Mrs. Fitz

by J. C. Snaith

  CHAPTER XX

  A LITTLE DIPLOMACY

  The announcement that Ferdinand the Twelfth, accompanied by his famousminister, Baron von Schalk, was on his way to this country and that hewas coming straight to Dympsfield House can only be described as a blowto one confirmed in the habit of mediocrity. Had I had only myself toconsult in the matter, I should have urged, with all the vigour ofwhich my nature is capable, that it would be quite impossible for us toput them up. The lack of accommodation that was afforded by our modestestablishment; the obscurity of our social state; our radical unfitnessfor the honour that was to be thrust upon us; all these disabilitiesand many another surged through my brain, while I laved my tired limbsand struggled into a "boiled" shirt, and tied my "white tie forroyalty" in accordance with the sumptuary decree of Joseph Jocelyn DeVere. So acute, indeed, became the conviction that something must bedone to turn the tide of events that I was fain to go next door toFitz. That worthy was in the act of brushing his hair.

  "You've heard the news, I suppose?" said I, and as I spoke I caught aglimpse of my own gloomy and shirt-sleeved apparition in alooking-glass.

  "What news, old son?" said the Man of Destiny, negligently shakingsomething out of a bottle on to his scalp. "Not been shootin' atSonia, have they? Police are devilish vigilant. I'm hanged if wehaven't had a couple of mounted detectives with us all day. They rodelike it, anyway."

  "Do you mean to say you haven't heard?" said I, positively hating theman for his coolness. "Hasn't the Princess told you that her father ison his way to this country, and that he is coming straight to us?"

  Fitz laid down his hair-brushes and turned round to face me.

  "Get out!" he said. "Ferdinand coming here!"

  "Yes; she had a letter this evening to that effect."

  Fitz betrayed astonishment. And under the mask of his habitualindifference I thought he also betrayed something else.

  "That poisonous old swine coming here!" he muttered.

  "Yes; he is coming with Baron von Schalk."

  "They generally hunt in couples. He never goes anywhere without hisfamiliar. But I don't like your news at all."

  "I like the news as little as you do," said I. "Really, we can hardlydo with them here."

  Fitz stroked his chin pensively, and then shook his head.

  "It looks as though we shall have to put up with them, I'm afraid. Ifthey are really on the way, I don't quite see how we can shirk them.Ferdinand is coming as a private person, I presume?"

  "So I gather. But what do you suppose is his motive in making thissudden pilgrimage to see his daughter?"

  Fitz did not answer the question immediately.

  "It admits of only one explanation," he said at last. "His otherscheme having failed, he has the audacity to take the thing in handhimself. But that is his way. Whatever may be thought of his policyand the style in which it is carried out, it can't be denied that he isa very remarkable man. But I wish to God he would keep away fromEngland!"

  The son-in-law of Ferdinand the Twelfth ended with an abrupt outburst.Evidently the prospect of coming to grips with his august relation wasnot to be viewed lightly.

  "But it hardly seems right," he said, "for him to take pot-luck at theCoach and Horses. I shall be immensely grateful, Arbuthnot, if youwill put him up here, and of course it is quite understood that I standthe shot."

  "The question of the shot, my dear fellow, doesn't enter into the caseat all. But, you see, we are just simple, ordinary folk, and we arenot quite up to this sort of thing; and then again, our accommodationis limited."

  "Oh, that will be all right. If you can squeeze in Ferdinand and oldSchalk here, their people can stay in the village."

  I am not often troubled by anything in the nature of an inspiration,but desperation has been known to quicken the most lethargic minds.

  "By Jove," said I, "there's Brasset. He is mounted on a far betterscale than we are. The very man! I'm sure, if the matter werementioned to him, he would feel himself highly honoured."

  "Yes," said Fitz, "it is not half a bad idea. I will mention it toSonia."

  "Of course, my dear fellow," I explained, "you understand that my wifeand I immensely appreciate the honour of entertaining the King ofIllyria, and if we only had more resources we should be only toograteful for the chance. I hope you will make that quite clear to thePrincess."

  Solemnly enough the son-in-law of Ferdinand the Twelfth promised thatthis should be done, and I descended to the drawing-room in a moreequable frame of mind. I was able to eat my dinner in the happy beliefthat my inspiration had solved an acute and oppressive difficulty.Emboldened by this reflection and sustained by a sense of dangeroverpast, I even went to the length of attempting to pave the way forthe reception of the happy solution.

