by Julie Solano
She pushes the door open, and we walk inside.
Impressive.
She walks toward the back corner of the room, shining her phone’s flashlight down on the ground. When she sees an open spot in the back corner, she turns around and stares at me.
I can tell she doesn’t know what to say. Now that we’ve found shelter from the storm, there’s no reason left not to talk, and who knows how long we’re going to be here. I’ve got to help her get through her anger. Her hurt. Give her a reason to talk talk to me.
I try to break the awkward silence. “Looks like you saved me.”
No response.
“Tangles, I know you don’t feel like talking. I know I’m the last person you want to be stuck in here with. This has been horrible for you, and I didn’t make it any better. A good person would’ve taken the time to think it through. And I want you to know, I did. I thought through every last bit of it. The problem is, I took too long. Hopefully it’s not too late. I can’t imagine what you’ve been going through dealing with your loss, and my irrational behavior on top of it.”
She looks down to the floor. I can tell she’s thinking back to that horrifying scene at the support group. “That had to be the worst day I’ve had since my brother disappeared.”
I feel like crying. I hurt her more than I knew. “If I could just turn back time, I would. I’d take it back. I’d take it all back. Look, I’m sorry. I messed up. I reacted without thinking. I lost control. I was a self-centered son of a bitch, and I hurt you. That’s the last thing I ever wanted to do. You deserved better. I know that. And I will work my ass off to make it up to you. Please, just give me a chance.”
The look on her face begins to change. She’s listening.
“Caden, I’m Pistol’s sister. Your family isn’t going to accept me. This would never work.”
“Do you see there?”
“What?”
“Do you see how easy that was? You’re judging unfairly, just like I did to you. And you’re wrong. I talked to my sister. She loves you, you know. She’s the one who got me to see that I was looking at this all wrong.”
I watch her face soften.
“T helped me see how off base I was. I was so unfair to you. Avery, I’m going to say it again, you are everything I needed since the accident. You gave me a reason to open my eyes every morning. You’re fun. You make me laugh. And damn it, no one can challenge me like you can. Did you know I chased you for hours that day? Out on the snowmobiles. I couldn’t take my eyes off you. And then again, up on the mountain at the ski park. I chased you down a half-dozen runs. You didn’t even know I was there. And you know what else? Even if you never let me catch you, I’m going to keep chasing you. I’m going to keep chasing you because you’re my reason.”
“Your reason?” she questions.
“Yes, my reason. My reason to wake up every morning. My reason to breathe in and out. My reason to laugh. Smile. Look forward. You’re my reason to live again.”
No sooner do the words leave my mouth than an enormous crackle and crash boom out around us. The walls of the building shake. Avery squeals as she bolts into my arms.
I hold her tightly, thanking God that he just put her back there. “I’ve got you.”
“What the hell was that?” she gasps out, trembling beneath me.
“I think something hit the building. It could’ve been a tree. The snow load’s getting pretty heavy.” Crap. What if it damaged the roof? I’d better move her to a safe place. “Sweetie, would you come over here with me?” Next to the strong, sturdy beam… “You’re shivering. I think they leave blankets in the corner. It’ll be cozy over there. It’s a good place for us to sit down while we wait for help.”
She closes her eyes. I can tell she’s still contemplating whether she’s going to allow my company. “Okay, I’m in.” She whispers under her breath, nodding her head ever so slightly, “All in.”
I pull my hand up, letting it rest against the small of her back as I guide her to the wall.
“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” I ask, as we slide down onto the floor, pulling a heavy, wool blanket around us.
“I think so.”
I pull her into me, hugging her and kissing the top of her head.
She tilts her head back and whispers into my ear, “I missed you too, you know.”
Instantly, an explosion of adrenaline hits me. I can feel the rush of blood racing through my core. She’s back. I can’t help but give thanks out loud. Not only so she can hear, but to make sure God knows I mean it from the bottom of my heart. “Thank you, God.”
