And despite all his efforts to the contrary, right down to his insistence that they share her house together – ironically, to protect her – she’d continued to diminish before his eyes. He’d done everything he could think of to pull her out of this depression she’d been immersed in lately, but nothing had worked.
And now… once again, Honor was facing a scary unknown abyss without him by her side.
“It’s that bad?” he managed to breathe, his voice raw and jagged with growing panic.
“Well, she wasn’t carved up and beat to hell this time, but her heart stopped just the same as it did then,” Orla returned truthfully, pressing a tissue to her lips as she fought for composure.
“Fuck,” he clipped, jerking off his gray Stetson and shoving a hand over his black hair, the strands so short they were barely disturbed. “I shouldn’t have left her this morning.”
“Man, you had a job to do. How were you supposed to know that Honor needed a babysitter? Face it, bro. That woman clearly needs more help than you can give her.”
Jerking his head toward his brother, Zeke narrowed his eyes as Honor’s sisters collectively turned to glare at the man that had just spoken. “I don’t think I like your tone, Ice. And I know I don’t like the words comin’ out of your mouth. Why don’t you shut the hell up before you come up missing a few teeth and I rearrange that pretty boy face you’ve got, big brother?”
Unfazed by the warning glint in Zeke’s dark gray eyes, Ice scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest as he ignored the baleful stares of the other occupants of the waiting room and focused on his brother. “Pull your damn head out of the sand, Zeke. Contrary to what you and everybody else here might think right now, I’m not the bad guy here.”
“Couldn’t prove it by me right now,” Patience hissed from beside Zeke, her eyes furious as they stared a hole through Ice.
Ignoring the McKinnon sister’s outburst, Ice stared at his younger brother. “Do you think I enjoyed hearing Miss Orla scream bloody murder after she found Honor near dead from an overdose, man? Christ! I fuckin’ breathed for that woman, Zeke, while Diego pumped her damn chest… both of us prayin’ like hell that she’d just try to live. Can’t you see by now that your girl is seriously whacked in the head, Ezekiel? You’re not blind. I know you’ve been watching the same runaway train that the rest of us have been watchin’ over the last few months. It’s been eight years, man. It’s time for Honor to stop hiding her emotions inside a pill bottle, deal with her shit, and move the hell on.”
“You son of a bitch!” Maggie Winstead, a longtime friend of all the McKinnon sisters spat from a few seats down from Zeke before bolting to her feet and moving to wrap her arm around a quietly sobbing Faith. “Who in the ever-lovin’ hell do you think you are? And when exactly did the Almighty appoint you as Honor McKinnon’s judge and jury?” she bit out, her green eyes blazing as Ice lifted one shoulder in an indolent shrug.
“He’s not! I’ll tell you what Ice is. He’s a walking, talking dead man,” Zeke growled to his brother, his deep voice whisper quiet even as his eyes promised bloody retribution, his big body lunging before he realized he was even moving. Pinning his flesh and blood sibling to the painted cement block wall of the waiting room with a forearm against his windpipe, he stood eye to eye with his brother. “What in the actual fuck, Zachariah! Let’s get a couple things real clear here. First of all, if any woman has a right to her feelings, it’s Honor. She’s lived in fucking hell for those eight goddamned years you mentioned, you son of a bitch. I should know since I’ve been watchin’ over her the entire time. Don’t you dare fuckin’ try and make light of what she’s endured and the nightmare that she’s had to survive. No, fuck that. The nightmare she’s still trying to survive. Second, as for your asinine theory on an overdose, I don’t know what the hell you’re even talking about. I have to hold the woman down and force her to swallow a fuckin’ aspirin for a headache. There’s no way she overdosed on anything, you know-it-all fucker!”
“Zeke, amigo, let him go. Es tu hermano, no? Let him go before you kill him, amigo,” a deep accented voice said from behind Zeke’s left shoulder as a set of tan hands gripped his arm, pulling his grip from Ice’s throat.
