehow she stayed still. Another minute passed, then he tipped his hat and walked away, leaving her with knotted fingers and the knowledge that she didn’t want to be alone after all.
Could she have it all? Her business and Gabe? Could they make a family with Luke and children to come? If business picked up, she could stay and find out. If it didn’t, she’d have to leave. And if Luke didn’t come home, none of her plans mattered. Looking at the empty street, Cassie touched the glass. For all her hard work and good intentions, she’d been rendered helpless by her own son. Feeling bereft, she raised her eyes to the stars. She hadn’t stopped believing in God, but she’d stopped trusting Him. Tonight she couldn’t stand on her own. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t save her son.
Trembling, she bowed her head so that the crown touched the glass, then leaned enough to feel the pressure like a hand. “I’m sorry, Lord Jesus. I’ve made so many mistakes…I’ve failed everyone.” Tears welled. The glass grew warm against her forehead, like a touch. “Please help me, Father God. Please bring my son home. I can’t do it myself.”
A sob broke from her throat. She felt weak all over and more helpless than she had all night. She didn’t know if God would answer the prayer of a sinful woman like herself, but she hoped He’d look out for a troubled boy.
After leaving Cassie, Gabe went home. He figured Luke had either hopped the Denver Special or holed up somewhere for the night. Gabe couldn’t go looking for him without causing a ruckus, so he slept a few hours, put on fresh clothes and left the house with Cassie’s worry coursing through him. He knew how it felt to be left with doubts and questions. Fourteen years ago he’d been in her shoes. Where did you go, Cassie? What did I do? Why did you leave me?
He never wanted to ask himself those questions again. That’s why he’d left her on the steps to her apartment. Earlier, when she’d tipped her face up to his, he’d almost caved in and kissed her. Now he was glad he hadn’t. She needed her son far more than she needed the confusion of an ill-timed kiss, and Gabe intended to find him.
He went first to the train station where he spoke to Carl. The stationmaster at Ellison had already wired to say he’d searched the train and hadn’t found Luke. Gabe took the news as a positive sign. If the boy had holed up in Guthrie Corners, he’d be waking up hungry. Gabe thanked the clerk, then headed for Pete Doyle’s livery. He’d checked it twice yesterday but not after dark. The barn and corrals sat a quarter mile down the tracks and offered a good place to hide for a boy intending to hop a train. Gabe knew Pete well. The man wouldn’t mind a bit if Gabe nosed around.
When he reached the barn, he went around to the back and entered through a side door. Stepping as lightly as he could, he walked between the stalls, looking in each one until he found Luke sleeping on his belly in a pile of straw. With his hair mussed and his arms akimbo, he looked like the innocent child he was meant to be, not the boy who’d seen his mother beaten by his father and felt those fists himself.
Gabe didn’t consider himself an emotional man, but his throat went tight. Luke should have been his son. They’d have built things together and told jokes. He’d have taken him fishing and taught him to shoot. Looking at the boy with Cassie’s hair and a stranger’s eyes, he felt so cheated he wanted to smash his fist against the stall. Instead he closed his eyes and prayed.
Lord Jesus, help this boy. He needs a father.
And Gabe needed a son…The answer to the dilemma seemed obvious. He’d have to win Cassie’s heart before he could call Luke his own, but for now he could take the boy under his wing and teach him how to handle bullies like Billy Drake. The three of them could go on picnics and he’d charm Cassie for as long as it took for her to trust him.
Your will be done, Lord. I’m willing to wait, but Luke needs me now and I need Cassie.
As Gabe whispered amen, Luke stirred against the straw. He looked like a child, but the last thing he needed was babying. He got enough of that from his mother. Like most boys, he needed someone to push against so he could build his muscles. Young bucks with new antlers did the same thing. So did yearling mustangs and young bulls. If Luke wanted—needed—to fight, Gabe would oblige.
He planted his boots a foot apart and put his hands on hips. “O’Rourke! Get your butt up now!”
Luke grunted. “Go away.”
“Not a chance.” Gabe hadn’t hollered in a long time. He hadn’t had a reason but he did now. “You scared your ma half to death. The church has another broken window. And unless Mr. Doyle gave you permission to mess up his stall, you’re trespassing.”
Luke buried his face in his arms. “Leave me alone.”
“I can’t do that.” Gabe dropped to one knee, gripped the boy’s shoulder and rolled him over. Luke struggled, but he was no match against Gabe and his head finally turned.
What Gabe saw told the whole story. Luke had a black eye, a cut below his left ear and a tear in the knee of his pants. He might have broken the church window, but he’d done it after taking a beating from Billy Drake. Gabe hurt for him, but Luke didn’t need pity. He needed to get his pride back.
Gabe arched a brow. “I hope the other guy looks worse.”
“He doesn’t.”
The pain of that confession hit hard. No man liked to take a beating. Christ had done it for the sake of all mankind, but He’d had the last word when He’d risen from the grave. Knowing both Billy and Luke, Gabe figured the fight had started with Billy’s smart mouth. Luke needed vindication.
