by Amy Woods
While they waited, he drilled her for every piece of her medical history until she became exasperated with him.
“Ryan Ford!” she said, laughing, “I’m going to be fine. I’ve just been having some dizzy spells lately.
“Dammit, Katie, I knew it was a dumbass idea to let you go to that Pumpkin Fest in your condition.”
“Oh, for Pete’s sake, Ryan! Pregnant women do all sorts of active things now. This isn’t the 1950s. It was absolutely fine for me to go out there, and I don’t think this has anything to do with the weekend.”
She closed her eyes, realizing that what she’d just admitted would do the opposite of making him feel better.
“What the hell do you mean?”
“I mean...I’ve been having dizzy spells for a week or so. I didn’t think anything of it before, but now I know I should have gotten it checked out before I left for that trip.”
Ryan shook his head, beyond glad that she was okay enough to make him mad as hell, but...mad as hell.
“How could you have spent all that time with me and not said a word about how you were feeling?”
“I don’t know,” she said, sounding as if she meant it.
“Katie, I think you’ve been doing this alone for so long that you’ve gotten too stubborn to let anyone help you.”
She bit her lip, looking adorable even then, with her hair all awry and her skin pale as snow. Ryan caught sight of a red welt blooming on her elbow, probably from when she’d hit the ground. Fresh anger filled him that he’d not been there when she needed him to be.
“I’m sorry, Ryan. I didn’t mean to burden you like this.”
Even more than seeing her body—lifeless, he’d thought, to be honest—unmoving on the ground only moments before, Katie’s words cut Ryan to the bone.
“How could you say that, Katie? You could never be a burden to me. That’s not what I meant. I just meant I...I want you to tell me these things from now on. I want you to let me take care of you.”
A single tear formed in her eye and slid down the perfect skin of her cheek.
“I know that ex of yours might not have had the balls to stick around and be a dad, but I’m not him, Katie. If you want me to, if you’ll let me, I’ll be there for you.”
Katie turned her head and tucked her face into Ryan’s jeans, and he pulled her close until he could wrap his arms around her, fairly certain now that she didn’t have any broken bones or injured places to which he could cause damage.
It seemed as if time slowed down and hours passed as Ryan stroked her hair, waiting for the ambulance to show up to carry his Katie to the hospital. He made a quick call down to the front desk to inform the concierge of what had happened and to let him know that EMTs would arrive shortly. When they finally knocked on the hotel room door, Ryan let them in, staying out of their way so they could give Katie their full attention. He stood helplessly by as they pulled out their equipment and set to work, checking her vital signs and getting her ready for transport.
One of the paramedics spoke to Ryan before they rolled Katie from the room in a fold-out wheelchair to let him know that, other than a rapid heartbeat, she seemed to be doing okay now, but they were glad he’d called because tests needed to be run to make sure she and the baby were well.
Ryan thanked him and stopped at the ambulance to say goodbye to Katie, pressing his lips against her forehead as she clasped his hand, her expression betraying the true extent of her worry.
“Everything’s going to be fine,” he said, squeezing her cold hand. “I’m following the ambulance to the hospital and I’ll be right there with you.”
Ryan waved as the uniformed medics carted her away, hoping she knew that he meant those words in every way possible.
* * *
The pace at the hospital was alarmingly brisk compared to the molasses speed with which time had moved back at Ryan’s hotel room. It wasn’t until a doctor had taken Katie back for an examination and tests, leaving him with nothing to do but wait, that he was able to sit down.
He hated the biting medical scent that filled the air now—that particular blend of sterilization, alcohol and illness that only hospitals could master. It was strange, he supposed, that he’d ended up in a profession that specialized in creating the type of buildings he found himself in...but then, he hadn’t always despised them so much.
It was only when Sarah had ended up in one to give birth, only for both of them to walk away empty-handed, that Ryan had grown to loathe the smell of medical facilities.