Gasping and coughing, Ice shook his head. “Zeke, man, I love Honor, too. Not like you do,” he amended quickly, seeing his brother’s eyes narrow “But, you know I consider her a little sister,” he somehow wheezed. “There’s no denying that the girl needs help, though. Diego and I didn’t imagine that pill bottle in her hands when we found her. Your woman made a choice to try and end her own life. The sooner you get your head around it, the faster you can get her the help she needs.”
Surging toward his brother again, Zeke growled when both Diego and Patience’s husband, Abel, got in his way.
“Ice, shut the hell up before we all make the unanimous decision to let Zeke end you once and for all. You’re jumping to conclusions and it’s makin’ an ass out of you,” Abel growled without looking back at the other man. “Zeke, bud, take a deep breath and let Aunt Orla and Diego tell you what happened,” he said, flashing Ice a quelling look over his shoulder.
Shifting his eyes between Honor’s aunt and the scarred face of Diego Fuentes, the one-time Fuentes drug cartel general turned DEA informant and now a partner in Jake Stone’s security business, Zeke made himself take a step back and focus his attention to the Mexican man standing in front of him. “You think she overdosed?” he asked Diego hoarsely. “Are you sure?”
“Sheriff, we are sure of nothing yet,” Diego replied cautiously. “And, truthfully, no one, save Honor, can answer that question for us.”
“Then why the fuck would Ice say something like that?” Zeke asked sharply, gesturing angrily toward where his brother leaned against the wall, pinned there by the irate stares of every woman in the room.
Never knowing when to keep his trap shut, Ice made a disgusted sound in the back of his throat. “Because, unlike all of y’all, I know Honor McKinnon isn’t a fuckin’ saint, Ezekiel, and I’m not afraid to say it out loud,” Ice noted quietly, ignoring the hateful looks being pointed in his direction. “She’s a real woman made of blood and flesh, and she’s been about two breaths away from a full breakdown since we pulled her away from Tanner Suarez’s dead body over a fuckin’ year ago! She’s not perfect, man. She’s got problems. Serious fuckin’ problems. Hell, she’s had problems, but everybody just turns a blind eye and lets her smile that sweet fuckin’ smile that she has and get away with saying she’s just fine when we all know she’s definitely not.”
“You’re still not answering my damn question,” Zeke growled, his anger swelling the longer he stood there. “Why would you say she tried to overdose? What makes you think she purposefully tried to take her life?”
Clearing her throat, Orla lifted her chin as she stared at Zeke. “We don’t know that,” she stated insistently, flashing Ice a narrow look that warned him to remain silent.
“Miss Orla…” Ice sighed, shaking his head at the elderly woman.
Holding up her hand, Orla waved the man off. “I’m tellin’ it, boyo!” she growled to Ice before looking to Zeke. “It’s just… when I found her, Sheriff, Honor had one of her prescription bottles clutched in her hand.”
“Yeah, and given the fact that she was unconscious, unresponsive, and her fuckin’ heart stopped, I don’t think it’s too hard to put all those facts together, do you? You people can’t keep sticking your heads up your asses, dammit, and the next time, Honor just might accomplish the job of getting herself dead,” Ice barked, shaking his head at the room in general.
Zeke staggered back a step, his legs bumping the chair as his brother’s words penetrated his psyche with the force of a plunging dagger. Christ, had Honor really tried to take her own life? He knew she’d been suffering. Hell, he was the one that held her at night when those faceless fuckers visited her in her dreams. Had she really grown so desperate that this was what she’d chosen to do? He knew that she had the
means to do it. Her general doctor had prescribed her all manner of sleeping pills and medications for her headaches over the years, but she’d never used any of it for more than a night or two. He simply couldn’t comprehend the idea of his obstinate, strong-willed girl willfully swallowing pills that would take her away from him… from ALL of them, for that matter. No, his Honor wasn’t selfish. She wouldn’t do this.
“No!” Zeke heard Patience deny abruptly, her face turning red with anger. “It’s not freakin’ possible. My baby sister would not kill herself. That’s not who Honor is and every freaking one of you know it.”
