“Yes, sir, it certainly is!” Honor asserted ardently. “I am over the age of twenty-one, Sheriff Monroe. Well past the age of consent in ALL fifty states, I do believe. It is completely acceptable for me to be here – in my home where my name appears on the frickin’ deed – without supervision. In fact, given my age, I’m fairly confident that I can be anywhere I choose to be as long as there aren’t trespassin’ signs posted. I do not now, nor have I EVER, needed YOUR permission to do anything,” she maintained, bravely meeting his stony gaze with her own hard stare.
“Honor, babe…”
“You can hush up, Ezekiel! You got to speak your peace and now it is my turn,” she declared. “I left my sister’s home and returned to my own in order to cook and decorate for Christmas, a holiday that I happen to love. I want to celebrate HERE in my own home among my own things in my own way. While I appreciate Patience and Abel’s hospitality, THIS is where I live. I was terribly injured; I know that. But I am better now and capable of seeing to my own needs again. I’m coming HOME. That’s MY choice which by law I have every right to make for myself. It’s NOT stupid. I AM NOT STUPID!!! Be warned that the next time you imply that I am stupid, you’ll need to form a search party to find your missing head when I knock it off your arrogant shoulders, you egotistical pig! Pay attention because this is MY life. You don’t get a say in it unless I let you. And right now, I do NOT feel very accommodating. But more than all of that, you need to wrap you fool head around the fact that you are NOT responsible for me. I am not your obligation. You owe me NOTHING. You keep blathering on about how you almost lost me, Zeke, but that’s just not true,” she denied.
Zeke shook his head at her as inhaled deeply. “Believe me, Kitten. I was there for all of it. Both eight years AND a month ago. I did almost lose you. Both times.”
“No, you didn’t,” Honor snapped querulously. “Don’t you see? I’d have to have been yours to begin with in order to have lost me, Ezekiel. And I wasn’t. Not then. Not now,” she announced curtly, recoiling slightly when Zeke burst into deep full belly laughs.
“Oh, shit,” Zeke cackled. “You actually believe that, don’t you?”
Honor’s eyes were ablaze as Zeke continued to chuckle. “What in the world to you find so blame funny, Chuckles? I’m only telling the truth? I don’t know what you find amusing about my honesty,” she finally huffed when it became clear he wasn’t going to get control of himself any time soon.
“Kitten, I’m not sure who you’re trying harder to fool here. Me? Or yourself?” Zeke remarked, his body finally relaxing completely as her continued grinning. Her frustration was clear. Truthfully, she looked about three seconds away from stomping her foot at him.
“Do I seem like I find this funny, Zeke?” Honor questioned softly, her eyes serious as they focused on his face.
Reaching out for her, Zeke settled his hands on her hips, drawing her toward him even as she hesitated. Hearing her catch her breath when her smaller body bumped into his, he offered her a tender look as he stroked his thumb over the curve of one hip. “No, honey, you seem serious as a heart attack,” he said in an effort to assuage some of her ire. “And I know I might be takin’ my life in my hands as I stand here by saying this, but Baby, I might be wrong about everything else in the world, but the one thing I know right down to the deepest depths of my soul is that you belong to me. And Kitten, make no mistake, I belong to you the same way. I’m about the farthest thing from a poet as you can get, but I know we were meant to be.”
Zeke watched Honor’s face as she pulled her lower lip between her teeth and her hands flitted between them, obviously having trouble processing what he’d said to her. Part of him was sorry. He hated to see her so nervous and jumpy. But the bigger part of him was glad he’d finally decided to be transparent about his feelings for her. “Kitten,” he called, “You’re in your head. What are you thinking in that head of yours?”
“Wh-what?” she asked, a tad breathless.
“I asked what you were thinking about just now,” Zeke prompted again, his hand stroking her hip gently as he waited for her to find her words. “You drifted off and looked like you were a million miles away.”
Closing her eyes for a moment, Honor’s lips pursed unhappily before she slowly turned her attention back to Zeke’s face. Pushing his hand away from her, she took a few shaky steps backward until her back bumped the closed back door while she shook her head at him. “Okay, that’s it. You have to listen to me, Ezekiel,” she urged him solemnly, her small voice earnest. She held up a hand between them when he would have advanced toward her. “You wanted to know what I’m thinking, right?”
