by Jack Vance
"That would be my own reckoning, by the lay of the sea," said Drofo. "It is an interesting island. Pulk the worminger lives at Pompodouros."
"Are you acquainted with the Paphnissian Baths?"
"Not of my own experience. I believe that women bathe in these springs hoping to regain youth and beauty."
"Just so. Madame Soldinck, we will agree, is an estimable woman."
"In every respect. She is stern in her principles, unyielding in her rectitude, and she will not submit to injustice."
"Yes. Bork calls her opinionated, obstinate and cantankerous, but this is not quite the same thing."
"Bork's language at least has the merit of economy," said Drofo.
"In any event, Madame Soldinck is neither young nor beautiful. Indeed, she is plump and squat. Her face is prognathous and she wears a faint black mustache. She is definitely genteel and her character is strong, so that Soldinck is guided by her suggestions. So now, since Madame Soldinck wishes to bathe in the Paphnissian Springs, we must perforce put in to Lausicaa."
"The event will serve my own interests very well," said Drofo. "At Pompodouros I will hire the worminger Pulk and discharge either Cugel or Lankwiler, who can then find his own way back to the mainland."
"Not a bad idea, if Pulk still resides at Pompodouros."
"He does indeed and will gladly return to the sea."
"In that case, half your problems are solved. Which will you put ashore: Cugel or Lankwiler?"
"I have not yet decided. It will depend on the worms."
The two men moved away and Cugel was left to ponder the conversation. It seemed that, at least until the Galante departed Lausicaa, he must work with vigor, and diminish his attentions to Soldinck’s daughters.
Cugel at once found his scrapers and removed all traces of gangue from his worms, then combed gills till they shone silver-pink.
Lankwiler meanwhile had inspected the advanced infestation of timp on his off-worm. During the night he painted the knobs of this worm blue and then, while Cugel drowsed, he drove his off-worm around the vessel and exchanged it for Cugel's excellent off-worm, which he clamped into place on his own side. He painted the knobs yellow and congratulated himself that he had avoided a tedious task.
In the morning Cugel was startled to discover the deterioration of his off-worm.
Drofo came past and called down to Cugel: "That infestation of timp is an abomination. Also, unless I am much mistaken, that swelling indicates a sever impaction which must be relieved at once."
Cugel, recalling the overheard conversation, went to work with a will. While towed underwater he plied reamer, drench-hoses and gant-hook, and after three hours exertion, dislodged the impaction. At once the worm lost something of its bilious color and strained for its bait with renewed zest.
When Cugel finally returned to the deck he heard Drofo call down to Lankwiler: "Your off-worm has improved noticeably! Keep up the good work!"
Cugel went to look down at Lankwiler's off-worm. . . Strange that overnight Lankwiler's impacted yellow beast with its crawling infestation of timp should become so notably sound, while, during the same interval, Cugel's healthy pink worm had suffered so profound a disaster!
Cugel pondered the circumstances with care. He climbed down on the sponson and scraped at the off-worm's knobs, to discover under the blue paint, the gleam of yellow.
Cugel ruminated further, then transferred his worms, placing the healthy worm in the 'off’ position.
While Cugel and Lankwiler took their evening meal, Cugel spoke of his trials. "Amazing how quickly they take up a case of timp, or an impaction! All day I worked on the beast, and tonight I moved it inboard where I can tend it more conveniently."
"A sound idea," said Lankwiler. "At last I have cured one of my beasts, and the other shows signs of improvement. Have you heard? We are putting into Lausicaa, so that Madame Soldinck can dive into the Paphnissian waters and emerge a virgin."
"I will tell you something in absolute confidence," said Cugel. "The deck boy tells me that Drofo plans to hire a veteran worminger by the name of Pulk at Pompodouros."
Lankwiler chewed his lips. "Why should he do that? He already has two expert wormingers."
"I can hardly believe that he plans to discharge you or yet me," said Cugel. "Still, that would seem the only possibility."
Lankwiler frowned and finished his meal in silence.
Cugel waited until Lankwiler went off for his evening nap, then stole down to the starboard sponson and cut deeply into the knobs of Lankwiler's sick beast; then, returning to his own sponson, he made a great show of attacking the timp.