We sit there quietly, holding each other, tightly, not saying a word, until finally I can’t stand not hearing her voice for one more second. I have to think of something to say, just to hear her talk. “You’re starting to warm up.”
She lifts her head and smiles, “You kinda do that to me.”
“Even after everything I put you through?”
“Well, it was a pretty sweet apology, minus one thing.”
What could I be missing? “Really?” I grin, leaning back into her head. “I worked really hard to get that right.”
“Oh, you got the words right.”
Is this real? What more does she need from me to make this right? My brain is on overload, running through a mental checklist of what I could be missing. All the while, I’m distracted by the feel of her in my arms. Pounding heart. Rapid breathing. Snuggled in close, conveniently raising her mouth so near to mine that I can feel her breath against my lips. Suddenly it hits me. She wants me to kiss her. Oh, hell yes I can fix this apology.
I lower my chin, moving in so close my lips graze hers as I begin to talk. “I’m sorry I didn’t finish.”
“Finish what?”
The movement of her lips against mine has me flustered inside. Everything in me wants to just do it, but I have to hold back.
“My apology.”
“What more can you add? I thought you said it all.”
I feel her smile growing. The warm tickle of her breath against my sensitive skin, sends me over the edge. “I told you I was going to make it up to you. I’d chase you to the ends of the Earth to do this. You ready?”
Her breath hitches as I move in closer, pushing past the last millimeter of space between us. Then carefully, without breaking contact, I pull the blanket over our heads. Encased in a warm, protective cover, I take in her familiar vanilla scent. I can’t hold back any longer. Gently, I take her face in my hands and pull her lips into mine. These lips. They’re even softer than I remembered. This is more than I deserve. I pull back and whisper into the corner of her grin. “Thanks for the chase.” Again, I take her lips in mine. And just like our first kiss, the firestorm erupts within me. Every movement of her mouth and every brush of her tongue is a new memory I’m creating. A memory of the most perfect girl. The most perfect kiss. The most perfect season. I never thought I’d love the dead of winter, until this girl brought me back to life, right in the middle of it. When I pull back hesitantly, to let her feel the smile on my face, she giggles.
“Guess what?”
“What?”
“You caught me.”
I FLINCH AS AVERY SUDDENLY stiffens in my arms. “What is that?” she asks. I can feel the movement of her head, and I know she’s trying to see something. As though that’s going to happen in this pitch black hut. “There it is again.”
My heart skips a beat. “What are you talking about?”
“That sound.”
My first thought is that the roof could be collapsing. I try to stuff my heart back in my chest and tame the beating so I can hear the sounds outside of my own body. I listen closer, until I detect a faint humming. “Oh, the buzzing. I hear it.” I breathe a sigh of relief. “It sounds like snowmobiles.”
“We’ve got to make ourselves visible. Let them know we’re in here. Give me your phone.”
Avery hands me her phone, as I scoop her up off the ground. “Hurry.” We run t
o the door, yelling. “In here! In here!”
I shine the light toward the rumbling sound. “Down here!” I turn to Tangles, “I don’t think they can hear us through the engines and wind.”
“Keep shining the light. It sounds like they’re getting closer.”
A strong gust of wind howls through the hut, slamming the door shut behind us. The startling bang has Avery spinning toward the door. “Stay here with the light. I just remembered something.”
I continue holding the light toward the sound, as Avery makes her way back into the cabin. I hear the roar. It’s getting louder. The snowflakes in front of me begin to take on a shiny glow, as the skyline before me begins to light up. Yes. They’re close. “Hey, Tangles! They’re coming this way! Get out here!”
“I can’t find it! It’s too dark!”
She sounds frantic. What does she have in there that’s so important?
“Don’t panic. I’ll be there with the light in just a minute.”
“Over here!” I wave. “We’re right here!”
Ski Patrol. Thank God. The beam of light, shines in on the open door of the cabin.
“Got it!” Tangles shouts, running to the front door.