Zeke sensed by the anguish he saw shining in her eyes that whatever Honor was about to share, it was going to either piss him off or make him want to rip somebody’s head off. Hell, probably both, but he owed it to her to hear what she had to say.
Even if he knew he was gonna strenuously disagree with whatever nonsense her overactive mind spouted at him.
Ignoring the stay away signals her body was throwing off, Zeke took that important step toward her and lifted a hand to cup her cheek. “I always wanna hear what you think, Honor, even when I know that I’m not gonna agree with it.” Standing directly in front of her, his eyes bore into her misty ones. “Go ahead, darlin’. Tell me what you were thinking,” he requested gently as he propped his hands on either side of the door frame.
Honor’s eyes darted to the side as she swallowed hard. “Truthfully, I was woolgatherin’. Wonderin’ how long and just what exactly I’ll need to do to convince your stubborn hide that I just don’t want you the way you seem to want me, Zeke. I don’t want ANY man that way. The very idea of bein’ physical… of allowin’ that kind of intimacy…” Honor shuddered. “I just… I know you’ll want me to… and I KNOW I won’t be able to return…” She rambled aimlessly, her voice growing higher and more panicked while her sentences became more and more disjointed. Her gaze flew everywhere except to him, and he knew she was on the verge of emotionally imploding.
“Honor,” Zeke spoke calmly, soothingly. “You’re gonna have to take a deep breath for me,” he recommended firmly, lifting a hand to cup her cool cheek and force her eyes to his. “C’mon, breathe for me.” Taking two painfully shaky breaths, he watched as her eyes swam with tears.
“I-I’m sorry, Ezekiel,” she apologized, the crack in her voice shredding him.
“Baby…”
“You’ll never, ever be able to comprehend how very much I wish I was capable of giving you what you want from me, but I can’t! I don’t have it to offer you,” she insisted vehemently, her eyes weary as they stared at him sadly, wordlessly beseeching him to understand.
Her breath quickened as his warm hands touched her cheeks, cupping the flesh carefully as he tilted her head back to see him. Seeing her bite her lip uncertainly as she looked at his face, he dropped a tender kiss against her forehead. “Kitten, tell me something. Do you love me?” he asked as his humid breath ghosted her lips.
Honor’s eyes widened and her head jerked as if he’d slapped her, completely unprepared for his bold, candid question. “I…that… that doesn’t matter, Zeke,” she returned, avoiding the question.
“Honor, in a world filled with ugliness, finding love that’s real and lasting is the ONLY thing that matters. Trust me.”
Honor squeezed her eyes shut. “Why can’t you just put us both out of our misery and WALK away!” Honor pleaded in a raw whisper.
“Never,” Zeke growled, reacting quickly, the gentle sweep of his thumb against the apple of her cheek sharply contrasting his abrupt tone. Taking a deep, cleansing breath, he went on. “Love is patient, Kitten. It won’t be either rushed or ignored. I’ve always known that. Known that this bond between us had to be carefully nurtured… painstakingly built. I’ve always understood that it would take blood, sweat and tears… that it would be difficult for both of us. But love ENDURES. It grows. It deepens. And you can’t tell me that hasn’t happened fo
r us. Sure, it’s challenging, and there are going to be days were we ask if it’s worth the pain. But the answer is yes. We ARE worth all the tough days and lonely nights. We are worth fighting for.”
Running a hand down his face, he saw her flinch, the pain of her past warring with the beauty her present could be if she just let it happen. “You’ve been to hell and back, Honor. It’s left a mark on that gorgeous soul of yours, a scar that will always remind you what true pain is. You had your innocence torn away from you when you weren’t much more than a baby yourself. I wish like hell I could change that for you. I’d give my life right this second if it meant that you’d never have to know that kind of agony, but I can’t. What I can do is be patient while we learn how to navigate this new road together. I can help you heal enough to see that you are a whole lot stronger than your fear.”
“This isn’t fear, Zeke. I’m not scared of you. My brain and my body know you’d never hurt me. This is just the way I am now. It’s the way THEY made me. It’s awful and terrible and unfair, but this IS all that is left of me. Messy broken pieces of the woman I was supposed to be that don’t fit together like a normal person any longer. And none of those jagged little shards that are left of me can feel the way they’re supposed to in a man’s arms,” Honor informed him with bitter sadness.
