by LeAnn Ashers
I want her to walk around without the fucking world on her shoulders. I want her to smile and for it to reach her fucking eyes.
I just want her.
After three hours of dancing, neither of us has drunk a sip of alcohol. We danced the whole time, and my shoes aren’t the best for dancing.
I hobble to the vehicle, pretending that my feet aren’t screaming at me. Smiley helps me into his truck. You couldn’t take the smile off my face no matter how much you tried. Tonight has been absolutely amazing, and I don’t want it to end.
“How about we go to a diner and grab food?” he suggests, flashing that grin of his. My heart is beating so hard I can feel it in my throat.
I look at the clock and it’s midnight. “Let’s do it,” I tell him, throwing caution to the wind. I don’t have any work tomorrow anyway.
As we drive to the diner, I watch all of the vehicles around me and the lights of the city. It’s just beautiful and exciting. Can you imagine that before I went to rehab I never saw the city? I never left “Drug City,” a place with hundreds of trailers surrounding a gas station.
Smiley intertwines our fingers together. I grin and turn away so he doesn’t see my giddiness. I bite my lip, staring out the window as the diner comes into view.
This diner is right down the road from my apartment. It is open twenty-four hours and has everything you could want. I have walked to it many times. One of the things I used to curb my addiction was food. I gained fifty pounds in a year. That sounds extreme, but I was extremely malnourished. I weighed around ninety pounds. Once drugs weren’t part of my life, I packed on weight. I am now one hundred and forty pounds, and I feel much better. I could stand to lose a few pounds but, after being without food so long, I can’t deny myself what I want to eat.
It’s wild to think that I was so out of it I couldn’t even crawl to the kitchen to eat for days. When he ran out of the drugs that he’d been pumping into me, I would eat; then it would start all over again
I was child in many ways, because I couldn’t do anything for myself. I couldn’t even wipe my own ass. I am sickened at the thought of what I used to be.
Smiley pulls to a stop in front of the diner. He helps me out, and together we walk inside and sit at a booth close to the door. I sit down facing the door and, much to my surprise, he sits beside me. We grab the menus. The waitress is taking a group of truckers’orders right now.
I know the Devil Souls MC owns this diner. It owns most of the places in this town, actually, and the Grim Sinners also owns a few. The crime rate here is very low because if something did happen, the MCs would come after the perpetrators with a vengeance.
When I first became the kids’ gigi, I was told the MCs’ goal was to keep this town as safe as possible so their kids have a safe place to grow up. But they won’t be going to school in town. There is a private school fifteen minutes outside of town, which the MC can easily control. It will be much safer for them.
I open the menu, my eyes immediately going to the breakfast section. Eggs, hash browns, and pancakes sounds absolutely amazing right now.
Smiley has his arm on the back of the seat, his fingers twisting the ends of my hair. “Adeline, have you ever been fishing before?”
I shake my head. “Never.”
His smile softens, and he gently strokes the side of my face. Oh god, my whole body shivers. His smile widens. “Want to go tomorrow?” he asks.
I nod. I would love nothing more than to see him again. I don’t care what we are doing—I just want to see him.
The waitress finally comes over, looking really tired. “What can I get you guys to drink?” I study her face, making sure she is okay. She glances at the truckers, then back at us.
“I will take a water,” I say, and Smiley tells her he wants the same thing.
“Are you guys ready to order now, or do you want me to come back?”
I look at Smiley to see if he is ready, and he nods. I order breakfast and he gets a hamburger.
“Do you mind letting me out?” I ask him.
He scoots out of the booth, letting me out. I thank him and walk to the bathroom, which is close to the entrance to the kitchen. I look back at Smiley, who is watching me, and I smile and duck into the hallway. The waitress comes out of the kitchen.
“Hey, are you okay?” I ask. “I noticed you were nervous and looking at those truckers.” She is around Alisha’s age, if not younger. If Alisha were in an uncomfortable situation, I would hope someone would make sure she was okay.
She looks at the ground, like she is deep in thought.
“It’s okay to tell me if something is wrong. I have a daughter around your age.”
She lets out a huge breath, looking up at me with tears in her eyes. “They have been saying some rude and nasty things to me. I’m scared that they will follow me home because I walk,” she whispers, looking behind me to make sure nobody is watching.
I touch her shoulder, my motherly instincts kicking in. “When do you get off work?”
“I get off work in an hour.”
“I will stay here until you get off and make sure you’re okay.”
Her face crumples, and she’s in tears. She sets the drinks down on the counter and falls into my arms, crying.
“Shhh. It’s okay, sweetheart.” I hug her tightly, her face buried in my neck. She sobs louder. She must have been really scared, or there could be something else bothering her.
Smiley walks up behind us. I mouth to him, in a minute. He slowly backs away, giving us privacy, but I can see that he hasn’t left us alone.
“How about I give you my number, and anytime you’re scared, call me.”
She smiles, wiping away her tears. “Thank you so much!” She hugs me once more and picks up our drinks. I take her pad and pen from her apron and write down my number.