From the corner of his eye he saw Drofo come to the rail, pause a moment, then continue on his way.
At midnight the baits were removed so that the worms might rest. The Galante floated quietly on the calm sea. The helmsman lashed the wheel; the deck boy drowsed under the great forward lantern where he was supposed to keep sharp lookout. Overhead glimmered those stars yet surviving including Achernar, Algol, Canopus and Cansaspara.
From his cranny crept Lankwiler. He slipped across the deck like a great black rat, and swung down to the starboard sponson. He undamped the sick worm and urged it from its traces.
The worm floated free. Lankwiler sat in the straddles and pulled at the knobs but the nerves had been severed and the signal caused only pain. The worm beat its flukes and surged away to the northwest, with Lankwiler sitting a-straddle and frantically tugging at the knobs.
In the morning Lankwiler's disappearance dominated all conversations. Chief Worminger Drofo, Captain Baunt and Soldinck met in the grand saloon to discuss the affair, and presently Cugel was called before the group.
Soldinck, sitting on a tall-backed chair of carved skeel, cleared his throat. "Cugel, as you know, Lankwiler has gone off with a valuable worm. Can you shed any light on the affair?"
"Like everyone else, I can only theorize."
"We would be pleased to hear your ideas," said Soldinck.
Cugel spoke in a judicious voice: "I believe that Lankwiler despaired of becoming a competent worminger. His worms went sick, and Lankwiler could not face up to the challenge. I tried to help him; I let him take one of my sound worms so that I might bring his sickly creature back to health, as Drofo must surely have noticed, although he was unusually reticent in this regard."
Soldinck turned to Drofo. "Is this true? If so, it reflects great credit upon Cugel."
Drofo spoke in a subdued voice, “Yesterday morning I counseled Cugel in this regard."
Soldinck turned back to Cugel. "Continue, if you will."
"I can only surmise that dejection urged Lankwiler to perform a final despairing act."
Captain Baunt cried out: "That is unreasonable! If he felt dejection, why not simply jump into the sea? Why suborn our valuable worm to his personal and private uses?"
Cugel reflected a moment. "I suppose that he wanted to make a ceremony of the occasion."
Soldinck blew out his cheeks. "All this to the side, Lankwiler's act is a great inconvenience. Drofo, how will we fare with only three worms?"
"We shall have no great difficulty. Cugel can readily manage both sponsons. To ease the helmsman we will use double bait to starboard and half-bait to port, and so without difficulty we will arrive at Lausicaa, and there make adjustments."
Captain Baunt had already altered course toward Lausicaa, so that Madame Soldinck might bathe in the Paphnissian Springs. Baunt, who had hoped to make a quick passage, was not happy with the delay, and watched Cugel closely, to make sure that the worms were used to the maximum efficiency. "Cugel!" called Captain Baunt. "Adjust the lead on that off-worm; it is pulling us broadside!"
"Aye, sir."
And presently: "Cugel! Your starboard worm is listless; it merely slaps the water. Freshen its bait!"
"I am already at double-bait," grumbled Cugel. "It was fresh an hour ago."
"Then use half a gill of Heidinger's Allure, and be quick about it! I wish
to make Pompodouros before sunset tomorrow!"
During the night the starboard worm, becoming fretful, began to slap at the water with its flukes. Drofo, aroused by the splashing, came up from his cabin. Leaning on the rail he watched as Cugel ran back and forth along the sponson, trying to throw a check-line over the mischievous worm's flukes.
After a few moments observation, Drofo diagnosed the problem. He called out in a nasal voice: "Always lift the bait before throwing a check-line. . . Now then, what is happening down there?"
Cugel responded sullenly: "The worm wants to swim up, down and sideways."
"What did you feed?"
"The usual: half Chalcorex and half Illem's Best."
"You might use a bit less Chalcorex for the next day or so. That lump of tissue behind the turret is usually a dependable signal. How did you bait?"
"Double-bait, as I was instructed. The captain ordered a further half-gill of Heidinger's Allure."
"There is your problem. You have over-baited, which is an act of folly."