Without anything to occupy him, he became hyperaware of his surroundings, noting several scattered attempts at cheer. There was a vase of tulips on the front desk, the flower petals unnervingly bright against the white backdrop, like a clown’s garish face paint, and the muted colors of the generic pastels adorning the walls.
He made a note of what to request when he and his father met with the interior designer they’d chosen to decorate the cancer treatment facility. Usually that part of the job was beyond his call of duty, but he saw now how much those seemingly small things mattered to people stuck in the waiting room, and he didn’t see the point of making their hard days any gloomier. There was a lot that could be done to add a sense of calm to the room, and Ryan would put in his two cents if it would help make that difference.
He remembered Katie shoving her cell phone into his hand as the paramedics had wheeled her out of the room, and he grabbed it out of his pocket, navigating its interface until he found her list of contacts. Ryan pulled up listings for June, Katie’s mother and father, and the elderly Mrs. Bloom and wrote a quick text to let them all know that he was with her, that she was safe and doing okay so far, and that he would keep them posted as he obtained updates.
Ryan should have known that her family wouldn’t wait around, and it wasn’t long until he received a worried phone call from Katie’s mother, which he took as calmly as possible, letting her know that, no, she and Katie’s dad did not need to fly in from their vacation in Vancouver and that, yes, the doctors had said she was probably fine and there was no need to worry.
Before she hung up, Katie’s mom, never one to beat around the bush, also made sure to let Ryan know she was so glad he was back and that she hoped he’d stick around this time.
He hung up, shaking his head at the Bloom women, just in time to see Katie’s grandmother rush through the door, June, still in her waitressing apron, at her side.
“Oh, my God, Ryan!” June said, rushing over, Mrs. Bloom hot on her heels. “Is Katie okay?”
“As far as I know, yes. But I’m still waiting for legitimate news.”
“I’m so glad you were there for her,” June said, patting his knee. He was thankful she didn’t go into detail about Katie’s whereabouts last night. She was a grown woman and could draw her own conclusions; plus, the two of them had been like peas in a pod since elementary school, and he was pretty sure Katie told June just about everything. Still, he was grateful she had the intuition to know he wasn’t up for teasing, and she just sat there next to him, her presence comforting.
Katie’s grandmother hugged his neck and listened in as he’d spoken to June, so he didn’t have to repeat himself, and then he asked after Shelby.
She gave him a quick update to let him know that things looked promising—she didn’t have any real news to give him yet, but when she’d spoken to the director of the adoption agency, the woman had shown interest and didn’t seem put off by the fact that he wasn’t married and was a working man. He ached for the older children that were often overlooked in the system, but in this case, he hoped the lack of parental interest in her so far might work in his favor.
June talked with him a bit more, telling him goofy jokes from her bartender friend at work in an effort to cheer him up, but he could barely crack a smile.
It was hours later that Ryan saw the doctor he’d met earlier coming down the hallway, a mask hanging around the neck of his blue scrub shirt.
The doctor gave
Katie’s little gathered posse a friendly smile, probably one he’d given hundreds of worried families over the years.
“Mr. Ford?” he said, reaching out to shake Ryan’s hand. “We spoke earlier. I’m Dr. Green and I’ll be taking care of Katie tonight.”
“Tonight?” Mrs. Bloom asked.
“Yes,” Dr. Green answered. “I’m afraid we’ll need to keep Katie overnight to run a few more tests and to monitor her and the baby, just to make sure she’s okay.”
Ryan nodded, but his insides were screaming. Why would they need to keep her if she was truly doing all right, as the doctor had said? What were they keeping from him that he might need to know?
“I thought you said earlier that she was fine,” Ryan stated, hearing the agitation in his own tone. He hadn’t meant for it to be so clear that he was upset, but he couldn’t seem to hide it in the face of possible danger to Katie.
The doctor folded his hands together. “We do believe she’ll be fine, Mr. Ford, but we need to find out with absolute certainty.” The youngish man looked from Ryan to Mrs. Bloom to June as he spoke, making sure to include all of them.