I follow her back to our table, she sets our drinks down, and Smiley stands up and lets me into the booth. She gives me a secret smile and hurries back to the kitchen.
Smiley turns to me, but I am watching the truckers. They are staring after the waitress, laughing and whispering under their breath. Tearing my eyes away from them, I look at Smiley. “I noticed our waitress was acting scared and really nervous, she kept on looking at those truckers over there.” I nod pointedly at the truckers, who are all laughing. “So I followed her to make sure she is okay, and she told me that they are making her very uncomfortable, saying nasty things to her, and she is afraid they’ll follow her home. She gets off in an hour.”
Smiley changes right before my eyes. His body stiffens, and he looks at the truckers with pure rage. Honestly, I feel the same thing. Nobody should be afraid to walk home.
I am a paranoid girl by nature because I have seen the bad side of people many times. I have been followed around stores, and people have made nasty comments to me. I understand looking at people, because I do that, but these men’s behavior is way over the top, and this girl is terrified.
“We can take her home.” Smiley’s voice is deeper, and I can tell that he is trying to calm himself.
“Thank you,” I whisper, my heart full because this man is genuinely so sweet. Not able to help myself, I rest my head against his shoulder. He lays his palm against my face and kisses the top of my head. I clench my eyes together so I don’t cry, because that is the sweetest thing someone has ever done to me. It wasn’t a kiss on the lips, but to me this means much more. So much more.
The waitress—I forgot to ask her name—carries a tray to the truckers. Smiley puts his hand on my knee, his body tense, watching. She sets their food on the table, and one of the guys leans close to her breasts. She straightens up and hands them their food so they have to put it on the table themselves. Some of them are rolling their eyes. She hands the last guy his plate and tucks the tray under her arm. “Anything else?”
One of the guys smirks. “Yeah, a piece of that ass.” He grabs her ass right in front of us.
Smiley snatches the guy out of his seat, by his shirt, and punches him hard in the face. The sound of his bones breaking makes me cringe. His eyes roll back and, when Smiley lets his shirt go, he hits the ground like a pile of bricks. His buddies stand up. “I would sit the fuck down, unless you all want to be in a fucking hospital,” Smiley tells them and then smiles like this is the most normal thing in the world, a guy just lying at his feet, out cold.
One by one they all ease back into their seats, and one of them pulls the guy lying on the floor into the seat with them.
Smiley turns away from the men, walking over to us. “We will take you home after work, sweetheart, don’t worry.”
“Thank you,” she whispers, and she walks back to the kitchen. Smiley puts his hand on the small of my back, taking me back to our booth.
“You’re a badass,” I say, because he truly is.
He throws his head back, laughing. “Baby, I wasn’t the president of the Grim Sinners for no reason.” He winks and tugs me to his side.
An hour later we have eaten, and we drop the waitress off at her house. The truckers didn’t say a word while they finished their food, and it took a good ten minutes for the guy Smiley knocked out to wake up.
Now it’s my turn to be taken home. We walk up the steps to my apartment. I am exhausted. I have been up for hours and hours; it has been a very exciting day. I unlock the door. “I guess I will see you tomorrow?” I ask.
He nods. “I will text you in the morning, letting you know when I will be picking you up.”
“Okay.”
He takes a step closer, and we are only an inch apart. His head leans toward mine, and I close my eyes, expecting him to kiss me, but he just kisses me tenderly on the forehead.
Goodness. I touch his sides, basking in the feel of his lips. He slowly runs his thumb across my lips. “Soon. Go to bed, sweet girl, and make sure you lock up.”
I smile and step inside, shutting the door softly.
I lock the door, staring into my living room. I say out loud, “Holy fuck.” I fall back against the door, laughing in pure disbelief that all that just happened. I stare at the wall for a few minutes, trying to wrap my head around it.
I walk into my closet and take out a pair of pajamas, yawning. I got up around eight o’clock this morning, and it’s now close to 2:00 a.m.
I walk into my bathroom, my eyes going to the blankets and pillows in the bathtub, a grim reminder of where I was sleeping last night and where I will, more than likely, be sleeping tonight.
I can usually fall asleep in my bed, but the nightmares in the middle of the night make me scared. I feel too exposed just lying in my bed, so I sleep in the tub, where it’s more closed in. I lock the door to my bedroom, then the door to the bathroom, so I have three locks between me and someone who could hurt me.
Every single night I dream of the men who did horrible things to me. In my dreams, they find me again, taking me back to that life. It’s terrifying.
Taking off my clothes, I look in the mirror at my body. Scars—that’s what I see. It’s like I was whipped with something. They are on my back, on the backs of my thighs, and on my chest. They’re in places nobody can see unless I am wearing revealing clothing.
It’s a harsh reminder of something I don’t even remember. I tear my eyes away and step into the shower, letting the hot water wash over me—burning my skin—trying to escape.
Stop Adeline, I scold myself. You had an amazing day, and don’t let something like this ruin everything.
I finish showering, put on my clothes, and climb into bed with my hair still wet, exhaustion taking its toll.
Belt buckle, hands, ripping clothing, staring at the ceiling lifeless, not able to move to defend myself or do anything. Lifeless as they laugh, beating me and doing other horrible things to me.