"At Captain Baunt's orders!"
"That excuse is worse than none. Who is the worminger, you or Captain Baunt? You know your worms; you must work them by the dictates of your experience and good judgment. If Baunt interferes, ask him to come down and advise you in regard to an infestation of gangue. That is the way of the worminger! Change bait at once and drench the worm with a seep of Blagin's Mulcent."
"Very good, sir," said Cugel between his teeth.
Drofo made a brief survey of sky and horizon, then returned to his cabin and Cugel busied himself with the drench.
Captain Baunt had ordered the sail set, hoping to catch a waft of favorable air. Two hours after midnight a cross-wind arose, causing the sail to flap against the mast, creating a dismal sound which aroused Captain Baunt from his slumber. Baunt lurched out on deck. "Where is the watch? Hoy! Worminger! You there! Is no one about?"
Cugel, clambering up to the deck from the sponson, replied: "Only the lookout, who is asleep under the lantern."
"Well then, what of you? Why have you not silenced that sail? Are you deaf?"
"No sir. I have been under-water, drenching with Blagin's Mulcent."
"Well then, heave aft on the leach-line, and abate that cursed slatting!"
Cugel hastened to obey, while Captain Baunt went to the starboard rail. Here he discovered new cause for dissatisfaction. "Worminger, where is your bait? I ordered double-bait, with aroma of Allure!"
"Sir, one cannot drench while the worm exerts itself for bait."
"Why then did you drench? I ordered no Mulcent!"
Cugel drew himself up. "Sir, I drenched that worm according to the dictates of my best judgment and experience."
Captain Baunt stared blankly, threw his arms in the air, turned and went back to his bed.
2 LAUSICAA
THE SUN, dropping down the sky, passed behind a ledge of low clouds and twilight came early. The air was still; the ocean lay flat, with a surface like heavy satin, exactly reflecting the sky, so that the Galante seemed to float through a void of marvellous lavender luminosity. Only the bow waves, spreading away at V-angles in rolling black and lavender ripples, defined the surface of the sea.
An hour before sunset Lausicaa appeared on the horizon: a shadow almost lost in the plum-colored murk.
As darkness fell, a dozen lights flickered from the town Pompodouros, reflecting across the opening into the harbor and easing the approach for Captain Baunt.
A wharf fronting the town showed as a heavy mark, blacker than black, across the reflections. In unfamiliar waters and in the dark, Captain Baunt prudently elected to drop anchor rather than attempt mooring at the dock.
From the quarter-deck Captain Baunt called forward: "Drofo! Bring up your baits!"
"Up baits!" came back Drofo's acknowledgment, then, in a different voice: "Cugel! Debait all worms!"
Cugel snatched bait from the two port worms, scrambled across the deck, jumped down upon the starboard sponson and debaited the starboard worm. The Galante barely drifted through the water, to idle motions of the worms' flukes.
Captain Baunt called out again: "Drofo, muffle your worms!"
"Muffle worms!" came Drofo's response, and then: "Cugel, muffles all around! Quick now!"
Cugel muffled the starboard worm, but fell into the water and was slow with the port muffles, prompting a complaint from Captain Baunt. "Drofo, hurry the muffles! Are you conducting a rite for the dead? Boatswain, ready the anchor!"
"Muffles going on!" sang out Drofo. "Look sharp, Cugel!"
"Anchor at the ready, sir."
The worms were muffled at last, and the Galante barely drifted through the water.
"Let go the anchor!" called Captain Baunt.
"Anchor in the water, sir! Bottom at six fathoms."
The Galante lay placidly to anchor. Cugel eased the worms in their cinctures, applied unguent and fed each worm a measure of victual.
After the evening meal Captain Baunt assembled the ship's company on the midship deck. Standing halfway up the companionway ladder he spoke a few words in regard to Lausicaa and the town Pompodouros.
"Those of you who have visited this place before, I doubt if there are many, will understand why I must issue warnings. In a nut-shell, you will find certain customs which guide the folk of this island to be at variance with our own. They may impress you as strange, grotesque, laughable, disgraceful, picturesque or commendable, depending upon your point of view. Whatever the case, we must take note of these customs and abide by them, since the folk of Lausicaa will definitely not alter their ways in favor of ours."