“Hellion, she did have a bottle of pills in her hand when she was found,” Abel pointed out gently. “Maybe it’s not quite as impossible as you think.”
“And we all know that Peanut hasn’t been herself since… well… since Tanner died,” Harmony acknowledged painfully.
“First, Tanner didn’t die. He was put down like the rabid dog he was. And second, Honor had a frickin’ headache,” Patience retorted in a tight voice. “The pills in that bottle were prescribed to her for headaches, Harmony! Cain prescribed her a new medication just last Thursday. Remember? The day she got that blinding migraine and could barely hold her head up? Why are you all so insistent on assuming the worst of her? Every bit of this could have a logical explanation.”
“Patience is right,” Faith declared with a sniffle and a firm nod. “I remember Cain mentioning something about Honor’s migraines when he got home that night. He was a little worried about her blood pressure, too. He said the pain was causing it to shoot up and that if she didn’t get it under control, she’d have even bigger problems. He thought that her headaches were actually migraines brought on by stress, but the blood pressure element could make it even more serious. He’s been keepin’ his eye on her. Did she mention it to you, Zeke?”
“I’m the one that insisted she talk to Cain when she flat out refused to go back to the quack she’d been seein’,” Zeke answered on a mutter, his mind moving a mile a minute.
“All I know is that Honor wouldn’t kill herself,” Maggie said, supporting one of her best friends with a loyal conviction that rivaled Ice’s doubts. “That woman is a special kind of stubborn and a hell of a lot stronger than any of you jackass men give her credit for being,” she proclaimed with a meaningful look at Ice. “Look at what the hell she’s lived through, for God’s sake. In her life, she has survived losing both her parents, kidnapping, gang rape, attempted murder, a drive-by shooting, having to use lethal force to defend herself, a hostage standoff, AND she’s still managed to deal with all of our crazy asses on a regular basis. There’s no way she goes over the edge now. I’m sorry, but there’s just no way.”
“Even the strongest metals will melt if the temperatures burn bright enough, Maggie. Watching her this last month has been like watching a rose lose its bloom. She barely sleeps. She rarely speaks. She hardly eats at all. She’s not herself. Maybe Ice is right and it’s time for us to face facts,” Zeke whispered thickly as he recalled all the nights that Honor had awakened screaming over the past month. He had stared into those beautiful blue eyes of hers and seen the deep pain that resided there. He’d seen the lines of strain on her face even when she tried to convince the world that she was happy and well. Fuck, maybe he’d help drive her to this. He didn’t know. All he was sure of was that he wasn’t giving up on her.
Not now.
Not ever.
Shaking his head, Diego sighed heavily. “I’ve seen many strong women crippled by pain and fear, but I still must agree with Patience and Señorita Winstead. Something isn’t right here. If the Little One truly wished to take her life, why would she leave so many pills in the bottle? Why would she do it in a place she would be easily discovered? These things… they make no sense at all. Especially since Honor is not chica estupida.”
“What? What’d you say? ” Zeke asked, lifting his head to look at the newest man that Honor had decreed was ‘family’.
“That pill bottle that Honor held… it was still half-filled. If she was trying to end her life, she would have taken them all, no?” Diego asked, looking around at the others in the room.
“Ha! Diego, you’re makin’ my case for me. Listen to him, y’all. Unlike the redneck thug holding up the wall over there,” Maggie declared with a scornful look at Ice, “The drug lord makes sense.”
“Former and reformed drug lord, Corazon,” Diego corrected with a flirtatious wink at Maggie that had Ice growling low in his throat. “And, gracias,” he added, ignoring the venomous look Zeke’s brother gave him.
“The girl is what? A buck fifteen, tops? Maybe she thought she didn’t need to down the entire bottle before her body began to tell her that she’d taken enough to get the job done,” Ice spat irritably, glaring at Diego.
“Real nice, Ice,” Jake hissed, rubbing Harmony’s back gently as she buried her face in her hands. “This is my sister-in-law that you’re talking about!”