“It seems that Katie has early-onset preeclampsia, and we have to run some studies to determine if going without treatment has harmed the child.”
Ryan had heard of preeclampsia before and knew the term indicated high blood pressure during pregnancy, but he didn’t have any idea what the symptoms were or what kinds of effects it could cause. If he’d known, he would have watched her more closely, could have kept her from going to the Pumpkin Fest, even, if that would have kept her safe.
Was it possible she’d been in danger over the past few days, and he hadn’t even known it? How could he be so careless with the woman he was rapidly falling for?
The doctor must have sensed Ryan’s agitation because he stepped forward just a bit, holding up a palm. “This is quite common and, if well managed, can be nothing. Katie’s about nineteen weeks along, and I’ve contacted her ob-gyn to head down as soon as she’s available to check on Ms. Bloom. It seems Katie was previously unaware of her condition, and it’s likely the symptoms only began recently.”
“What are they? The symptoms, I mean?” Ryan asked, shoving his hands into his jeans pockets to stop their wild fidgeting.
“Well, they can vary widely from patient to patient,” the doctor answered, “but the most common signs are swelling in the legs and feet...sometimes even the hands...abdominal pain, headaches, vision changes, dizziness—”
Dizziness. Katie’s woozy spells the past few days were part of this condition.
Ryan kicked himself for not forcing her to get to a doctor sooner.
Dr. Green continued, “It doesn’t usually show up until the second half of pregnancy, usually in the later part of the second or early in the third trimester, but sometimes it can pop up earlier. It’s a little strange to see it in someone as young as Katie, I must admit—it’s more common in women over thirty, people with diabetes and mothers carrying more than one child, but it’s not unheard-of by any means.”
“Thank you, doctor,” he said, his mind already elsewhere. “Keep us posted, will you?”
“Of course, sir,” he answered as Ryan turned and headed down the hallway, leaving Mrs. Bloom and June behind. He would have to explain later. Right now, he had to get out of there immediately, had to get as far away from the hospital as possible so he could clear his head. As soon as the glass double doors came into view, Ryan broke into a run, escaping the dreadful hospital smell before he exploded.
* * *
Ryan didn’t have any idea where he was going; he only knew he needed to run.
He drove back to the hotel room and, on autopilot, changed into training shoes, shorts and an old, thin T-shirt from a 5K years ago.
What was wrong with him?
Why couldn’t he protect the person he cared about—the person he now knew he loved—more than anyone else in the entire world?
What was so terrible about him that he seemed to lose what he tried hardest to keep safe?
He’d married Sarah so that he could be there for her through a situation he was an equal party to; he’d helped her remember to take her vitamins and fed her healthy dinners, had lifted everything for her so she wouldn’t have to, and still they’d lost their little girl.
Ryan ran the trail around his hotel without seeing the path in front of him. The only thing he could focus on without toppling over in pain was putting one foot in front of the other; he would keep moving forward until his head was clear, until he could think about how to tell Katie that he simply wasn’t good enough for her.
He was the common factor in so much heartbreak—he’d known about his father’s cheating and hadn’t said a word, he’d been the cause of Sarah’s disappointment in their marriage and...even though he knew it was illogical, he couldn’t help but wonder if, somehow, he’d inadvertently lost them their baby.
He wasn’t about to bring that kind of pain into Katie’s life.
He would make sure she was cared for, would give her more money than she’d ever need, but maybe...maybe it was best if he kept his distance. Perhaps then she would have a chance at happiness, at a full life with her baby.
Ryan ran until sweat poured down his face and into his eyes, relishing the stinging punishment the saltwater caused. Surely he deserved it.
He stopped running and folded his body onto a bench, letting his face fall into his hands as he faced the hard truth that perhaps the best thing he could do for Katie was to simply stay the hell out of her life.
