by Holly Rayner
Sean shook his head.
“Where’d you grow up, anyway?” Jake asked. He seemed intent on sizing Sean up and determining Sean’s relationship with Delaney.
Sean hated answering questions about his past. If he made up a story about growing up in some other part of the country, it was inevitable that someone would jump in with the fact that they’d gone to college or summer camp or something in that area. Then, he’d have to squirm his way through a big pile of awkward lies.
He decided to keep his answer simple.
“Right here,” he said. “My folks homeschooled me, mostly teaching me how to manage things here on the ranch. They passed away a few years back and handed the whole thing over to me.”
He felt uncomfortable about telling the lie in front of Delaney, especially because he wanted her to know that he’d worked hard for what he had. However, his need to keep his identity safe took priority.
He felt Delaney’s eyes on him. He wondered if she was picking up on his lack of authenticity. She had keen people skills, just like he did. He was sure she could sniff out a lie a mile away, and here he was, trying to tell one while he was just a foot away from her.
“I’d better get back to the house,” he said quickly, before the little crowd could ask him any more questions. “Y’all have a good night out here.”
As he backed up, Marybeth squealed. “Delaney! We’ve got to play some of our old dance mixes—remember, from cheerleading practices? Remember that one that we used to…”
Sean felt relieved as he stepped out into the cool evening air. Lila and Sam raced across the yard toward him and then trotted along at his side as he strode quickly over to his home. He felt even more relieved as soon as the doors were closed, and the music that had started up in the barn faded into a muffled thud of base.
For eight years, ever since the explosion that had changed his life, he’d kept his identity secret. He’d laid the name Derek Bradshaw to rest, and instead, had stepped into the shoes of an entirely new identity: Sean Macintyre. Though the plastic surgery had altered his appearance drastically, he was always careful to avoid people from his past.
That was a little bit too close, he thought, recalling Marybeth’s curious stare. She recognized my voice.
After the explosion that had nearly taken his life, the other four members of the criminal crew he’d been working with to rob the bank had all gone to jail. Only Sean had escaped, and his identity change had effectively kept him from being persecuted.
Sean looked down to Lila, who was sitting at his feet. “Lila, love, we’re just gonna stay in here for the evening—if that’s all right with you.”
She wagged her tail.
“Where’s your brother?” he asked.
Lila stood and led the way toward the kitchen. Sean followed. The music from out in the barn faded even more as he moved away from his front door.
What’s happening out there right now? he wondered as he moved to the fridge to grab a beer. Sam was lapping up water with gusto, apparently parched after his intense play session out in the yard with Lila.
Sean twisted the cap off of his drink, and the bottle emitted a soft hiss. His mind wandered toward Jake and the way he’d eyed Delaney. He still wants her, Sean realized.
He let this realization settle as he sipped his drink.
But does she want him?
Or does she, just maybe, want me?
He thought of the way it had felt to stand so close to her. She’s single, he thought. Single!
He looked around the kitchen. What would it be like if Delaney was in here with me, right now? he thought. We’d be laughing, cooking up some dinner together. She’d probably be dancing around to some song or other—she always liked to dance, I remember that.
Lila barked, and it echoed off the walls.
Sean looked down and saw that her water dish was empty. “You’d really like her, Lila,” he said aloud as he filled the bowl in the sink. He set it back down and gave Lila a pet. “I promise you that, girl. And you wouldn’t be the only one. I really like her. I mean—a lot.”
It was the first time he’d admitted this to himself. The thrill that he’d felt when she’d showed up to check out the venue, one month ago, was one thing. He’d been excited by her presence, and it had stirred up all the desire that he’d felt in his youth. But to realize that he had emotional feelings for the woman Delaney had become was a completely new ballgame.
He sipped his beer, trying to process it. Ever since changing his identity, he’d steered clear of serious relationships. Sure, he’d gone out with women now and then, especially when traveling to other parts of the southwest to buy ranch equipment or cattle. But he’d never really allowed a woman into his life.
Why?
He pondered this in his quiet kitchen; the only sound was the soft splashing as his pups lapped up water from their bowls.
It’s hard to develop a connection with another person, while at the same time hiding who I really am, he thought. He let this sink in. Is that the reason I’m single? he wondered. Or is there more?
He carried his beer with him to the back porch. It was almost seven thirty. He settled into his favorite chair and watched the very last sliver of the sun sink down behind the treetops.
As usual, he closed his eyes and said a prayer of gratitude. When he opened his eyes, he felt clearer than he had before. It was in that space of clarity that he realized something that he’d never been able to consciously put words to, before.
There’s another reason I’m single, he thought. It’s because I’ve never been able to find a woman as perfect as Delaney.
This truth stunned him.
He sat with it for a moment and let it fill his heart.
As he let this truth fill him up, he also recalled the words that she’d spoken earlier: “I’m a completely different person,” she’d said.
She knows what it’s like to grow out of an old identity, Sean thought. Maybe, of all people, Delaney is the one who will actually understand what I went through. Maybe for the first time, I can share my story.