Gabe stood tall and offered his hand. Luke looked at it, then at Gabe. “Are you going to arrest me again?”
“Nope.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Fix you breakfast, clean up those cuts and take you to apologize to your ma for stealing money. While we eat, you can tell me what Billy said that made you so mad.”
“I hate him!” Luke declared.
“I figured that.” Gabe waggled his fingers to get Luke’s attention. “Let’s go. I’m hungry.”
The boy’s thoughts warred on his face. He had an empty belly and he wanted Gabe’s friendship, but he felt guilty about everything he’d done, including stealing from his mother. Running away still appealed to him.
Gabe dropped back to a crouch. “Your ma’s worried about you, Luke. But trust me…she’s going to forgive you. She knows you took the money. We both thought you were headed to Chicago.”
“I was.” He sounded forlorn. “But I fell asleep.”
“I’m glad you did.” He kept his voice neutral. “Billy Drake’s been bullying the kids in this town long enough. I’m proud of you for standing up to him.”
He pushed to a sitting position. “Really?”
“You bet.” Gabe meant every word. “I don’t know what started the fight—”
“He called my ma a bad name…the worst one.”
Gabe woul
d never strike a woman or child, but he’d have leveled a man for throwing that insult at Cassie. He had no doubt where Billy had gotten that foul idea. Maude and her rumors had to be stopped. He gripped Luke’s shoulder. “You defended your mother. That was honorable. I’m not saying you did the right thing with the window—”
“I didn’t mean to.” Luke looked at the straw. “I was aiming for Billy and missed. I’m sorry about the window, but I’m not sorry I threw the rock.”
“I can see why.”
“I’d do it again.”
Gabe believed him. Luke had the instincts of a man but not the judgment. Unless someone taught him how to fight—and when—he’d break more windows.
“How about I teach you a few things?” he said to the boy.
“Like what?”
Gabe shrugged. “For starters, how to throw a punch.”
“Really?”
“Sure.” He’d buy a fifty-pound sack of flour, hang it from a tree and show the kid how to put his weight behind a punch. Luke could beat the stuffing out of the flour sack, but that wasn’t the only lesson.
“You have to promise me something,” Gabe added.
“What?”
“You have to listen to what I say. A man needs to know how to fight, but it’s more important to know when to fight.”
When Luke’s eyes clouded, Gabe thought of Ryan O’Rourke beating on Cassie. How much had the boy witnessed? Too much, Gabe decided. Luke had ugly memories, but time and God would work for the good. Someday Luke would be a strong defender of the weak because he knew how it felt to be small.
“What do you say?” he said to the boy.
Luke pushed to his feet. “When can we start?”
“Today,” Gabe answered. “But first we eat breakfast. Then I’ll take you to apologize to your ma.”
Luke looked chagrined. “She’s not going to like it.”
“Like what?”
“She doesn’t like fighting. She says I should just walk away.” Luke sounded disgusted.
Frankly, so was Gabe. He didn’t want to undercut Cassie’s authority with her son, but she was wrong about walking away from trouble. Gabe believed in turning the other cheek as much as Reverend Hall. He never started a fight and didn’t fight to defend himself alone. But when danger threatened someone else, he stood ready to protect and defend. He’d been in the U.S. Cavalry and took pride in serving his country. As a lawman, he’d promised to keep the peace at all costs. Three years ago, he’d killed a man and had no regrets. If he hadn’t, Betty Woolsey would have been shot dead by her crazy husband.
When it came to boys and fighting, Cassie had a few things to learn. Gabe hoped she’d understand what he wanted to teach Luke. If she didn’t, they were headed for a squabble of their own.
Chapter Seven
“No!” she cried.
“But Cassie—” Gabe frowned at her.
“I said no.”
She couldn’t believe her ears. How dare he promise to teach Luke how to box! She abhorred violence of any kind. She’d felt the power of Ryan O’Rourke’s fists and didn’t want her son to follow in his father’s footsteps.
Twenty minutes ago she’d wilted with relief when Gabe walked into the mercantile with his hand on Luke’s shoulder. She’d run to them from the counter and they’d met in the middle of an aisle. Luke had apologized for scaring her, then he’d given her back the money with the most sincere “I’m sorry” she’d ever heard. When she’d started to fetch a beefsteak for his black eye, Gabe had stopped her and Luke had looked proud. The next thing she knew, Gabe was talking about boxing lessons and bags of flour.
Over Cassie’s dead body! She understood the desire to strike back. She’d wanted to slap Maude across the face when she’d smirked over Luke, but violence begat violence. She knew, because when she’d defended herself against Ryan, he’d hit her even harder.
She looked at Luke now and wanted to hug him again. Earlier she’d tried to kiss the top of his head, but he’d drawn back from her. Gabe had looked annoyed and now they were talking about punching bags.
Gabe glanced at Luke. “Go get ready for school.”
“But he’s hurt!” Cassie declared. “He’s tired and—”
“He can do it.” Gabe motioned at the door with his chin. “Get going, Luke. And don’t be afraid to look Billy in the eye.”