“Kitten, that’s bullshit,” Zeke snarled, his voice as stark as a lash’s strike.
“Ex-excuse me?” Honor yelped, turning her wounded eyes up to Zeke’s frowning face.
Zeke felt his body harden as he looked down at her. For years, he’d stood by, watching her suffer, hoping she’d heal, dreaming of the day she’d want him as much as he needed her. And finally, he could see that she needed him just as badly. It was clear that Honor craved the normalcy of a loving relationship; she just thought it was a fantasy that was out of her grasp. “You heard me. That mess you just tried to feed me is complete, utter bullshit. And I’m gonna prove it to you,” he repeated as his mouth slowly descended toward hers, giving her plenty of time to pull away if that’s what she truly wanted, but she didn’t.
She remained still and frozen in the circle of his arms, watching him as his lips drew closer and he gently nipped her full lower lip with a carefully pull of his teeth. Waiting for the tiny gasp of surprise that he knew she’d give him, he slid his tongue forward, gently exploring and seizing territory only he was ever meant to claim. Holding her closer as her eyelids fluttered, Zeke smiled against her lips as her stiff body began to relax.
It could have been seconds or minutes later, but when Zeke felt Honor’s shy tongue timidly begin to return his caresses, he couldn’t help the low groan that erupted from between his lips and her answering shudder against him only made him hold her closer.
This wasn’t the first time he’d kissed her. She’d allowed him the liberty a few times in the past when her guard had been lowered. His lips had brushed against her cheek on several occasions over the years, dropped kisses to her forehead more than once, and even pecked her lips when he’d felt especially brave, but never before had she allowed him to taste her at leisure and she’d certainly never gotten involved in any of those kisses.
Today, was different. She responded to him. Her sweet lips were moving against his while their tongues danced an intimate waltz, those soft sighs of passion music to his ears. He wanted to rejoice when her arms lifted to slide around his neck and the fingers of one hand twined through the short hair at his nape. She leaned heavily on him as they continued to the embrace. It was wonderful and magical and all that other girly shit he should have hated.
Except, with her, it felt like heaven.
Honor hummed against Zeke’s lips, whimpering softly as he slowly broke the kiss and looked down to see her dazed, unfocused eyes reluctantly open and meet his.
“Zeke,” she breathed, her voice barely loud enough to hear over the deep breaths Zeke was taking to gain control of his libido. She looked as though the world had tilted on its axis and sent her sailing into the Milky Way.
He recognized the look since he felt that way himself.
“Never tell me that you can’t feel like a woman in my arms, Honor,” he warned her softly, his eyes fiery as they moved over her face. “You can feel just fine, Kitten. You just burned bright for me.”
“No,” she denied automatically, her eyes dilating as she swallowed quickly. “That was… a fluke. It’s just not possible for me,” she babbled as an embarrassed blush began to climb her neck. Pointing above her head at the green sprig having from a bright red ribbon, she shrugged. “Well, there you go. Mistletoe. It’s the only logical explanation for our… our…”
“Kiss,” Zeke said tersely, crossing his arms over his chest. “The word you’re searching so desperately for is ‘kiss’, Kitten”
“I know what it’s called,” Honor hissed, shooting him a frown. “And stop calling me Kitten.”
“Stop hissing and clawing like one,” Zeke returned calmly, though he was anything but. Was she really going to try and blame that long overdue kiss on a fuckin’ plant? Like hell he’d let that happen, but he knew he had to work the situation carefully or risk scaring her off altogether. And honestly, he NEEDED more of those kisses… so he’d do whatever it took.
Exhaling a long breath, Honor dropped her hands to her hips and forced herself to meet his amused gaze. “I don’t suppose you’d be willing to just forget everything that happened in the last fifteen minutes, would you?”
“I don’t suppose I would,” Zeke denied flatly. “Although, I will allow the subject to drop regarding our very pleasurable, very sensual kiss until after the holidays.”
Honor stared back at him with bright red cheeks. “You will?” she blurted.
“For a price,” Zeke agreed with a grin.