There is nothing I can do. I am utterly helpless.
I burst awake, sitting up, cold sweat pouring down my body. I shiver and look at the clock on the table; it’s 5:00 a.m. Clutching the blanket I lie back in bed.
I don’t want to sleep; if I sleep the memories come back. I wish I didn’t remember because then, with the part of my sanity I have left, I could just live my life.
Closing my eyes, I try to relax but my mind just won’t shut off. After lying there for a good thirty minutes, I walk into my bathroom with a massive number of blankets and pillows and climb inside the tub. I cover myself in pillows and blankets, close my eyes, and eventually fall asleep.
Adeline
The Next Morning
I wake up the next morning around ten o’clock, my neck hurting from lying funny in the bathtub, but it’s nothing unusual because this has been my life for the past couple of weeks.
I lie in bed watching TV, relaxing and waiting for Smiley to text me like he promised. I am trying not to worry about whether he’ll actually do it, when my phone buzzes on the bedside table.
Smiley: Fishing & riding around 5:00 p.m.?
I grin and hurry to reply, excitement filling my bones.
Me: I will be ready! Do I need to drive there?
I gnaw on my bottom lip, waiting for his text. A few seconds later I get the notification.
Smiley: I will come and get you.
Me: I will be waiting.
I tell him this before I can stop myself, but it’s true. I will be here all day, on edge, waiting for him to show up, and I can tell you one thing: I am more than excited to see him.
Last night was literally one of the best nights of my life. He is sweet and kind on top of being a badass, and that is a deadly combination. Every single girl has dreamed about dating a bad boy, but it’s the good kind that you crave. Closing my eyes, I relax to the sound of the TV. It’s easier to relax when it’s daylight outside. Also, I feel better knowing will be seeing him later.
He shows up at five o’clock on the dot. I decided to wear a pair of jeans and a soft red plaid shirt layered over a long-sleeved white top. My hair is in loose waves around my face.
When I open the door, I am so excited. I could barely sit still for the past hour, waiting for him to get here. Now he is here, wearing exactly the same thing as I am: jeans and a red flannel shirt. I burst out laughing. This was not planned at all.
He grins at me. “I think someone was reading my mind.” He winks at me as we’re leaving and takes a step back into the hallway, giving me room to close and lock my door. I wish that, instead of an apartment, I lived in a house out into the country, somewhere quiet and peaceful. I want to sit on the front porch reading, watching my grandchildren play in the yard. I just want serenity and peace.
I live comfortably, but I don’t have any credit to take out a loan for a house. For years and years I never had anything in my name, because he always handled all of that. I didn’t even know how to drive until Jordan, aka Techy, taught me, and it gave me a huge piece of independence that I desperately needed.
He and Alisha invited me to move in with them, and the idea wasn’t a horrible one, but I needed to be alone. I needed to do it myself, and I did. It was weird after having always been around people, without any control over my life. Finally being able to support myself and take care of myself is freeing, and it is everything to me. I never want to be dependent on anyone again.
We walk to Smiley’s truck, which is parked in the same spot as last night. My apartment is relatively safe, but bad stuff happens here. At the corner of the building, right before my eyes, a drug deal is going down. I turn away, trying to pretend I didn’t see that.
Smiley puts his hand on the small of my back for a second before moving to my other side so the dealers can’t see me. Why would he do that? He puts his hand on my hip, not saying a word, as he l
eads me to his truck. Then it clicks, he is being protective.
I suck my lips into my mouth to stop the smile that is trying to break out across my face. It may be a small thing, but no man has ever done anything that like for me.
Smiley opens the door and, once again, helps me into his truck. As I settle into the seat, he winks and shuts the door. Oh my. My stomach flips, and I giggle like a schoolgirl realizing her crush is looking at her. Then it hits me: this is my first real crush.
We head toward the next town over, where he lives. A few minutes into the drive, he takes my hand and rests it against his leg. Breathe, Adeline.
Any woman would have the very same reaction, because he is the most beautiful man I have ever seen. This makes me wonder why he wants to hang out with me. But I am not going to dwell on it. Why question something like this, right?
“Alisha is your only kid?” he asks.
I lick my dry lips before answering. “Yeah, she is my only.” I smile, thinking about how amazing she is.
“Your smile is the most beautiful thing I have ever fucking seen, Ade,” he tells me, his voice deeper than usual. He smiles at me and lifts our joined hands. My breath stills as I wait to see what he will do. He presses his lips against the back of my hand, and I shiver at the amazing feeling of his lips on my skin. My face burns even hotter; I am sure I am blushing right down to my toes.
“You are beautiful, Ade.” The truck slows down to a stop, and he looks me dead in the eye like he wants me to really hear and believe what he is saying.
“Thank you, Smiley, you’re really sweet.” I reach over without thinking and put my arm around his neck, hugging him for a few seconds before letting him go.
We are outside a fishing store. “Why are we here?” I ask.
“We are here to make you a fisherwoman, you need all the right equipment.”
Okay then. I open my door and he lifts me out of the truck.