How would she react?
He thought of the moment they’d shared, back in the barn. To stand so close to her was heavenly. She smelled so good, like fresh strawberries and warm vanilla. Her lips sparkled under the glow of the little white Christmas lights that lined the windows, and her hair looked so soft to the touch. For a moment, back in the barn, before they’d been interrupted, he’d felt that she might kiss him.
What would it be like, to feel Delaney’s lips on mine? he wondered as the sky darkened around him, and the first few stars appeared.
If I tell her about my history, will I ruin my chances with her, all over again?
Chapter 5
Delaney
Delaney laughed as she finished up a re-enactment of one of the favorite dances that she used to do with her girlfriends at cheer practice. She was breathless and thirsty, so she headed for the plastic cup of seltzer and cranberry juice that she’d been sipping on for the last hour. She polished it off in two swallows and headed for the bar to refill.
Behind her, some of the girls were still talking enthusiastically.
“Remember when we did that dance at Liam Freed’s birthday party?”
“The boys went wild!”
“We totally should have entered into some dance competitions.”
“We were too busy with cheer competitions!”
“Yeah, but we would have won, I bet.”
Delaney’s smile faded as she saw the state of the bar. There were used empty cups littered across the cloth-covered table. The once pristine white tablecloth was now stained with watery maroon puddles of wine, splotches of tomato juice, sticky orange juice, and a few big, pale-tan circles that made her think that entire beers had been knocked over.
She tried not to feel too annoyed as she started tidying up. People were having a good time, and that was what was important.
As she reached for a fresh sleeve of c
ups to put out, she thought of Sean. It had been so nice to set up with him. Where was he? A part of her wished that he’d stuck around to participate in the party, but she understood why he hadn’t.
Would I really want to be here if this wasn’t my class? she thought, looking up from her task and perusing the room.
The cheerleaders were starting up another round of choreographed dancing to a song that had been popular twenty years ago, while the jocks watched from a table riddled with beer bottles nearby. A bookish crowd was by the entrance, hovered around a table and talking seriously, while some of the agriculture club stood by the refreshment table, talking animatedly about the bumper alfalfa crop of two years ago.
Delaney shook her head. Probably not, she thought. She reached for a rag so she could mop up one particularly wet puddle. As she started to pad the sopping wet mess, she heard her name.
“Delaney, Delaney… always has to be the hardest worker in the room.”
She recognized the voice, though it was slightly slurred. Jake Millhouse, the guy she’d started dating during the spring of her senior year, was approaching.
I can’t believe I stayed with him for two years, she thought as he gave her an arrogant grin.
“Why don’t you just come hang out for a minute?” he said. “You sure looked good out there on the dance floor—as gorgeous as ever.”
She ignored the compliment. “Someone has to keep this mess under control,” she said. “The two others who volunteered to host this thing backed out at the last minute.”
She waited for him to offer a hand, but he did not. Instead, he pointed to the cooler. “Hey, check and see if there’s another light beer in there. I’m trying to keep the pounds off, you know.” He set down his empty bottle and patted his stomach.
Delaney couldn’t help but roll her eyes as she bent down to check the selection in the cooler. She could feel Jake’s eyes on her the entire time. It made her uncomfortable, so she stood quickly with a regular beer in hand.
“All out of light,” she said as she handed it to him. “This is all we have.”
He took it with a shrug. Delaney could tell that he was too buzzed to care.
“It’ll do, then,” he said, reaching for an opener that lay on the bar. “We used to have some good times, Delaney,” he said. He fumbled with the beer bottle’s top before getting it off. “You ever think about that?”
I try not to, Delaney thought to herself.
At first, when she’d dated Jake, she’d been so infatuated with his status as the football captain to notice much else. He’d seemed so athletic, driven, and disciplined, and she liked all those qualities. She’d realized, however, as the two years went on, that mixed in with all that athletic drive was an ego the size of Texas.
Apparently, things haven’t changed, she thought as she caught him give her another arrogant once-over.
“Cause I sure do,” he added.
She reached for the rag again. “Jake, I think you’ve had one too many drinks. Why don’t you go talk to Tommy?”
He laughed. “You do think about us, don’t you? I knew it—when I heard you were still single, I figured it was ’cause you were waiting on me. That right?”
She shook her head. “Sorry, Jake,” she said.
He opened his mouth to speak again, but luckily at that moment, a couple came over and the man greeted Jake with a high five.
“Millhouse!” the man shouted above the din of the latest song the girls were pumping. “It’s been forever, man! I moved to Miami—you should come see my new place one day. This is my wife, Isabella.”
Jake turned to greet the man and the voluptuous Latina woman at his side, who was eyeing the array of half-empty wine bottles on the bar table.
Delaney took the opportunity to quickly refill her cup with a mixture of seltzer, juice, and ice, and step away. She headed back to the dance floor. At least if she was dancing with some of her old girlfriends, she wouldn’t have to be roped into any more awkward conversations with Jake.