Honor’s shoulders sagged. “Leave it to you to try and make a profit off my indiscretion. What do you want, Ezekiel?” she asked him warily.
“First, you agree that until we can catch whoever nearly killed you and your sister that you will tell someone where you are at all times. And I don’t mean write a note, woman. You tell them. Out loud and preferably, in person, Honor. I know you don’t want to think about it, but somebody out there wanted to take your light out of the world. Until I either put that fucker behind bars or in the ground, you’ll have to put up with me being an overprotective pain in the ass.”
“When have you ever not been an overprotective pain in the rear?” she asked dryly.
Crossing his arms over his chest, he raised an eyebrow. “Is that question supposed to be verbal confirmation that you agree to my first term?”
“Fine!” Honor huffed, throwing her hands in the air. “I’ll tell somebody where I’m going at all times. Happy now?”
“Not quite, but we’re getting’ there,” he replied. “Next up, you need to understand you can’t stay here at the homestead alone, Kitten.” Holding up a hand when she opened her mouth to most likely yell at him, he continued, “I understand that you wanna be here for the holidays because it’s comforting to you. I also can see that this is where you feel most at ease. And if you really want to stay here, I’ll go along with it….”
“You will?” Honor interjected excitedly. “Seriously?” she all but squealed, her face beaming at him so brightly that he almost wished he didn’t have to put the next stipulation on her.
Almost.
But, not quite.
“You can stay right here in your home, babe, as long as someone is here at the house with you when you are here AND you agree to let me stay here with you at night,” Zeke further explained, his gut clenching as he watched her smile dissolve.
“What?” Honor balked unhappily. “You wanna live here? WITH me? Are you crazy?”
“I’m perfectly sane and you heard me fine,” Zeke returned resolutely. “I refuse to take any chances with your safety. It’s either this or you continue to stay with one of your sisters. You have three to choose from.”
Zeke’s lips twitched when Honor
closed her eyes and lifted her face toward the ceiling, her lips moving silently. It was obvious she was praying. Probably for patience. Maybe for his imminent demise. Either way, if she was conferring with the Almighty, she wasn’t shouting at him.
Win/Win.
“I don’t want a roommate,” she grumbled a minute later as she lowered her head and stared at him with a wrinkled nose.
“Me either; I want a wife, but we’re all being forced to make compromises for the cause,” Zeke shared lightly, chuckling aloud when Honor shot him a look that promised a grim death if he used the word ‘wife’ again.
“We can’t do it, Zeke. Use that brain of yours and cook up another alternative. Honestly, what would people say about us?”
“Honor, I neither have the time nor the energy to be concerned with offending the delicate sensibilities of the old nags in town. My primary objective is to keep you breathing.”
“Of course, you can afford to feel like that. Nobody ever looks down on the man for living in sin. It’s the women that suffer,” she grumbled morosely.
Zeke straightened at that. “The first person that thinks to make you suffer so much as a flinch will feel what it’s like to piss me way the hell off, Honor. I promise you that,” he vowed quietly.
Moving past him to sink into one of the straight backed chairs around the round kitchen table, she offered Zeke a worried look. “Do you think my severed brake lines have something to do with what happened when I was a teenager?” she asked nervously. “Do you think one of those awful monsters is back and that’s why you’re trying to shadow my every move? Because one of them wants to…” she trailed off, shivering.
“Hey,” Zeke chided, moving to drop to a knee in front of where she sat and taking her hand in his, “I have no concrete reason to believe the two incidents are related,” he offered, softening the truth a bit.
“You know that isn’t true,” she murmured, staring at their joined hands. “You heard Tanner’s dying words just like I did.”
Zeke watched as Honor seemed to drift away from him, her eyes growing dimmer as her skin paled. Tightening his fingers around her cooling hand, he shook it gently. “Babe?” he called. When she didn’t look at him, he felt his heart skip a beat. In those moments, he knew that Honor wasn’t there with him, but locked in her past. “Baby, don’t do this. Come back to me,” he urged, dropping her hand to cup her cheeks. “Honor!” he barked, desperate to pull her back to the here and now. “Kitten, you gotta say something for me,” he demanded.
Man of Honor (Passion in Paradise Book 4) Page 10