A younger looking man, climbs off his snowmobile, holding up a couple pieces of our equipment. “Please tell me these are yours. I’d hate to think anyone else is still up on this mountain.”
“They’re ours.”
“Good job on thinking to leave a trail. It’s the only way we could’ve found you out here tonight. You must be Caden and Avery?”
We both nod our heads in confirmation.
He pulls out his radio, “Hey, Chicken, I’ve got ‘em. We need to get the other sled down here. We’re at the race hut.”
“Be there in a few. Copy?”
“10-4.”
He clips the radio back to his jacket. “When you didn’t show up back at the lodge, your friends gave us the general direction of where to look for you. Sorry about the delay. A tree downed the power line taking out electricity all over the mountain. Your coaches waited as long as they could, but they had to take off before I-5 closed down. When we get back to the lodge, we’ll use the landline to call your parents.
“Caden. My Aunt and Uncle are out of town. Jessie May and I are staying by ourselves this week.”
“Don’t worry, Tangles. We’ll give you a ride.”
“Well, let’s get you kids down to my headquarters so we can check you out, and hopefully send you on your way. Hop on.”
All goes well down at Ski Patrol. There are no signs of hypothermia, and my parents have arrived to pick us up. I tuck Avery under my arm as we trudge our way down the walk to Dad’s waiting truck. I feel her trembling beside me. She’s been quiet since my parents met us at the lodge. I can tell she’s nervous about what they think of her. She said it herself, “I’m Pistol’s sister. This will never work.” As we load our stuff into the back of the truck, my mom finally speaks.
“Get inside, sweetie. I’ll take care of the stuff. You’re probably still freezing from being up there in the cold for so long.”
“Thanks, Mrs. Woodley.” She nods her head and jumps in the back seat.
My sister and I get in on each side of her, sandwiching her in the middle. T puts her arm around Tangles, pulling her in for a hug. “I’m glad you’re okay, Avery. So did you and my brother get a chance to talk? I know he was awfully torn up about how he treated you.”
I know my sister is trying to help me out right now, but I really want to move past this. “T, I love you, but can we not talk about this right now?”
“It’s okay, Caden.” Tangle’s turns toward my sister. “Yes, we worked it out, but there’s still something I needed to show him. I’m glad you’re here. I want you to see it too.” Avery starts stirring around in her pack and pulls out a small spiral notebook.
“What is it?”
“It was my brother’s. They brought it back in his box of stuff the other night.”
“Brought it back? Where was it?”
“It was at the rehab center. He was going there, right before the accident.”
The thought of Pistol Black in rehab doesn’t make sense to me. I have to question Tangles to make sure I heard her right. “What? He was in rehab?”
“Yes. He checked himself into Sacred Heart in October. After the night he came home bleeding.”
“October?” I question.
The doors to the truck swing closed, giving the pages of my mind, a chance to turn back to fall. October, our birthday.
As the truck engine starts up, Avery continues on. Her voice lowers, and Kaitlyn and I huddle in closer to listen. “Yeah. One night in late October, he stumbled through the door. It was obvious he’d been drinking again. Only this time, he was hurt. His head was gushing blood. He was muttering. Incoherent. None of us could understand him. We thought he was going to die. My dad went crazy. He’d had enough. Mom fought him off. She wouldn’t let him take my brother down to the police station. Let’s just say it wasn’t a good night. The next morning when he woke up, I went in his room. He was crying. Talking about how he hurt you … again. That’s when he decided to get help. Fix himself. He said this time it was too close.”
Kaitlyn brings her hand to her mouth. I see the shock on her face. I watch her struggle, and know she’s remembering the horrific attack in the barn. A tear rolls down the side of her cheek. I listen as Avery tries to comfort her.
“I’m sorry, Kaitlyn. I’m so sorry I brought it up. I thought I could make you feel better if you knew how sorry he was. If you knew he was getting help because of you.”
Kaitlyn looks down, shaking her head. “Getting help? It didn’t do much good.”