Cassie frowned. “Stay away from him.”
“I can’t,” Luke muttered. “He sits behind me.”
“I’ll speak to Miss Lindstrom,” Cassie said. “She can move your seat.”
The two males exchanged a look Cassie didn’t like at all. It left her out in the cold.
Luke stared back at Gabe, who indicated the door to the apartment. “Go on, kid. I’ll see you after school.”
Her son looked at her with the defiant expression Cassie knew too well, then followed Gabe’s order, leaving her speechless. When the door closed, Gabe faced her. They were in the center of the store by the fancy dishes she loved. The empty store…she hadn’t sold a thing in days, not even to a stranger, and now her son and Billy Drake were wrestling in the dirt.
Gabe looked pained. With the plates on one side of the aisle and the glassware on the other, he looked too big for the small space. “You have to trust me, Cassie. Luke needs those boxing lessons.”
“I don’t want him fighting,” she insisted.
“It’s what boys do.”
“It’s what fools do!” She turned and headed for the counter. “Nothing good ever comes from people beating on each other.”
“This isn’t about beating on anyone.”
She slipped behind the wood, lifted a rag and wiped the spotless surface. Gabe came forward but didn’t follow her to the nook behind the counter. She focused on the rag, making half circles until she couldn’t stand the silence and threw the rag down. “I give up. What is it about?”
“Honor.”
To Cassie, honor meant being fair and truthful. It had nothing to do with punching bags. She started to pick up the rag, but Gabe put his hand on hers.
“Do you know why Luke has that black eye?” he asked.
“He and Billy were fighting.”
His jaw tightened. “Billy insulted you. Luke defended your honor and took a beating for it.”
“Oh, dear.”
“That boy stood up for you, Cassie. He did the right thing. How he did it is another matter. That’s why I need to buy that sack of flour.”
Cassie thought of Ryan’s fist on her jaw. She thought of his blood coursing through Luke’s veins and how her son got the same mean look his father had. She’d come to Guthrie Corners to erase that violent tendency, not to feed it.
“It’s just wrong,” she insisted.
Gabe opened his mouth to speak, then sealed his lips. Whatever he’d been about to say, he’d thought better of it.
“Spit it out!” Cassie ordered.
“All right,” he said, dragging out the words. “You’re turning Luke into a sissy.”
“I’m what?”
“You heard me.”
“How dare you—”
“I’m right and you know it.” His voice deepened to a growl. “You mean well, Cassie, but you don’t understand boys. Luke needs to push against life to build his muscles. Look at him…He’s as tall as you and has fuzz on his lip. He’s not a little boy anymore.”
She’d noticed the fuzz a few days ago and wished it was dirt she could wipe away. She missed her little boy. She didn’t want him to get hurt, nor did she want him rolling in the dust with Billy Drake. She had enough trouble with Maude and the rumors.
“My decision’s final,” she said to Gabe.
“It’s also wrong.”
As the side door opened, she saw Luke. He’d washed his face and tucked in his shirt, something he hadn’t done unbidden in weeks. Cassie swallowed hard. Where had the twelve years gone?
The boy eyed them both, then focused on Gabe. “I’ll see you after school, right?”
>
They’d circled back to the boxing lessons. “Not today,” Cassie declared. “You have chores.”
“But, Ma—”
“Don’t argue, Luke. The store needs sweeping and—”
He looked disgusted. “No, it doesn’t. No one ever comes in here. They hate you. They hate me, too!”
“Luke!”
He strode out of the store, slamming the door behind him. Cassie stared in horror. Her son was too tall to be a boy and too skinny to be a man. She might not fully understand boys, but she knew that fighting caused more problems than it solved.
Gabe gripped the edge of counter. “You have to trust me, Cassie. Luke needs a man in his life. He needs a father.”
A father for Luke meant a husband for her. She couldn’t go down that road, but neither could she force a single word from her lips. She stepped back from the counter until she bumped the stool.
Gabe’s knuckles turned white against the dark wood. “He’s being bullied and so are you. There’s a time to turn the other cheek and a time to stand up. Luke needs to stand, Cassie. Maybe you do, too.”
Her insides shook. “What do you mean?”
“Don’t hide from Maude like a whipped dog. You’re stronger than that. Do something.”
Gabe’s voice had risen and he looked furious. He wouldn’t hit her, but she still wanted to cry and had to bite her lip to keep it from trembling.
He turned away, showing her his broad back with his arms loose at his sides. After two deep breaths, he faced her again and spoke in a quieter tone. “I won’t turn Luke into a bully, but there’s stuff he needs to know.”
“Like what?” she demanded.
“For one thing, how to duck.”
Cassie thought of his bruised face. Gabe was right about Luke needing a father and about ducking, but she saw another answer. “Why can’t you teach him how to fish or something?”
“I will,” he answered. “After I teach him how to defend himself.”
Everything in Cassie cried out to trust Gabe’s judgment, but she wouldn’t lean on anyone, especially not a man who thought he knew it all.