“A-fuckin’-men,” Abel agreed, shooting his own dirty look at Zeke’s brother.
“Listen, I don’t wanna believe what Ice is saying, either. God knows, I don’t. The idea that Honor would be desperate enough to try and end things and I didn’t see it…,” Zeke managed shakily while he ran a trembling hand down his face. “Believe me, I don’t want him to be right. But…”
“But, nothing, Zeke’,” Patience snapped as she paced the waiting room furiously. “If she’d been tryin’ to do herself in, she’d have done the job right. My sister has never done anything halfway in her life, and she wouldn’t start now. And like our buddy from south of the border said, it’s also a safe bet to say that she certainly wouldn’t have done it in our place of business where one of her family would have to be the one to find her. She wouldn’t do that to me, to you, or to any of us. Ice might be willing to believe the worst about Honor, but you should damn well know better, Zeke,” she accused irately. “Do you have that little faith in my sister that you’re willing to believe anything you’re told without actually waiting and talking to the one person that could convince you otherwise?”
“And just to add, my niece has strong moral and religious beliefs, Sheriff. Honor wouldn’t go to meet her Maker with sin on her soul,” Orla proclaimed staunchly.
Running a hand down his face, Zeke shook his head. “You’re right,” he mumbled into his hand before turning his eyes toward Ice. “They’re right.”
Ice shook his head. “Don’t think so, baby brother.”
Jaw clenching, Maggie whirled toward the man causing the commotion and narrowed her eyes. “I don’t know why you suddenly think you’re an expert on Honor McKinnon, Zachariah Monroe, but I can assure you that you are way off base here. As someone that’s had to dig myself out of the deepest pits of despair myself, I don’t mind telling you that when a person is suicidal, they don’t go around making plans for the future. If you’re soooo convinced that Honor was trying to cut and run on her life, why would she have called me this morning and asked if I’d be willing to co-chair the yearly fundraiser we have for underprivileged kids in Paradise County? We were supposed to meet this afternoon. You think she was just makin’ plans for shits and giggles?”
“I don’t know,” Ice conceded softly. “I only know what I saw… what I’ve seen for a long time. It’s the same thing damn show all of you’ve been watching. Honor has been slipping away for months, trapped in the past with no interest in living in her present.”
“You’re an idiot,” Maggie sneered. “Honor has been tryin’ to escape her past, you know nothing nitwit! Her past is exactly what is making her present such a living hell! Sadly, outside forces… forces that you and your redneck brethren haven’t had any luck in catching… are makin’ living that life of hers mighty hard for her endure. Or does nearly bein’ murdered with her own automobile not count as terrorizing her? How about those threatening notes that you asshat men keep tryin’ to hide from her? Do you honestly think that not a single one has slipped thr
ough the cracks and landed in Honor’s hands to terrify her? Face it, you hillbilly buffoon! Honor has had all the reason in the world to feel scared. But I can guarantee you that if she can endure the past she’s lived through, she isn’t gonna quit now.”
“And what makes YOU such an expert on suicidal women?” Ice growled back, his face reddening with anger and maybe just a touch of embarrassment.
Maggie lifted her chin and met his gaze without an ounce of shame. “Because I was a suicidal woman. And believe me… I was in that black hole of depression long enough to be able to recognize if somebody else is in the same shape!”
Zeke watched as his brother’s jaw dropped in shock. And since he knew a fair bit about Maggie Winstead’s painful past, he felt obligated to step in front of her and face his brother. “You need to back the fuck off, Ice. Now.”
Blinking his confusion, Ice shook his head. “But…”
“But, nothing,” Zeke snapped. “First, you don’t have the right to start pestering Maggie with questions you’re not entitled to have answered. And second, right now, anything you say is gonna make you sound like a bigger dick than you already have shown you are. Sit down and shut up.” Zeke’s lips twitched as Maggie applauded behind him.
Man of Honor (Passion in Paradise Book 4) Page 2