“What do you mean? He stayed there for weeks, making sure he got sober.”
“Well, he wasn’t sober the night he came after us on the mountain. He left the bottle of Jack Daniels in the truck to prove it.”
Avery shakes her head. Her disbelieving expression almost looks painful. “That doesn’t make sense. He wouldn’t have started again. He was doing this for you. It’s the only way he figured he could make it up to you. He was going to go see you, to apologize, as soon as he finished his program. He wanted you to know that you’re the reason he got help. We talked the night before he went missing.”
The night before? But the night before I assumed he was down at the Forks. What with the accident and all. A vision of my sister running from the cabin the night of truth or dare crosses my mind. So it wasn’t him in creepy cabin after all.
“I know him, Avery.” My sister continues. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad about who your brother was, but yes, it does make sense. When he drank he went crazy. He didn’t think straight.”
Avery shakes her head in denial. “No.” She continues to shake her head. “Read this. You’ll see. There’s no way he started back up. Look.” She holds her phone light to the journal.
We begin reading through Pistol’s entries. How he struggled during the first few days in rehab. About the withdrawals. The anger. The hurt. And how torn up he was over what he’d done to my sister. He hated himself. He couldn’t live with it. And then, the tone of the entries begins to change. I can see that in the last few entries he’s sober. He’s found clarity. Avery turns the page. It’s the last entry.
“See, I told you. He loved you. I don’t think he would’ve started drinking again. It just doesn’t make sense.”
I study the words over and over, trying to make sense of where his mind was, and why he would’ve driven down there the way he did. If he loved my sister so much, why did he come after us? As I hold the light of the phone up to the words, I notice faint letters bleeding through.
“Wait, it looks like these two pages are stuck together.” I rub the corner back and forth, until the pages begin to separate. Then carefully, I peel them apart.
“Oh, wow, there’s more. I didn’t see this one.” Shock is evident in Avery’s voice.
I hold m
y breath as I look up at my sister. Her eyes are wide with fear.
“Caden, oh my God.”
“Screwed up accent? I thought it was just an innocent crush.”
Kaitlyn’s jaw drops.
“Who is it? What’s wrong?” Avery questions.
My heart stops cold. Pistol Black was trying to protect us. Turning toward my sister, the only words that escape my mouth are, “Oh my God, he’s wasn’t after you. He was after Jenna.”
The End
A Message from the Authors
When we first started writing When Fall Breaks, our dream was to write books as gifts for our own children. However, as the stories came to life, a message started to form. We realized, being teachers that we witness difficult situations that our students face every day. It is our hope that reading our stories will help teens make connections and seek help from professionals when needed.
Our first story, When Fall Breaks, dealt with underage drinking and substance abuse. Our message at the end of that story provided The Pathway Program as an available resource for help. We’d like to offer that information again. If you know of a young person who may need help, The Pathway Program is available by both phone and via the internet. You can call and talk to a representative Toll Free at 1-877-921-4050 or visit them on the web at www.thepathwayprogram.com. If you are a teen and find yourself struggling with drinking or substance abuse, please reach out to a parent, school counselor, teacher, youth pastor, or friend. As teachers, we are always open to help our students get the help they need. It doesn’t matter if you were a former student, current student, or didn’t even have us as a teacher. We care about all of you.
A second issue we addressed in When Fall Breaks was how teens and young adults struggle with domestic violence. This can happen to people of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. Sometimes it starts out subtly and intensifies without the victim realizing how bad it has become. If friends are warning you that they see signs of control, verbal, or physical abuse, please listen. Many abusers are masters at manipulating their victims and making them feel like THEY are the reason for the incident. It’s NEVER okay. It is NOT your fault. If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, there is confidential support out there 24/7. Please visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline at http://www.thehotline.org. Teens can go to www.loveisrespect.org, or call 1-866-331-9474, to speak with someone privately. It’s a confidential online resource available to help young adults prevent and end abusive relationships.