As the night wore on, the crowd thinned. Delaney received dozens of hugs from departing friends. “Thanks for putting this together, Delaney! We’ve got to get home to the kiddos,” Marybeth said as she took her leave.
“You wouldn’t believe what babysitters charge these days,” Tommy said with a loopy grin and a beer-induced sway. “An arm and a leg, I swear.”
“Oh, come on, Scrooge,” Marybeth said, curling her arm around her husband’s waist and guiding him toward the exit.
Nearly all those who left early mentioned kids at home. By midnight, there were only about two dozen hard-core revelers in the place, and Delaney started working around them to pack up the decorations that they wouldn’t miss.
Around one o’clock, the last few stragglers cleared out, and Delaney found herself in the barn all alone.
I can’t believe no one offered to stick around and help! she thought with frustration as she surveyed the space. Compared to earlier in the evening, it looked like a small tornado had torn through it, leaving a paper-napkin-and-empty-bottle strewn path of destruction in its wake.
She sighed and pulled a black trash bag from the box she’d luckily thought to pack. It made a flapping sound as she waved it in the air to open it up.
I guess I can’t blame the parents for wanting to get home to their kids, she thought. If I was a mom, maybe I’d duck out early to do the same thing.
For a brief instant, she wondered what it would feel like to know there was a little toddler at home, tucked into a bed, waiting for her return. Instead, she had Mr. Butters, who was probably enjoying his alone time in her little apartment.
Her heart ached as she thought about how her friend’s faces had lit up as they’d discussed their daughters and sons. She was happy, of course, for her friends, but at the same time, their obvious love for their offspring only made her more aware of the lack of love in her own life.
Mr. Butters was wonderful, but he was no replacement for a child.
She imagined what it would feel like to scoop up a little girl of her own, hug her close to her chest, shower her with kisses, and tell her “Mommy’s home.” She could even picture what her future daughter’s face might look like—big cherubic cheeks, wide eyes, and a soft halo of hair.
She daydreamed about the children she might have one day while she filled the trash bag with plates, cups, silverware, and napkins. Then, she opened up a second one for beer bottles. They clanked against each other as she loaded them into the plastic sack.
Am I ever going to have kids? she wondered as she dragged the two bags out to her truck.
Her feet were sore, thanks to the long evening of dancing and keeping up with her hostess duties. Her whole body was weary, but she tried not to think about it as she crossed under the full moon back to the empty barn. She noticed a few lights on in Sean’s place, and she wondered if he was still up.
I’m thirty-three, she thought. Some of my friends have been married for ten years or more. And here I am, nowhere near having a serious relationship. I’m running out of time…
She reached for one of the metal folding chairs and tried to collapse it. The stiff metal resisted the pressure she applied, so she pushed harder. As she struggled, her frustration grew.
Maybe I’m just not meant to have a family, she thought with a heavy heart. That’s for other, luckier people. I’ve waited too long. Is something wrong with me?
Her bangs fell across her brow, and as she paused her efforts with the chair to tuck them behind her ear, she saw a figure enter through the barn’s back door.
Sean!
He strode over to her, and she stood up and put her hands on her hips. “I think this chair hates me,” she said.
He chuckled and reached for it. He hit a brace between the seat and legs with just the right amount of pressure, and the chair folded easily.
She grinned. “You have the magic touch,” she said.
“Don’t worry about the chairs,” he said. “I’ll get
them. They can be tricky.”
“You really don’t have to help. It’s after one in the morning. I’m sure you’d rather be in bed.” An image of Sean in bed popped into her mind, and she blushed.
He reached for another chair. “I saw that your truck was the last one in the lot. I’m a night owl sometimes, anyway. Happy to help.” He folded two more chairs.
Delaney felt her tense body relax slightly, and she breathed a sigh of relief. It was clear that Sean intended to help her with the overwhelming task of putting the chairs and tables away.
Thank goodness, she thought. She’d barely let herself acknowledge how overwhelming the task had been. It was her habit to just put her nose to the grindstone and work. But now that Sean was here, she realized how much she actually needed the help.
She wondered, as she eyed him, if the best part of the evening was still in store. She’d been so eager to finish the task of cleaning so that she could make the long drive home and throw her weary body into bed. But now, as the energy of attraction swept through her, she realized that spending a little time alone in the barn with Sean didn’t sound bad.
Not bad at all.
Chapter 6
Delaney
“Thanks,” Delaney said to acknowledge Sean’s effort with the chairs. She moved over to a rolling cart and wheeled it to where Sean stood. She loaded the folded chairs onto it while he collapsed a half dozen more.
They worked in silence for a moment, and Delaney felt her energy starting to return, thanks to Sean’s presence. Her attraction to him replaced her weariness and the negativity that had started to fill her mind.
All she could think about was his strong body, his kind, deep eyes, and his perfectly formed features.
“So… how’d it go?” he asked.
“Great,” she said. “I mean, it’s the first reunion I’ve ever been to, so I don’t have much to compare it to. But I think people had a good time.”
“And you?” he asked, looking up at her. “Did you have fun?”