  "By the way," I ventured to announce to Mrs. Arbuthnot at the other endof the table, "Mr. Fitzwaren has suggested that perhaps it would bemore convenient for Count Zhygny and his friend the Baron if LordBrasset entertained them at the Hall. This seems a most happysuggestion, and I am quite sure that Lord Brasset will consider it avery great honour."

  Before I had come to the end of this carefully phrased, and, as Ihoped, eminently diplomatic speech, a silent but furious signal wasdispatched by wireless telegraphy across the whole length of the table.A frown of portentous dimension clouded the brow of Mrs. Arbuthnot asshe turned ruthlessly to the picture of amused cynicism who sat besideher.

  "Really, Mr. Fitzwaren," said she, "that is nonsense. His Maj--I meanto say, Count Thingamy has expressed a gracious desire to come here,and of course, as I have no need to say, we should be the last peoplein the world not to respect it. We shall only feel too _proud_ and_honoured_, and the longer he stays with us the more _proud_ and themore _honoured_ we shall feel."

  "Quite so, quite so," said I, hurriedly. "Those are exactly my views;that goes without saying, of course. But at the same time, Mr.Fitzwaren agrees with me that the accommodation at the Hall is farsuperior to any that we have it in our power to offer."

  "I didn't say that exactly, old son." Fitz turned the tail of anamused eye upon his hostess. "I rather think that is one of the thingsthat ought to be expressed differently. Rather open tomisconstruction, as the old lady said when something went wrong withthe airship."

  "Irene quite understands what I mean," said I, with the valour of theentirely desperate. "The Hall, don't you know, is one of the showplaces of the country--ceilings by Verrio, and so on. Then, of course,Brasset's a peer, and, as it were, marked out by predestination to dothe honours to Count Zhygny."

  There was the imperious upraising of a jewelled paw, in company with aflash of eyes across the rose-bowl in the centre of the table. I wasreminded of the lady in Meredith whose aspect spat.

  "You are talking sheer nonsense, Odo. Your father is coming here,isn't he, Sonia dear? It is all arranged, and there will be heaps ofroom. Lucinda will go to Yorkshire to see her Granny; and Jodey can goto the Coach and Horses; and you, Odo, can sleep over the stables, andI am sure that Mr. Fitzwaren won't mind giving up the nicest bedroom tohis Maj--I should say, Count von Thingamy. You won't, now will you,Mr. Fitzwaren?"

  "I am yours to command, Mrs. Arbuthnot," said Mr. Fitzwaren, with hischin pinned down to the front of his shirt, and gazing straight beforehim with his smiling but sardonic eye. "And if there is anything I cando to add to the comfort of the Count, I need hardly say that I shallbe most happy."

  "There!" said Mrs. Arbuthnot, triumphantly. "Not another word, please,else Sonia will think we don't deserve such an honour."

  Her Royal Highness regaled us all with a benevolent flash of herwonderful teeth.

  As one in the coils of fate, I had to submit with the best grace Icould to its decree. So far was the sharer of my joys and theparticipator in my sorrows from viewing the prospect of the royalcoming with disfavour, that she might be said to revel in it. Therewas a fire in her eye, a lightness in her step; the mere thought of theglamour that w
as so soon to invest her household served to envelop herin an atmosphere of mental and moral elevation that can only bedescribed as lyrical.

  Later in the evening I received a Caudle lecture upon my absence oftact. "What possessed you, Odo, to talk at dinner in that way! Idon't know what dear Sonia must have felt, I'm sure. One would reallythink, to hear you, that we positively didn't want to entertain theKing."

  "Let us assume, _mon enfant_," said the desperate I, "in a purelyacademic spirit, that almost inconceivable hypothesis."

  "Really, Odo, there are times when you seem to take a pride in being_bourgeois_."

  "In this instance, my child, the indictment justifies itself. All thesame, we are what we are; it is hardly kind to hold any man responsiblefor his antecedents."

  "Don't think for a moment that I blame you because your grandfather wasin trade; although, of course, trade was not so respectable then as itis now. Why I blame you, Odo, is because you don't always make thebest of yourself. That was almost the only thing dearest Mama hadagainst you. Now, for the love of goodness, let us hear no more aboutthe King going to the Hall to stay with Reggie Brasset!"