Captain Baunt smilingly acknowledged the presence of Madame Soldinck and her three daughters. "My remarks apply almost exclusively to the gentlemen aboard, and if I touch upon topics which might be considered tasteless, I can only plead necessity; so I beg your indulgence!"
Soldinck cried out bluffly: "Enough of your breast-beating, Baunt! Speak up! We are all reasonable people aboard, Madame Soldinck included!"
Captain Baunt waited until the laughter had died down. "Very well then! Look along the dock yonder; you will notice three persons standing under the street-lamp. All are men. The faces of each are hidden behind hoods and veils. For this precaution there is reason; the ebullience of the local females. So vivacious is their nature that men dare not display their faces for fear of provoking ungovernable impulses. Female voyeurs go so far as to peek through windows of the clubhouse where the men gather to drink beer, sometimes with their faces partially exposed."
At this information Madame Soldinck and her daughters laughed nervously. "Extraordinary!" said Madame Soldinck. "And women of every social class act in this fashion?"
"Absolutely!"
Meadhre asked diffidently: "Do the men propose marriage with their faces concealed?"
Captain Baunt reflected. "So far as I know, the idea never enters anyone's head."
"It does not seem a wholesome atmosphere in which to bring up children," said Madame Soldinck.
"Apparently the children are not seriously affected," said Captain Baunt. "Until the age of ten boys may sometimes be seen bare-faced, but even during these tender years they are protected from adventurous young females. At the age of ten they 'go under the veil', to use the local idiom."
"How tiresome for the girls!" sighed Salasser.
"And also undignified!" said Tabazinth with emphasis. "Suppose I noticed what appeared to be a handsome young man, and ran after him and finally subdued him, and then, when I pulled away his hood, I found protruding yellow teeth, a big nose and a narrow receding forehead. What next? I would feel a fool simply getting up and walking away."
Meadhre suggested: "You could tell the gentleman that you merely wanted directions back to the ship."
"Whatever the case," Captain Baunt went on, "the women of Lausicaa have evolved techniques to restore the equilibrium. After this fashion:
"The men are partial to spraling, which are small delicate bide
chtils. They swim at the surface of the sea in the early morning. The women, therefore, arise in the pre-dawn hours, wade out into the sea, where they capture as much spraling as possible, then return to their huts.
"Those women with a good catch set their fires going and hang out signs, such as:
FINE SPRALING TODAY,
or
TASTY SPRALING TO YOUR ORDER."
"The men arise in due course and stroll about the town. When at last they work up an appetite, they stop by a hut where the sign offers refreshment to their taste. Often, if the spraling is fresh and the company good, they may stay for dinner as well."
Madame Soldinck sniffed and murmured aside to her daughters, who merely shrugged and shook their heads.
Soldinck climbed two steps up the companionway ladder. "Captain Baunt's remarks are not be taken lightly! When you go ashore, wear a robe or a loose gown and by some means muffle your face so as to avoid any unseemly or improper incident! Am I clear?"
Captain Baunt said: "In the morning we will moor at the dock and attend to our various items of business. Drofo, I suggest that you put this interval to good purpose. Anoint your animals well and cure all chafes, galls and cankers. Exercise them daily about the harbor, since idleness brings on impaction. Cure all your infestations; trim all gills. These hours in port are precious; each must be used to the fullest, without regard for day or night."
"This echoes my own thinking," said Drofo. "I will immediately give the necessary orders to Cugel."
Soldinck called out: "A final word! Lankwiler's departure with the starboard off-worm might have caused us enormous inconvenience were it not for the wise tactics of our Chief Worminger. I propose a cheer for the estimable Drofo!"
Drofo acknowledged the acclamation with a curt jerk of the head, then turned away to instruct Cugel, after which he went forward to lean on the rail and brood across the waters of the harbor.
Cugel worked until midnight with his cutters, burnishing irons and reamer, then treated pust, gangue, and timp. Drofo had long since vacated his place on the bow and Captain Baunt had retired early. Cugel stealthily abandoned his work and went below to his bunk.