Chapter Thirteen
Katie blinked into the unfamiliar fluorescent light, waking to find herself in the white sea of a hospital room, the first part of her day a fuzzy mess.
She remembered collapsing, and waking in Ryan’s arms, then riding to the hospital in an ambulance, but the rest was blurry and Katie was too tired to try to put the pieces together to make sense of them.
The only thing she cared about, the first thing that came to mind, was: Where is my Ryan?
She’d held on to the sound of his voice earlier on the bathroom floor, had latched on to it like the beams from a lighthouse in a wild storm, but now all she heard was a cacophony of strange whirs and beeps coming from the various machines she was attached to.
A nurse with beautiful chocolate-colored skin and huge hazelnut eyes stepped into Katie’s room, smiling to find her patient awake.
“Well, hello, Ms. Bloom,” the nurse said. “My name is Ashley.” The nurse strode to the side of Katie’s bed, checking the machine monitors and making notations on her clipboard. “How are you feeling, doll?” she asked.
Katie blinked a few more times and swallowed, her throat as dry as the grass during a Texas summer.
Ashley moved quickly to pour water from a pitcher, handing the glass to Katie, who drank greedily to satiate her fierce thirst.
Her throat a little moister now, Katie tried speaking. “What happened?” she asked.
Ashley stopped writing and met Katie’s eyes. “You just had a little episode, is all,” the nurse said. “I’ll let the doctor give you more specific information once he settles on a diagnosis, but we think you’re having some very minor preeclampsia.”
Katie nodded, feeling a little nauseous all of a sudden.
“It doesn’t seem to be too serious, and your vital signs are stable, but the doctor wants to keep you overnight, just to make sure you’re good as new when you leave here.”
Katie frowned and felt tears forming.
“Now, now, don’t do that. You and your baby are going to be just fine.”
“I feel so guilty,” she said, and the nurse put her clipboard down on the bedside table.
“Why do you say that?”
Katie wiped at her eyes, feeling silly for crying in front of a stranger. She was pretty sure the sweet, attentive nurse saw all sorts of things in her daily work, but Katie didn’t like the thought of being an emotional mess in the presence of someone she ha
rdly knew.
“Well, I’ve been having these...dizzy spells...for a while now, and I noticed that my feet were a little puffier than usual, and I did nothing about it.” She shook her head at her foolishness. “I could have kept this from happening. I should have talked to my doctor sooner. What kind of mother am I?”
Ashley glanced over at Katie’s chart, then pulled a stool next to the bed. She sat, reaching out to hold the hand that rested on the side rail of Katie’s bed. “Listen,” she said, her soft voice drowning out Katie’s need to punish herself for putting her child in danger. “I see that this is your first kiddo, yes?”
Katie nodded and the nurse went on.
“You are way, way too new to this game to start kicking yourself for making a tiny mistake. Let me tell you something that I’ve learned after a hundred years in this business.”
Katie was skeptical. Ashley appeared no more than maybe ten years her patient’s senior, but the woman seemed to know what she was talking about, so Katie listened. She figured after today, she could use just about any advice anyone might be willing to give her.
“No mother is perfect, and you will be no exception. You will make plenty of mistakes, and you will have days in which you want to run screaming from the most important job in the world, but if you love your kid, and you do the best you can at all times, everything will be just fine.”
Katie squeezed her eyes shut and tears streamed down her face.
“Oh, honey, that’s just the hormones,” Ashley said, letting go and giving Katie’s hand a pat. “You’ll get used to them if you’re not already.”
She laughed and used a tissue the nurse handed her to wipe her eyes. When her mind cleared and she was able to think a little bit more coherently, she remembered that she hadn’t seen Ryan.
Katie asked Ashley if she could find him for her, and the kind nurse checked her vitals again before grabbing her clipboard and leaving the room, promising to send in Dr. Green and her regular ob-gyn as soon as possible. But Katie didn’t want to see either of them.